Chapter 30: 27 | the aftermath

"Honey, I'm in the city today,"

Avery blinks at her mother's words, lashes sticking together from her tears – the touch of mascara once upon them leaving traces on her skin as she lets her head fall into her palm. Of course. She knew that already. Sarah is in New York, hours away, and won't be here until tonight. Today of all days.

"I forgot. Okay well I–"

"What's up?" She swallows at the sound of her mother's inquiring tone of voice. "Why aren't you in class right now? Why did you want me to come pick you up?"

Folding over herself, Avery loops her free arm around her legs where she's sat on the entrance steps of her school. She presses her lips together, relying on her deep inhales and exhales to keep the tears at bay while on the phone to her mother. The last thing she wants to do is worry her, especially when there's nothing she can do about it.

"Nothing," She says, clearing her throat as she hears the thickness in her voice. "I'm just... not feeling well."

"You can go home. If you want to," The soft-spoken words tells Avery her mother knows there's more to it than she's letting on but she doesn't prompt her any further over the phone. "I'll call and let them know it's okay."

"Okay," Avery has to swallow back a hiccup as she feels her throat tighten again and she struggles with another inhale of air before nodding to no one in particular. "Thank you."

Hanging up she stares at the screen of her phone, the list of her latest calls staring back up at her. The device is sticky between her fingers, screen coated in the salt wetness of her tears.

Everything had gone surprisingly well at first. But as soon as she'd been separated from Callie by their schedules for their last couple of classes for the day it went downhill. At way too quick a pace for her to keep up. Without Callie there to talk her ear off about anything and everything unrelated to what seems to be the most popular topic of the day – her – every other word spoken around her became much louder. Too loud.

She hasn't seen Luke since he disappeared at lunch. It's nothing new – they don't share any classes during the afternoon, she'd expected as much. As for Lea she saw her sprint past her classroom once, running late to her own. Nic – who actually shares several classes with her – hasn't completely ignored her which is a relief. He hasn't said much either though, for someone who's usually so loud he's been oddly quiet.

She has tried – really tried – to not let it all get under her skin. Not the video. Not her privacy being completely invaded and disregarded. Not the hushed words or the not so discreet whispers. But melting together with her worry for Ethan it had all been too much. Without Callie by her side to distract her, the exhaustion from it all soon got the upper hand. She hadn't stood a chance. With tears prickling her eyes, she'd gotten out of there before they could well up and leave her a weeping mess in the middle of the hallway. So here she is, never having shown up to her World Literature class – staring out at the parking lot and wanting to be anywhere else but here.

Her fingers hovers over the next to latest call on the list, hesitating as an exhale resembling a sigh escapes her. She shouldn't call him right now. He's in class, as she should be. Calling won't do any of them any good right now.

Still she finds herself pressing her finger to the screen before she can stop herself – feeling her throat tighten, thickness building up within it again as the signals pass. She struggles in maintaining her deep exhales and inhales now, her sight clouded by a teary haze once more. A sob involuntarily breaks through her lips just as there's a click on the other end of the call signaling he's picked up.

"What's wrong?"

She'd been able to hold herself together while speaking to her mother but as soon as the question leaves Ethan's lips she's back to hiccuping through sobs, gaze blurry and cheeks wet from the build up of tears now streaming down her face. They stick in her lashes, trail down the curve of her nose, linger with their salty taste on her lips as she opens her mouth to speak only to have another strangled sound escape it.

"I'm coming to you."

"No," Croaking out the word she has to gather herself, forcing an inhale through her nose in between the rapid exhales and sniffles as she wraps her cardigan closer around her. "You have practice."

"I don't fucking care about that. Are you still at school?"

"You can't skip practice," She rubs at her arm through the cardigan sleeve as as breeze passes by, rolling her lips together as she forces another circle of air in and out through her nose. "You can't skip. Not today of all days."

"Avery."

She shouldn't have called him. She should've waited until tonight. She still doesn't know what to do next. Her mother's in a conference room cities away, there is no way she's going back into the building behind her – not even to get her coat – and the last thing she wants to do right now is to walk to the closest bus stop. She's not even sure her legs would last that long without giving in.

She doesn't want him to skip practice. Especially not because of her, especially not after everything already having happened today. That much she does know. She didn't call him to have him come pick her up. She just... wanted to hear his voice.

