Instead of slowing down, I speed up, eliminating all chances of him being able to catch up. I finally slow to a stop as I meet a bench on the outskirts of the park, then turn around to see Ben running and panting heavily trying to catch up.
He stops in front of me, his hands dropping to his knees as he pants. "How are... you... so... fast." He gasps out. I drop to the grass, laughing hysterically at the incredulous expression on his face.
He drags himself over to me, groaning as he practically face plants next to me. "It's not funny." He whines, pouting at my ensuing laughter. I fall onto my back, laughing so hard I'm about to cry.
My chortling is abruptly cut off when something falls onto my face. I sit up to find Ben grinning devilishly with a handful of grass.
My mouth drops open in shock, and he decides to throw another well-aimed shot right at my mouth. I splutter, spitting out grass before taking a fistful and throwing it right back at him. He shrieks and tries to duck out of the way, but instead ends up getting hit squarely in the face.
We chuck grass at each other, laughing until our sides hurt. Pieces of grass are scattered throughout Ben's brown hair, and it seems they're stuck no matter how vigorously he shakes his head.
When I finally catch my breath a smile stays on my face. His green eyes are glinting in the sunlight that's begun to poke through the clouds, and he's grinning back at me. He stands up, offering me a hand. "Let's head to the bakery." I nod and take his hand, letting him help me up.
We stroll to the bakery as Ben chatters on excitedly about all the treats they have there. "The cupcakes are amazing, but the cookies are also one of my favorite things. I can never decide what to get. Although sometimes I stop here for breakfast too. They've got muffins and doughnuts and..." I chuckle, watching his expression. I've stopped processing what he's saying, instead latched onto the absolute glow that's painted on his face.
We reach the bakery, and I step ahead to pull the door open for him. He grins at me like a small child and hurries into the shop as I chuckle. I follow his path to a large glass case filled with all sorts of treats.
His face sets into a look of deep concentration as he decides what to order. I scan over the cabinet, settling on a cupcake.
After we order, he pulls out his wallet but I smack his hand. "Nope I'm paying." I tell him. He opens his mouth to protest and I'm tempted to kiss him to shut him up, but instead I restrain myself and simply say, "No arguing."
I step forward and pay before he can beat me to it. He crosses his arms with an annoyed huff, then walks away to find a table. When our orders are ready, I take them and find Ben sitting at a quiet corner table, typing on his phone with a frown on his face.
I sit down across from him, sliding his decadent piece of cake to him. His eyebrows are furrowed and he hasn't even noticed that I've brought him his food.
"Ben?" I say. He grunts in response. "I brought you your food." He glances up, a light of excitement flashing in his eyes before it disappears again, and he turns back to his phone. I peel the wrapper back on my cupcake, watching him thoughtfully.
He finally takes a bite of his cake, but he seems distracted. He's staring out the window of the shop, his eyes distant and lined with the dark circles that I noticed earlier, but now seem more prominent.
"Ben?" I ask. He jumps slightly and turns to look at me, startled out of his thoughts. He shakes his head and blinks a few times, as if trying to refocus. "Are you alright?" I question, concerned. He gives me a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just spaced off." He comments, but I can tell his words aren't quite true.
He finishes his cake off in silence, and I decide not to press for answers right now. I eat the last of my cupcake and stand, taking our trash to throw away. When I return Ben is still lost in the quiet distant mood he was before I got up. He jumps when I touch his shoulder gently. "Are you ready to go?" I ask.
He slides off his seat and gets up, mumbling about getting something to go. He walks back up to the counter and orders a coffee, much to my disbelief.
He turns back around, ignoring my heavy gaze on him and instead focusing on his phone screen. I sigh in frustration. I can tell something is bothering him by the way his eyebrows are scrunched up and his lips set in a thin line.
He pays for his coffee when his name is called, all the while avoiding eye contact with me. Even as we exit the shop, the bell tinkling again above our heads, he's silent. He's now stuffed a hand into his pocket, the other holding his coffee as he sips it and stares into the distance as we walk back towards his apartment.
The sky has started to darken, our shadows growing longer as the sun goes down. I watch him carefully, noticing the way his shoulders are hunched and his eyes have become distant.
"Ben?" I whisper cautiously, feeling as if I'm cutting through the silence with a knife. He glances at me, then looks away again. "Hmm?" he responds.
"You know what you said earlier? About... Not having to bear burdens alone? I just... I want you to know that the same rule applies to you. You can always talk to me." I say, running a hand through my hair and hoping he can't pick up on my blush with the dimly lit sidewalk.
He sighs. "You've got enough to worry about. I just have some things I need to figure out." He tells me. I walk just to the front of him and turn, putting a hand on his chest to stop him. He slowly brings his gaze up from the ground to meet my eyes.
His green eyes that are usually so bright seem to have taken on a dimmer light, but it doesn't stop me from getting lost in them. I clear my throat, snapping out of my trance to speak.
