Chapter 177: CH 177

“So all the contents of the novel I thought I read were actually fake.”

In the original story, Mary Conler was hated by her family for no reason.

The Conlers were described as cruel. The child they finally found after nine years of searching was treated with coldness and harshness.

‘However, the people I met.’

Gilbert, who was strict with himself and his siblings trying to imitate our respected father, but has a gentle nature; Aiden, who is the quietest but plays the role of mediator and Theodore, who can sometimes be annoying, is funny.

Rex, who is always obedient and loving. Lucas, like an uncle watching over us closely, Hestia, who always had my back, and Bonita and Carol, who always looked out for me. And the servants of the Grand Duchy of Conler…….

And my father, who has loved me unconditionally.

“But why didn’t I believe what I had experienced myself? I kept thinking about the original story.”

“Because of those bastards.”

“But……”

“Think about it, they made you feel lonely by making you dream.”

Since all of this was the scheme of the god of the underground world, I can blame only him. I am a victim who was played.

It was convenient to attribute everything to him, just as Arsene is saying in front of me. But to simply blame him like that…

“I didn’t trust them.”

I was loved beyond my means.

While I was mentally judging their behavior and treating them as if they were characters in a novel, they thought of me as a true “family member” and treated me with sincerity.

Thinking about how I deceived that pure love suffocated me.

“I’m sorry.”

Arsene hugged me tightly as he mumbled something incoherent, he kept apologizing.

My regret over all the foolish things I had done and thought washed over me like a tidal wave, making it impossible for me to think clearly.

Arsene had nothing to be sorry for towards me. The fault lies with the god of the underworld and me, for being stupid.

In response to my question, Arsene simply patted my back gently. I didn’t know why he felt guilty, and I didn’t want to know.

“I should have regained my strength quickly. I was too relaxed. I thought you could handle it. No, I thought you needed to go through this to grow. I might have been arrogant.”

“…….”

“But when I hold you in my arms like this……. I realize how small you are, you. I didn’t realize how small you were when I was a dog. To think that you could stand up to those people in such a small body.”

Arsene’s words were filled with remorse and regret.

I raised my hand and gently patted Arsene’s back, as if comforting him. I never expected Arsene to think this way.

“Maybe you’re right…….”

“Yes?”

“Because whenever I have a problem that’s too complicated for me to solve, I think of you. I wish Arsene would help me with this one, too.”

“I know.”

Arsene grabbed my hand, which had been patting his back. Then, he gently kissed the back of it.

“It was thanks to you finding me and your prayers that I was able to regain my strength.”

“My prayers?”

“So keep looking for me. I need you to need me.”

I nodded, feeling a little embarrassed by Arsene’s words.

In a way, I thought he might feel bad because I was treating him like a problem solver, but to hear him say that I can keep needing him was the most comforting thing to hear in my current situation.

Yeah, my situation.

“Will Father… be able to regain his memories?”

“Yes, perhaps.”

It occurred to me that perhaps my father’s loss of his memory was indeed a gift from God.

“Will he ever get hurt again because of me?”

“…….”

“Or my other family members.”

There was a long silence on the question I most wanted answered. Arsene fiddled with my hair, which was hanging down on my back.

“They could get hurt.”

“As long as the god of the underworld keeps wanting you.”

At Arsene’s stifled reply, I pulled out of his arms.

“Why?”

“The god of the underworld has wanted you for a very long time.”

“I can’t understand… Since I was little?”

“No, he met you in a past life you don’t remember.”

It was a surprising story, but perhaps predictable. The god known as the god of the underworld always seemed to look beyond me when looking at me.

That’s why his declaration of love was not only unbelievable, but also seemed unfair.

“So he’s obsessed with me all this time because he’s fallen for me in my previous life that I don’t even remember?”

Arsene stared at me and nodded. The tears that had been streaming down my face had stopped.

The remorse, sadness, and regret that had soaked me were now transformed into anger towards the god of the underworld.

“Why on earth does he want me? I really don’t understand. I’m so confused. Am I even what he wants? I don’t even remember that previous life, so I don’t know why he’s so obsessed with me.”

“You’re different.”

I had a hunch that the “person” he was referring to was the version of me from a past life I couldn’t remember, the one that the god of the underworld had fallen in love with.

And Arsene also seemed to know that person very well.

“Actually… yes, I thought that maybe if you went through such trials, you might be able to regain your memories, because that’s what he wants.”

“Did Arsene also want me to regain my memories? Because I am ‘that person’?”

I felt betrayed by his honesty. At my aggressive tone, Arsene soothed me.

“At first!”

“How could you do that? If that’s the case, how are you any different from that god of the underworld?”

“It was only like that at the beginning. I also wanted to see that person as much as that bastard did. But then, at some point, I realized. You are completely different from that person.”

Who could that person be, to make the god of the underworld fall so deeply in love?

I suddenly resent “that person” who had once been me, even though it wasn’t her fault.

I was afraid. If I were to regain the memories of ‘that person’ as the god of the underworld desires, what would happen next?

“He wants you to become desperately lonely.”

“That’s why he made me unable to trust my family.”

“It’s not just your family.”

The warm brown eyes that I had thought were gentle from the beginning suddenly felt intimidating.

“……Demimore?”

“From the perspective of the god of the underworld, Demimore might be the most irritating person.”

“No, why? Demimore is just…….”

“Think about it. Even without Demimore, your family is already annoying. Imagine how annoying it would be with your fiancé attached to you.”

Ah, so that’s why Demimore was portrayed that way in the original.

I felt bad for Demimore for getting involved with me like that.

I didn’t believe in Demimore either. I couldn’t accept Demimore’s pure kindness to me as it is. I thought he would send me to Nikor at any time…

“I’m truly the worst.”

How many people should I feel sorry for? When I looked back on the relationships I started by drawing lines between us without the other party knowing, a sigh escaped me.

At least I reached out to Astina first.

……But that was only to take advantage of her one day.

“No, why are you the worst, it’s those bastards who are really taking advantage of people.”

Even with Arsene comforting me, I couldn’t figure out where to start to make this all right. After all, no one should have been harmed by my actions…….

“What about Sofia?”

The first thing that came to mind was Sofia Bruno. It was Baron Bruno’s last wish before he died, and I wanted to fulfill it.

Then I remembered Jessica Bruno, who had told me to beware of similarities. Thinking of Jessica Bruno strangely brought a pang of pain to my heart.

Baron Bruno aside, for her sake, I have to get Sofia Bruno back somehow.