*sigh* I turned over yet again, still unable to fall asleep. I was too anxious about tomorrow to sleep. This was going to be the last night in my own room for a long time and I didn't even have a say in it. I'm 17, which means I legally can't do anything if my parents want to send me to a rehab facility against my will. It's not a normal rehab place, I don't do drugs or anything but my therapist said that it's a "sanctuary of self-renewal" or whatever that means. basically it's a place for a bunch of mentally screwed teenagers to go and cry in group therapy and take nature walks to "mentally renew" themselves.
I'm not totally pissed about this arrangement, seeing as though I don't really have anything else to do, and it's probably better than being home where everyone stares at you as if you're going to jump off of a cliff or something. Which isn't that unreasonable, considering I did try to kill myself last month.
So, I guess I don't blame my parents for sending me there. Honestly, I did some research and a lot of kids actually said that they liked it and it helped them. I'm not relying on it to like save me or anything, but maybe I'll finally get better. I don't really know what's wrong with me, I've kind of just always felt a little bad and getting older just makes it a little worse.
As I think more and more about tomorrow, I finally start feeling tired enough to drift off to sleep.
Next day- Saturday
"Hey, hon, time to wake up." I am shaken awake by my mother, who gently shook my shoulder and smiled when she saw me open my eyes. I like my mother. She's kind and wonderful and lets me stay home from school whenever I ask. She's one of the reasons I actually agreed to go to this stupid facility.
"okay, Ma, I'm up" I groaned and rubbed my eyes as she opened my curtains.
"Okay, try to get ready soon we leave in an hour, ok? Oh and we have frozen waffles if you're hungry. " She is very nurturing when talking to me, like I'm a bird she's going to scare off. I smile back and say okay and she leaves and closes the door as I get up to get ready.
I stood up and ran a hand over my bleached blond hair, which was sticking up in all directions. I buzzed it all off a few months ago, but now it was wavy and unruly with my dark brown hair showing at the roots. I liked having blond hair, but I realized with a frown that I probably wouldn't be able to touch it up while I'm gone. Suddenly, I remember that some places don't let you have piercings as I stared at my septum ring and my bridge piercing and my vertical labret on my lip. Remember why we're doing this. I continuously had to remind myself throughout the morning, trying to keep up the motivation to do this for my parents. I blinked my eyes really hard to wake myself up and then got dressed for the day, changing into baggy, ripped dark-wash jeans and a white hoodie with a band logo on it, as well as my white adidas sneakers and green socks.
1 hour later
"Okay, come here bud." My dad opens his arms and I smile and accept his embrace. I love my dad too. He's really great and isn't one of those dads that made me do sports or get good grades. He and my mom didn't care when I came out or whenever I come home with a new tattoo. They're really great and make me feel guilty whenever they look at me, so I said ok when they told me where I was going.
"Now, remember to call at least once a week. Oh, and if any of those kids are giving you trouble make sure to tell the adults, and if they don't handle it you call me. And don't forget-" I grin and cut him off before he starts freaking out even more. "Dad! It's gonna be fine, I'm gonna be great." I smiled to make him believe me and he smiled back. "Okay, Okay, let's go, smart-ass." he playfully punched my shoulder and I pushed him back, finally going through the front door with all of my bags where my mom was waiting by the car for us.
"Okay, ready to go, hon?" she's smiling even though I know she's really sad. I look away and nod so that I don't have to look at her face anymore. "Yep! I'm ready, let's go." I take one last look at my house and get in the backseat. My dad closes the door and gets in the driver's seat while my mom sits in the front with him. the car ride goes by fast and we eventually reach the drop-off area with the facility bus.
"alright, hon this is it." my mom turns around to look at me, clearly trying not to cry as she smiles at me. I get out of the car and start unloading my stuff and once it's all out of the car, I turn and look at both of my parents standing in front of the car, with my mom sniffling and my dad holding her hand.
"aw, Ma, don't cry..." I walk up and hug them both really tightly and we stand there for like that for a minute until I finally pull back so I don't cry. "Okay, I think it's time to go." I give them both a half smile and my dad returns it and pats me on the shoulder. "Alright, go get 'em Bud. Remember to call, and we're here whenever you need us." I nod and give him one last hug and say goodbye to my mom and then walk back over to my stuff by the bus. I load all of my bags where the director person tells me to, and finally boarded the bus, waving goodbye to my parents as we drive away.
I still feel really tired from waking up kind of early, so I lean against the window and drift off to sleep.
1 hour later
I was only able to get one hour of sleep when I'm suddenly awoken by an annoying voice... "Hey, uh, can I sit here?" I narrow my eyes and I'm ready to tell this guy to piss off when I glance over and realize he's surprisingly hot. I don't change my expression, and I nod dismissively. He gives me a half-smile and sits down next to me. I give him a few side-glances, trying to get a better look at his face and then I decide to go back to sleep.
I'm just starting to drift off when I feel an annoying poking on my arm... I open my left eye to see whoever's trying to wake me up and I calm down a little when I realize it's the hot guy who sat next to me.
"d'you need something?" I raise my eyebrow and put my head up to look at him, finally taking in his whole face. he had tired brown eyes with shaggy, layered, dark brown hair with dark circles under his eyes and a light stubble covering his jaw and an arched nose that stuck out sharply.
The Hot Guy didn't change his monotone but friendly expression as he took his hand away, looking apologetic. "Uh, sorry, but I was wondering if maybe you had a light?" He spoke softly, clearly trying to be polite and not let any of the staff members or other patients hear. "Uh, I might, let me check," I whispered back with slight amusement, causing him to give me a small smirk back.
