I couldn't stop my heart from racing and I was worried that anyone within ten feet of me would be able to hear it.
My palms felt clammy and I felt like I had to stop and remind myself how to breathe every few minutes.
In other words, I was freaking out.
"Crystal, you need to calm down." Uncle Victor told me from where he was seated at the empty conference table.
It was so like Tristan to dump us so far away where we couldn't do anything.
"How can I calm down?" I snapped. "R-Ro is out there and for all I know, he's dying and they're letting him."
Uncle Victor folded his arms across his chest.
"It was a tranquilliser dart. Trust me, he's not dying." He spoke in a level tone.
All I could picture was seeing him drop to the ground.
Helpless. And I couldn't do anything.
I walked up to Uncle Victor. "What are they going to do to him?" I asked.
I was frantic and scared and most importantly worried.
Uncle Victor sighed. "To be honest with you, baby, I don't know. And I don't think either of us have the clearance for that."
"Clearance?" I asked. "It's Roman."
Uncle Victor rose. "Yes, Crystal, it's Roman. The same Roman who spied on the Silvercrest pack, participated in the attempted assassination of the alpha's brother, tried to kidnap you and our family, the same Roman who admitted to being in cohorts with Ornyx Van Cliffe and the Shadow pack and the same Roman who lied to our faces for years."
I felt tears form in my eyes. "But - "
"Crystal." Uncle Victor put his hands on my shoulders. "The only reason we're even here is because you wouldn't let Tristan leave without you. What happens to Roman isn't up to you or me. It's up to him and his council."
I had basically clang to Tristan, screaming at him to let me see Roman. To try and help him.
How I ended up in that SUV beside him is a blur to me. And how Uncle Victor came too is also something I don't remember happening. All I remember was not wanting to leave Roman alone.
So much good that did me. The first thing Tristan did was order his guards to throw me in here.
"Listen, baby girl." Uncle Victor spoke. "I know you might still care about Roman... but his shown you who he is. You need to believe that and let Tristan do his job. This isn't about you or Roman or Tristan. This is about a looming war and stopping Ornyx."
He was right. This had become bigger than some petty live triangle long ago.
But how could they all expect me to just sit back and not care what happened to Roman?
The door swung open.
Tristan walked in followed by Nia, May, Raphael and Captain Park.
I rushed to him immediately.
"Thank goodness, we've been here for like an hour." I told Tristan irritably.
Captain Park looked less than amused but I ignored her.
"How is he?" My question was directed at Tristan.
Tristan kept his expression blank.
Okay, now wasn't the time for his nonchalance.
"Tell me, Tristan." I begged.
"Please." I added in a small voice that was almost a whisper.
Tristan's eyes didn't meet mine.
"Roman Desiree is fine." Captain Park spoke. "It's interesting just how concerned you are about our enemy, Miss Swan."
May looked at the ground and I saw how Nia and Raphael tried to hide their expressions as well.
Tristan clenched his jaw. Still not a word.
I looked at all of them.
"Fine." I spoke. "I'm concerned about whether he lives or dies." I confessed.
"I know it's wrong but -"
"But nothing." Tristan spoke in a low growl.
The room suddenly felt more silent.
I heard Uncle Victor's footsteps as he came closer.
"Maybe it's time for us to leave." He spoke.
"I agree." Tristan grumbled. He looked over his shoulder. "May, get them a -"
"No." I spoke out.
Captain Park seemed appalled.
"Crystal-" Uncle Victor started.
"No." I spoke again. "I'm staying here."
I walked back to the table and slumped into a chair.
"I'll sleep here if I have to."
"You will do no such thing, young lady." Uncle Victor spoke.
I turned and looked up at Tristan. "You're not pushing me away this time."
For a minute, Tristan just stared. Then he sucked in a deep breath.
"May I have a moment alone with Crystal." He spoke.
No one argued.
Tristan shot them one glance and they all begun to vacate the room.
Uncle Victor tried to hover protectively but Captain Park simply ushered him out along with everyone.
Once the door closed, the tension seemed more deafening than ever.
I heard Tristan's footsteps as he walked around one the other side of the table.
"I'm really not in the mood to argue with you tonight." He started.
"Well I'm all geared up." I shot back. "And I don't plan on giving up either so you might wanna gear up."
Tristan narrowed his eyes at me.
"Do you have any idea how hard you're making things?" He yelled. "Rushing to stick beside the traitor's side. What the hell do you think that looks like to everyone?"
I didn't respond because I honestly had nothing to say in my own defence. I just couldn't leave Roman for dead like that and still be okay afterwards.
Tristan was right, I was trying to protect the man that tried to kidnap my family and I. The man who was currently working for the enemy. And I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't stomach the thought of them hurting him.
Tristan let out a humourless laugh.
