I grabbed a red apple from the bowl on the table and took a bite, savoring the juicy sweet-but-mostly-sour goodness that ran all over my tongue. Some say that apple works better in keeping you awake in the morning than coffee does, and I hoped to God that it was true because I was exhausted as hell.
After Jonah had left last night, it was as if I had turned insomniac. I just couldn't sleepâmy mind was reeling with images of his face and his eyes and his lips and the fact that there was a moment when we were only just a breath away from kissing, and everything was just driving me crazy. My fingers itched to scroll through my contacts, press his number and give him a call, but I was too afraid that I would end up stuttering like a moron.
He'd left me hanging off a cliff, with my questions gone unanswered. He was the one who'd initiated the (almost) kiss, yet he was the one to stop it. There was a sad smile on his face, and I just couldn't figure out the reason why. He wasn't sure that I would've wanted to kiss him, but the truth is, yeah, Jonah, I did want that kiss, and I had a feeling that you wanted it too, so why had you stopped?
But then... after I'd asked him if he liked me, he said nothing. And just. Smiled. What in the world did that stupid smile mean? Was it a yes-Hannah-I-do-like-you-but-I-don't-want-to-admit-it-yet smile, or was it a oh-no-fuck-you-Hannah-you're-so-funny-and-delusional-of-course-I-don't-like-you smile? Which one is it?!
I took another angry bite of the apple, this time the sour taste getting even more distinct, matching the mood that I was in. Why couldn't Jonah be a normal guy and say yes if the answer is yes and no if the answer is no? Why did he have to make everything so complicated?
Mom was happily humming a random song to herself as she cooked. It was then that, after a period of growling and muttering to myself, I noticed that the house was even quieter than before, and my eyebrows furrowed.
"Mom?"
"Yes, Honey?"
"Where's everyone?"
She replied over her shoulder, "Dad's already driven Cole to school and gone to the diner."
"Wait, Dad's already left?" I asked, pulling the apple away from my face. "How am I gonna get to school? Are you driving me? I'm pretty sure the school bus just passed our street!"
Mom looked at me over her shoulder with a puzzled smile on her face. "Jonah didn't tell you?"
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Tell me what?"
She finished my stack of pancakes and poured some syrup on it, taking her time before turning around and slid my plate toward me.
"Mom, what did Jonah say?" I asked impatiently.
"He's picking you up today," she said simply, digging into her breakfast. "I thought you guys talked about it and that's why last night he asked if it's alright for him to drop by and get you."
I was slack-jawed, the delicious pancake forgotten in front of me. Why would Jonah want to pick me up and drive me to school? And why, pray tell, did he not tell me?
She waved her hand at my uneaten breakfast. "Go finish it, he'll be here soon."
True to her words, just about a minute after I was finished with my breakfast, there was a knock on the front door. Mom threw me a smile while I tried to ignore the sly look on her face and grabbed my bag from the ground.
This was not real. My mom was definitely not trying to set me up... with the guy I'd already been crushing on forever.
"He's a really nice boy, Hannah," she sang out, and I groaned. "I totes approve of him."
I smacked a hand on my face. This was so not happening. "Mother, please don't ever say 'totes'... ever again."
She winked at me before grabbing both empty plates to wash in the sink. "Have a nice day, honey!"
Before leaving, I grabbed two apples from the bowl and put them into a paper bag. I took a deep breath once I was at the door, calming myself down and trying to ignore all the voices in my head ("REMEMBER YOU GUYS ALMOST KISSED!" "AND HE PULLED AWAY! HAHA!" "YOU'RE A FOOL, HANNAH!" "OF COURSE HE WOULD NEVER KISS YOU!" "BOO YOU SUCK!"). Finally, I reached out to open the door, only to find Jonah's fist in the air, ready to knock the door again.
He immediately dropped his hand to his side. "Morning."
I narrowed my eyes, not saying a word.
He rolled his eyes at me. "Let's go."
He turned around and began walking toward his car, so I had no other choice but follow him. I paused when I saw that he was opening the passenger door for me, and I hoped to god he didn't notice the blush on my cheeks as he stared expectantly at me.
"Thank you," I muttered as I got into the car. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face before he slammed the door shut and walked to get in the driver's seat.
Oh, okay, whatever. Just forget the fact that we almost kissed yesterday, Jonah. I'm totally cool with it. I'm totally, completely, one -hundred-percent fine with it. Don't mind me. Don't even talk to me, just show up at my front door being all cute and opening my door and DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE ALMOST KISS.
I dug into the paper bag and took out one of the apples, transferring all my pent-up frustration and irritation into the poor piece of fruit. I could feel Jonah's curious eyes on me, and I tried to ignore the feeling.
"Please watch the road," I said snippily, not even casting a glance at him.
He looked away. "What's wrong?"
What's wrong? What's wrong, he asks? I freaking hate this guy.