"Promise me you're not skipping."

A beat of silence passes between them before he sighs, "Hold on, don't hang up."

The phone's sticky between her palm and cheek as she bites down at her lip, voice thick as she asks, "What are you going to do?"

"Just don't hang up."

The line goes quiet, silence enveloping her as he pauses their call. Straightening up, she rolls her shoulders back and wipes at her tears only to have new ones spill out. With a sigh of defeat she wraps her cardigan even closer around her before placing her hand over her heart, feeling it's rapid beat beneath her palm as she does her best to let her breath fill her body to soothe the ache as she waits.

♡♡♡

Anna hasn't sat down once. Ever since she and Avery arrived at the T.H Publishing offices hours ago she's been on her feet, moving around the space.

Sat cross legged in her old desk chair Avery slurps at her large iced chai – which is nothing more but melted ice by now – and lets her eyes trail Anna as she bounces around on her white sneakers. With her laptop in one hand, the other tapping the keyboard, the woman moves between four key spots. The bookshelves along the wall, the filing cabinet beneath her desk, the conference rooms down the hall and the kitchenette – where she sips coffee out of the 'UGH! AS IF!' cup stood on the countertop before doing her lap all over again.

Across from her, Violet's bent over a sketch book – doodling away at what will eventually become a book cover. She's got a pair of headphones on, and every now and then Avery catches her nodding along to a beat.

Tracing patterns on the front of the hardcover she grabbed from one of the bookshelves, Avery slurps some more at the melted ice as she stares at nothing in particular. The desk seems empty without her things sprawled about. Without the post-it notes of stick figures Ethan drew her. They're both safely tucked away in one of her paperbacks at home, but it's odd to look at the black screen of the computer and not see them stuck to the corner of it.

She casts her eyes to the book in her hand and riffles the pages with her thumb. She hasn't had the energy to actually open it up and read it yet. Other than drink her iced chai and eaten the now long gone cupcake that came with it while watching the others work, she hasn't done much these past hours. It's nice though – still, calm, quiet. She's glad Anna asked if she wanted to come with her to the offices instead of going home. The silence here provides a sense of peace that sitting at home alone with her thoughts wouldn't have granted her.

The door swings open a moment later, bringing with it a burst of noise as Ella loudly announces she's arrived before dropping her backpack to the floor. Avery's lips pull into a faint smile as the girl heads to the kitchenette and climbs onto the counter to get herself a snack out of one of the cabinets but it widens significantly as her gaze drifts to the boy coming through the door next.

Beelining for her, Ethan doesn't hesitate in folding over her from behind as he wraps his arms around her and she squirms with a laugh.

"You're all sweaty!" As he's about to retreat she drops the book to her lap, grabbing the front of his sweater instead. "Didn't tell you to let go."

She tilts her head back to glance up at him, lips falling into a softer smile at the flash of relief crossing his eyes at her bright mood. Reaching her hand up, she runs it through his slightly flattened hair and his hold around her tightens as his voice drops low.

"You okay?"

Nodding, she interlaces her hand with his as her heart – still heavy from this day – soothes, the beats of it growing calmer, lighter from having him there. "Thank you."

"Come on." Still holding onto her hand he lets his other fall to the armrest of the chair to spin her around and she smiles, placing the empty cup and the book on her desk before letting him pull her to her feet.

Narrowly missing being run into by Anna – who's now busy ushering Ella in front of her towards the hall leading down to the conference rooms – the two of them swiftly make their way out of the offices.

The door has barely fallen close behind them before he pulls her to him, his hands letting go of hers to cup her face and kiss her instead.

She gently brushes her thumb over his cheek as they part. "Hi."

His lips pull into a faint smile, a silent snort escaping him as he pulls her to his chest – his lips to her hair as he exhales. "Hi."

♡♡♡

Sat on the stairs leading up to the roof, Avery loops her arm around Ethan's before finding his hand again – his face falling to her neck as the fingers of his free hand absentmindedly walk over her leg, as if wanting to know she's there under his touch. She's all out of tears now, if she hadn't been she's pretty sure she'd be bawling again from the simple fact that he's here. Close enough for her to hold him close to her.

