pure
i am not
only 3 for my body to be marked more important for the first time than any thought in my mind,
a vision and nothing more, what else could there be.
only 5 for any remaining innocence to be taken away leaving me with every consequence,
waking crying and sudden tears of what's been lost. night terrors.
just 5 when i first became apart of a percentage of victims-
8 for a mother to add to my list-
and 9 for a niece to continue it-
10 and 11,12,13,14 to be called a survivor. "strong" as if it'll all be ok, as if I could harness this strength on my worse days.
14 for a boy to force himself on me as if "no" was a suggestion.
it's taken me 15 years to find someone who would look me in the eyes and have a conversation.
15 years for someone to lend a shoulder to cry on and run a hand through my hair and across my back,
for somebody who makes sure to ask what i'm ok with and what not.
15 years of walking on fire to find someone so liquid smooth