Instead, I took the other apple and turned to him, smiling sweetly. "Do you want an apple?"
He glanced at me for a second, eyeing the crazed look on my face. "Did you poison it?"
I scoffed, putting the apple back into the paper bag. "Who do you think you are, Snow White?"
He whistled. "Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," he drawled out. "Are you on your period?"
"No."
"Are you gonna be on your period anytime soon? Do I need to play nurse on you again?"
"Why are you so annoying today?" I asked in aggravation. "And stop talking about my period."
"Well, why are you being so weird today?" he countered back.
"I'm not being weird," I grumbled, taking another bite of the apple in my hand.
"You are," he simply said, pulling up in the parking lot. He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of his car, while I still sat there. I groaned out loud because the voices in my head were getting even louder ("HE DOESN'T GIVE SHIT ABOUT THE ALMOST KISS!" "YEAH HANNAH HE DOESN'T CARE!" "YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME THINKING ABOUT THE NONEXISTENT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU!" "FORGET ABOUT THE KISS, FORGET ABOUT THE KISS, 'CUZ HE DOESN'T CARE! NANANA HE DOESN'T CARE HAHAHA!").
"Shut up," I spoke out loud, getting even more irritated by my own thoughts.
Jonah was on my side of the car, and he opened the door for me. Immediately, I slammed it shut again, making him jump in surprise. He frowned at me, taking a few steps back, and I finally got out by myself.
"Don't open the door for me," I told him in a grunt.
He shrugged. "Fine, be that way."
Jonah had Daisy in his arms, and we walked together toward the school entrance. I was still grumbling to myself, tightening my coat on my body and making sure that there was a distance between us. Though, I had a feeling that Jonah was stepping closer and closer to me, because no matter what, I could still smell his familiar cologne as if he was right there next to me.
I was going insane.
And yet, I was right, because once I glanced to my right, Jonah's shoulder was only about half an inch away from mine. Lordy.
"Is this about last night?" he finally asked once we were inside the school building.
My face twisted into a scowl that I immediately flatten down. Instead, I completely turned toward him, and asked sweetly, "What about last night?"
He tsked at me, and there was a small smirk on his face. However, there was also the same unsure expression that he had last night when I'd asked him if he liked me or not. "Are you mad at me?"
"Nooo. Why would I be mad at you?"
We stopped at my locker. "Don't lie."
"I'm not," I told him, half-lying.
"Then what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," I lied. "You were right. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Don't mind me. Just go to Mr. Herberg to get the doll switched off before she starts crying," I said, dismissing him as I unlocked my locker and took out my textbooks.
"Hannah," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder to stop me. "It's not that I didn't want to kiss you."
My whole body froze. In fact, I was pretty sure that for a nanosecond, my heart stopped beating, before suddenly resuming in a crazy rhythm. "What do you mean?"
He paused, and I turned around to face him. Noticing the near nonexistent space between us, he took a half step back. He looked like he was trying to find the right words to say, as if there were a lot of things he needed to tell me, yet he couldn't find a way to say it out loud properly.
"I justâI'm not good at this, okay?" he finally admitted, his voice dropping into a whisper. Red blossomed on his cheeks, creeping down his neck. "I don't know what to doâI have zero idea how to kiss a girl because I've never kissed anyone and I'm not like you. I'm not experienced in this whole thing and I don't even know what I'm feeâ"
"Jonah," I cut him off before he could say anything more. All the annoyance I'd been feeling since the morning had evaporated away, replaced by hope and warmth that filled up the spaces between my ribs. I watched as he tore his eyes away from me, almost as if in shame.
He swallowed, eyes downcast. He just stared at Daisy in his arms, absentmindedly playing with her blonde, stiff hair. "Yeah?"
I closed the locker door behind me and fixed the straps of the bag on my shoulder. I reached out a finger to tip his head up, so I could see his anxious eyes. I finally understood now. So I told him, "I've only ever kissed one guy in my life, and the kiss totally sucked. He told me so, a couple times, before cheating on me."
His brows scrunched up into a frown, though the corners of his mouth quirked up at the grin on my face.
I smirked. "So I'm probably just as inexperienced in this 'whole thing' as you are," I told him, making quotation marks in the air with my fingers.
He stared at me for a long, long time, until a smile finally broke out on his face, and all traces of his insecurity about his lack of experience in the dating department vanished.
And then he said to me, "Okay."
I couldn't hold in the smile, so I let it spread out on my face. "Alright."
"Alright," he echoed, and it was as if we understood the words that weren't even said out loud. It almost felt like a promise to me, and god, was it one hell of a promise.
The sound of the bell rang as if it was above our heads. Jonah glanced at the half-eaten apple I still had in my hand, and stole it. He bit into the apple easily, before taking a few steps backwards and away from me.
"I'll see you later. But we're definitely gonna have to talk about that guy soon," he said, smiling at me, before finally turning around to get to the classroom.