The sleet drove against the window, the sound of ice against glass creating a constant clicking noise in the quiet biology lab. I glanced up from my microscope to watch it bounce off the window and land on the ground below. The chilly weather outside seemed to leech through the walls of the science building, creating a meat-locker out of the lab. Puffs of my own breath swirled in the air as I changed specimens with a quiet sigh.
I'd been spending a lot of time in the lab assisting Dr. Pathak with new research he wanted to present at a microbiology convention in the spring, staying late to work three or four nights a week. I enjoyed the research because it kept my mind on something other than the stress of finals. My phone buzzed on the lab table for the hundredth time, dancing across the hard surface of the table.
Madison was one of the most persistent people I'd ever met. She still wanted me to go to the Children's Hospital Fundraiser with her and Camila despite the fact that he would be there. After the last message he'd sent me, I'd given up hope on any chance at an apology. It was clear he wanted nothing to do with me, and there was no need to torture either of us any further by hanging around each other. Since his presence at the event would be better for donations, I'd decided to just let him have that spotlight and spend my night at the lab, much to Madison's protest.
I clicked the end call button on my phone and pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands. My fingers were numb from the cold, but I didn't want to stop working. If I stopped, I'd lose my best excuse to avoid attending the event. My phone vibrated against the table again. I grabbed it and tossed it into my bag on the floor beside my stool.
I wanted to support Madison because she put together a beautiful event for her community service project, but I just couldn't bring myself to see him again. Not after what he said. It had been nearly impossible for me to watch Alabama play in the SEC title game against Georgia the weekend after the Heisman ceremony. The sportscasters couldn't stop talking about the new trophy winner and future first round pick. He continued to make it the 'Daxson Show' when he pulled in two touchdown passes in the fourth quarter to secure the win, a victory that would send the Tide to its fourth consecutive national championship.
"Allyson? You're still here?" Dr. Pathak asked, pushing the door to the lab open.
I rotated the focus knob on the microscope. "Yes sir. I'm finishing up some of the last specimens. The colonies all grew in similar patterns like expected, except one."
Dr. Pathak rubbed his hands along his coat as he walked over to the thermostat. "I can't believe you're working in here. It's freezing." He fiddled with the thermostat before walking over closer. "Which one didn't grow as expected?"
I laughed as he approached my table. "I grew up in the southern heat, so I actually like when it gets a little chilly. If only it would snow." I ran my hand over my tray of slides and picked up the oddity. "This one. They grew inside the ring of antibiotic instead of away from it."
"Tuscaloosa hasn't gotten any snow since 2010. If you're looking for snow, I think somewhere up north would suit you better." He took the slide from me and held it against the light. "Quite interesting. We definitely need to document this."
"I was going to start on that after I finish this last slide." I tucked my hair behind my ears.
Dr. Pathak returned the slide to the tray and shook his head." No, no. It doesn't have to be done tonight. I think you've put in more than enough work for the Friday before your Christmas break."
"Oh, it's fine really. I have nothing else going on," I pleaded.
My phone vibrated again.
Dr. Pathak glanced at my bag on the floor and raised a thick eyebrow. "It seems as though you're trying to avoid something else that's happening tonight."
I sighed. "Not really."
Dr. Pathak folded his arms across his chest and gave me a questionable glance.
I held my ground by meeting his eyes. "It's really not important. I'd much rather be here."
Dr. Pathak tapped his index finger to his chin. "Allyson, do you mind if I share something with you that I've learned over the years?"
"Sure."
"Hiding from your problems won't solve them." He leaned against the edge of the lab table. "I've seen many people use their work as a reason not to go home. They don't want to deal with their failing marriage, their newborn baby that refuses to sleep through the night, or their growing credit card debt. It's easier to just pretend those problems doesn't exist."
There was a lingering glint of sadness in his dark eyes which left me questioning whether he'd seen those troubled people in the mirror.
"So, you're saying I should face my problems head on?" I swiveled on my stool to face him.
He nodded. "That's exactly what I'm saying. It may be harder on the front end, but you'll be thankful you did."
"What if one of my problems doesn't want anything to do with me?"