I checked my bag, while I was honestly unsure if I had one since I was trying to lay off for my parents before I left. I was really hoping I had one so that I didn't look stupid in front of 'Hot Guy', and thankfully after about ten seconds I felt my fingers brush a familiar plastic object. "Here." I held the lighter out just a couple inches from the zipper pocket, glancing around to make sure no one was looking. He glanced around too and took it from me quickly, nodding his head and muttering a 'Thanks.'
For some reason, it hadn't really occurred to me why he would need it right now while on a bus full of attentive babysitting nurses. So, out of utter curiosity, I watched him as he reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a battered-looking cigarette. I grinned when he looked up at me and raised the cigarette with a raised brow, obviously asking to share it with me. I glanced around the bus again and gave a small nod, cracking open the window as quietly as I could as he lit the cigarette under his hand. I watched as he leaned down, taking a short puff before passing it over to me. I took it from between his fingers, our fingertips lightly brushing against each other making my heart twitch a little bit. I leaned towards the crack in the window and take a shaky breath from the cigarette before passing it back to him.
"So, uh, why are you here?" I was broken out of my small haze when 'Hot Guy' suddenly decided to engage in what I'm guessing is casual psych-ward conversation. "uh... y'know just the usual... drug deals, armed robberies... sex- addictions... what about you?" I replied with a smirk, blowing smoke out of the side of my mouth towards the window. "Ah... right. Well I'm more of an alcoholic, junkie, carjacking kinda guy, myself." He grinned, taking a small puff of the cigarette, and we sat like that, staring at each other for a few seconds before the moment was ruined by a loud: "Excuse me! Excuse Me!" We both quickly jerked our heads up, with 'Hot Guy' putting the cigarette butt out on the bottom of his shoe before swiftly kicking it under our seat. Within seconds, there was an agitated nurse with her hands on her hips towering over us expectantly. "Hi." The blonde woman sarcastically smiled, with both of us staring back up at her innocently. "Hi." I replied with an equally sarcastic smile, glancing over at 'Hot Guy' who was displaying an almost comical expression of dumb-founded confusion.
"How's it going back here?" the woman asked, clearly not accustomed to letting things slide. "Pretty good, ma'am." I replied, not breaking my facial expressions. "Do you mind telling me what you boys were doing back here?" she asks, crossing her arms and raising her brow. "I'm not sure I know what you mean? We were just talking." I answered, trying to get her to go away.
"Do not lie to me, young man, please hand me whatever it is you two were smoking back here." she held out her hand expectantly, to which the two of us exchanged confused glances and stared back at her. " We weren't smoking anything." This time, it was 'Hot Guy' that responded to the nurse, doing a credible job of faking innocence. This time, the nurse became visibly angry and pointed her finger at us harshly, both of us keeping our poker faces. " You!-" thankfully, the blonde woman was cut short by another nurse, this one looking flustered as she headed back towards us quickly, shushing other patients along the way. "Hi! Uh, what seems to be the problem?" I noticed that she was speaking in a noticeably hushed tone, clearly just trying to get us to shut up so the other patients didn't get upset. "I just caught these two smoking-" the other nurse put her hand up as politely as she could, cutting her off abruptly. "Okay, boys were either of you smoking anything back here?" This nurse kind of leaned down a bit and asked very sweetly, as if she were talking to children, causing me to immediately frown and raise my eyebrows. "No. Ma'am, we weren't." I replied, still faking obliviousness. "Okay! Now that that's settled, why don't we go ahead and play the quiet game, huh?" I was getting really pissed off by this woman's tone but then I realized that she was also talking to the other nurse, who seemed to accept defeat and drop the argument. "Right. I don't want to see anything else going on with you two for the rest of the ride, yes?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. "Yes, ma'am." both me and 'Hot Guy' responded at the same time, ready for the two of them to walk away. Thankfully, they both nodded and walked away back down the aisle of the bus and to the front.
"Damn, they could have at least been a little nicer, yeah?" He asked turning to me, pretending to be annoyed. "Yeah, no shit. And she doesn't have to treat us like little kids. We're cracked-up teens, not toddlers." I remarked, the woman's mannerisms still in my head. But instead of laughing with me, he seemed to be deep in thought about something, just mumbling a "Yeah, weird"
Before I could comment on it, though, the bus started slowing down and rounding a curve, entering a smaller dirt road surrounded by trees. "Okay, everybody! go ahead and remove any earbuds or headphones and start getting your things together! We will be arriving shortly, and it's very important that you use your listening ears to find out where you need to go when we get off the bus!" I roll my eyes at the same nurse's childish instructions, and stuff my lighter and earbuds into my backpack. The rest of the ride only lasts about three minutes, until we all slowly lurch to a stop in a shaded dirt parking lot, with everyone trying to look at our new surrounding area through the square windows, which showed a white log-cabin looking building with two stories, with more similar-looking smaller buildings scattered behind it, branching off the back of the main building with various stone paths leading to each building. I sighed and leaned back in my seat, glancing over at 'Hot Guy' to see him looking around at everything, almost looking a bit anxious.
We sat like that for another minute until the nurses had us exit the bus by rows, standing in a line holding clip boards as we piled out onto the dirt parking lot. After a moment, a male nurse stood up and blew a small whistle, causing everyone to stop talking and turn to face him. "Okay! Everybody settle down please, and listen for your name! After you are called, go and stand in a single-file line in front of the leader who calls you." I stood and listened for my name for what felt like about five minutes until a tall woman with straight black hair called me over to stand in the line in front of her. I glanced around to see where 'Hot Guy' ended up, before I saw him lined up in front of another male nurse a few lines over. I sighed and looked away, waiting for everyone else in my line to be called before the black-haired 'leader' asked us to follow her into the main building.