Mission: Get Rid of Peyton's Crush on Archer
Plan C - Get a Crush on Somebody Else
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You know what the problem with this mission is?
Archer.
He's just too damn perfect. Now that I think about it, it isn't surprising that I would get a crush on him. He's handsome, he's kind, he's funny, he has pets and he lives right next door to me. Me getting a crush on him was inevitable.
In fact, I bet half of the people who know Archer have a crush on him. And based on how many people Archer knows, I bet he has a crush on some of them too.
I'm basically setting myself up for rejection here.
So, what I need to do now is: get a crush on somebody much more attainable.
But how do I get a crush on somebody else during Winter Break?
The opportunity presents itself on Christmas Eve.
Apparently, it's a tradition in this neighborhood that people from the surrounding houses drop by ours and trade presents. Mom needed somebody to open the door and greet people when they walk up.
Naturally, I signed up.
Grandmother nearly had a heart attack when she saw me tugging a Santa Claus hat on - "You want to put her at the door? A Christian holiday should not have somebody with so many sins representing our family! - but since nobody else volunteered, I got the job.
After grandmother, grumbling as always, stomps to her room to take a morning nap, I set my plan into action.
Peyton's Plan C: Get a Crush on Somebody Else
1) Hang up mistletoe, that I bought for two dollars at Walmart, in the doorway. Scope for potential, crush-quality, targets
2) Call attention to the mistletoe when target is in sight.
3) Whoever gives me butterflies in my stomach will replace Archer as my new crush.
I have the best plans.
So while everybody's wrapping up the last of our presents, I grab a ladder and put it next to the doorstop so I can put the mistletoe in the prime kissing place. Bettie finds me just as I'm applying the sixth layer of tape on.
"Why are you putting that up?"
"I'm trying to kiss as many people as possible. Anyone and everyone."
"Go Peyton!" James, who's walking by with a box full of broken ornaments, because he fell on them, cheers. "That's the holiday spirit!"
The new piece of tape is stuck to my fingers. I try to shake it off.
Bettie has a sour expression on her face. "You've been acting weird these past few days."
"I'm a slut, remember? This is what sluts do on Christmas."
Bettie doesn't respond.
"Why are you still here?" I say, stepping off the ladder. She's still standing in the same spot as last time. "I thought you were in charge of giving the presents to the neighbors who come by."
"Grandmother told me to guard you and make sure you don't do anything suspicious."
"Do you always do what grandmother tells you?"
Before she can respond, our doorbell rings. We separate. I swing open the door to reveal couple with no children. They don't even notice the mistletoe as they step inside of the house, shivering.
"Merry Christmas," I say, putting on the brilliant Peyton smile.
"Merry Christmas," They respond. The man shrugs off his coat. "It sure is cold out there, isn't it?"
I say nothing in response. In Chicago, our temperature would usually be in the negatives. It's my first time during the holiday season where there isn't any snow on the ground or frost in the air and I can't say that I prefer it. Without snow, it doesn't quite feel like Christmas to me yet.
After the first couple leaves, another family takes their place.
It's our neighbors across the street, the one whose party I went to a couple days ago, and they have only one younger boy with them. He's wearing shoes with bells at the end, so that every time he walks, his feet jingle.
"Merry Christmas!" My cheeks aren't used to this much smiling.
"Merry Christmas!"
The little boy examines me for a minute. "You're the clown girl from our party! Remember her, mommy?"
A little bit of warmth flushes in my cheeks, but his mother laughs. "Oh yes. You made quite a commotion. Some of the kids were asking me if you had any funny jokes."
"Oh. Well, I do have some jokes."
"Tell me!" The boy jumps up and down. His bells jingle again and again.
"Why did the cow go to the theater?"
"Why?"
"He wanted to see the moosicals."
The boy laughs, short and sweet. "Another one!"
"We'll leave you to it," His mother says, patting my shoulder, and they walk inside.
"What is a snake's favorite subject?" I ask.
"What?"
"Hiss-tory."
The boy laughs again.
Before he can request another joke, I continue. "Do you have any older siblings?"
"I have an imaginary sibling. His name is Pablo and he's half-dragon."
"Half-dragons, huh?" I say, most to myself. "Not my type."
The boy cranes his neck to look up at me. "Hey, why is there a plant on the ceiling?"
"That's mistletoe. You have to kiss people when you're under it."
His mouth drops open. "Does that mean we have to kiss?"
"Aren't you afraid of cooties?"
"Cooties aren't real," The boy informs me, looking so offended that I almost let out a laugh. "My mom kisses me on the cheek all the time and I never get them."
"Can't argue with that logic," I sigh, then bend down to kiss him on the forehead.
It's a light peck. My lips barely brush his forehead. But as soon as they do, the boy bursts into giggles and takes a step back, rubbing his forehead with a gloved hand. His hair flops in every direction.
"That tickles," He laughs. "Mom! She kissed me!"
His mom steps past me, smiling. "Yeah, we saw! That mistletoe is adorable. What an excellent idea. Bye, sweetheart and Merry Christmas."
"Bye," I say, trying not to blush.
