It took an hour for the funeral home to pick up Nani. Once she was gone everything just felt hollow. I couldn't look at the stretcher as they took her away. Riot and Miquel sat at the kitchen table, speaking low to one another as I sat on the step, my eyes not focusing on anything around me.
She was gone. Just like my parents, like Julie. Like the grandfathers I'd never meet. She was gone forever. My skin tingled, my veins felt like bugs were crawling inside them as I itched, I didn't know what to do with myself.
I was alone for ten or so minutes, maybe more, maybe less. I couldn't tell anymore. But Riot was beside me soon, his hand finding my knee and giving me a squeeze. Even then, I couldn't look at him, I didn't want to. I didn't want to break out of this and feel again. I wanted to stay just like this â numb. For as long as possible.
"Star..." I shook my head at his voice, putting a hand over his. I didn't look away from where my eyes had finally settled. "We should call your parents."
Fuck.
I nodded, blindly taking out my phone and handing it to him. He didn't let go of my hand as he looked in my phone and found the number of one of my dads. "Hey, this is Riot fromâ yea, Star is fine. Listen, Darren? Yea. Um. I'm not sure how to say this. Yea, no it's not Star he is right beside me. It's actually. Uh, Nani. â Yea, yea this morning. They're ok. I think. Ok. I'll let them know."
I didn't move for a while. But I did leave. My thoughts bringing me deep into my head, into memories that I didn't think I even harbored anymore.
Ray and I laid side by side, I was back in my own bedroom for once, I hadn't been in my own space in months, Ray was like a best friend to me. We went to each other about anything. Or I went to her about everything. It was only later that I found out she didn't go to me about everything. And the things she did come to me about were just... Lies.
We laid together above the sheets, our legs hanging off the side, we did this often. But mostly only when Charles was away. Which thankfully he was, he'd been gone for a few days at this point, due back tomorrow and that made me nervous.
"Do you ever think of your family?" Ray asked, her hands wringing together over her stomach, her red hair laying across the bedspread.
Did I ever think of my family? From time to time, I wondered what mama would be doing, if papa told those dad jokes everyone spoke of. I've had nightmares of them dying what felt like my whole ten years of life to this point, even though I had been with them for four years of my life. I shook my head though, not really wanting to speak of the parents that didn't get a chance to raise me.
"I think about mine," Ray mused, her voice becoming hush. "My mom, my brothers. I wonder what they're like. Where they are, where mom is."
I frowned, it was common knowledge that her mother died, we all knew her mom had been dead for years. But I didn't speak of it, she had never spoken about her mother, and I had only known bits and pieces that I'd heard.
Like that she and her mother had come from another pack, that she was Charles's daughter and that her mother lived with another man who had two sons. Samantha had been in the pack for a few years, apparently, we lived in similar situations, away from the pack because we werewolves. It never made sense to me. Why Charles would have a child with Samantha if he hated wolves, but Eli told me about the tricks to hybrids, how much power they could hold if used right.
That was something Charles fed off â power. So it didn't surprise me in the least bit that his child would be made to be powerful.
Charles had no mate as far as anyone knew, we all wondered if he was a matlos, but we couldn't be sure because it wasn't something to speak of.
"My mom used to do my hair all the time. I miss it. Dad never does my hair. My old dad used to try and do my hair too, but mom always had to fix it." I turned my head to look at her, why was she telling me this?
"Your hair is really nice now."
"Thanks," She said with a laugh, "I did it myself."
I shook myself, my hand feeling warm as I came back from my thoughts. Riot's hand was in mine as we sat in silence on the step. 'I'm sorry,' I started, using my free hand to type out on my phone, Riot just shook his head, giving my hand a squeeze before standing up, pulling me with him. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He walked towards the guest house, and I numbly followed a step behind him.
Before long we were both on the couch, the TV on something that I hadn't seen before, for the first time in a long â long time, I was numb but this time it was without drugs in my system. And I was just thankful I wasn't alone for this. Somehow I had ended up with a mug of hot chocolate in my hands while Riot sat there quietly, just knowing he was beside me made me feel a little better, made the pain in my chest ease just a little.
"I don't want to tell you that I know how you feel, because Nani was such a kind soul I can't imagine how she made you feel while you've been here." Riot said after a few moments, "But I remember when my dad died, the last thing I needed was someone around me, so let me know if you need me to give you space. But just know whatever house you stay in, I'll be on the couch making sure you're not doing something you shouldn't be."
I shook my head, laying the mug down on the table in front of me, and quickly turned towards Riot, wishing for once in my life that I could take him by the hands and speak to him. 'You being here is making this a lot easier, so please believe me when I say that I don't want you to go anywhere."
"I can offer you the bed tonight if you want, or if you feel better staying with Miquel. I know he has Don there tonight, and Verne plus your dads will be here tomorrow, but I understand." Riot said, speaking about my grandfather's brother being in the home, and my uncle â Julie's brother, Verne coming tomorrow.