Dr. Pathak chuckled as he placed a lid back on the tray of specimens. "Well, that makes it a little more difficult, but you're a smart girl. You'll figure it out. I just don't want you to to miss out on something just because you're afraid."
I nodded and flicked the off button on the microscope. "Thanks for watching out for me, Dr. Pathak." I wrapped the power cord around the base of the microscope and lifted it from the table, carrying it over the cabinet in the back of the lab.
Dr. Pathak slid the specimens into their spot in the cabinet beside the microscope with a warm smile. "I actually have a plane to catch tonight. I'm going home for the break, and I won't be back until next semester."
I closed the cabinet. "Well, I don't want to be the reason you're late." I hurried over to my lab table and scooped up my backpack. "I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Dr. Pathak. I'll be praying for you."
Dr. Pathak shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "You too, Allyson."
I smiled at him before slipping out into the hallway, digging through my bag to find my phone.
My phone screen lit up with four matching missed calls from Madison and Camila. I contemplated calling them back, but I decided it'd be better if I surprised them. You can call me Miss Spontaneity. Upon exiting the science building, I shivered and pulled my hood around my face.
The air was frozen lace on my skin, delicate and cold, like winter waves on sallow sand. The sleet had ceased, leaving only a wet reminder of its presence on the sidewalk. By the time I made it back to my dorm, my boots were completely soaked and my feet were frozen. I tossed my bag into the corner of the room with a heavy sigh.
This whole situation with Daxson wasn't really a problem, but more of an inconvenience. If we were really done with each other, why did it matter if we showed up to the same event?
I stood in front of the dresser and searched through my clothes. This was a formal event, which meant dresses, slacks, and suits. It was time to get over my aversion to dresses. I'd stopped wearing them when I came to college because I didn't have to impress my mother. She'd expected me to wear them all the time, yet somehow had simultaneously made me feel ugly in them.
Over Thanksgiving break she'd given me a dress that had been in her family for a few generations. She said she'd taken the time to alter it and make it more modern and seemed genuinely happy to finally pass it down to me like her mother had done before her. My fingers lingered on the black dress. Maybe this was the time to put it on display.
The creamy sheets of the silk dress slipped onto my shoulders. I held in a breath as I ran my hands along my body and smoothed the silk against my skin. The extra weight I'd gained over a few weeks helped me fill out the dress, allowing it to fit snuggly to every curve of my body. This is the new you, Allyson. Own it.
My phone buzzed to notify me that the Uber was waiting outside. I snagged my black trench coat from the closet and shrugged it over my shoulders. Within a few minutes, I'd climbed into the backseat of a car and was escorted downtown to the hotel hosting the fundraiser.
Large glass windows with shimmering golden accents welcomed me to one of the priciest hotels in Tuscaloosa. Bright lights illuminated the entrance of the hotel as I stepped from the SUV and walked toward the front doors. A well-dressed man opened the door with a smile. I thanked him and tucked my curls behind my ears as I entered the hotel. A giant Christmas tree at least twenty-feet high was the centerpiece of the bustling lobby. My heels clicked against the wooden floor as I walked closer, admiring the glistening ornaments and twinkling lights. The room smelled of sugar cookies and pine, wrapping me in the warmth that always came with Christmas.
I couldn't help but smile when squeals filled the hotel lobby.
"You came!" Madison hurried in my direction and wrapped her arms around me. "You little sneaky bitch," she whispered in my ear.
I laughed and hugged her back. "This is your first big event. I wouldn't miss that for anything. I mean, it's not a fashion show, but you'll get there one day."
Madison smiled. "That's why you're one of my besties."
Camila's eyes raked down my body as she put her hands on her hips. "You look stunning, Allyson."
I pulled my coat around me tighter. "Oh, you're just saying that."
"I can't even pull off that shade of red lipstick." Madison winked and snapped her fingers. "Daxson's gonna eat his heart out tonight."
I blushed and looked at my shoes. "Can we not talk about him?"
Camila pushed Madison's shoulder. "Of course. Tonight is about spending time with the girls and raising money for the Children's Hospital." She gave me a reassuring smile.
Madison held her hands out. "So, give me your coat, and we can get started."
