'Cause we are who we are
When no one's watching
And right from the start
You know I got you
- I won't mind, ZAYN
The next days and weeks seemed to fly by and soon, it was time for the trip to nature the adults were going on. They left in the morning in the Reynolds' blue SUV, while Quinn and Ellie stood in front of the door and waved. As soon as the blue car disappeared behind the first corner, the two girls exchanged knowing glances.
"Shall we?"
"Yes!"
Ten minutes later, they left the house in their ski clothing and walked towards the lift. Even though it was still quite early, there was a line in front of the hut. Ellie and Quinn were giddy the whole time and as soon as they were seated in the carrier, their hands found their way to each other.
"Can you believe we have the house to ourselves now?" Quinn asked, her voice lowered despite them being alone.
"I know!" Ellie grinned back at Quinn. It made her happy to see the other girl look so happy and free, "But it was you who wanted to ski first."
"That is true," Quinn slowly pushed open the metal bar when they neared the top, "come on, we can ski an hour or two and then we can go home, how does that sound?"
"Wonderful," Ellie giggled and let go of Quinn's hand to push herself away from the carrier. She glided across the smooth snow, slow and careful but definitely more secure than the first time.
"Hey, you're getting good at this!" Quinn caught up to her and stopped abruptly, her skies flinging some now towards Ellie's feet.
"Hey, don't mock me!"
"I'm not mocking you," Quinn dug her poles into the ground and picked up a little speed again, "it takes time to become good at anything but you're a lot better than on your first day."
"Thank you," Ellie's cheeks grew hot and she quickly pulled up her skiing balaclava to protect her face from the cold before following Quinn.
The blonde girl was right: Ellie's skiing abilities had gotten a lot better. She was more secure on her feet now and also a little faster. Quinn still went slow for her but not as slow as on the first day. And while she would obviously never be as good as Quinn â and also did not aspire to â skiing was very fun.
Until she took a nasty fall two hours in.
This time, it was not ice that caused her to fall but a bump in the snow that she did not see as they passed through a part of the skin run that was in the shadows. She was driving next to Quinn, not behind her and without the sunlight to highlight the texture of the snow, she tumbled down the slope before she could react.
She caught herself with gloved hands so that she did not land on her hand but a dull pain shot through her hip. Head first, she slid down the mountain a couple of feet before she was able to stop. After sorting out her legs, she sat on the slope for a few seconds, still processing what just happened.
"Oh my god Ellie!" Quinn came to a stop a little below her and immediately began walking up the ski run sideways, "Are you okay?"
"I think so," Ellie slowly stood up â thankfully, her skis had stayed on and examined her hip, "my hip hurts but I don't think it's anything serious."
"Thank goodness," Quinn finally reached her and pulled up her glasses, "I think this was our sign to call it a day."
"I think so, too," replied Ellie, wincing when she started skiing again. The trip down the mountain took a bit longer because they were extra careful and slow now but when they reached Frostfields again, Ellie's hip had stopped hurting except for a dull ache.
"Can you walk?" Quinn asked worriedly and took off her skis.
"Yes," Ellie mimicked her and then gave her best impression at puppy eyes, "will you carry my skis for me, though?"
"Sure!"
As soon as they entered the house through the basement, both pairs of skis fell to the ground with a clatter. Still in their full skiing clothing, Quinn practically attacked Ellie and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Ellie wrapped her arms around Quinn and pulled her closer, rubbing their cold noses against each other.
"I waited for this all day," Quinn panted against Ellie's lips when they separated for a few seconds, "all week. All month."
Ellie laughed breathily, pressing her forehead against Quinn's.
"Me too," she whispered, then kissed her. They only let go of each other long enough to get out of their clothes and go up the stairs. While Quinn hung up their wet jackets and skiing pants to dry on the porch, Ellie sat down on the couch.
"Want to watch a movie?" She asked Quinn loudly, "what about 'Call me by your name'? Do you know that one?"
"I've never watched it," Quinn came back in, "only the trailer. For obvious reasons."
"Well, now is the perfect time to do so."
"Alright," Quinn came back in and closed the doors, shaking the cold off, "I'm going to feed Pasta and get us some snacks, too, and then I'll join you, okay?"
"Sure!"
