I threw up. After I threw up I needed to sit down, and once I was down I was out. I didn't wake up again until the sky was dark, I was alone in my room. My body felt freezing, I couldn't help but cocoon myself in the thick blanket. But I was sweating, I could feel the cold sweat pool on my face. My breath shook and my body racked with a shiver.
I couldn't keep myself awake, my eyes forced themself closed once again. I woke up again to Nani patting a cloth on my forehead, humming an unreliable tune. But once again I was soon asleep. I wish the sleep was dreamless, but every time my eyes closed I saw smoke, fire, Lucca, I saw Raylin laughing and Charles â god he was the worst. Lucca may have nearly killed me but Charles kept me alive as pure entertainment. His face was always in the back of my mind with every sober moment I had in my dreams. Every time I woke up it was with a jump, startled by what my own mind was showing me.
When I was finally awake enough to not fall asleep I didn't want to just lay in bed. I felt like a silly child, I didn't want to waste this time stuck inside. I couldn't believe this. The most important moment of my life and I barfed on his feet.
Finding your mate wasn't something crazy like you'd seen on TV. A lot of people just felt the tug, you built on it like you would with anything else. But as a golden, just like everything else. Things were more intense. When I saw the man â who I could only assume was Riot, though I couldn't be sure because I was passed out before he could say anything. But there was no doubt, the man that I had just met was my mate. My heart told me that, my soul told me that.
I let out a silent groan, sitting up as my body fought it. I needed to get out of this house, I needed to get out of this space, my head pounded with every move I made, Once I was up and about to pull a pair of pants over the boxer I was left in, my door was opened and I was met face to face with a very angry looking Nani.
"What do you think you're doing?" She asked, her hands shooking me towards the bed, I couldn't help but step back as the small woman came towards me, forcing me to sit on the bed again.
'Nani, I'm justâ '
"I don't want to see it. You're not leaving this bedroom. You haven't eaten anything in days, you sit down and wait for me to bring you some water and food. "
'Days?'
"Days, now wait here. I'll be back in a moment."
Days... I had been asleep for days? No wonder my body felt like it had been run over by several trucks. When Nani came back she had a tray with chicken soup and cold water on it, plus some vitamins that she insisted I take.
'What do you mean by days?' I finally asked once I had finished eating, which was a while later because my stomach was not a fan of being raining on after begging empty for so long.
"Three days, you slept for most of it. We did get you to the bathroom a few times. Your fever was so high that I don't think you were in the world most of the time. You sat up a few times like you were trying to scream. Are you feeling better sweetheart?"
I nodded my head, pushing the bowl from me and crossing my legs on the bed, I felt guilty. The feeling sat in my stomach, a pit that didn't want to be pushed aside. Nani didn't sign up for this, she's been taking more care of me than anyone, besides my dad's of course. I felt like I was taking advantage of her. Of her kindness and motherly softness.
But at the same time, I craved it, I wanted the soft motherly figure to help me feel better about myself.
Nani kissed my forehead, taking me from my dazed thoughts for the moment, I looked at her and her face. Her gentle smile as she lightly patted my neck. "It's ok sweetie, I like taking care of you." She said as if she was reading my mind. I smiled back at her, not as wide as the smile she gave me. But I did try.
Feeling things again was a little unsettling for me. I felt things when I was high but they were mostly muted, and I liked it that way. I didn't like the feeling in my stomach, that pit that settled there.
But more than anything I hated that feeling in my chest. I was nervous, I didn't want to disappoint someone. I didn't want them to disappoint me.
I hugged Nani one last time before she left and let me finish getting ready. It was darker now, the sun starting to set and the animals on the farm starting to hide away for the night. But in the distance headlights from the side by side could be seen. They were driving closer and I was less than surprised to see Preston driving. But of course, he wasn't alone. And beside him was the black-haired man whose shoes I had become acquainted with earlier.
My hands were deep in my pockets, I felt nervous, scared, anxious. Every cell in my body told me to run away and find comfort the only way I knew how. But I couldn't. I needed to face this like a man. My fingers twitched in my pockets while my shoulders stayed taut. I let out short breaths through my nose as I watched the two men get out of the cart, Preston hitting the other man's arm, giving me a nod before walking towards the guest house.
"Star," he said as he walked towards me, putting his hands in the pocket of his dark blue jeans.
'Riot.' I singed with a nod. We stood for an awkward moment before Riot let out a long breath and nodded his head for me to follow him. I was quick to do so. I couldn't help but lick my lips, they felt dry as I followed him into the field where the horses were still grazing.
I took out my cell phone, getting ready to type out some long-winded message, but it was short-lived because Riot took his hand and put it over the screen. I put my hands down, looking up at him, though he wasn't much taller than I, maybe an inch or two. I felt small like his green eyes were judging every move I was making. And possibly he was I wouldn't blame him for it. I mean, look at me.
I was a skinny, pale, recovery addict with brother issues.
I'd judge me too.
"I'm not going to sugarcoat this." He started, looking at me the same way my parents did when they were disappointed in me. "I'm not happy about this. I'm not going to sit here and judge you, Preston told me that you've been trying to recover. I get it, that's cool. But I'm not a babysitter. If we decide to make this work, it's on you to stay sober. I'm not your parent."
My lips pulled in, I nodded, I couldn't look at him, my eyes couldn't help but look down at our feet. I didn't want to look him in the eyes and see the disappointment in me. Not another person hurt by what I was doing, someone I didn't even really know. Again I put my phone up to type, "I know ASL." Riot interrupted. A little shocked at that I nodded, putting my phone down and hoping my shaking hands could say what I needed them to.
'I'm sorry I'm not what you were expecting.'
"Is any mate really what the person is expecting?" I didn't want to reply, I didn't know how, so I just shook my head. He sighed, running a hand in his hair. "Look, we've got to be up early. Start fresh in the AM, yea?"
'Sure.' I said before we parted ways, the pit in my stomach only growing.
Fuck, of course, I would fuck this up.