"So, what exactly are we doing to raise money?" I pulled my coat off and turned it over to her.
"Well, if you even want to be here, you have to purchase a ticket. There's also a silent auction of goodies I gathered from local businesses. All proceeds go to the hospital." She folded my jacket across her arm.
"Is it just to fund the hospital?" I asked as Madison led us across the lobby to the banquet hall.
Camila shook her head. "Part of it goes to helping fund the hospital, but some of the money is going to be used to help provide Christmas presents to some of the families with terminally ill children."
"It's amazing you put all this together in such a short time," I replied.
Madison smiled and stopped inside the banquet hall. "What can I say? I make miracles happen."
Millions of small glass snowflakes danced in the air above our heads, sparkling in the white light. People milled around between the large, white clothed tables, their conversations contributing to the hum in the air. Candles surrounded by pine cones flickered from the middle of the tables and added a warm ambience to the room.
"It's gorgeous, Madison. It's like a winter wonderland." A warm smile spread across my lips.
Camila rolled her eyes. "You're going to give her a big head. Let's leave it at, 'it looks good.'"
Madison snapped her fingers together. She was about to respond to Camila when a small guy wearing a black suit and carrying a clipboard stopped beside her. His eyes flickered between Camila and I as he whispered something to Madison.
"I have to go handle a few things. I'll catch you ladies in a bit." She turned to hurry off with the small guy in tow.
Camila stepped in front of me. "Hey, lets go see what kind of drinks they've got." She tried to turn me toward the drink table.
"Why are you pushing me?" I asked, attempting to glance around her.
She bobbed back into my line of vision. "Really, Allyson. You should listen to me."
As I stepped around her the second time, my eyes landed on the very person she had been trying to hide. Seeing Daxson in person for the first time in weeks left me frozen. It was as if space and time had become the finest point imaginable, as if time collapsed into one tiny speck and exploded at light speed. He raised a glass to his lips and listened to the conversation going on around him. He laughed at something that was said, shoving his free hand into his pocket.
My heart wanted to shatter into a million more pieces when I saw a woman stop beside him. She smiled up at him and smoothed his tie against his chest. I knew this was a terrible idea. My stomach churned and the acid burned the back of my throat.
"Allyson, it's fine. Just ignâ" Camila started, but I'd already passed her on the way to the door.
I ran from the banquet hall, wanting nothing more than to put as much distance between us as possible. Here I was, still holding onto the smallest hope that he would change his mind. What was I thinking? He'd moved on in a heartbeat. I rounded the corner to head to the restroom, but stopped when I saw a 'Closed for Cleaning' sign. A janitors cart blocked the door.
"If you're looking for the restroom, you'll have to go up to the fifth floor. It'll be on your left after you exit the elevators." A little old lady holding a mop passed me on her way to the cart in front of the bathroom.
"Thanks," I mumbled, turning to head straight for the elevators in the hotel lobby.
As I approached to click the button, one of the elevator doors slid open with a ding. I stepped inside and pushed the button for the fifth floor with a shaky finger, taking a few deep breaths. Why'd I let Dr. Pathak talk me into this?
The elevator doors started to slide closed when a hand reached between them. "Is this goinâ" Daxson stopped in the middle of the elevator doors with his eyes locked on mine. He started to back away when a guy behind him shoved him into the elevator with me.
"Excuse me, man. I need to piss." From the clicking noise, it sounded like the stranger was jabbing his finger against the button to close the doors.
Daxson tumbled into me. His chest pressed against mine and trapped me in place, fingers spread against the wall of the elevator as he braced himself. My eyes wandered from the soft material of his tie, up to the trimmed beard that framed his jawline to meet his golden eyes again. For a second, I thought I caught a glimpse of how he used to look at me, like he wanted me.
Once it was gone, he shoved away from the wall and turned to glare at the other guy in the elevator. "Your mother obviously didn't teach you manners." He stepped away from me and leaned against the wall of the elevator.
I let a quiet breath of relief escape. I was scared if we'd stayed like that any longer, I wouldn't have been able to keep myself from kissing him. I didn't want to kiss him though. The jerk brought another woman to the fundraiser.