They did not end up finishing the movie. Halfway through it, Quinn leaned over to Ellie and kissed her. Their bodies, previously pressed closely together under a shared blanket, seemed to melt together and when Ellie tugged at Quinn to get closer, the taller girl gently climbed into Ellie's lap.
"Is this okay for your hip?" She asked quietly, "I don't want to hurt you."
"I'm fine," Ellie smiled up at Quinn and gently pulled her closer by the neck, "come on, you don't have to hover over me like that."
Quinn giggled and put her full weight on Ellie, connecting their lips again. Ellie was sure she could do this forever. The blanket had slipped away and the sudden cold air from the room was a contrast to Quinn's hot skin. She felt soft and warm under Ellie's fingers, her body pressing tightly against her own. Ellie let one hand fall down to the small of Quinn's back and pulled her closer until her pelvis pressed against Ellie's stomach. When Quinn's crotch rubbed over Ellie's thigh, she tilted her head back just a little bit and an almost silent moan escaped her lips, so quiet it could have also been just breathing out. But the way her cheeks reddened afterwards gave her away.
"What was that about you being asexual?" Ellie teased her and Quinn giggled.
"That's not how that works," she replied, "but you're right, I'm definitely not ace."
Suddenly, she lowered her gaze and got very nervous.
"So, is this the point...?"
"Yes, this is where one usually engages in sexual activity," Ellie replied in a joking manner.
"Stop!" Quinn swatted at her arm but it worked, she was already smiling again.
"We don't have to do anything you're not ready for, though," Ellie added gently and gently stroked Quinn's hips where her hands lingered, "I don't want you to feel pressured."
"No, I want to," finally, Quinn looked up and met Ellie's eyes, "but I don't know what to do or where to go next."
"Your room, I would suggest," Ellie smirked but then caught herself, "there's nothing to be nervous about. I'll guide you a little bit if you'd like. And you can't do anything wrong."
"Guide me?" Now it was Quinn who smirked, "To my room?"
"Ugh, you're even worse than I am!" Ellie laughed and rested her head against Quinn's shoulder for a moment before looking up again, "So, you sure about this?"
"Absolutely."
Quinn rolled to the side and got up from the couch, holding one hand out for Ellie. They did not bother to turn off the TV before going up to Quinn's room. It was still quite dark because the curtains were still closed, only a little bit of light seeping into a tiny slit in between them. Without the noise of the movie in background, it was suddenly a little awkward. Quinn looked like she did not know what to do next. Sit on her bed? Ellie decided to take the first step and plopped down on the mattress.
"First step for engaging in sexual activity: undress oneself."
She had meant it as a joke but it seemed like her words actually helped Quinn. The blonde girl took a deep breath and pulled her shirt over her head. It was Ellie's first time seeing Quinn without a top and she could not take her eyes away. With every inch of Quinn's smooth, soft skin that was exposed, she felt a small shiver run through her body. When she was only in her sports bra, Quinn turnt to Ellie with a shy smile.
"What about you?"
Ellie nodded and removed her top as well. Only when she was halfway out of the sleeves already did she notice that she had pulled her own bra up with it. Instead of pulling it back down, she decided just to go with it and threw both items on the ground. Quinn's eyes were glued to her body, her teeth absentmindedly biting into her bottom lip.
Ellie suddenly became very self-conscious. Quinn was standing up, her stomach a perfect flat surface while Ellie's own sitting body had rolls everywhere. Before she could cover it with her arms, Quinn took a tentative step closer.
"You're beautiful," she said, her voice barely over a whisper. Her eyes darted up to Ellie's face.
"Can I touch you?"
Ellie nodded and held her breath as Quinn came closer. When the other girl went to sit on her lap again, Ellie scooted back a little to make more room. Quinn's cold fingers crept over every inch of Ellie's body, causing goosebumps wherever they touched her. She looked like she was in awe, her every touch gentle and careful, as if Ellie could fall apart if she was too blunt.
Ellie's last partner had had a lot more experience than her and she was not used to being the more experienced and guiding part but when she slowly felt Quinn's skin with her fingers, the girl on top of her melted into the touches. Ellie's fingertips dove under the elastic band of Quinn's sports bra and pushed it up a little bit. Quinn eagerly lifted up her arms and let Ellie roll the fabric up until she could grab it and fling it to the side.
