It's been about 6 months. 6 whole freaking months. THATS HALF A YEAR!
And I'm absolutely gutted with myself, I'm so very sorry for disappearing into thin air and not contacting anyone for so long... For a long time I've been debating on whether even continuing this story and where it's going, but I know I can't let you guys down and seeing the massive amounts of support and love you guys give me on a daily basis, I could never do that to you.
I can only express the amount of gratitude and thanks I hold for you guys in one way only.
I love you guys so much, and all the kindness you've shown me has been taken into my heart.
Thank you so much
{UNEDITED}
-
A deep and deafening silence engulfed every inch of the room, a deep aching silence. Adam had turned away, not sparing me a single glance since he had finished speaking.
I wanted to reach out to him, I wanted to hug him, tell him that it was a stupid drunken mistake and that everything would be okay but no words would leave my mouth.I couldn't think of a single word that could possibly make anything that had happened okay, because truly, it wasn't
None of what had happened was okay, or fine, or changeable. It was stupid.
But it was a mistake that was clearly hanging over his shoulders, from the crease between his eyebrows, to his rigid, tense shoulders. I wondered how oblivious I had been, it was clear something was bothering him.
Just as I had mustered up the courage to say another word, Adam interjected, his voice sore and husky. Not moving an inch from where he sat, he kept his eyes cast down.
"Everett Romano is the leader of the Undergrounds, he's the top dog. He runs a lot more, and even I don't know the most of it." He paused, furrowing his dark eyebrows and slumping his shoulders slightly, "Everett made a deal with me back in Juvie. I had fucked him over royally back then but still, he made a deal with me."
I was about to ask, but Adam was already speaking by the time I had even opened my mouth.
"But now, he's under the impression that I've fucked him over again."
For he first time, he meets my gaze. "Remember that night, I came to yours, all bloody and shit." I nodded in a silent response, "I told you about the fight getting ugly, I went down in the last round." He didn't wait for me to respond.
"Well, Romano believes I purposefully went down when the fight got ugly. He thinks that I've stabbed him in the back. A lot of people didn't get their betting money. And he's in deep shit, because of that one fight."
I frowned, "What's going to happ-"
Adam placed his finger to my lips, shushing me. "I'm not worried, and neither should you be. I'll sort it all out, I'm going to explain that this is all one massive fuck up."
Shaking my head, I glanced up at him as he removed his finger from my lips. "How can you be so sure."
He threw me a look, but before any words left his mouth the door across the room flew open. A woman with strikingly blonde, chopped short, hair burst in gleefully. A beaming smile etched onto her face, she stared at us momentarily before a radiant glow twinkled in her eyes, oblivious to the tense aura hanging in the room.
"You must be Gabrielle!" She burst, rushing over to where we sat, "I'm Theresa, I've made breakfast for the two of you," She began pulling me up to my feet and ushering Adam to do so too. "Come down and I'll get the plates warmed up--"
"I just need to speak to her for a moment." Adam interjected, his face a void of all emotion.
I reassured Theresa, throwing her a quick smile. She took it as a good sign and barrelled out of the room just as Adam's tattooed hand wrapped across my upper arm. Positioning me at his side.
The moment the door closed, he dropped his hand, silently, taking a wide step back.
I missed the warmth immediately.
Before he could speak and before I even knew what I was doing, I launched myself at him. Every emotion that was building up came spilling out, as I wrapped my arms around him. He was shocked at first, freezing up momentarily, yet giving me enough time to rethink my horrible decision.
But before the humiliation could set in and for me to move away, cross state borders and change my name, he returned the hug.
His grip was tight, his upper arms almost covered the entirety of my face and I found myself completely engulfed within the cologne radiating from his chest. I was surrounded in an oddly comforting pit of darkness. And for the most part, I was enjoying it.
We stood in silence, my mind filled with the sound of his calming heartbeat, pounding next to my ears.
"It was an accident." I began, but hearing the muffled words spill out of my mouth only froze him once more. "It was a mistake, a stupid mistake--"
He yanked himself away from me, as if I burned him to the touch, "A mistake!" He shouted, "An accident?" Adam stormed up to me, backing me into a wall, "Thank the Lord it was only a fucking mistake! Thank fuck it was only a fucking accident. Glad no one got hurt, so glad it wasn't anything serious."
I shook my head, feeling guilt blister at my side. "I didn't mean it like--"
"Didn't mean it like what? Like it was nothing? Because I didn't just take a life, because I didn't just kill my own best friend. Don't try and down-play this like it's some sort of fucking game! No one gets hurt in mistakes, mistakes are fixable. A mistake is when you leave the toilet seat up, or you lose your keys, say the wrong thing at the wrong time. A mistake isn't getting into a car knowing fully well that you shouldn't be driving and doing it anyway. That's not a mistake, it's a fucking choice."
"You try so hard to paint me as this good guy, the kind of guy that saves kittens from trees and helps old ladies cross the road, does endless shit for charity! But I'm not. When are you going to get it into your head that I'm bad news. I went to Juvie for fuck sake! That rings most alarm bells in normal people," He pauses to take a breath, staring at my scared face. My hands were trembling slightly but I wouldn't let him see them and pushed the to my side. "But not you."
I stared down at the ground, fighting away tears, trying to have calm even breaths so I wouldn't seem as deflated as I felt.
"But not you." He repeated, his voice suddenly whispering. "You've stayed with me, even when I went all Exorcist at the Diner, even when I kept pushing you away again and again, even when I got absolutely fucked out of my mind. You were there."
He stayed silent for a moment and I kept my head down.
"I'm not a good guy, Gabrielle." He started again, hesitating before speaking, "I lied to you."
That caught my attention, flinging my head up, my heartbeat increased dramatically. "What do you mean?"
"I'm just as bad as Romano, and I've been lying to you."
"I don't understand?"
He threw me a look, "I met Everett Romano for the first time when I was in Juvie, he found me almost about to fight this other inmate, I don't remember a lot from back then, I was a really angry kid. Anyways, Everett took my under his wing, and I didn't mind. Everyone knew he was bad fucking news and I thought it would be a bit of a laugh. Romano liked my anger, he taught me how to fight, I was better than most. And soon enough, I was one of his goons."
I pushed my back against the wall further, trying to take in all this information.
"I knew Everett way before I saw him stab the guy. And I wasn't watching from afar, I wasn't hidden away like some wimp. I beat the sad fucker until he was on the ground, that's when Everett came up and stabbed him. I stood at the sidelines and watched as that boy got stabbed."
His face was almost touching mine, tauntingly close. "You still think I'm the good guy?"
"How could you know that was going to happen? You couldn't have realised what you were doing. You're not a bad guy, Adam. And I won't stop 'painting' you as it until you start believing it. You've made some awful choices! But they're in the past and I don't think for one second that you're still the same person you were those years ago."
"You're right." He looked down to the ground, his voice deep and muffled. "I chose to get in that car, I chose to go off with Everett. It's my own choices keeping me awake at night, hoping to hear those fucking stones again." He moved dangerously close, "It's my own stupid choices that's putting everyone I care about in danger."