The guy with slicked-back blonde hair ignored Daxson's comment and smirked as his eyes focused on me. "My, my. What a beautiful lady."
The look in his eyes made me uncomfortable. I folded my arms across my chest and leaned away from him with a tight lipped smile. Maybe he'd get the hint.
"Come on now. No need to be shy."
I sighed. "You're really not my type."
Daxson raised an eyebrow and glanced over at the guy, folding his arms across his chest.
"What's your type then, sweetheart?" The blonde guy pressed.
Daxson's eyes flickered to me with a hint of amusement hidden in his features.
I shrugged. "I don't see why that's your business."
It bothered me that Daxson didn't step in. At the very least, he could've pretended to care.
"A woman with attitâ" the guy started, but was silenced when the elevator made a beeping noise.
It suddenly stopped between the third and fourth floors. The lights flickered out, leaving us with only the red emergency light.
I grasped onto the rail. "What's going on?" I asked, trying to hide the panic in my voice.
Daxson stepped forward to push the emergency contact button. "It might just be stuck. No need to freak out." He glanced over his shoulder at me.
"I don't do good in dark enclosed spaces." I stared back at him. "Especially when I have to be stuck with you."
"I'm not happy with this situation either, but at least we didn't drop four floors." Daxson hit the emergency button again. "You always get so anxious when you can't control something."
"Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you," I snapped.
"That's a first." Daxson's eyes held my gaze.
The tone in his voice infuriated me, calm with a sprinkle of snark.
"I don't know how you're able to play football so well with all this anger inside you."
Daxson turned his body toward me. "The anger before you kept me fueled, the anger after you keeps me focused." His hands were curled into tight fists at his side.
The other guy in the elevator groaned. "Fuck, man. I don't have time for this. I need to piss."
"Well, buddy, I think you're SOL right now. You piss in here, and you'll regret it." Daxson glared at the guy.
The guy rolled his eyes and stepped toward the back of the elevator. "He really hates me, doesn't he?" He asked, scooting toward me and extending his hand. "My name's Craig."
"He's just in a bad mood." I shrugged and avoided his hand.
Craig played off the fact I didn't shake his hand and stopped when he was right beside me. "Well, we don't need him. We can keep each other company, sweetheart."
"No, thank you."
He grinned. "You should know I love a challenge."
Daxson cleared his throat. "Leave her alone, man."
Craig raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I get it now. Y'all are together."
"No," Daxson and I replied in unison.
We looked at each other through the tint of red emergency lighting before Daxson shook his head.
"We definitely aren't together." He moved away from me.
I straightened my shoulders and unconsciously leaned closer to Daxson. "Yeah, you're actually here with a lovely date tonight, aren't you?"
Daxson's eyes stared right through me, unafraid of the challenge. "Oh yeah, I know I am. The best part is I know she'll give me some good head afterwards."
I recoiled back from him, but tried to hide how much his words had affected me. He was willing to get head from some random girl, but when the entire time we were together he'd barely touched me. Old insecurities reared their ugly heads, tightening my chest.
"Probably will give you a good case of herpes too."
Daxson tossed his head back and his laughter filled the elevator.
"Mmhm." Craig assessed both of us, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm feeling some sexual tenâ" He was interrupted by a beeping noise.
The emergency intercom crackled. "Hello? Is anyone injured?" A female voice asked.
"No, we're all fine. What's going on?" Daxson took control of the situation like he always liked to do.
"Someone hit an electric pole. It knocked the power out for three blocks. The electric company has been notified and they're working to fix it, but it could be a bit. You'll have to sit tight." The voice responded.
Daxson sighed and backed to the opposite corner of the elevator from me. He slid down the wall and loosened his tie as he took a seat on the floor. I continued standing, unwilling to flash anyone, but mindful of the slit in my dress, bent to remove my heels.
"So, I'm not really a fan of silence, ya'll. Can we at least talk about something?" Craig asked from his spot on the floor.
Daxson never looked up from his phone screen.
"What exactly do you want to talk about?" I asked.
