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"Done" "Done" "Done" you point your index finger towards the racks, marking that you refilled the old products with fresh products at the store, you work part time.
Lifting the empty cartons, you carry them at the back of the store. While you do that you hear jingles from the front, notifying you of a customer's arrival.
"Excuse me?"
"Just a second" you in a sweet tone speak in a high pitch, replying from the back.
Placing the folded boxes away, you immediately rush to the front, dusting your uniform lightly. "Welcome, what can I help you with, Miss?" You bow to the customer on your way towards them.
"Umm I was looking for a prepackaged meal. Can you help me with the best one?"
You couldn't help but look up and down at the foreigner. She was wearing a hijab and a very pretty and put together nude color outfit. Your attention is immediately caught by her flawless makeup which made her black eyes look much more beautiful.
Noticing your gaze, she smiles at you hesitantly knowing you were fazed by her difference.
"Ah I am sorry. You need a meal, right?" you panic for a second before getting on your feet, walking towards the prepackaged meal aisle.
The girl follows you with a smile on her face from when she caught you admiring her.
"These are all the prepackaged meals we store. These are fresh and the best ones" you maintain your sweetest smile while you help the foreigner.
"Umm this looks good but so does this. Which one do you suggest?" The girl pulls out two packages from the shelf. The way she held it and carried it was so soft, delicate and elegant. Even her voice was calm.
"If you are asking for my suggestion then I'llâ¦â¦." You pull out a totally different package from the shelf and present it to her. "....suggest this one to you. Honestly, this will cost you just as much as these two but the quantity in this one is more plus with this meal we give a small size water bottle for free. Also, it is much tastier. Saying this from personal experience" you speak the last sentence in whispers.
Listening to you, her smile turns into a chuckle. "I'll take this one. I'll trust you and go with your choice. If I really do end up liking it, I'll keep coming back here for it" she smiles widely with her eyes.
"Great choice!" You grin with your teeth seeing her go with your suggestion.
You then grab a cold water bottle with a juice packet from the refrigerator and head to the front for billing.
You pack the meal for her in a bag with the bill and hand it to her. "4000 KRW, Missâ¦.?"
"Mariam. I'm Mariam" she introduces herself and takes the bag from you with politeness.
"I am Y/N. With this meal I would like to give this fruit juice to you. Hope you enjoy it" you almost couldn't see because of smiling so much.
"Oh! You are so sweet. Thank you so much, Y/N. I will indeed enjoy it" "See you" with a gorgeous grin, she leaves the store.
"Come back again" you say.
She waves bye at you from the other side of the glass wall of the store. Just when she leaves, the store owner enters the store.
"Mrs. Jung" you greet her.
"Was she your friend?" Mrs. Jung approaches you behind the counter, placing her tote bag under the furniture.
"No. She was just a customer" you reply while taking off your vest, your uniform. Mrs. Jung's arrival means the end of your shift. It's 7:00 pm on a weekday.
"She was cute," Mrs. Jung says, opening the cash register. "Ah today we made a lot, Y/N"
"A lot" "Here is 1200 KRW of the juice I gifted her" you immediately take some cash out of your bag and place it on the counter.
"Where am I going to find an honest employee like you, Y/N?"
"You don't yet have to find, I am not leaving anytime soon" you shoot her a wink with a finger heart.
"Ah that was cringe" you speak out yourself and immediately retreat your actions.
Seeing that Mrs. Jung starts laughing, shaking her head at your cuteness.
"ANDâ¦..I am taking all these expired meals that I replaced with the fresh ones today, OKAY?" you ask kum announce while lifting the box filled with prepackaged food.
"Have I ever refused? What do you even do with that much waste food? I am so curious" Mrs. Jung folds her hands to her chest and gawks at you being intrigued.
"It's a sec-ah" you struggle to carry the box out of the store, stuck at the door. "It's a secret" "I'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Jung. Have a good day ahead bye bye" you stretch the later bye and rush out of the store carrying the huge heavy box not letting the owner question you anymore.
"Bye. Get home safely" Mrs. Jung speaks loudly while you leave.
After walking a bit away from the store. You stop to plug in your earphones and play songs that boost your energy. Putting on 'start over' by gaho on a good volume, you start walking fast towards your other part time job.
On the way, you distribute the unsold prepackaged food to the homeless people, who give you tons of blessings with happiness shining through their eyes seeing their possible first proper meal of the day. These prepackaged meals are in a great condition for 3 days even after passing the mentioned expiry date so rather than throwing such good food away, you put it into good use.
With almost half empty box, you reach your other part time job. A well known restaurant in the neighborhood. It has multiple franchises and is famous all over the country. You rush into the building from the back door which leads to the staff room of the restaurant. You immediately get changed into their uniform and wear an apron. Leaving your material and the meal box at the room, you head towards the restaurant's kitchen.
"You are here" one of the chefs recognizes your arrival and greets you with a lovely smile.
"Hey, Mr. Park" you wave at him in between tying your apron behind your back.
"Ah the kid. Urg"
While everyone loves you there, there is this one waiter who makes your living hard. You roll your eyes being aware of his attitude towards you and walk fast to the back of the kitchen where all the unwashed dishes are. Putting on the rubber gloves, you turn on the water tap and sigh looking at the mountain of unwashed crockery.
"You can do this, Y/N. Tiredness is all in the mind. Lets go" You mumble inhaling deeply and getting to the work.
***
2 and a half hours after washing dishes and utensils and cleaning up places you were in charge of, you are finally on your way home. Holding the last meal in your hand after distributing the rest of them, you continue walking. You spot an old man sitting on the roadside curb opposite to a convenience store, you find the person you can give the last meal to.
