"Are you fucking kidding me?"
Someone screams waking you up, gasping for air. You start to feel thirsty all of a sudden and also out of energy. You reach out for the bottle of water on the side water and sit up. Just when you were drinking the water you realize you are only in your skin, naked under the sheets and alone in the room.
You gulp down the water with widened eyes, replaying last night's scenes in your head as if you had watched a romantic horror movie last night.
You immediately get out of the sheets and start getting dressed, not wondering where Jungkook is because you wanted to leave before he could see you. You were not ready for 'the talk'. You'd rather roll under a bus happily. You hurry up getting in the dress but struggle to find your undies.
"Fuck fuck fuck. Where is it!" Giving up finding those, you start opening the dressers in his room to find something you could wear under your dress. You finally find your undie behind the bed and reach out to grab it. As soon as you pull it up you realize it's not yours.
"EW FUCK. What the hell" you toss it across the room.
Now you are mad, frustrated and anxious altogether. Before you could continue searching for a underwear, you hear the room's door open, letting in a cold breeze in. You freeze in your steps and turn around slowly facing Jungkook, standing in bright daylight.
Your heart does a backflip and drops in your feet. Letting an exhale out of your mouth, you fix your gaze on Jungkook, who is walking towards you slowly, fixating his dark brown eyes on your lips.
"Hey" you struggle to speak anything and let out a low and unconfident muffle, barely audible to him.
He is now standing right in front of you in a black true sized hoodie and black cargo pants. As your eyes go up and down his face, you notice he has changed an awful lot since the last time you saw him. He's gotten more buffed and huge, he's got his lower lip and eyebrow pierced, his hair is longer and choppy. The more you look at him, the more you realize, it's not just his appearance but also his aura has changed. It's nothing like you were familiar of.
"I-I was just leaving" you force words out of your mouth when he switches his gaze from your lips to your eyes, in a cold way. He looks in your eyes with his emotionless ones for two more seconds before saying anything.
"Ok" he lets a hoarse toned answer, almost not even able to hear the 'O' in K. Just a toneless 'K'. Saying that he rolls his eyes and walks to another corner of his room, fiddling into his game collection.
You don't even follow him with your eyes but rather just stare towards the space in front of you, feeling numb and humiliated.
"I just had sex with him last night but he feels like a stranger today" you speak to yourself in your mind.
"Ok...." You repeat him lowly out of disbelief in the air barely audible to yourself, slowly growing the rage inside you.
Not wanting to bare a single more second in that room, you grab a random scarf laying on the chair near by and your heels all in one hand and storm out of his room.
So much was going on in your head, all steaming your anger up, feeling extremely humiliated and embarrassed.
The second you step into the living room, the noise coming from the people there suddenly stops after taking note of your presence and realizing where you were coming from looking like that.
You make an eye contact with HyeYeon sitting with Jimin, Hoseok and Taehyung. You soon see Yoongi walking into the room with cereal in his hands, stunned to see you stayed overnight, guessing what happened and almost choking on milk.
More than everyone, HyeYeon was beyond surprised and stunned seeing you there.
"Y/N-"
"I'll see you at the hotel" cutting HyeYeon off rudely you leave being all badly flustered.
***
You storm in your hotel room and take a seat on your bed, continuously tapping your feet against the floor anxiously. You don't yet realize that you are trying very hard not to cry because you are just too mad at him for acting like he doesn't give one fuck about you, especially after seeing you after so long.
You sit there heartbroken trying not to face the truth and realization that's just now occurring to you. It's the worse of worsts to come to know that someone doesn't feel the same way about you the way you do, especially when it is so strong.
You realize that you're just so unrealistically in love with him and criminally crazy for him. It's foul that you fall for him more and more every time he pushes you away. Love and life, are ridiculously unfair at times and when you are the chosen one for the unfairness, it sucks, sucks bad because this kind of love only happens once a lifetime and if you think it's happened with you twice, you're just gaslighting yourself knowing it'll kill you to not have the second chance at loving someone like that again. You just need to live with it because moving on from it isn't really possible. You just gotta bury it in a very dark corner of your mind and heart. At the end of the day, it is still going to be there.
"Y/N" Hyeyeon walks in with slow steps and pity in her eyes.
You shoot your bloody eyes up at her, continuing the tapping out of extreme restlessness.
"Jimin told me everything" she sits next to you, puts her arm around yours and starts brushing her fingers on your arm in a consoling way.
"I've been there with Jimin. It was one of the hardest time of my life. I get you" you feel her eyes on you. Her words just want to give up and let your tears out.
"All this time I believed he had feelings for me too-" your voice cracks. "....but it was all just one sided. I'm a fucking idiot" you finally break down and burst out sobbing.
Hyeyeon takes you into a hug and lets you cry everything out, holding her tears.
