Jay's P.O.V.
The lines have just started to dwindle when I glance over at Ben and immediately go on high alert. His hands are visibly shaking as he taps a button on the register, and I can tell his breathing is beginning to quicken.
I put a hand on his shoulder and lean over to his ear, asking in a low tone if he's alright. He doesn't respond, just sliding a book into a plastic bag with its receipt and continuing with checking out the next customer.
I bite my lip and glance around, catching Em's eye. She immediately waves us off to the back and hurries over to the register to take over now that the rush has slowed.
I gently guide him by the shoulder, maneuvering him out from behind the counter and then taking his hand to bring him to a back room where I shut the door behind us, closing off the noise as well. It's then that I realize just how uneven Ben's breath is, and immediately have him sit on the floor. I sit next to him, leaning his frame on mine and putting a hand on his knee.
Lately, I've been feeling so disconnected from reality with everything that's been going on, but for some reason, this moment seems more real than the last three weeks. His breath floating across my arm, the feel of the denim material of his pants against my fingertips, and the warmth of his head against my shoulder make me feel present for once. The sounds of the store just behind the door are muffled, and instead, we've found our own little alcove amongst stacks of books, some boxed and others simply piles about to tip over.
It's strange, but it seems like everything is chaos around us while we're just behind a curtain that separates us from the crazy.
Ben's shoulder that rests against mine is tense, his breathing still ragged. I feel him tilt his head on my shoulder and he leans further into my frame.
We stay like that for several minutes, and I relish in the feeling of his warm body up against mine as I listen to his breathing in hopes that it will slow. However, it just stays the same and I start to worry he'll pass out.
"Ben?" I say gently, tapping his knee. "Why don't you put your head between your knees for a bit and take some deep breaths?"
He doesn't respond but slowly shifts into more of an upright position, putting his knees up in front of him and putting his head between his legs as I suggested.
"Would it help for me to rub your back?" I ask, trying to gauge his state.
I scoot up next to him, realizing he's too far in his head to talk. "You can tap my arm twice for yes, once for no, if it's easier than talking."
His shaking hand reaches out and taps me twice, so I sit next to him and rub his back. I can feel shuddering breaths going in and out of his lungs as he tries to control his breathing.
I offer gentle encouragement as his breathing slowly evens out. He takes a long deep breath and slowly releases it, then lays back against the wall, closing his eyes.
"We can just go home if you want. I'm sure they'll be okay." I say, watching him closely.
He shakes his head. "I just didn't take my anxiety meds this morning." He says, taking in an unsteady breath as he runs his fingers through his hair. He grimaces. "I'm sorry."
I shift to face him head-on. "What for?"
His eyelids lift, revealing watering green eyes that avoid my gaze. "It's just such a nice day out, and today was supposed to be fun. Instead, we're sitting in a back room while I try to get over an anxiety attack." He shakes his head. "I'm sure this isn't what you had in mind for today."
I start to reach for his hand, but restrain myself, instead playing with my fingers. "Ben, the only expectations I had for today was that we'd be spending it together. And sure, maybe we're in a storage room, but I'm still with you." I say with a grin. "Plus, the day's not over yet." I pause. "Let's go home for a bit. You can take your anxiety meds and have a nap, and if you're feeling better later we can always go out again."
He nods, rubbing the excess water from his eyes and standing before shoving his hands into his jean jacket pockets and following me out the door.
I give a quick wave goodbye to River and Emerson, and we slip out the front door. The streets are filled with people, and Ben stops in his tracks at the sight.
I come up beside him and take his hand, guiding him down the sidewalk. I can feel the tension present in his fingers as we weave through groups of people, but I keep him close to my side nonetheless and try to get him home quickly.
I can tell by the set of his jaw and the blankness of his face that his mind is starting to detach from reality just from getting overwhelmed.
We manage to get back to the apartment fairly quickly, and I lead him to sit on the bed while I search on the side table for his anxiety medication.
His hand is suddenly on mine and I pause, looking up.
"It's the far one on the left." I hand him the orange pill bottle. He twists the cap and flips the bottle, only for it to be empty.
I watch as he chews his lip for a moment.
"Ben?" I ask.
He sets the bottle on the bed and sighs, picking up his phone. "I need to call my dad. Just give me a moment."
I nod, leaving the room to give him privacy and cracking the door behind me before sitting on the living room couch.
Something about this isn't sitting right with me. The very fact that he's out of his meds in the first place is concerning to me, especially since I don't know how long it would take them to refill his prescription. Past that, how did he not notice he was so low on them? Or did he just forget about it?
I go back down the hall, biting my lip as I step closer to the door. Some part of me knows it's not right to eavesdrop, but at this point, my concern is overriding that fact.