"Hello. This is for you. Hope you enjoy it" you smile like it's the first meal you are handing over. The person looks up at you not believing your gesture for a second and suddenly in the next moment starts thanking you endlessly.
"Ah no it's ok. Please eat up" after being thanked like that from someone so older and underprivileged than you, you start feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. You hate that part of the help. He seemed close to your father's age and even the thought of your father bowing and thanking you like that made you feel bad. You feel like you are disrespecting them by receiving their thankings. It's a weird feeling.
Giving the man the meal, you get on your way to home while listening to some music. On the way you buy some tteokbokki to eat with your family. Being happy thinking of the moment everyone would sit at the dining table and talk about their day and enjoy being together with smiles on their faces, you reach home.
Entering the apartment building, you take an elevator to the 18th floor. After the elevator door separates, you walk towards your apartment, unlock the door and get inside. As soon as you step in and the door closes behind you making a little jingle noise, you hear screams from your parents bedroom.
Your heart drops in your stomach, the smile on your face fades away and you start to feel nauseous. You are suddenly triggered listening to those familiar screams.
They are fighting again.
You are standing at the door, holding the bag of treats you bought for your family to eat together. Forget eating together, I guess no one is eating tonight. Your parents are fighting again which means your mom hasn't prepared anything to eat for anyone. Clenching your hand into a tight fist, you stare at the floor with bland eyes as if you stopped feeling every feeling and emotion.
You have been witnessing them fight since you remember. You barely remember your childhood and the teenage years you've lived. But so has your younger 16 year old brother, Yeonhan. You undo your shoes and walk towards your room, ignoring the curse words, the verbal violence going on in your house. Just before you could enter your room, your father barges out of his bedroom and immediately freezes in his tracks noticing you. He had excessive frustration, rage and anxiety on his face. You could see him enduring all of that after spotting you.
After looking at you and the plastic bag you were holding and taking a note that you are home, he walks to the large balcony, stands by the reeling, places his elbows on the metal of it and runs his hands through his hair, gripping them tightly being too done with the regular fights. Now he will as usual stay there for sometime to have some fresh air and calm himself after which he will crash on the couch and fall asleep there. Soon the loud and obvious cries of your mother become audible to you. You press your eyes close and gulp the urge of tearing down.
You are used to all this. When you were younger, you always used to meddle in between of them as soon as they started a fight and tried to solve it but as you grew up, you started to grow more and more insensitive and at this point everytime you spot them fighting your brain just goes like "they are at it again. Just the daily routine" and keep on with your work.
You then enter your room and find your brother studying at the study table, wearing headphones. He only studies wearing headphones when these two get started with the verbal violence. Otherwise it's just silent music playing in the background.
You shut your door slowly and silently and just when you do that you all of a sudden flinch and your heart skips a beat after hearing a loud door bang from down the hall. Your mother had slammed the door closed as usual after the fight. They will sleep in two different places in the house tonight. You then immediately calm down being used to it and turn around at your brother who had now turned towards the room door feeling the vibration of the door bang.
"Hey" you silently pass him a small pitiful smile.
"You're home" he places the pen in his hands down on the book, removes his headphones and places it on the table after acknowledging your presence.
"Hungry?" You ask walking into your room and placing the tteokbokki parcel on the dresser.
"A lot" his eyes travel to the parcel bag you just kept down.
"What did you bring? Why do I smell tteokbokki? Did you bring tteokbokki?" He does not waste a single second to take off from his chair and rush towards the parcel.
You chuckle seeing how excited he is. Most of the time when everything is normal at home, you both literally are the most annoying person in each other's lives but in a situation like this, it feels like you've got only each other at the end of the day.
"Should I go bring some plates and chopsticks from the kitchen?" He asks hesitantly.
"No. Don't. Dad's outside andâ¦â¦.I hate the vibe outside. Let's just eat together from the containers the dish comes in and they have already given four pairs of chopsticks with that much tteokbokki" you reply pulling the undone overcoat of yours.
"Alright" he shrugs.
He then carries the bag and places it on the carpeted floor. Until you freshen up, he sets up a mini folding study table in the middle of the room, on the empty floor space between your separate beds and unpacks the food.
You immediately get changed into your PJs and sit down on the floor, opposite to your brother.
"Thanks for the arrangement" you pat his head and he smiles looking at the food.
Usually he would hit your hand off his head but tonight the air just changed. It's calm.
The calm after every heinous act is done and dusted with. Like the calm after when a murderer tries to press a cushion against a person's face, making them struggle to breathe, making them scream under the loaded fabric and throw their hands and legs at the murderer while they painfully suffocate leading to slow and chaotic yet silent death. The hands fall down, the body stops making any movements, they stop trying to struggle for life because death has arrived, bringing the dark and void calm with it.
Here what suffocated was your and your brother's childhood, your sensitivity, your ability to express emotions, your ability of showing compassion and what died was the innocence, the hope of everything being alright and the will to care for people who create irreversible disturbances in your life. Now the emotionless calm and acceptance of such traumatic events started living in the place of the 'want of having normality'.
People might think these problems are not that serious but only the one going through it knows the truth. From afar it might look like every household's problem but it's different than it looks. It much more worse.
You watch Yeonhan grab a ricecake between his chopsticks and wiggle it into the gravy. He was about to take a bite of it but paused. His head turns towards the door with a hint of care.
"Eat up. Don't think of the so-called adults. They won't die if they don't eat for one night. It's the fruit of their actions." You coldly grab the chopsticks, dive into the food and start eating it.
Watching you, Yeonhan resumes eating too. After he does that, you look at the two abandoned pairs of chopsticks laying away from you. Chewing harder on your food, you close your eyes thinking of your parents who will be sleeping empty stomach tonight. Your heart aches at the thought of it but you let go of the thought and chew aggressively.