They walk over to the Raine house. Archer greets them before they even reach the porch. The little boy runs and jumps into his arms and Archer swings him in a circle. Their laughter can be heard from here.
Archer's so cute.
No, Peyton! Stop that!
I walk back inside.
The next couple to come along two children, a thirteen-year old boy and a ten-year old girl. Their parents force me to kiss both of them on the cheek while they take pictures. Then, they make out in the front doorstep. I don't know who's more disgusted, me or their kids. Luckily, the couple after them don't have any children and don't spot the mistletoe at all.
The fourth family to approach us is the McDougal one. As soon as I spot Derek crossing the street and heading in my direction, I panic and run back into the house.
Bettie passes me just as I'm ducking under the couch.
"Hey," She snaps. "What's your problem?"
"There's someone at the door that I really do not want to talk to," I clasp my hands. "Please, could you do me a favor and greet them for me?"
"Why don't you want to talk to him?"
"Personal reasons. Just do this, please?"
"You owe me. Again."
"Yeah, whatever."
Bettie walks to the front door and swings it open. The classic "Merry Christmas"es are exchanged between the two. Derek's voice sends shivers down my spine - and not the good kind that Archer gives me.
"Where are Mr. and Mrs. Monroe?" Mr. McDougal booms. "I want to say hello."
"They're in the backyard, making eggnog."
"Excellent, we'll be right back, Derek."
"Yeah, whatever, dad."
A moment of silence. I hold my breath so he doesn't hear me.
"You're Peyton's cousin, right?" Derek asks.
"Unfortunately."
Derek snorts in laughter. "Yeah, that chick is a disaster waiting to happen. She blew up on my dad just because he had some animals mounted up onto his wall."
"Tell me about it. This Thanksgiving..." Bettie proceeds to tell him all about the story of how grandmother snuck in meat in my food and how I proceeded to throw up in the bathroom and call grandmother an old hag.
By the end, Derek is cackling. "Wow, that sounds exactly like something she'd do. I'm glad you didn't inherit the crazy genes of her family. You're actually kind of normal."
I can not believe that those two are bonding over how much they dislike me. This situation is hilarious, to be honest. What will Archer think when I tell it to him?
"Actually, I'm not that normal," Bettie takes on that unassuming, shy tone again. "I'm not popular or boy-crazy and I don't like do most things that normal girls do, like put on makeup and starve myself. I just like to read and watch Netflix instead."
"Sounds like my type of girl."
Yeah, right.
Bettie giggles.
"Whoa, is that mistletoe?"
"Oh yeah. Peyton's idea," Bettie says, her voice higher than before.
"That must mean we have to kiss, huh?"
What? This I have got to see.
I peek around the corner. Derek has that weird grin and Bettie's face is bright red. She takes a deep breath, then stands on her toes and kisses him on the lips.
I put one hand over my mouth to keep from laughing.
Who should I feel more sorry for? This is mutual destruction at its best. I expect them to last two seconds before breaking apart and gagging, but instead, they keep going.
And going.
And going.
Just when I'm taking out my phone to take a picture so I can blackmail them later, they break apart. I duck behind the couch again.
"Whoa," Derek gasps.
"Whoa," Bettie agrees.
I bite my lip to keep from smirking. This mistletoe may not have been working for me, but it sure was working for somebody. Maybe I should become a professional matchmaker.
As the door swings shut again, I peek over the top of the sofa. Bettie's face is flushed and since Florida doesn't have snow in the winter, I'm guessing it's not because of the cold. She sees me looking and turns away, turning even redder.
"So, you and Derek, huh?" I say and put on my chin on the sofa.
"There's isn't any me and Derek."
"Didn't look like that from what I saw."
"Mind your own business, Peyton."
"Like you did when you told Archer about the pictures?"
Bettie only glares at me.
I grin. "You can tell Derek all about my pictures on your first date. I'm sure he'd love to hear how much of an idiot I was back in Freshman year."
"Don't you have a job to do?"
"Yeah, yeah," I walk over to the door and swing it open. "Have fun with your -"
Archer and Sebastian, with piles of presents in their hands, walk up our driveway. I slam the door shut immediately and run back into the couch.
"Bettie," I hiss. "I need your help!"
"Not again," Bettie moans, already trudging back from the door. "Why should I even listen to what you say?"
"I promise I won't make fun of you and Derek. And try to set you up on dates."
"You were going to set up us up on date?"
"Maybe."
"Fine, whatever," Bettie peeks through the curtains. "Who are you trying to hiding from this time? Archer? What's going on between you two?"
"I'm not hiding from Archer," I lie, trying to crawl under the couch. "I'm hiding from his friend."
"Who? Sebastian?"
"Yeah. He's mean to me."
"You probably deserve it," Bettie says under her breath, then swings open the door. "Hey, Archer. Hey, Sebastian. Merry Christmas!"
I press my face against the carpet. It's a good thing I saw them in time. My heart is already doing cartwheels at thought of even getting stuck with Archer underneath that mistletoe.
"Merry Christmas," They chorus. Then, Archer says. "Was that Peyton I just saw?"
"Yeah. She's hiding from you."