"It doesn't matter what I have going on. You're important too." I voice. His mouth opens slightly as his eyes fill with tears. His lips curl into a soft smile, and in that moment I realize I've never wanted to kiss someone more than him.
Just as I consider leaning in to meet his lips to my own, he brings a hand up to mine that is still resting on his chest. He gently pulls it off and wipes his eyes with his other hand, looking up at me with a small smile. His green eyes are glowing bright again even though the streets are dark. "Let's go home." He tells me, and we venture back through the darkness, this time in a comfortable and content silence.
It's not until we reach his door that I truly process what he's said. Home. I may not live with him, but this place, and him, really feel more like home than my own house, even if it's a slighty shocking realization.
He flicks the lights on in the apartment and flops onto the couch, sighing. "I suppose I should probably take you back to your house." He comments. "But at the same time," he continues, "that requires work." I laugh and nudge him over so I can sit beside him.
He shifts and puts a foot on my lap, then hangs his other leg and an arm off the piece of furniture. "We should go. I can pick you up tomorrow morning though. What time do you usually get up?" He asks and lazily rolls off the couch and onto the floor.
He lays there listening to my response. "I don't know. Pick me up at 10?" I suggest. He nods his head, and blinks slowly before groaning, "You should help me up."
I chuckle and take his hand, pulling him off the floor. He shuffles his feet over to the counter and grabs his car keys before we leave the building and walk out into the crisp air of night. As we get into the car, I notice that the sky has darkened to a pitch black, and the stars have begun to poke through like pinpricks of light. I lean my head against the window as Ben drives, looking up at the sky.
He lets out a yawn, and I turn my head to him. "Tired?" I ask. "I'm always tired." He says, and his eyes widen like he's said something he's not supposed to.
I wrinkle my eyebrows in confusion. "Why are you making that face?" I say. His features quickly shift back to normal, and he glances at me.
"What face?" I watch him for a moment, wondering if I'd imagined it. "Never mind." I say, shaking my head.
He pulls into my driveway and I look over at him. I don't want to say goodbye, even though I'll see him again tomorrow. It's strange how close to him I feel after only days. Something just seems to click and make me feel like I've known him my whole life.
His gaze turns to mine, and his eyes flash with an emotion I can't read. "I'll be back tomorrow at 10 to pick you up. Don't worry about breakfast, we'll just get something to eat together."
I nod and climb out of the car, waving to him as he drives away. I turn and trudge into the house, finding my mom sitting by the counter with a cup of tea. I slide off my shoes and greet her.
"Hey. How was work?" I ask. "Same as usual. Stayed a bit late to try to finish some more paperwork, but ended up bringing it home anyway." She says, jotting down things in a notebook and comparing papers. "I'm going to head up to bed." She nods distractedly, and I start up the stairs before turning around again.
"Oh, also I'm hanging out with a friend tomorrow." I tell her. "Okay. I work again tomorrow but I'll make sure your father knows." I give a nod of recognition and continue up to my bedroom, changing clothes before flopping into bed. I let myself get lost in the image of the green eyes I've ingrained in my brain as I drift off to sleep.
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Ben's P.O.V.
I shut the apartment door behind me, flipping the lights on to a place that seems quiet and empty without Jay around.
Even as I put on different clothes and rummage in my cabinets for a snack, I find myself wishing he was still here.
Instead it's going to be another long night alone. I pull out my laptop and some chips, munching as I research and type away. Although I work at the book store down the street, I often find myself helping my dad with cases at the hospital he runs or working with his researching team. They've taught me so much since I was young, and even though I don't have a medical degree I help out where I can.
It's not the cases that keep me from sleep though. It's my own case. Insomnia. I've tried hundreds of things, but at the end of the day nothing seems to help. It takes several hours for me to fall asleep, and even once I do I find myself waking up throughout the night.
Even if I manage to stay asleep, I never feel well rested. I'm deprived of the sleep that comes so easily to most. These days I haven't even bothered to try to sleep. Instead I work away during the nights and survive on coffee during the day until my body is at its exhaustion point and finally shuts me down.
When Jay was here, he made it more bearable to stay up late, even if he was sleeping next to me while I worked. Just hearing his steady breathing and having him next to me let me feel like nights didn't have to be so lonely.
I find my thoughts drifting to him as I comb through emails and articles. My biggest concern right now is trying to solve what's wrong with him. For some reason he has taken up the space in the forefront of my mind, and my concern doesn't seem to be fading any time soon.
I slam on the keys in frustration as I realize that I let him run today when he challenged me to a race to the park. It's not that I didn't have fun, because I definitely did.
However, for some reason my brain decided to forget about him obeying the doctor's orders after I saw that silly grin and glow that lit up his face from a simple run. If my thoughts keep straying toward him like this, tonight is going to be longer than usual.