Watching the roads change into the familiar territory that I knew to be home really pulled on my chest. The smell of the fresh rain, ponds, animals. I could see wolves running and standing on the tree line â guards from the pack land keeping an eye on cars coming in.
I wanted to smile, and feel like I was happy to be home because I was but my stomach was a nervous mess as to why I was even home. And of course, the thoughts of the last time I was here jumped in my head.
It was crazy to think that it was only a few short months ago that I left, I felt like I was a whole ass new person now. Even though I was only off drugs for few days. â weeks if we really wanted to put that night behind us.
I didn't know if it was the mating, or just benign with Riot altogether, but I felt so much for grown than I did when I left. Which I guess was the whole idea of me leaving. But I assume this wasn't how my parents thought it would happen.
"You're nervous." Riot voiced once we turned down the long road that would lead to the gates.
"What makes you say that?"
"You wring your fingers together when you get nervous. You haven't stopped since we hit the road, but it's gotten worse the closer we get."
He was right, it was a bad habit. I bit my lip, trying to will my hands to stop, they did, for a moment. Riot had been taking my hand so often in the drive, I guess to help me calm down. But as we got closer and closer to my little village, there was no stopping the trembles.
People here knew me â they knew everything about me.
They would judge me, and worse, they would judge Riot for being with me.
I wanted to vomit.
I took a deep breath through my nose as the gates came into view as well as the four people that stood watch of it. One of them being in their wolf form, lazily laying on the ground with their eyes half-open.
They did jump into a standing position when they realized I was in the truck, I nodded at the three men and one woman that stood watch as the gates slowly opened before we drove in. "Ah, now this is fancy." Riot commented, more than likely thinking of the broken gate his pack had to use for their lands.
The truck came to a stop in the visitor parking lot â which was more of a big spot of gravel that was a bit of a walk from the gatesâ I didn't move for a moment. Riot and I sat in the silence of the parked truck.
After a moment I turned my eyes to him, he looked up at me and gave me a nervous smile. It was almost a relief to see him showing a bit of emotion to the situation. As much as we had joked about this moment, seeing my parents, my voice. Them knowing. It was scary. It wasn't as funny as we played it off as and I just wanted to run and hide. But I also just wanted to be home, in my own room, my own house. See my friends.
"My friends," I spoke out loud, my brows knitting together. "Oh fuck." I put my head in my hands, leaning over. Riot put a hand on my back, giving it a little rub before resting it on my shoulder.
"What's wrong?"
I took a deep breath before sitting back up and shaking my head. "My friends, all of them, besides Ivan. I can't see them again. What if they offerâ "
"I'll be there." Riot said cutting me off. "And if they can't respect that you're sober if you choose to see them. Well, then that's it totally fine to cut them off."
"What if I stay here? I can't just cut off someone I live beside."
"Says who? You can cut off anyone you want. Fuck, I'll help you do it."
I rolled my eyes, smirking a bit before grabbing the door handle. I took another deep breath before pushing the door open and stepping foot on my home territory for the first time sober in years.
I looked at Riot as we walked the street towards my house. Nobody was really out walking around, which was nice. It was early afternoon, which meant most everyone was doing some type of training right now. That or they were at home.
The schedule wasn't strict here, but it was assumed that everyone would be at training at least once a week. My dads did training, for the most part. They took Wednesdays and Sundays off and Elisâ Ivan's brother would take over for the day.
It was sunny, not a cloud in the sky as we walked. We came to the familiar blue house that I grew up in and Riot started to show his emotions, his heartbeat drumming in his chest as he cleared his throat.
You could hear the twins inside, Maddox and Mekhi. Mostly Maddox of course. They were out back and he was definitely being a dinosaur.
I didn't bother knocking. It was my own house after all.
Darren was sitting in the kitchen, and a grin spread across his face when he saw us, he was already waiting for us to walk in judging by the way he was standing and watching the door.
"Star, you're home. God, look at you." He said, coming closer and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "How was the drive?"
"It was long," Riot said, answering for me. Dad smiled, but soon his smile started to dwindle as realization started to set in. his arm dropped from my shoulder as he looked us bother over and the father in him started to come out. Arms crossed over his chest he leaned back on the island looking towards us.
"Listen, Mr. Phoenixâ-" Dad put a hand up to stop Riot, shouting for my other dad to come in the house from outside.
Silas walked in with Mekhi on his hip, a smile on his face, he greeted us but looked at Darren confused when he noticed his stance.
"So, you gotta lot to tell us eh?"
I bit my lip, nodding my head slowly. "Uh, yea actually. I do."