Chapter 19: : Chapter 19

“I don’t feel like partying tonight. I’m fucking exhausted.” Brady drops onto the tailgate of Chase’s truck, the game having ended a little over a half hour ago.

“Same dude,” Mason agrees, tossing his bag in the bed. He turns to us. “What about you girls? How ‘bout a night in, come to the house with us? We can order pizza or some shit. Camp out in mine and Chase’s room?”

A party I could talk my way out of but a chill night at their house, when the celebratory party tonight is elsewhere? Not so much, so, I shrug, nodding along with Cameron.

My phone vibrates, so I pull it from my back pocket.

Romeo: You see me get laid out on my ass tonight?

I grin.

Me: I did. You got knocked down…

I wait a good ten seconds, letting his mind race, then send him the rest.

Me: But you got up again.

He sends back a laughing face emoji, and I chuckle.

Romeo: In case you were wondering, this will never get old.

I stare at his text, a strange warmth washing over me, and I gnaw at my bottom lip.

“Earth to Ari!”

My head snaps up, and I’m met with four sets of narrowed eyes.

“Sorry.” My face heats, but it’s dark, so I don’t think they see it. “Are we ready or… ?”

“Yeah, sister.” Mason rolls his eyes. “We’re ready.”

The boys hop in the back to make the short drive around campus and Cam and I slide into the main cab. If my attention wasn’t half somewhere else, I would have realized I was the first to climb in, forcing me into the middle seat.

I can’t help but think about the last time I road in his truck. It was during spring break, Senior year.

“You didn’t have to come get me. I told Mason I had a ride.”

Chase scoffs, flipping a U-turn and heads for home. “If you think I would let that asshole bring you home, you’re mistaken.”

“He wasn’t an asshole when you invited him to your New Year’s party,” I remind him as he rolls to a stop at the light.

“He became an asshole when he tried to kiss you at said party.” He shoots me a quick glare. “I told him to stay away from you. Looks like I’m going to have to remind him of that on Monday.”

“Okay, Mason.” I roll my eyes, taken aback when his head snaps in my direction.

“I’m not your brother.” His gaze narrows. “And I didn’t tell him that for Mason’s benefit.”

I do my best to nod, attempting to breathe as air evades my lungs, the alcohol adding to the flush of my skin.

The light turns green, and Chase faces forward, so I do the same, but my eyes, they refuse to stick to the road ahead.

I stare at his profile, at the way he pinches his lips together when he’s annoyed or angry. At the rapid rise and fall of his chest as he works through whatever is running through his mind.

Is it me?

Am I on his mind?

My stomach flip-flops at the possibility.

“I can feel your eyes on me, Arianna.”

My giggle is low and slightly slurred. “I would have sworn I was being as stealthy as ever.”

His chuckle is as quiet as his next words, “Maybe, but I always know when you’re watching.”

“How?” I don’t mean to whisper.

Chase’s hand tightens on the wheel, a small frown building along his face. “I don’t know.”

He’s parked in front of my house moments later, and when he turns to look at me, I hold my breath.

He has something to say, I know it.

His lips part, and then Mason is there, tearing my door open with a drunken grin.

“Hi, sister.”

I hold in my sigh. “Hi, brother.”

I sat awake that night, for hours, wondering what that moment meant, if anything at all. Hope bloomed within me then, but it was obliterated the next day when I learned his then girlfriend became his ex-earlier that night, and that ‘asshole’ he had referred to my date as was the asshole behind his breakup.

He was frustrated and angry and I read into it when I shouldn’t have. It was such a rookie move to think he wanted what I had wanted for quite some time.

Wait.

Wanted?

My chest stirs, and I have to focus on keeping my breathing steady.

It seems Chase has to, as well. His body is stiff beside me, his shoulder rubbing against mine with his every calculated inhale.

He’s anxious or nervous or something. Or maybe he’s annoyed I ended up in the middle.

Thankfully, we’re turning onto the boys’ street a moment later.

“What the hell?” Cam sits forward. “I thought the party was down the street tonight?”

“It was supposed to be.” Chase kills the engine. “Let’s see what’s up.”

We roll the windows down as Brady and Mason hop over the side.

“Let me ask the door boy what’s going on.” Mason taps the frame and makes his way toward the house.

Cam decides to hop out and join them on the curb, leaving Chase and I in the truck.

My pulse jumps at the silence, knowing neither of us can sit here long without speaking. What sucks is it will be nothing but wasted, random, meaningless words to erase the discomfort. Before, that would have been ok, normal even, to talk about the game or make a comment about the swag in Mason’s walk. Now it’s just… sad. And that’s pitiful.

“BJ, what up, man? Why’s everyone here?” Mason shouts from grass rather than walking all the way up to the door.

“The Blevens’ house is under investigation for pulling some prank on the sorority behind them. Can’t party for thirty days.”

“Damn.”

Chase opens his door and steps out, offering me a hand.