They took their time examining each other's bodies, their touches uncertain and gentle, their movements a little uncoordinated at times but still smooth and working well together.
Afterwards, they were lying on Quinn's bed, pressed together closely. Quinn's head was resting on Ellie's shoulder, her long blonde hair falling on the mattress. It was quiet except for their breathing that slowed down over time. Ellie was just about to doze off when Quinn unexpectedly lifted her head.
"You know," she said, "I do realize that I should feel bad because I just cheated on Dash but I just... don't."
Oh. That was definitely not one of the things Ellie had been thinking about. She silently lifted her head to look at Quinn and waited for her to continue.
"I just feel... really happy," Quinn continued, "and that makes me feel guilty as well but I just can't bring myself to regret it."
Her eyes widened when she realized what she had said and she shot up.
"Not that I want to regret it!" She corrected herself quickly, "Hell, I really enjoyed it! But... are you not supposed to regret it if you cheat on someone who thinks you're their partner? Is it even cheating if you're secretly gay?"
"I don't know," Ellie said, "I've never been in that situation. But I think there are lots of different circumstances for cheating."
"So you would consider it cheating?"
"I don't know," Ellie shrugged, "I mean, it kind of boils down to how you define cheating. For some, sex with others might be considered okay while for others, already hugging someone else it cheating. I think cheating is crossing boundaries that you decided on together with a partner."
Quinn nodded, but did not reply in any other way. After a few moments, she sat up and looked down at Ellie.
"I'm hungry, what about you? We could make some pasta."
The time they had to themselves was wonderful.
Ellie and Quinn ended up sharing a room every night. It was more of an accident, really: the first evening, they were in Quinn's room, lying on her bed and talking until they fell asleep, cuddling together under Quinn's blanket. The nights after that, it happened intentionally.
It was quite magical to see Quinn come out of her shell. She seemed happier than usual and also taller, like the absence of her parents allowed her to stretch and rise to her full height. She was not scared of anyone seeing them anymore because there was nobody to see. Her and Ellie kissed in the kitchen while they were cooking, on the sofa while watching TV and while dancing through the living room to Quinn's favorite music.
It was like their own little bubble of happiness where they were able to be completely carefree. This also took effect in their physical relationship: Quinn was not so shy anymore when it came to intimacy and they were constantly all over each other, touching the other girl whenever they had a chance, whether it was to run a hand through her hair or squeeze her bum.
On their third evening alone, a big bruise had bloomed on Ellie's hip from her fall which Quinn inspected in the living room. The curtains were closed, the only light coming from the fire burning in the fireplace. In the orange shadows thrown over both their half-naked bodies, Quinn's fingers ghosted over the bruise, both being dressed in underwear only.
"Does it hurt?" She looked up from where she was sitting on the couch. Ellie was standing over her and nodded her head.
"A little," she admitted, "if you press it. But it's not too bad."
Quinn ran her fingers over the bruise one more time, then leant forward to give it a little kiss. Even though they had seen and touched every inch on each other's body in the few days they had spent on their own, Quinn's touches and even the little pecks she was placing on the bruise right now made Ellie shudder and get goosebumps all over her body.
"If you're going to kiss every bruise on my body, I think I'm going to pinch myself here and there," Ellie joked. Quinn laughed and sat up straight, resting her chin against Ellie's stomach.
"You don't have to," she replied, "you can just say you want me to kiss all over you."
Without waiting for an answer, Quinn began peppering kisses over Ellie's torso, working her way down the soft curve of her stomach and then buried her face between Ellie's legs.
"You want to take those pants off?" She asked, with a muffled voice. Ellie laughed and nodded.
"Alright."
Quinn's body had to be one of the most beautiful things Ellie had ever seen. As she slowly undressed herself, she could not help but stare at Quinn. Her small chest, rising and falling with each breath, a white bra hugging her figure. The soft curve of her waist and hips, her long legs and strong thighs. The way she leaned back on the sofa to take a better look at Ellie, how her hair fell over her shoulders, looking golden in the light from the fireplace. The way she brushed one unruly strand of hair from her forehead. The flames reflected in her eyes, her mouth slightly open; she looked like she could not decide between worshipping and devouring Ellie.
