Song: Let you down by NF
I had hardly gotten any sleep.
All I could think about was the call, Roman, Tristan, the entire plan and all the craziness happening.
But mostly the call. Roman telling me that he knew where my mother was.
I clutched my necklace and tried to convince my heart to beat steadily.
She was out there somewhere and Roman knew where.
My emotions were all over the place and my thoughts too. How had she even gotten caught up with whatever business Roman was in?
I really wished I had asked more questions because it was all driving me crazy.
Hearing from Roman had been one thing, I didn't know I had been expecting but I was caught off guard when I heard his voice again.
My Roman.
It didn't feel like I was talking to a traitor, it felt like I was talking to the Roman I knew. The boy who took me on hikes and study picnics. The boy who I had spent almost every day with. My sweet, misunderstood, deeply complex boyfriend.
It took a lot to have that conversation. To lure him into a trap. I told him I loved him and that I wanted to be with him. Both were supposed to be lies but that is what I wanted.
I wanted picnics and movie dates and aimless drives in his old truck. I wanted to lie down with him in the grass somewhere or in the bed of his pickup and read him books that he tried really hard to pretend to be interested in for my sake. I wanted my Roman but I knew I couldn't have him.
Because that would mean betraying Tristan. And I just couldn't do that to him. I had already hurt him and caused him so much pain.
I heard a knock at the door.
I looked at the digital clock beside me. It was 8.am.
I sat up and cleared my throat. "Come in."
May and Bridget walked in.
"Goodmorning Crystal." May greeted me with a smile.
"Hey." I waved weakly.
"Sorry if we woke you." May spoke, giving me a sympathetic look. "But we need to go over some last minute details concerning the plan."
"It's fine." I told her.
It's not like I had been sleeping anyway and I did want to talk about some things concerning the plan as well.
"Uhm, Tristan isn't joining us?" I asked.
I hadn't spoken to him since right before the call and I had a terrible feeling that he was avoiding me.
After what happened, I honestly couldn't blame him.
"Oh now you want him around?" Bridget asked with a scoff.
"Bridge." May sighed.
Bridget shrugged not seeming regretful of her words at all.
I swallowed back a lump in my throat.
"You're the one who had suggested Tristan leave the room in the first place." I told her not realising how angry I actually was.
Bridget gave me a cold look.
"Because I didn't want to see you hurt him all over again. Because I actually care about him."
I had seen the look on Tristan's face.
and I knew that me not wanting him around had affected him.
"I do care about Tristan." I spoke firmly.
Bridget was unmoved. She folded her arms across her chest and shook her head as if I wasn't worth arguing with.
May stood back looking nervous but not getting involved.
Bridget took something out of her back pocket. It was a roll of paper scrolled up.
She walked up to me, laying it flat on the bed before me.
"We already took the liberty of plotting out which route would be best for you to take when you go to meet Roman, that way-"
"I do care about Tristan." I spoke again, adding more force to my words.
I was gripping the sheets tightly. Bridget seemed to notice because her eyes darted to them.
I hadn't realised how angry my statement had been. Maybe this had been building up for sometime but I was tired of everyone second guessing my motives with Tristan.
Maybe I didn't love him but I did care about him. I wasn't a monster.
Bridget looked up at me slowly. She straightened to stand to her full height.
I heard footsteps and I could tell May was getting closer.
Bridget's eyes held a dim green flickr and I could practically see her provoked wolf. My emotions were heightened and so were hers.
"Say it as many times as you want to." She spoke, her words even and careful. "But I'll believe it when I see it."
I tossed my bed sheets off me and stood up as well. Bridget was tall and she had a good four inches on me. And maybe sizing her up in a white frilly night gown that Anita had gotten me wasn't the most intimidating sight but I wasn't trying to intimidate her. I was trying to get a point across.
"I don't like how you try to make it seem like you care about him a great deal more than I do." I told her. "I know you've known each other all your lives and you're friends... best friends but... I am allowed to care about him too. Inspite of everything. I picked his side. Not Romans."
No one would ever understand how much of a big deal this was for me. I was choosing to bring Roman to face the judgement of all the people he had done wrong. I was choosing not to be with him.
Bridget glanced at me, wordlessly for a while with no emotion on her face. I hadn't yelled but I had spoken in a tone to make sure she knew how serious I was.
When she finally spoke, I hadn't realised I had been holding my breath, anticipating her response.
"Let's say this all goes south and Tristan's life is on the line because of Roman," Bridget's eyes bore into mine, "would you kill him?"
I gulped.
The thought in itself made me shudder. It wouldn't come to that. I thought back to what Kat had said to me.
...If they catch him and you fight for him, they'll burn you at the stake along with him...
Bridget took a step foward as if taking my silence as an answer.
"Because in case you didn't realise, that's what you're signing up for. No one is going to take it easy on him." She gave me a sort of small smile. "Me? I won't hesitate to put my claws through him if he tries to hurt my alpha. I'll gladly gut-"
"Bridge, that's enough!" May yelled.
Bridget smiled at me as if she had gotten what she was looking for.
