Chapter 32: Chapter 31. Make Me Understand

CLAIRE

Everything stops. It’s like the world’s paused. Ashley’s face is a cocktail of shock, horror, fear, and a dash of smugness. Blake just stands there, his mouth hanging open, his hands hanging limp.

Blake’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and he looks like he’s forgotten how to breathe.

Ashley, standing just to his left, blinks as if she’s waking up from a dream. Then a smug smirk spreads across her pink, glossy lips.

She nudges Blake and lets out a hollow laugh.

“All your questions are going to be answered today,” she tells him, her perfectly plucked eyebrows arching in triumph.

“Questions…?” I echo, surprised and curious.

“Y-y-you’re White Wolf,” Blake stammers. He’s still frozen, but he seems a little calmer now. His arms hang limp at his sides, and he just stares.

After a few minutes of heavy silence, Ashley breaks it with a click of her tongue. “Well, my job here is done. You two have some things to talk about.

“See you later, Blake. And you too…~White Wolf~.” She emphasizes “White Wolf” with a wicked grin.

I swallow hard as Ashley’s heels click against the hard black pavement. And for the first time in a long time, I feel… nervous.

~Nervous~. It’s a strange feeling. I’ve been scared before, like when Nancy was attacked. But nervous? ~Never~! It’s been years since I’ve felt like this!

Blake starts to cough awkwardly, his eyes still wide. “S-so, um…,” he trails off.

Neither of us knows what to say. Well, I don’t. “Answers...,” I hear Blake murmur, before his eyes dart back to mine. “I want answers, now!” he demands, his shock replaced by determination.

I tilt my head, feeling the wind blow through my hair, and wonder what he wants to know. “What do you mean?” I ask slowly, raising an eyebrow.

He gulps visibly, then shakes his head and steps closer. “I want answers now. You’re going to give me my answers, one way or another,” he says, stepping closer still.

I raise my eyebrows in challenge, and shift my weight onto my left leg, hip jutting out. I don’t like being bossed around, and his attitude isn’t going to fly with me.

I close the distance between us, so that we’re chest to chest. My breath is warm against his skin, and I see goosebumps erupt.

In a low voice, I tell him, “I don’t take orders, Blake. You’ve seen me at school as the ‘cold-hearted, good girl.’”

I pause, watching him gulp in fear as sweat beads on his forehead.

“But I’m not. I might have been that way two years ago, but not anymore. And even then, I never took orders well. I’m not about to start now.

“So, watch your mouth. You’ve heard the saying ‘tiny but mighty,’” I tell him, stepping back.

There’s a flicker of fear in Blake’s eyes, but he’s trying to hide it. I can tell because he’s always been an open book. He’s never been good at hiding his feelings or emotions.

Blake swallows his fear and meets my gaze. Determination still shines in his eyes. “Understandable,” he mumbles, coughing awkwardly.

“But I still think I deserve some answers,” he adds.

I let out a breath and close my eyes. “Actually, no, I don’t think I owe you any explanations. But just because I know you’re a fan of White Wolf… fine,” I huff, crossing my arms.

Suddenly, I catch movement out of the corner of my eye, and hear a groan. My eyes dart to James and Logan, who are starting to stir. I look back at Blake, grabbing his arm.

“We need to move, before they wake up,” I tell him, already pulling him out of the alley and towards a secret hideout a few blocks away.

Blake doesn’t argue as I lead him quickly to the hideout, my hand still gripping his arm.

Once I see the familiar sight of broken rubble, trash, and wood, I know we’re close. I turn the corner, stop, and scan the area to make sure it’s safe.

Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, I lead Blake over to the wooden door of the small shed I found years before I even met James.

I close the door behind him, pulling the latch I installed a few years ago. Looking around, I see how dusty and dirty the small, cramped space is.

It’s a simple shed. A table for four sits in the middle, with two chairs on each side. An old radio sits on a dusty shelf, and a lamp is on the small nightstand by the door.

The shed isn’t much, but I’ve always come here for peace and quiet when I’m so frustrated that not even boxing can calm me down.

I go to the small pantry and grab two oatmeal cookies. I toss one to Blake, who catches it easily.

Sitting on an old chair, I hear it creak in protest. I gesture for Blake to sit down, but he just stands there, frozen.

“Well…,” I gesture to the other chair across from me. “Aren’t you going to sit down so we can have a nice chat?” I give him a fake grin, opening my oatmeal cookie.

Blake slowly moves to sit down. The chair squeaks under his weight but then falls silent. I take a bite of my cookie before looking at Blake.

