It was such a privilege to be able to travel all over the world and for so long. That being said, it was also very tiring. So when we finished the tour and arrived back in New York, it was so relieving. We arrived in the later evening and immediately fell asleep at Lafayette's. The next morning, after lots of rest, we both decided to visit our families. I missed my family. They were so eager to hear about my travels. Throughout the whole trip, I posted on social media, where I actually received a lot more followers, mostly because they wanted to see Lafayette. It was also a good way for my family to get a glimpse at things. I put a few more private images or videos on my "closest friends" stories just for them to see.
Lafayette was going to see his parents. He told me he was going to tell them about Father Jamison and everything in regards to that tragic part of his life. He insisted on doing it alone, but when he told his siblings he was going to do it, they planned on joining him. He was very scared, but he knew it had to be done. There was a change in him, since he told me and told his therapist. It was rather beautiful to see.
Before we each departed ways, we stopped at the office first to drop off most of the work equipment we had brought with us.
"It feels so weird to be back here," I said.
"It does. I can't say I missed it," Lafayette said.
"Really? I did miss it. I'm looking forward to getting back to normal." I sat on the couch in Lafayette's office as he looked through his box of work materials.
"Maybe I should retire," he said. He put his hands on his hips and looked into the box. "I'm too tired to deal with all of this." He flipped the box closed and sat next to me on the couch."It will be weird getting back to normal. Who I was before the trip seems like a completely different person." He looked over at me. "Same for you."
"I guess you could say I am different," I said. "I mean, the sex definitely played a role."
He laughed, his laugh louder as of late. It was nice. "True...but Em-"
"Sh," I said, putting my hand over his mouth. "We are not officially back to work. We can talk about what to do when we truly come back. Okay?"
He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm. He kissed it and kissed my wrist, up my forearm, up to my shoulder, my collarbone, and my neck. He bit at my neck, gently, and moved to my lips. We kissed slowly, his lips locking with mine, interrupted by the flip of a tongue. I moved over so I was sitting on his lap. I had guiltily daydreamed about having sex with him in the office. It did not take me long to get turned on. So soon enough, our clothes were off and he was laying down on the couch while I sat on him.
My assumption was that we were not going to continue having sex once we got back to work. It made sense, but then a part of me wanted to tell him how much I loved him and that I didn't care what happened, as long as I was with him. Would I actually do that? It was hard to say. It was terrifying to put it all out on the line like that. But the way he would hold me when we had sex, the look in his eyes, the soft kisses he left - it felt like making love. I felt loved. I had to tell him soon.
After we finished, we got dressed and went down to the garage. Lafayette dropped me off at the train station and he drove to his parents' house. I told him to text or call me if he needs me. I repeated this many times to him. I knew it was not going to be an easy visit for him, but he was strong and it was something he wanted to do. He would be okay, in the end.
Once I arrived in my hometown, Mom and Dad picked me up from the train station. They both hugged me tightly. Mom talked a mile a minute on the drive to the house, telling me about my trip as though she were the one on it instead of me. She saved all of her favorite pictures and videos that I sent her. When we got to the house, she used the bathroom and that's when Dad asked me how I enjoyed the trip. I told him about the food and the views, the adventures, and the shows. When Mom came back, she was actually quiet and listened.
Alicia came over about an hour later. She wanted to hear about the trip, too, but knew there was probably a rated R version that I was not telling Mom and Dad. So we rode our bikes to go to the ice cream shop a few blocks over.
"Did you hook up with a lot of guys?" she asked as we rode down the street.
"No," I said, trying not to smile.
"You so did. I can tell," she said, smirking at me.
"I really didn't, though," I said.
"I feel like you're not lying but not telling me the truth." She eyed me, pursing her lips. "You did hook up but maybe not with a lot of guys. Who was it?"
"I'm not telling," I said, and started biking faster.
"Come back!" she yelled, following.
We made it to the ice cream shop and I began ordering before she could corner me. Once we got our ice cream, we sat at a picnic table. Alicia badgered me as I continued to eat my ice cream. "Your ice cream is going to melt," I said.
"Oh my god," she groaned, taking a bite of her chocolate ice cream. "Just tell me."
I finished my last bite while she just started hers. "You can't tell anyone," I said. "And you also can't judge me." As soon as I said that, I knew she knew who I was talking about. "But Lafayette and I may have started hooking up on the trip."
"Oh my god," she said again. "How?"