Craig threw his hands in the air. "Hell, I'm here at the hotel because my sister gets married tomorrow. How about we start with why you're at the hotel? You next." He glanced over at Daxson, sighing when he remained silent. He looked at me.
"I'm here for a fundraising event that's being held for the local children's hospital." I dangled my shoes by my side.
"It's awesome to see people connect their passion and generosity, especially around Christmas time." Craig smiled.
We descended into silence again.
"Did Caleb get the application turned in?" Daxson directly addressed me, his tone softer than it was earlier.
I looked over at him. "Yes, he did. My mother helped Caleb get his project together, and they mailed out the application the day before it was due. Caleb loves being early."
Daxson tilted his head. "I'm surprised. I thought you had a terrible relationship with your mother." He pointed his index finger toward me. "But maybe you weren't telling the whole truth about that either."
"I might not have been completely open with you, but I would never lie to you." I sighed and looked at the floor. "I did have a terrible relationship with my mother. I mean, really I still do, but we're trying to work on it."
"Hatred really brings people together."
I shook my head. "No, it tears people apart."
He raised an eyebrow.
"I haven't talked to my grandpa in weeks because he found out and my parents have had multiple fights." I leaned toward Daxson. "Do you really want to know what brought us together?"
"Why not?" He shrugged his shoulders as he looked up at me.
"It was you, Daxson."
He studied my face.
"You made me get help." I leaned against the wall of the elevator. "Completing my therapy goal has changed my life for the better."
I caught the warm look in his eyes before he looked away. He could try to hide it all he wanted, but I already knew he felt the same about his therapy goal.
"Alexus has talked non-stop about meeting Caleb. She wanted to know if he'd be her roomie when they both got accepted to the program, but don't worry, I explained that it probably wouldn't be possible. I wanted to save her the disappointment."
It didn't surprise me he steered the conversation in a different direction. He was tip-toeing around the subject he really wanted to talk about and trying to keep me at arms length.
"I wanted to tell you, Daxson."
"Tell him what?" Craig asked.
I'd almost forgotten that Craig was in the elevator. His elbows were propped on his knees and he was starting at us like we were his favorite drama.
Daxson dropped his phone into his suit pocket. "You had every chance to do it, but you didn't."
"I know, and I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it all the time, Allyson." He glanced down at his feet.
"I know. I live with that regret every day." I sighed. "There's no excuse. I just wish I had been the person I am now."
Daxson remained silent. I couldn't decide if it was because he agreed or just didn't know what to say. His eyes roamed from my feet to my face, taking in every inch of my body. "You know, this is first time I've ever seen you wear a dress."
"It's something I'm trying again." I tried to hide a small smile.
"Well, it works for you."
Craig nodded. "Yes, it really does. I mean, I'd take you as my girlfriend in a heartbeat." He glanced over at Daxson. "I'm not sure what she did, but it must've been pretty damn bad if you aren't fighting to get her back."
Daxson and I met eyes through the darkness, but only silence followed it. He turned his attention back to his phone.
The silence was broken when the lights flickered back on. The ground lurched as the elevator started to move up to the fifth floor. Both Craig and Daxson stumbled to their feet as the doors slid open.
"Hey, it was nice to meet you guys. Merry Christmas." He stopped between the doors of the elevator and glanced over his shoulder. "I hope y'all get everything worked out."
I watched a grin spread across his face as he disappeared around the corner of the elevator.
"By the way, you should just sleep together for God's sake," his voice echoed from down the hallway.
Daxson looked at me briefly before passing me to get off the elevator.
"Dax, please. Don't push me away." I followed him.
He turned to look at me. "I'm not putting my family through this again, Allyson." He sighed as he clenched his fists. "You of all people should understand."
"But I want to fâ" I started, but he interrupted me.
"Tonight doesn't change anything. This," he motioned between us, "â is over. Let it go."
I reached out to him, but he took a few steps away from me. "I don't want to let you go."
Daxson turned his head away from me. "I meant what I said, Ally."
My hand dropped to my side as he continued down the hallway. He was pushing me away because he was scared to hurt his family. I knew he had so much to lose by letting me into his life again. But there was also so much to gain.
I just had to prove to him that our love was worth the risk.