I knew I should be in the house, I should be with Miquel, but the idea of being in there without her where she died. I just shook my head, 'i can't go in there right now.'
Riot nodded, and soon the two of us were watching the TV with our hot chocolates again, curled up together before we both dozed off in the small space for the second time.
My dads came early the next morning, opting for a plane ticket instead of the car this time. My uncle Verne wasn't long behind them either, everyone arriving just after eight in the morning.
I half expected the twins to be with dad, but apparently, they stayed home with Elis while Jeremy was planning to come the night before the funeral.
The house was full, people from the pack were in and out at every chance, people bringing flowers, staying to chat with Miquel, hugging Darren, and talking about how much he's grown.
I sat away from everyone else, on the sofa with a can of coke in my hands. My legs bounced with nerves, and I wanted nothing more than to leave, to absorb into the couch and just no longer be there. Riot still had to tend the farm, so I was by myself, though every now and again one of my dads would check on me, squeeze my shoulder and ask how I was doing.
I felt stupid. I hadn't known Nani as long as all these people, I wasn't raised by her like Darren, I didn't spend my life with her like Miquel. She wasn't my mother, my sister, a fellow pack member.
We weren't even part of the same pack
Yet, I felt so alone with her death. Nani had dabbed water on my head while I was sick, she spent hours telling me stories while sitting on my bedside. We had bonded over my recovery, she made me breakfast, she cared for me, and now she was gone. Just like my parents.
Later in the evening when everyone left we sat around the table, everyone just poking their food. Darren had cooked us a meal â his cooking improving a fair bit since they first adopted me.
"So Alister, do you play any sports?" Verne asked, he looked a lot like Darren, though he had shorter hair, and a bigger nose, something akin to Miquel's, and wore glasses. I looked at him, my brows raising a bit.
'Between video games and getting high, I really didn't have time for sports.' I signed, Riot let out a little choked laugh, faking a cough, and reached for his drink. Darren gave me a drawl look as Verne turned his attention to him, looking for someone to integrate.
"No, he hasn't really been into sports, maybe after the summer he can pick something up, maybe Hockey."
"Hockey is a great sport, my four boys play it, my daughter â Eva, she's more into skiing, We think she may make it into the Olympics when they roll around again."
"I thought it was against the rules to let supernaturals into the Olympics?" Riot asked now that his throat was cleared, Verne shrugged his shoulders to him.
"What about you? Do you play sports Riot? Last I heard anything of you, you were leaving the pack for a year to find yourself" Verne added quotes with his fingers, he sounded bored, but there was also something in what he was saying, some underlining threat. And if you couldn't hear it, you could see it in the way Riot's fists closed on the tabletop. I wanted to reach out, take him by the hand and just take him from here, let us both get away from my uncle.
But nobody knew yet, I didn't want to tell my parents about him being my mate while they mourned, it didn't feel right. Plus, we had only just started getting close. I would hate to throw that away by telling my family before either of us was ready.
"I played Hockey with your boys remember? My team beat Geralds every year through college. Then, my dad, the coach died and I took my vacation to, as you put it. Find myself."
"Alright," Silas said, standing up with a plate in his hand. "I wasn't a big sports kid either, after my dad too. But, either way. We should move onto a lighter topic, has anyone watched the new season of Lucifer? Darren and I watched it the other day, I'll never get sick of seeing Thomas Ellis."
I got up from the table, leaving my dads to carry the next conversation, I walked to the back porch and was pleased when after a few moments I heard the screen slide open and a hand fall onto the small of my back. "Your uncle hasn't changed, he isn't always an ass, but it's still icy on me kicking his kid's ass for years." Riot said with a light chuckle. "Listen, I was supposed to go into town this weekend, but I'm going to cancel and maybe we can go for a run?"
I turned to him, shaking my head, his hand slipped from my back and onto my hip with ease as I turned and I tried to ignore the tingle that shot down my spine with it. 'It's your friend's birthday, don't worry about it. You go. My dads are here, and when you get back we can go into the woods for a bit if you like,'
"I don't know Star I don't think I want you alâ "
I smiled softly at him as I put a finger up to stop him from talking. 'I'm a big boy, don't worry, please. Celebrate your friend.'
He let a deep breath out of his nose, giving off another faint chuckle, his eyes watching my hands until I stopped speaking, and then his eyes fell onto mine. "Fine, fine, whatever you say." He stayed smiling at me for a moment before something in me tugged, the moment was slow.
Everything about it was calm, the way his hand got a bit tighter on my waist, the wind gently grazing my face, the way his eyes fluttered, and mine stayed wide for a moment until our lips touched.
It may not have been a perfect time, the perfect moment. But everything about it felt right, everything about Riot felt right.
I was in over my head, but I was so thankful for having someone to keep my head above water.
I didn't want to ruin this.