She turns to look at him as he lifts his head to rest his chin on her shoulder, lips cracking into a small smile as his lips brushes over her nose in a gentle kiss. She returns it by cupping his cheek, pressing her lips to his. Bringing him with her, she scoots to the side to lean against the railing and pulls him by the shoulders to make him lie down. A silent chortle escapes him, reaching his eyes – the darkness in them deepening in that glistening way – but he obeys nonetheless. Twisting to lie on his back on the stair step, he props his head up in her lap and she smiles.

She lets one of her fingers run down the slope of his nose, bringing a wider smile out of him before sprawling them through his hair – absentmindedly letting them run through his curls as she peers down at him.

"How'd practice go?"

"It was okay, I guess," He catches her gaze, smile faltering ever so slightly. "Have you heard anything from your friends?"

"Turned my phone off."

"I'm sorry you didn't get to tell them the way you wanted too," He reaches his hand up to find hers and she lets him interlace their fingers. "It's not fair."

"No. It's not," Avery swallows, teeth pressing together as the tiniest flame of residual anger sparks in her chest but it soon fades – dispersing with the exhaustion from this day washing over her again. A sigh escapes her. "I guess that's what I get for dragging you out into a literal storm. I'm sorry."

Ethan's brows knit together, her thumb instantly finding the crease on his forehead.

"What are you saying sorry for?" As she shrugs he frowns. "Waters, you did nothing wrong."

"I know. I know that, I just–" She rolls her lips together with a small shake of her head. "It's been a long day is all."

"Yeah."

Her heartbeat deepens, growing heavier. Somehow the mere thought of Ethan having felt even close to how bad she felt this afternoon hurts worse than any other pain she's held in her body today. She bows her head down, placing an upside down kiss on his lips – feeling them tug into a smile.

Pulling back a mere inch, she smiles too. "It's better now that you're here though."

"Funny. Here I was thinking the same thing about you."

♡♡♡

Brushing her teeth, Avery locks eyes with her mother through their bathroom mirror. Sarah's lips tug into a sympathetic smile at the sight of her daughter's worn expression, the traces of her crying etched into her features.

Stood leant against the wall, Avery finds her own eyes in the mirror. Though it's been hours since she washed her face in the bathroom at the T.H Publishing offices her skin has a sticky feel to it. It's patchy, all dried up – both from the tears she shed through the afternoon as well as the water she used to wash them all away.

"I'm not going to school tomorrow."

A beat of silence passes between them and Sarah regards her while running the tap, nodding once. "Okay."

Sinking down in a seat atop the lid of the toilet, Avery pulls one of her knees to her chest. She loops her arm around it while speaking through the toothpaste in her mouth.

"I'm not going back there ever again."

Sarah shoots her a sideways glance, patting her face dry with a towel. "Don't you think you're being a tad dramatic?"

"No."

"We'll have to transfer you to East then," Sarah lets out a light laugh as she spots the horror crossing Avery's face. "Didn't think so."

Avery's eyes narrow at her mother's lighthearted approach to her misery. "You will simply have to homeschool me."

"You're funny you," Sarah pauses, a dot of moisturizer on the pad of her index finger, as her smile falters with concern. "It really was that awful, huh?"

Avery only grimaces with a shrug, having her mother frown.

"You can stay home tomorrow. Maybe the day after that. But if this goes on any longer we're talking to someone because this is – in no way – okay."

Getting to her feet, Avery spits into the sink and rinses her toothbrush. "It's Acebridge mom. Who are you going to yell at?"

♡♡♡

Wrapping her arms around herself where she's stood in a pair of plaid pajama pants and a caramel knitted sweater, Avery waits for Callie to step inside the front door.

Shrugging out of her coat, her friend is quite the contrast to herself. Callie's hair is neatly pinned back in a half-up half-down hair do, her white Ralph Lauren crewneck in perfect symmetry with her dark culottes. Avery doesn't even remember if she ever got around to brushing her hair this morning. Now that she thinks about it she's not sure about her teeth either.

Callie sets a stack of books down on the first step of the staircase, dusting her palms against one another as she straightens up. "I tried calling but–"

"I haven't been looking at my phone much, sorry."

Sympathy etches into Callie's features as she grimaces and she kicks her shoes off, nodding towards the stack by the stairs. "Brought you some things."

Avery bites down at her lip, mouth falling into a soft pout from the small gesture. "Thank you."