I felt my stomach churn. I clutched it before running to the bathroom. I emptied my stomach of the little food that was still in there right into the toilet.
When I sat back I felt tears running down my face. I felt stupid and weak for letting Bridget's words get to me.
I brought my knees to my chest and quietly sobbed.
I didn't want him to die.
I didn't want Roman to get killed tonight. But here I was willingly leading him to the slaughter.
Tristan had said Roman would get what he deserved. That couldn't really mean death, could it?
Tristan... he wouldn't do that, would he?
No one had mentioned killing Roman last night. They had talked about an excecuted plan where they would seize him and put him in custody.
But what if Roman got agressive or if he really had back up? I had seen Roman fight before, he was good. What if he resisted and they had to use more force?
I felt a bitter taste in my mouth as I gagged.
I pictured Roman being happy to see me only to have that smile wiped off when he saw Tristan and the others come in.
I didn't want to betray him but he was the bad guy here. He was the traitor.
But the traitor to who? I asked myself.
A pack that doesn't even accept people like me?
I quicly shook those thoughts away. I couldn't start making the Silvercrest pack the enemy. If they had been the problem, Roman didn't have to steal their information.
We could have just run away. That's all it would take. If he had only asked maybe we would have just left stupid Woodfell behind and started over somewhere else.
But maybe he had been scared to ask because he knew I could never leave my family without saying goodbye.
There was a soft knock at the already open door.
May slowly walked in.
"Hey." She spoke gently. "Are you okay?"
I nodded and was about to tell her just how 'okay' I was after puking my guts out into the toilet but all that came out was croak and more tears streamed down my face.
"Bridget went to um... run some things through Nia and Rick, they're trying to plug into as many cameras as possible."
I nodded again knowing my words would only fail me again.
I didn't care where Bridget was, honestly, I was just glad she wasn't here.
May frowned before grabbing a towel from the rail by the bathtub and rushing to hand it to me.
"Hey, it's okay." She squatted and rubbed my shoulder. "I'm sorry about what Bridget said. She can be... um extra intense sometimes when she's scared."
I looked up at May incredulously. "Scared?"
I didn't realise threatening to gut someone was a sign of fear.
"Don't take it personally." She told me.
"She hates me. It's hard not to take that personally." I responded, wiping away more tears and thinking about how many times May had seen me so 'un-luna like'.
"She doesn't hate you." May reassured me. "It may seem that way but she doesn't."
May paused and bit her lip nervously. "Not a lot of things scare Bridget. But there's one thing that frightens her to pieces, the idea of losing Tristan."
I looked up at May. "I don't want Tristan to get hurt either."
"I know." May spoke. "And she knows it too deep down. Your mate would never willingly hurt you. But they do have all the power too. And I guess given the circumstances..."
May trailed off but I knew exactly what she meant.
"What's going to happen to him?" I asked. "After you catch him?"
May looked at the ground.
"I can't answer that question for you but if the answer is seriously going to affect how everything will go down tonight, you should have a serious conversation with Tristan."
I had been down this road with Tristan. He had said Roman would 'get what he deserved'. I just didn't know what that meant in his books.
"Yoohoo, luna!" I heard a sharp voice call from outside. "Where is she?"
May rolled her eyes. "Think you're strong enough to face Lady Melrose?"
Even if I wasn't, I didn't think Nana Francessca would take 'no' for an answer.
"Could I have a minute?" I asked.
May gave me a small smile before squeezing my hand. "I'll distract her."
I walked up to the sink and opened the cold water, dabbing some of it under my eyes so that there would be no swelling.
I heard Nana Francessca talking to May impatiently and I decided I needed to go back out soon.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked exhaused and I was. Both physically and mentally.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see it wasn't only Nana Francesca in the room but Anita, Aunt Sarah and Kat.
I immediately felt bettee. I was so glad to see some familiar faces.
"Oh there you are!" Nana Francesca beamed at me, basically shoving May away.
"Your Aunt and cousin showed up and I insisted they come and help me get you ready because it takes..."
She walked towards me with her arms stretched as if it give me a hug but then she stopped short. She eyed my face oddly.
Oh no.
"Have you been crying dear?"
I saw Aunt Sarah frown as she started moving closer as well.
"Oh my gosh, sweetie, are you okay?"
Anita looked at me in concern as well. Kat looked more scared than worried and with the information she already knew, she had good reason to.
The last thing I needed was all of them asking questions. Captain Park and Tristan had made it very clear to everyone who had been in the room how confidential things had to be.
"I'm fine." I said, trying to sound convincing. "I was just feeling nauseas, that's all."
Nana Francesca's eyes widened. "Oh no." She turned to look at Anita.
"Oh no!" She cried again. "Get me that boy right this instant! I will hurt him with my bare hands and rip off his manhood!"
I saw Aunt Sarah recoil at Aunt Francesca's words, looking disturbed.
"Francesca, calm down, that's not what it means." Anita sighed.
"Then what does it mean?" Nana Francesa yelled, throwing her arms in all directions. "You said it yourself, he called a secret meeting right here last night. For all we know, they already did the deed and were too ashamed to tell us! Where is Tristan! After all my teachings, after all my warnings. Despicable young man."