“Shoot,” I tell him, chewing. There’s no point in hiding anymore. He already knows. Might as well tell him what he wants to know. Besides, he’s probably in danger already.

“When?” was his immediate question. I knew what he was asking. ~When did I start boxing?~

I swallowed, considering the question. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when I started boxing. So, I shrugged. “I started boxing when I was really young. But I had my first fight about two years ago,” I confessed.

He nodded. “Who were they?” he asked next.

I hesitated. I had a feeling that question was coming—I just didn’t think it would be so soon. I slowly chewed my food, debating whether to tell him or not.

Eventually, I decided he should know, especially since Logan and James were the ones he needed to watch out for.

“Logan is from one of my past fights. I won, but he and his buddies didn’t take it well. They wanted payback—they came after me.” I shrugged, as if it was no big deal. But I knew Blake would make a big deal out of it.

“Deadly Snakes…” he murmured, more to himself than to me. Suddenly, his eyes locked onto mine and I froze mid-bite, my eyes wide as he stared at me.

“Wha…?” I managed to mumble through the cookie in my mouth.

Then, he was furious! He abruptly stood up, knocking over his chair in the process.

“You’re telling me that the Deadly Snakes, the most feared gang in Montana, is after you for revenge?” he asked, pacing the small space in the shed.

I shook my head, finishing my cookie. “Nope,” I told him. “They want me dead, not just revenge,” I replied as bluntly as I could.

He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me. His eyes were blazing with anger and something else I couldn’t identify.

“What the hell?! You act like this is all okay,” he yelled, pacing again.

“I can’t believe you! What kind of ~sane~ person would even continue this? Who would be okay with all of this? No one! That’s who,” he continued, his voice getting louder with each sentence.

“Do you even think about yourself? The people around you? Your parents, friends? The people who care about you? Obviously not…”

I tuned him out after that. Anger surged within me.

~He knew nothing! He doesn’t know what I’ve been through! He doesn’t know what happened to me! He doesn’t understand my life, at all! He knows nothing!~

~

I jumped up from my seat and took a few steps towards him, so that we were barely an inch apart, and jabbed my finger into his chest.

“You don’t know anything,” I yelled, my voice filled with fury. “It was all ~me~! ~I’m~ the one who chose this life, who wanted to live this way! ~I~ learned to live with it! You wouldn’t know what I’ve been through, though.

“You don’t know what happened to me! About ~my~ past, about ~my~ parents, about ~my~ life! ~You. Know. Nothing!”~ I shouted, my chest heaving.

My eyes were wide and I was panting heavily. He stared at me, an odd look in his eyes.

“Then tell me,” he whispered softly.

“Tell me why you do this. Why do you hide at school, but fight outside?

“Tell me what drove you to this life, Claire. Help me understand,” he said gently, his eyes softening slightly as he took in my flushed cheeks, teary eyes, and ragged breaths.

I took a moment to really look at him. He was wearing dark black jeans that hung low on his hips. A tight white T-shirt clung to his chest, and he was wearing his favorite leather jacket with black boots.

His hair was messily swept to the side, as if he didn’t care about his appearance right now.

A light stubble covered his chin, and his stormy grey eyes were duller than usual, but there was something alive in them. Something thrilling.

I shook my head, letting out a shaky sigh. “I don’t know how, Blake,” I whispered, my voice breaking for the first time.

“You don’t know what it’s like to feel rejected all your life. To have your best friend betray you. To have her spread terrible, untrue rumors about you, just because she was jealous.

“You don’t know what it’s like to have your own parents forget about you.

“To not even get a simple ‘thank you’ when you try your hardest to make them happy,” I paused, feeling a tear slide down my cheek.

“You don’t know what it’s like to always be on guard, to constantly look over your shoulder in fear of being attacked. You don’t know what it’s like to have the one you loved cheat on you, right in front of your eyes.

“You don’t know how it feels to want to die, to feel invisible and hated everywhere you go.” I sighed, tears streaming down my face, and I buried my face in his chest without thinking.

“You just don’t know what it feels like, Blake,” I finished, my tears soaking his leather jacket.

I felt his arms wrap around me, holding me tightly. He rested his chin on my head, still holding me as I clung to him, waiting for my tears to stop.

When they finally did, I pulled back and looked away, furiously wiping my cheeks and nose. ~I must look like a total mess,~ I thought pathetically.

When I looked up, I was stunned to see his eyes focused intently on mine.

The intensity and emotion in his gaze froze me in place. I could see his internal struggle, trying to figure something out, before something inside him seemed to snap.

“Screw it,” he muttered, before wrapping one arm around my waist, pulling me closer, and the other around my neck, bringing his lips to mine in a slow, passionate kiss.