Turning on her heel, she clears her throat as she leads the way into the living room where she doesn't waste any time returning to her warm cocoon of blankets on the couch. She draws her knees to her chest, crossing one foot over the other as her eyes flicker to the Disney Channel Original Movie playing on the TV as Callie sinks into a seat on the other end.

Avery's brows knit together as a bag of gummy candies land next to her on the cushion, lifting her gaze to Callie's as she picks it up.

"Courtesy of Luke," She says as Avery rips it open. "Said you have as bad taste in guys as you do candy."

Avery's heartbeats drop deeper in her chest as she straightens up, the faintest spark of hope running through her. "Luke?"

A small smile slips onto Callie's lips. "I mentioned I was going to bring you some stuff, make sure you don't fall too far behind and he – reluctantly – told me to pick some up for you," Her gaze flickers to the bag in Avery's hand as she scrunches her nose up. "Do you actually like those?"

"Yeah," Avery flicks one of them across the couch, lips tugging into a smile as she watches it bounce off Callie's face. "And if you're going to bully me for it you may show yourself out the same way you came."

"I have a feeling you might want to kick me out anyways. I took the liberty to fill the others in on a few blanks. About Ethan and you."

Tensing, Avery flickers her eyes to the montage on the TV screen – the two main characters of one of her favorite movies doing all things touristy in Los Angeles to the soundtrack of a catchy upbeat song. "Like what?"

"I told them he's your boyfriend. Is that okay? I didn't know if... I just thought it's better they know you two are serious. Because you are, right?"

"We are. And of course it's okay," Avery sinks further into her seat, scooting down beneath her blankets with a sigh. "It's not your fault you got caught up in all of this. I'm sure you had your reasons to tell them."

"I– well, yeah."

Avery pops a piece of candy into her mouth, another involuntary sigh escaping her at Callie's tone of voice. "They hate me."

"No."

Twirling the end of the ribbon tying her pajama pants together, Avery lets her head fall back against the decorative throw pillows and glances up at the ceiling. "Everyone does."

"That's not true," Callie nudges her with her foot. "I definitely don't."

Avery clutches the bag of candies, a bitter taste creeping onto the tip of her tongue. "Luke does."

She grimaces at how pathetic her own words sound spoken aloud, but they've been beating down her mind long enough not to let them out.

"Okay, now you know that's not true," Callie nudges her again, forcing her to look at her. "Ave, seriously. You could commit murder and Luke would be there to bury the body with you. No, for you."

A strangled laugh leaves Avery's lips, lips twitching into an amused smile despite the thickness building up in her throat. "Did you just compare my relationship to manslaughter?"

Callie grimaces, a faint laugh leaving her too. "There's a reason politicians have people around them whose sole responsibility it is to make sure they don't say dumb shit, okay? I don't have to have a way with words."

Avery's lips settle into a smile and she pours some candies into her palm to sort them by color. "Do you have time to stay and watch the rest of this with me?"

"Duh," Callie leans over to steal one of the three blankets sprawled over Aver, wrapping it around herself as she sinks back against the cushions. "My favorite part is coming up."

"You think that would be us if we ever went on a road trip and tried to navigate our way with a simple old map?"

"Accidentally taking a dirt road and ending up drowning our car? Definitely. Forget the old map, we'd manage to do it despite having the help of a modern day GPS," Callie tucks her legs to her side. "So, are you going to hide out in here forever?"

"I wish. Mom says I have to go back tomorrow," Avery bites into a piece of candy as she shifts in her seat, twisting around to lean her head on Callie's shoulder. "Apparently three days of wallowing is enough."

"Well, at least those are good news for me. It's been empty without you," Callie leans her head atop Avery's, tone of voice softening. "Give it time Ave. This sucks and it's unfair but just– give it time. Especially with Luke. You know better than anyone how much of a stubborn drama queen he is. But he loves you. Give him time. And if that doesn't work out you could always try pouring a drink over his head."

"Not you too."

A snort escapes Callie, lips pulling into a grin. "I had to. Sorry. Seriously though, it's all going to be fine."

♡♡♡

The distant chatter from the senior hallway has Avery's stomach flipping upside down. If it hadn't been for Callie's fingers digging into her side, she would probably already be sprinting back down the stairs and be on her way out of here. Maybe she'd run all the way home.