I saw May face palm herself. I looked at Kat to see if she was making any sense out of this but she just appeared amused.
I looked at Aunt Sarah and she looked as pale as a sheet, she looked like she wanted to ask me something but couldn't.
What was going on?
"Um, Nana Fran-"
Nana Francesca turned on me sharply, her eyes narrowed at me.
"And you!" She snapped as she marched towards me. "I trusted you to be smarter."
"Fran -" Anita tried but she was shushed by Nana Francesca who kept advancing on me.
I swallowed, growing nervous.
"You know you could have said no?" She gave me an accusing glare.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
I really didn't. She couldn't have known about Roman, could she?
Nana Francesca rolled her eyes. "Oh lets not act like I don't know what morning sickness looks like."
Morning sickness?
Good God.
"You think -"
"You're with child!" Nana Francesca spoke as if it was the most devastating, life ending news she had ever heard.
Kat snorted out a laugh. Aunt Sarah stumbled a little, gaping at me.
Now hold on a damn minute.
"I am not pregnant." I told Nana Francesca firmly. "Tristan and I don't. We never -"
I thought back to last night at the meeting when Raphael had said they should stop letting in women whom they're sleeping with.
Wait another damn minute.
Why did everyone think I was having sex with Tristan?
Is that what happens when you imprint on someone? Everyone becomes thirsty?
"Seventeen!" Aunt Sarah choked out, rushing to put her arms around me protectively. "She is seventeen."
Eighteen next month but I guess that's not the point right now.
Nana Francesca shrugged.
"I was sixteen when I first -"
Anita cleared her throat before stepping forward.
"We better get Crystal ready for the ball. First thing I want to do is get some food into you." She smiled at me.
"Your aunt and Katherine are definitely joining us." She smiled at Kat. "It's so nice to have you over again."
"Oh now I recognise you!" Nana Francesca seemed to forget about accusing me of being pregnant as she pointed at Kat.
"You're that delightful girl the twins used to bring over sometimes. I babysat for you all once. You almost once cut off one of the twin's hair when he told you that you couldn't beat him in a foot race."
Kat looked embarassed as she glanced at Aunt Sarah who was glaring. She clearly hadn't known about this.
I hadn't either. They were good enough friends that she would come to the manor?
"Um, that's me." Kat spoke.
Aunt Francesca laughed and clapped as if this were a delightful thing.
"Oh I love when young girls stand up for themselves." She turned to Aunt Sarah. "You did a good job."
"Thank you?" Aunt Sarah responded unsurely.
Nana Francesca turned her attention back to me. "Oh don't look so worried sweetie, I am not going to disown you anymore now that we've cleared things up. Now what do you think of the dress?"
Okay? Just like that?
"The dress?" I asked.
Nana Francesca gasped. "You haven't seen it?"
I guess I didn't have time after yesterday.
A dress was the last thing on my mind.
"Francesca, she needs to eat before you hound her with make up artists." Anita sighed.
"Okay, just a peek!" Nana Francesca spoke. "It will only take a sec."
She was already pulling me foward. She let go of my hand and excitedly walked to the closet.
She came back with a yellow number on a hanger.
I stared at the beautiful dress. It looked obviously expensive. It was completely breath taking. Like a real life princess dress.
It was a strapless canary yellow gown with a full skirt and some gold details on the top. The kind of dress that is meant to be a show stopper. The kind of dress a luna should wear, I guess.
"Tell me how much you adore it." She spoke.
"I love it." I told her, not even having to lie. "Thank you so much. I don't know how to -"
"Oh don't worry about it, you're family now." Nana Francesca threw an arm around my shoulder.
I couldn't help but feel guilty. It just occured to me that after tonight - after they caught Roman - I would be able to reject Tristan again.
I couldn't imagine what the pack's reaction would be like. As if they didn't hate me enough already.
"And it was mostly the girl." Nana Francesa spoke dismisively.
I turned to look at May.
"Thank you." I told her with a smile.
She smiled back. "It was no problem."
I turned to Aunt Sarah and Kat. They were a huge part of the process when I had found the right dress last year. I wanted them to be part of this one too.
I wish Hazel could be here. She had really enjoyed the process last time.
"Do you guys like it?" I asked.
"Duh, it's Zac Posen!" Kat shrieked.
"You're going to look so gorgeous, tonight, sweetie." Aunt Sarah told me.
"Oh the family! I almost forgot, forgivw my old mind." Nana Francesca spoke. "They're some dresses that we were going to send back but I am sure we can find you both something that will suit you."
"Oh that's not necessary, we couldn't -"
Aunt Sarah was cut off by Nana Francesca. "Oh I am not capable of taking no for an answer."
"She really isn't." Anita spoke.
I knew that Kat jad already picked out a dress over the summer because she was sure she would be a candidate this year and she didn't want to have to do it last minute like I had. We had gone literally everywhere until we found the perfect vintage number. A red strapless a line dress which showed off her beautiful legs.
Unconventional for a ball but Kat was determined to make a statement.
But from the gleam in her eyes, I could tell she had forgotten all about it.