"Well, you don't deserve him at all but I've known you. You've always been with men who have been toxic to you. You never gave anyone who truly is in love with you a chance. It is not good for you, Y/N, it is already messing with you very badly" HyeYeon hugs you tighter, rubbing her chin in your shoulder softly and buries her face in your neck.
"I don't know how to deal with my feelings for him anymore. I can't even move on. Every time I take my fucking shirt off, I see the scars he gave me and it just does not stop reminding me of him. I'm tired" you sniff and try to speak in between the sobs.
"I am so sorry, Y/N" Hyeyeon pulls out of the hugs, looks at you and makes you look up by your chin. "You're a fighter and a fixer, you know that right? We will fix this together" "For just a minute now.....we need to stop being good girls. We're going to fuck these guys up who try to fuck us and leave" Hyeyeon speaks in a very confident tone knowing damn well what she's saying.
You just look up at her and the over confident expressions on her face make you chuckle. "That reminds me, I need to wear some undies"
"WHAT?"
***
While you are at your hotel, Taehyung on the other hand did not like what he saw in the morning. He was slightly restless seeing Jungkook changing so much. He decided he wanted to finally confront him about it.
Deciding that, he walks with heavy and hasty steps towards Jungkook's room, as soon as you leave.
"Ya! Jeongguk!" He groans sighting Jungkook in his room.
Jungkook meanwhile is unfazed with Taehyung's tone, not even turning towards his Hyung. He continues going through his game collection with emotionless face.
"Did you sleep with her and not even drive her back to the hotel?" "Why did she leave like that?" "What did you say to her?" Taehyung bangs his hand on the door trying get Jungkook's attention, but Jungkook is still not concerned or bothered.
"You've lost your mind and yourself. Very soon no one's going love you or care about anymore, JK" seeing Jungkook's still attitude, Taehyung's anger agitates.
"Yah!! I'm talking to you-"
"Do you want play this new battle game with me? It's not even in the market yet. I am curious about it" Jungkook turns around cutting Taehyung off with blank expressions, holding the dvd of the new game up in his hand.
All of Taehyung's anger suddenly disappears and he starts to look concerned. "You're sick. You need help" saying that out of pity, Taehyung slams the door behind him before leaving.
***
"What are you thinking?" Hyeyeon asks you while fidgeting through her clothes, watching you go through your wardrobe again and again, lost.
Snapped back in reality, you slowly turn at her and lean on the wooden closet door, hugging a leather jacket in your hands.
"I was mad before.......at him" you speak calmly. "Now that I think of it, I never knew him much but I for sure knew he wasn't heartless. I'm worried for him. He isn't himself anymore" saying that you connect your eyes with Hyeyeon.
Hearing that, HyeYeon starts looking at you in a funny way. "What?" You ask.
"Wow. This is the first time I'm witnessing you get manipulated like that. Guess you're really blind in love" HyeYeon clenches her jaw and her eyebrow twitches showing how passively mad she is.
"I'm not getting manipulated, I'm just saying-"
"At least TRY to see the reality. Not for yourself but the Y/N before meeting that man who you'd never hurt herself like this" she says that looking straight in your eyes.
Something about those words remind you of your life beyond Jungkook. These two years, it's just been all about him and you never lived for yourself. At same time, ironically, you think about the Jungkook who's gotten lost in the new version of himself who might need help escaping.
"Also, stop worrying about him. He's a ruin and he did that to himself. Stop fixing other people's mistakes" HyeYeon speaks before going to the bathroom to take a shower and closes the door on you.
You take a deep breath and try to settle your thoughts on your feelings. While you were at it, your cellphone suddenly goes off, startling you badly.
Your eyes widen making a heavy lump in your stomach. It was the same private number calling. You answer it immediately and put your phone up to your ear. "Jungkook?"
You are per usual greeted with silence, only the loud yet calm breathing of the person on the opposite side is audible to you.
You close your eyes knowing there's a good chance of this caller being him. It's been several months now.
"Y/N-ssi" a hoarse and assertive male voice is heard, making your heart drop in your stomach, realizing that this deep voice is not Jungkook's and that all this time it wasn't him on the opposite side.
"Who is this?" You speak alerted.
The guy exhales calmly before speaking. "Jungkook..........is it? Every time I call now, you take this name hoping it's him" he sighs but this time sounds like he is controlling himself from saying something you won't like.
"I don't like it"
As soon as he says that, shivers run down your spine. It's not just the words but the way he said it.
"Who is this and what the hell are you talking about?" You grow angry but at the same time about to turn brittle.
"Every time I am having a bad day, I want to hear your voice and feel better but lately......" his words are regular but his tone isn't. It's cold but also frightening. ".......lately, calling you is making my days worse. I guess I am going to have to do something about it, Y/N-ssi. I am not liking it"
"What do you mean?" You gulp and start breathing anxiously.
"I guess I'll have to show you" the last thing you hear is him scoffing, not sounding pleasant. He hangs up on you, leaving goosebumps on your skin a loud heartbeats in your chest.
________
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