Callie nudges her gently, her arm tightly wrapped around her to keep her rooted in her place – and while Avery hasn't attempted to turn on her heel yet, she hasn't made any move to kick back into motion walking forwards either.

"One step at a time."

"I feel like I've taken enough steps already. Maybe we should call it a day."

A light laugh escapes her friend's lips. "Come on, we're almost there."

"That's what scares me,"

It's not like she's expecting her return to cause such a whirlwind it makes the Acebridge Gazette. However, the words she overheard the last time she set foot in this building a few days ago haven't left her mind since, always lingering in the back of it – whispered to her when she least expects them. The few far-from-friendly text messages she's received these past days don't help in stilling her worries.

She never expected her phone's blocked contacts list to grow with about twenty seven new phone numbers in a matter of days but it turns out life's full of unexpected experiences, and she can't deny it's left her slightly shaken.

She's happy she's had Ethan to block them for her – one after one. Whenever she's tried to do it herself she's only gotten stuck rereading the messages, which didn't help at all. Now she mostly keeps her phone off. It's easier that way.

Nodding once, she forces herself to inhale a deep breath before exhaling again. "Let's go."

They've barely taken another three steps before they come face to face with Lea. Just having rounded the corner, the girl screeches into a halt at the sight of them. "Oh, hi."

"Hey."

Pushing her phone – which she'd been busy tapping away at – into the picket of her denims, Lea adjusts the strap of her bag where it hangs over her shoulder. "You're back."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I haven't–," Lea cuts herself off, weighing back on her sneaker clad feet. "It's been... I meant to... It's just been a lot,"

Then – catching her off guard – Lea strides over to them, wrapping Avery into a hug. It's not the most graceful embrace, considering Callie's still holding onto her other side but it causes Avery's throat to close up either way and her gaze is soon clouded by the tears prickling her eyes. Lea doesn't do hugs.

Soon she finds herself sandwiched between her two friends, Callie having wrapped her other arm around them too and though it's not the most comfortable position Avery finds herself relaxing as she reaches her arms around them the best she can to hug them back.

As Lea opens her mouth to speak there's a thickness to her throat too, and she clears it before letting a faint chortle slip through her lips. "I'm sorry I said I'd let your boyfriend dick me down."

Callie chokes on an inhale of air and Avery snorts through the tears having begun to trail their way down her cheeks.

"I'm pretty sure you've never said that."

"Well I've thought it. Sorry."

Collecting their breaths from their laughter, Callie wipes the tears away from Avery's cheeks before reluctantly stepping out of the hug.

"Okay, let us get this day over with then."

Avery shoots Lea a look as she turns on her heel, leading the way towards the hallway holding their lockers. "Weren't you going the other way?"

"That can wait. Come on."

Turning the corner she has to draw in another circle of air – a heaviness lingering atop her chest as it rises and falls with her breath – to stop herself from spinning on her heel. Already sensing glances in her direction she presses her lips together, throat going dry as her skin grows clammy beneath the fabric of her lightly knitted dress.

Callie grabs her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Give it time."

A bitter taste makes it way to the tip of Avery's tongue. Do these people have nothing better to do than care about her and her life? As much as she loves this coastal town she calls home it is far from perfect. Never before has she wanted to escape it, but right now the temptation isn't far out of reach. Then again, she could probably run to the ends of earth and still find herself exposed to other's people's judgement of her. Maybe that's something she can never outrun. No matter how fast she sprints.

Give it time.

Flickering her eyes across the hallway she tells herself she's only exaggerating it all anyways. Tells herself her mind's running on a loop, trying to psych her out. She tries to convince herself she's only imagining the low – hushed – chatter. The same goes for the glances. These people do have better things to do than care about her. They have to.

Brought out of her thoughts, she whips her head to the side as Lea links their arms together.

"We're right here," She says. "You ready?"

"No."

Lea's lips tug into a small smile, physically forcing Avery into motion as she begins to walk. "Too bad because at this pace we will all be late for class."

. . .

hii! it feels ridiculous writing one of these just mere days after the last one but considering the last time I skipped an author's note you were all either ready to fight me or cry I wouldn't dare leaving you without one.

you know this by now but I appreciate you all so so so much. you're the very best.

if you're not already following me here on wattpad maybe consider doing that? it's easier to keep up with me and my brain that way!

much love always,

linn