"I know, dad," Ben says, followed by a frustrated sigh.
A long silence stretches through the air and I try to quiet the sound of my breathing.
"I don't know what you want from me. There's only so much I can control."
I slip back down the hall, away from the conversation. The whole situation seems to be a bit more fragile than I thought, and I'd rather let him be vulnerable with me on his terms instead of forcibly encroaching on his space.
I flip on the tv, anxiously playing with my sleeves as I wait for him to come back.
I'm hooked on some old mystery show when my vision slips out of focus. At first, I think that there's something wrong with the tv until I realize that everything around it is just as wonky, and I'm feeling a bit lightheaded. I contemplate calling for Ben, but there's not anything he can do anyway. Plus, I'd rather not disturb what seems to be an important phone call.
Honestly, I'm probably just slightly dehydrated. It's much easier to just go get a drink and fix the problem myself instead of bothering him. I stand, but as soon as I do so the floor spins and everything tilts to the side as my body goes weak and my vision turns black.
Ben's POV
"I know, dad." I sigh in frustration as he rambles on about the importance of finding other ways to help my anxiety instead of just popping more meds.
"I don't know what you want from me. There's only so much I can control." I say, cutting him off.
"Ben, I'm not going to let you do this to yourself. I can't just keep upping your dosage or adjusting your refill date. It's just not healthy and I can't do it in good conscience as your father or your doctor. We can meet up later this week and figure something else out, but you've got to help me out here. I need you to show me that you're willing to work toward this too."
I sigh. "I'll come in later this week, but what am I supposed to do until then?"
"I'll contact the pharmacy and have them refill your prescription, but this is the last time I'm rushing it. I can't guarantee they're going to be able to do it so short notice either, so it might be a rough couple of next days. Just keep practicing the stuff we talked about, and do things that you enjoy to relax and put your mind at ease."
"Okay." I pick up a pen off my desk, twirling it between my fingers when a loud thump suddenly resounds from down the hall, "Uh, I'm putting you on hold for a minute. I need to go check on Jay. Be right back."
I throw open my bedroom door and run down the hall to find his body sprawled out on the living room floor, seizing.
"Fuck."
I run over to the couch and pull the coffee table out of his way before grabbing a pillow off the couch and sliding it gently under his head.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, panicked and out of breath.
"Dad you still there?" I ask urgently.
"Yeah, I'm here. What's going on?"
"Jay's having a seizure," I say, biting my lip at the anxiety creeping up my chest.
"Alright, I'm going to need you to stay calm and help me out here, okay? Did you move all the stuff from around him?"
"Yeah," I say, watching Jay's limbs jerk around and trying to stay calm even though it feels like my brain is detaching itself from reality.
"I'm going to set a timer to keep track of how long it lasts, but when he wakes up I need you to help him become aware of his surroundings again. He'll probably be a bit out of it. I do want you to bring him in, but you need to make sure that he's back to his usual self first and is present again, okay?"
"Okay," I say, kneeling on the floor near Jay and trying not to panic.
After another minute, his limbs still and my dad stops the timer. "Start talking to him and try to get him to come around. He's probably going to be very confused."
I set the phone off to the side and scoot closer to Jay, taking his hand. "Hey, Jay. Try to open your eyes for me. I'm right here."
His eyelids flicker a bit, so I keep talking. "That's it, wake up for me. It's Ben. I'm right here. Everything's gonna be alright."
He stirs a bit more until his eyes flick open with a dazed expression.
"Hey, Jay. It's Ben. How are you feeling?"
He blinks continually and tries to speak but nothing comes out.
I squeeze his hand. "It's okay, take your time. You're doing great."
"...Ben?"
"Yeah, it's me. Does anything hurt?"
He's quiet for a moment, struggling to process. "Sore." He mumbles, hand still limp in my own.
"Okay. Do you want to sit up? I can get you some water." I suggest, trying to still my racing heart and even out my tone.
"...help?" He says, too weak to sit up on his own.
I prop him against the couch and instruct him to take some deep breaths, telling him my dad is on the phone too if he needs anything while I grab his water.
My dad's voice comes through the speaker as I leave the room. "Hey Jay, you're probably feeling a bit funny right now, but Ben's going to bring you in to see me and we're going to sort things out..." His voice fades as I reach the kitchen cabinets and pull out a cup with shaking hands.
I feel like I'm going to puke. I brace myself against the counter, trying to calm down, but my breaths are coming out shaky at best. I can do this. I just need to get Jay to my dad's office. Everything will be fine. It's fine. I watch myself fill the cup with water and take it out to the living room.