Chapter 13: Eleven - Blood and Pain

Blood and Pain

October:

It was getting worse.

You’d think that since Dr. Larkson had finally diagnosed me and started me on my medication that I’d be getting better. But no, the voices only just screamed louder. It was becoming a real pain in my ass, to tell you the truth.

I felt bad for the way I’d acted with Kara. I hadn’t actually been screaming at her, either. The screams were more for the teenage boy in my head than they were for her, but she didn’t know that. And I wasn’t going to tell her. I’d been happy to discover that she and Sid didn’t think I was a loon and I wasn’t going to ruin that by confessing that I’d been yelling at a voice in my head.

A soft breeze picked a strand of hair that had come out from my braid. I smiled, welcoming the breeze, glad that it was a natural one instead of one that signaled the appearance of one of the voices. I’d had enough visits from them over the past few days.

I wrapped my hands around the chains on either side of me, and kicked off the ground, enjoying the feel of the wind carrying my hair as I swung through the air. Behind where I sat on the swing, Kara and Sid were having a friendly one-on-one game of basketball.

I felt like an idiot for the way I’d acted in the house. It was so unlike me. I didn’t get mad and yell at people for no reason. I especially didn’t freak out over Kara’s mood shifts. What was wrong with me? Had what the boy said really been that bad?

The boy. Ugh. I hated the fact that I didn’t even know their names. Calling them “the voices”  made them sound, I don’t know, powerful. It made them sound threatening. I’m not saying that they weren’t threatening, because well, I’d be the biggest liar in the world if I said that, but I just hated giving them more power over me. If I knew their names, maybe I wouldn’t feel so scared of them. Especially if they had ordinary names like Emily or Jack or something like that.

Emily paid me a visit last night. See, now that didn’t sound scary at all.

Shaking my head at the slightly idiotic turn my thoughts had taken, I lifted my gaze from my shoes to stare at the sky. The sun was slowly started to lower in the sky, signaling that afternoon was coming to an end. My eyes followed a flock of birds that flew over the house and then trailed downwards when I noticed movement in Darren’s office through the window.

I squinted at the figure by the window, unable to make out who it was thanks to the glare. It was definitely a guy, though. That much I could tell. I smiled at the figure, assuming that it was Darren. Who else would be walking around next to Darren’s window other than him.

After a few seconds, I thought I saw the man in the window smile back before turning away, but that could have been a trick of the light.

“October!” Tearing my gaze away from the window, I turned around to see Sid waving me over. “I beat Kara. That means you have to play me now!”

Smiling apologetically, I replied, “If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to go upstairs and get a little sleep. I’m not feeling too good.”

Concern flashed across both their faces, but since Kara was ignoring me at the moment, Sid was the only one who said anything. “What’s wrong? Do you want me to get some aspirin from Patty or something?”

I shook my head. “Thanks Sid, but I think all I need is a little nap. I’ll let you know if I don’t feel better afterwards, okay?”

If he doubted me, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he pushed his glasses up his nose with his pinky, and nodded sympathetically at me. “Sure, October. You go get some rest. I’ll keep this one busy so that she doesn’t disturb you.” He said, nodding at a scowling Kara.

“Thanks Sid. I’ll meet you at dinner, okay?”

“’Kay.”

Flashing him one last, reassuring smile, I hopped off the swing, crossed the yard and slipped quietly into the Institute’s large, homey kitchen. The minute I entered the room, I was hit with the scents of freshly baked apple pies and the sight of the bright yellow wallpaper – two sensations which, combined, started to make my head spin. Blinking, I picked up speed and dashed out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Once I’d reached the second floor, I was suddenly hit with another sensation. One that was even more unwelcome than the sight of the bright yellow walls of the kitchen. It was the cold, eerie sensation that signaled the arrival of one of the voices. The minute I felt it, I made a beeline straight for the bathroom, locked the door behind me and curled into a little ball on the floor, willing them to change their minds and go away.

It didn’t work.

“Too bad your stupid Doctor friend had to show up when he did.” I cringed. It was the boy. I hated the boy. Not that I particularly like the woman, but she was much nicer than the boy – and that was saying a lot. Oblivious to my internal curses, the boy continued. “I was starting to have so much fun watching the girl yell at you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Leave. Me. Alone.”

“A miss having some fun? Are you joking?” The boy laughed. The sound was cold and vicious. “You know, your friend is very pretty. Maybe when I take her, I’ll keep her around. She’ll probably want to talk to you after she’s gone.”

I gulped, understanding what he meant. “Don’t you touch her.”

He laughed again, “Oh, I’m not going to be the one who kills her, October. It’s going to be you. I’m going to make you slit your friend’s throat in your sleep, and I’m going to make you paint the walls with her blood.”

I felt my nails dig into my palms. “I won’t do it.” I hissed. “You can’t make me.”

“Tsk, tsk, October. Don’t you remember what happened the last time you said that you wouldn’t do what we asked? Do you really want to go through something like that again?”

I didn’t answer. I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of hearing an answer. Nothing I said would make him stop anyway, so what was the point? I gritted my teeth and tried my best not to think of what happened the last time I’d disobeyed them.

A few seconds later, the sharp taste of blood forced me to stand up and spit out into the sink. In my attempts to shut out the voice, I’d accidentally bitten the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” The voice snickered in my head. “but you’re really going to have to get used to blood and pain from now on.”

I spat out the last of the blood and looked up, only to find myself staring into the eyes of a deranged-looking girl. “Get out of me now!” I screamed, gripping the sides of the sink and glaring furiously at my own reflection. I hated the voices. I hated them for what they’d done to my uncle and my aunt. I hated them for the evil things they whispered in my ears at all times of the day. I hated them for the way they threatened the lives of my friends. And I hated them for what they did to me. For what they did to me physically. For what they did to my psyche.

I didn’t recognize the girl in the mirror.

I didn’t want to be her.

I wouldn’t let myself turn into her.

It took me a second, but soon I realized that the boy had left. The temperature had returned to normal and the cold, dead atmosphere that he’d brought with him had disappeared. Sighing heavily, I rinsed my mouth out and ran a hand through my tangled hair before breaking down and crumpling to the floor, sobbing.