"Now you have nothing to say?"
I focused on the wall beside him. Anything but him.
Tristan slammed his hand on the desk.
I jumped slightly.
"Answer my question, Crystal."
I kept my lips pressed together.
I couldn't answer the question.
"Fine." Tristan pulled back a chair but didn't sit.
"Screw everyone else, how do you think it looks to me? How do you think I feel, Crystal?"
Those words alone were enough to make me soften and for the first time since I heard the shot I looked at Tristan. Really looked at him and didn't just see Tristan.
I saw my mate.
"It's not like that." I told him.
He simply shook his head.
"How many times have I heard that? It's always 'like that' when Roman gets involved. It's always 'like that' with you and me. I'm here at your convenience."
With that he started walking away.
His words felt like a slap.
I got up and rushed after him.
I grabbed his arm.
He stopped but didn't turn around.
"Hey! No it isn't!" I yelled.
He shook my arm off of him then turned around. "Everyone was right, Crystal. When it comes to you, I lose all sense. All logical thinking goes out the window. Because you're all that matters to me."
"Tristan-"
"And I already told you, I can't keep hurting myself by choosing this one sided relationship."
He looked like he was about to leave but I grabbed him and pushed him against the wall.
He looked shocked by the action.
Hell, I was shocked by the action. And by my strength.
"I said I love you!" I reminded him my mind going back to that moment.
"I said I loved you and you freaking jumped off the terrace rail like- like - Spider-Man soo don't say this is one sided. That kiss - all of that was real. Its never been more real." I told him.
I felt him shift in my hold. "Might wanna lay off the force there." He spoke, sounding like he was struggling to speak.
"Oh my gosh." I released the hand that I had pressed against his chest.
"Sorry." I muttered as I stepped back.
Tristan rubbed his chest. "I - I'm sorry about not saying it back but I was a bit preoccupied."
I folded my arms across his chest. "What even was that, Tristan? Was that the only reason you came? To set that trap for Roman?"
Suddenly our moment gained a whole new perspective.
Was Tristan there to see me or was he there to trap Roman?
"To be fair, the trap had been put in place the minute I put you in that safe house. Roman showing up when he did - I got wind of some strange activity in the woods next to the safe house and I just knew -"
"Oh my gosh." I spoke, tears pricking my eyes. "That's why you kissed me, isn't it? You wanted him to see."
"Hold up, you kissed me." He spoke.
"Doesn't matter!" I yelled. "You knew he would be watching."
"So what if he was watching? So what if anyone was watching? It doesn't change how I feel but it seems it does for you." He shot back.
"Why do you keep spinning this on me?"
"Because it all comes down to you!" Tristan yelled.
He took in a breath as if to steady himself.
"Listen Crystal, I've been in this from day one. I've always wanted you but I don't want to be your second choice my entire life."
"You're not." I told him.
Tristan opened his mouth then closed it again.
It took a minute for him to say something else.
"Then why does it always feel like I have to fight for your attention, for your love. You accepted the mating bond just a few hours ago and now Roman is in the picture and I feel like we're about to go back to square one."
I stared at Tristan.
"I don't know what to tell you. If you want to hear me say I don't care about Roman anymore... I'm sorry, that's a lie. I can't tell you that because I can't make all I feel for him just disappear."
Tristan looked hurt but he tried to mask it.
"Noted." He scoffed.
I reached out and took his hand before he could leave. "But that doesn't change what I feel for you either or what I said earlier."
Tristan looked down at our connected hands and I feared he would pull away.
But he didn't.
He was right, I had a hold on him. I had for some time and it just wasn't fair anymore.
"Tristan, I've been trying to fight the bond since I met you. Because of Roman... because of my own insecurities... but my point is it's been my fault that we've had this back and forth for years."
I sighed.
"You're so amazing. Whenever I look at you, I see a man always pushing to do his best. For the ones he loves, for his pack... I love that about you. I love that you always choose light and that you're not afraid to fight for what's right.
If this period has taught me anything it's that I don't want to waste anymore time pretending I don't want to be with you. Making up excuses and sabotaging us constantly. I want you. No excuses, no apologies."
Tristan's other hand shifted to my cheek.
He caressed it.
"When I said, 'never again', I meant this. If you gave me another chance to love you, I would do it with every fibre in me."
I smiled at Tristan. "And this time, I won't hold back either."
A frown suddenly took over Tristan's face. "I'm not going to lie and say this will get easier. In fact, I'm almost certain it's about to get really messy."
I nodded stiffly. The timing couldn't be worse.
But when had it ever been good? I was holding Tristan now. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to lose him.
"As I said, no excuses." I whispered.
I stood on my tippy toes and pressed my lips against him.
There was so much going on. Things we couldn't control or stop.
But we were both here right now. And I wasn't going to waste anymore time.