"Fuck, you're so gorgeous!" Quinn blurted out and reached a hand towards Ellie.
"Me?" Ellie willingly took the hand and let herself be pulled closer to the sofa.
"Yes, and don't you dare deny it!" Quinn looked up at Ellie and placed her hands on her hips, thumbing over the skin, "I know what you think. I've seen the way you get when you remove your shirt. But there's nothing to be ashamed of. Your body is absolutely stunning."
"Thank you," Ellie could not help but feel flattered, her cheeks grew hot.
"Come here," Quinn hooked her fingers under the waistband of Ellie's pants and pulled her down until she was straddling her lap, "seriously, I can't get enough of you."
A little bit after that, they were laying on the sofa. Quinn had her feet propped up on the armrest and one arm under Ellie's head. With the other, she drew lines over Ellie's body. Ellie had closed her eyes but was still awake and occasionally looked up to take in the beautiful view of Quinn's focused face on top of hers. She felt Quinn's finger ghost over stomach, up to her breast where she slowly circled her nipples. Ellie gasped quietly, her eyes shooting open. Quinn grinned down at her.
"Insatiable, are you?" Ellie whispered.
"Maybe," Quinn leaned down to capture Ellie's lips in a soft kiss, "but how could I ever stop when there's such a beautiful girl next to me."
It was easy to get settled around each other and drop any kind of insecurities. With Quinn, it was not weird to walk around the house barely clothed or fully naked, it was not weird to stare or swoon at each other. Being together did not feel awkward in any way.
Maybe that was why Ellie was not surprised when Quinn joined her in the shower one day. They had just come back from skiing and were both sweaty so Ellie had decided to shower. It was normal for them to share the space while brushing their teeth or getting ready for the day, even when one of them was showering but they had not showered together yet.
"Hi," Quinn smiled and pushed the curtain a little to the side, "mind if I join?"
"Suit yourself," Ellie said, but she made space for Quinn to fit into the shower. Since the roof sloped down on both sides of the tub, there was very little space for both of them to stand upright. The water rained down over both of them, wetting their hair and bodies. Somehow, this was a new kind of intimacy. Ellie pulled Quinn a little closer, very carefully so that neither of them slipped. Pressed tightly together, they let the water run over them as they kissed. Here, every movement was calculated as they had to be careful because of both the low ceiling and the slippery floor of the tub. Ellie gently pushed a strand of Quinn's now wet hair out of her face and took in the sight in front of her.
Water running over her tall body in small rivers, droplets hanging on her nose and the curve of her mouth. Her hair stuck to her shoulders, so much darker now. Ellie felt her own hair tickle her forehead and Quinn reached out to run her hands through it. Steam filled the room with hot, humid air.
Fingers ghosting over wet skin, soft touches between hungry kisses, their sounds drowned out by those of the shower. Ellie wanted this moment to last forever.
But of course, nothing ever did.
The time they had together grew shorter and shorter and before long, it was already Saturday â one day before their parents would return. Neither of them had mentioned it but Ellie knew it was on both of their minds. Something had crept into the space that had previously been their own. It did not stand in between them but loomed over them like a dark cloud. Just one week after the adults were to return, Ellie and her parents would leave.
They had not talked about this day before but their second last day alone was only for them. They stayed home the whole day, cuddling and kissing in the bed they had shared over the week. When they finally got up, still a little out of breath and with wild hair, they took their time getting ready and eating breakfast.
After breakfast, they went out into the garden and played in the snow while Pasta peed. Then, they lied on the couch and spent their day talking and watching movies. Their last movie had just ended and they were tangled together under a thin blanket, forgotten popcorn next to them. Quinn had one arm around Ellie's shoulder and Ellie's head was resting on Quinn's. Slowly, they moved closer, smiling at each other. Quinn finally broke the distance and leaned down the final few inches to connect their lips.
She tasted a little like popcorn and a lot like herself. Not wearing any perfume, the smell that overtook Ellie's senses was utterly and entirely Quinn. Ellie thought she could live in that smell.
However, their intimate moment was abruptly interrupted by a sound neither of them expected. Startled, Ellie and Quinn broke off their kiss and only when Quinn already turned her head did Ellie figure out what kind of sound it was:
It sounded exactly like someone furiously banging against the glass doors off the living room right behind them.