"I see," Archer says. The view from this couch doesn't let me see his face, but I can hear the laughter in his voice. "That's good, then. I brought her presents over."
My presents? I twist my neck to see Archer hand Bettie, not one, not two, but four neatly wrapped presents. They have teddy bear wrapping all over them. Bettie sets them under the Christmas Tree and walks back.
I had only bought him three present. That bastard. How dare he try to one-up me during Christmas. Maybe I should make him an extra card or something...
The next words Archer says makes my heart skip a beat. "Oh, hey, you have mistletoe at your door."
"Yeah," Bettie leans against the door. "Peyton's idea."
Sebastian snorts.
"Yeah?" Archer says. "Did she have any particular person in mind when she put it up?"
"She told me she was trying to kiss anyone and everyone," Bettie says. "Come to think of it, that was her motto back in freshman year too."
It was, wasn't it?
Didn't work out very well though. Xavier took all of my kisses. The jerk.
"This plant is the kissing plant?" Sebastian grunts. "It looks very unassuming."
"That's the point, sweetheart. And we're standing under it right now. You know what that means?" Archer's says, his voice suddenly low. "Pucker up, Sebby."
"I rather burn my lips off."
Archer laughs. "Later, Bettie."
"Later."
They shut the door again.
I glance at the four presents under the Christmas tree, all titled For Bear Cub, and scowl when my heart does a backwards flip.
I need to find a new crush as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, nobody in our neighborhood has been crush-worthy. So far, I've had to kiss: bearded men, snotty aunts, weird teenagers with too many piercings on one ear, and lots and lots of babies. By the time it's six o'clock, my lips are dry and patchy.
This is the worst plan I've ever had.
"How many families have to come after this?" I ask James, who's watching me from the coach, after another couple leaves.
"Let's see, we have - twenty - left."
"Twenty? That's it. I can't take it anymore. I need to get that mistletoe off right now. Where's the ladder?"
"Last time I saw it, Melody was chucking it into the ocean."
"Why would she do that?"
"She said it offended her."
I groan. "Cover the door for me. I'm going to run over to Archer's house and get one."
"Am I going to have to kiss everyone too?" He shouts after me.
I ignore him and run outside. Mom and Aunt Sue are in the kitchen, arguing over something I don't care about. It takes me a couple of minutes to break into Archer's back shed and find his ladder. I try to sneak back inside without getting spotted.
Does it work?
Of course not. Archer must have a sixth sense for whenever I appear in his backyard.
"Come back, you thief!" Archer calls just as I'm dragging the ladder back to my house. "Where do you think you're going.
"I need this," I pant. Ladders are heavier than they look. "Melody chucked ours into the ocean."
Archer catches up and opens the door for me. "Why do you need a ladder?"
"I'm getting rid of the mistletoe," I say, ignoring the grin that spreads over his face. "It needs to go."
"Did the serial kisser have fair share of victims?"
"Shut up. It was for a plan."
Archer just laughs. He follows me as I grab the scissors, set up the ladder in the doorway and start hacking the mistletoe off. Since I put six layers of tape on it, this is a difficult task. Archer holds the ladder so I don't fall.
"You know," Archer says after a minute. "Technically, we're both standing under the mistletoe right now."
My heart does another cartwheel.
"Doesn't count. I'm cutting it off."
"Doesn't matter. I want payment for you stealing my ladder."
I glance down at Archer, whose smile is so wide, it looks like it's taking everything he has in order to not burst into laughter.
"Stop joking around," I breathe.
"Does it look like I'm joking?"
"Yes." I step off the ladder, throw the mistletoe off to the side, afraid to even look at him without blushing.
Archer nudges me in the ribs. "Kiss me, Peyton."
I glare at him. He taps the side of his cheek, smiling.
God, I really do want to kiss him.
"Fine, if it'll make you shut up, I'll kiss you."
Maybe I can work on Plan D of the Keep-Archer-Away mission later.
Right now, I don't care. I just reach over and press my lips to his right cheek. He smells like peppermint and hot chocolate. His skin is soft. So warm. All I hear is the thud of my own heartbeat before stepping away again.
He doesn't let me go far.
"My turn." He says, in the same low voice he used on Sebastian.
Then, with two fingers, he tilts my face to the left, so I'm staring directly at the mistletoe forgotten on the ground, and kisses my cheek too.
Oh god.
My eyes flutter shut. My heart isn't doing just cartwheels or back flips. It's doing all sorts of crazy, gymnastics, it's jumping up and down and all around, doing tricks I never thought possible.
Plan C: Fail
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Next chapter: Christmas! Yay!
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This chapter's dedication goes to DazedGeek, Pandemonium_xx, AabritiGoswami, and Monki28! Thanks!
EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:
It's almost time for October (the spookiest month) of the year! And just for you, I've released a new horror book called Raphael's Castle. It's about a girl who gets trapped in a castle and tries to find her way out. The only problem is that someone (omg, who could it be) won't let her.
If that sounds like something you'd like to read, check it out and let me know what you think!
QotC: What do you guys think about Bettie? About Derek? About the two of them as a couple? ;)