"Well, so...actually before the trip, we may have accidentally started making out. It was all my fault. I kissed him and then we were saying how kissing isn't a big deal and we were doing it in a platonic way while we try to figure shit out in our regular lives. But then we went on the trip and were making out intensely one time and I was the instigator again and so we probably...fucked in every country."
"You are such a slut," she said. "When was the last time you two banged?"
"This morning..."
She laughed. "You are both sluts," she said, licking her spoon. "So now what? You forget about it? He gives you a raise so he can keep fucking you?"
I glanced down into my empty bowl. Now what? "I don't know..." I said quietly.
"What do you want to happen next?" she asked, sensing my distress.
"I..." I took a deep breath. "I want to tell him how I feel." I looked up at her.
"How do you feel?"
"I am very much in love with him. It's very scary and it could ruin everything, but I think he shares the same feelings for me and I just can't go on without telling him." I blinked away a few tears.
"Em," she said, grabbing my hand. "I think if you tell him how you feel, it will be the best decision of your life."
"Really?" I asked. "I thought you wanted me to get over him."
"At first I thought it was just a crush, but I can see now you really care for him. Also..." She grabbed her phone and pulled up a video I had taken in Uruguay. "Look at the way he is looking at you. I remember you saying something about how he looks at you, but I didn't think much of it until I saw this."
In the video, we were sitting in front of a beautiful sunset. I was showing Emilio, Michael, the whole gang, and then there was Lafayette standing next to me, looking at me with a smile on his face. My heart swelled.
"I mean, no wonder half of your followers started shipping you guys," she said. "I don't know what will happen after you confess, but I know you will be happy."
I nodded, blinking more tears again. I was going to do it. "Thanks, sis."
"Of course. You will have to let me know what happens."
I took a deep breath. "Are you still with Clovis?" I asked.
"Yeah, we are still together," she said, smiling softly. "We are actually thinking of moving in together next year after I graduate."
"Oh wow, it's getting serious," I said, smiling.
She shrugged. "He is just a really nice guy. He is patient and a great listener. He's definitely complementary to my loud and obnoxious ways."
We laughed. How lucky were we to be so happy.
After we finished our ice cream, we rode back to the house. I sat around with the whole family, grilling in the backyard and playing games. My grandparents were there. My cousins showed up. It turned into a nice reunion. I loved being around my family, and it made me want to tell Lafayette more and more. I wanted him to be sitting next to me, his arm around my shoulders, laughing with my family. I wanted all of him so much.
I called Lafayette later at night, when everyone had left and Mom and Dad were cleaning up the backyard. "How are you?" I asked him quietly, sitting on my bed.
"I'm good," he said. "Tired."
"Where are you now?"
"I am sitting in the bed at the office," he said. "I didn't feel like going back to the townhouse tonight."
"How did it go?"
"It went...fine," he said. "I mean, I'm not sure how else it could go. Mom cried, but we talked a lot about our childhood. I think in the end, Mom felt better. Like, obviously she feels terrible and wishes she had done something, but she knows she didn't know what was going on with Delphine. I don't know, it's hard to explain. I think she will always feel guilty, but I guess maybe she knows that Del didn't end her life because of her, you know? I didn't realize that was what Mom had been so scared of all along, that Del ended it to get away from Mom."
"That's so sad," I said, my voice shaking.
"Yeah, but I think we're going to be okay. We..." He sighed. "A lot was talked about. I mean, Mom she..." He sighed again. "I don't want to trauma dump on you."
"I've told you before, you're not trauma dumping on me," I said.
"Right. It's just, Mom confessed that she had gone through something similar when she was a child, similar to Delphine I mean. I never knew. It's sad. I talked about the incident in the hot tub. Axelle had an incident later in life, too. It's like we all had these terrible, traumatic situations outside of our childhood and none of us ever knew. So I felt a lot better after telling them actually. We're not so different after all, and we can try to be a family again."
"Oh, Faye," I said. I wiped my tears. "Are you happy?"
"Yes, I am quite happy," he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Good," I said. "Me too. I am very happy you are happy."
"Thanks, Emmy."
We talked on the phone for just a few minutes, but he was slowly falling asleep so I ended the call.
I, on the other hand, could barely sleep. I just kept thinking about him and falling in love with him and telling him my feelings. In the morning, I told Alicia I couldn't wait any longer. I had to go and tell him. So I hopped on the train and went back into the city, my legs bouncing the whole way in excitement. I was going to tell Lafayette that I loved him.