When I don’t move, a grim smile curves his lips. “It’s just a hand, Ari.”

A low, nervous laugh escapes, and I nod, slipping my palm into his.

When my feet hit the ground, his fingers don’t release mine, and we look to each other.

It seems like he has something to say, but I know better.

He won’t say a word.

With a withdrawn smile, I gingerly pull my hand from his, already turning away. “Let’s go see what the others want to do.”

As I glance up, my feet freeze in place.

Noah stands at the top of the porch, staring right at me.

I raise my hand in a small wave, averting my eyes as something that feels a lot like guilt knots inside my stomach, and I’m not sure why.

That might be a lie.

Mason steps up with a groan. “You guys want to go back to your house?”

I glance around, seeing girls and guys filing in from all angles of the street, settling on Cameron.

She crosses her arms, yawning into the air. “Yeah, I don’t want to party.”

A warm hand meets the small of my back, and I look over as Noah slides up beside me.

“Hey.” I wrap my arm around his waist, hugging him, and only after the fact, do I realize this might be the first time I’ve done so.

He’s warm and solid and smells like… Noah.

Like fresh cotton and clean sheets. Like the winter’s breeze and pine, a hint of mint mixed in.

Noah releases me, nodding his chin at the others. “Just find out about the house switch?”

“Yeah, I guess we’re headed back to our place.” Cam shrugs.

Noah’s eyes slide my way, and after moment, move to my brother. “You guys want to come up instead?” He pauses before adding, “All of you.”

“For real?” Brady grins. “You want to bring us lowly fuckers into the captain’s quarters?” He teases.

My brother laughs.

They all seem to agree, but I find myself frowning, and I don’t realize it until Cameron is elbowing me in the side.

She bulges her eyes at me briefly, and I drop mine to the sidewalk.

I don’t think I want to be in Noah’s space with them.

It’s always only the two of us, other than the occasional pop in of one of his teammates, and I like it that way. I want to keep it that way.

The others, they’re involved in every aspect of my life, and while I love that about our group, I don’t want to share the one thing I have outside of them.

I don’t want to share my time with Noah.

With them, we’ll talk shop, drink beer, and watch ESPN or Ninja Warrior. I always loved those night, but I don’ know.

With Noah, it’s just… different.

I’m Arianna Johnson, not Mason Johnson’s little sister.

I like it.

I need it.

I need—

Noah fingers brush along the back of my arm, and I meet his gaze.

“We’ll order in.” He speaks with purpose.

You see it, don’t you?

His thumb glides along my elbow as if in answer.

Noah knows what’s going on in my head. He’s telling me it’ll be fine, that we won’t share our fun. We won’t cook together or chat about nothing and everything. About things that don’t matter and things that do.

He wants to make sure I know I can say no and the idea will be tossed out, just like that.

I don’t have to share him; it’s my choice.

Warmth spreads throughout my chest, but it doesn’t stem from a blush. It’s on the inside this time.

Noah’s lips begin to curl before I even nod, but I do. I nod.

“Okay, Noah’s it is. Now, let’s go before more people get here and try to follow us or something,” Cam chirps as she pulls me along, as if she knows where she’s going.

I lead us to the right, and we step aside, so Noah can unlock the door. He lets us go first, so I head up the stairs.

Inside, I curve into the living room, pulling the string hanging from the fan to turn the light on, and Noah flicks the switch by the stove.

Noah peels his jacket off, setting it over the small chair, and I drop my sweater on top of it.

He opens the fridge to grab some beers for the others and a water for himself, while I grab the menus in the drawer below the microwave. I hop up on the countertop and he leans over, reading the options aloud to me, even though he knows I’m reading them in my head.

“We could do the family pack and get a little of everything like last time?” Noah suggests, taking a long pull from his water bottle.

“Yeah, but not the shrimp. I swear it was raw.”

He grins and pops open a bottle, handing it to me. “We’ve been over this. You can’t consider shrimp sushi.”

“Of course, I can.” I laugh, pointing the neck of my bottle his way before bringing it to my lips.

A shuffle grabs our attention, and both our heads snap up, finding our forgotten guests standing there, frozen in the entryway, staring at us like we’re mutants.

My stupid cheeks rush with heat and I dip my head, trying to get my hair to cover it.

Noah clears his throat to hide his smile and stands tall, blocking me from my friends. “Beer?”

“Hell yeah, man.” Brady darts forward then, tugging Cam along, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. He steps around Noah on purpose, raising a strong blond brow my way.

I offer a tight-lipped smile, but then Brady winks, and my shoulders ease a little.

“Cam, there’s Mountain Dew, too.” I hop off the counter, and Noah slides a few feet left, so I can reach inside the fridge to grab her one.

“Yes, please.” She tugs her hoodie off, sneaks me a smirk as she sets it down on top of mine and Noah’s.

“Sit wherever you want. I’ve got YouTube TV and Netflix or there’s a shitload of DVDs in the drawers.” Noah pulls his phone from his pocket, readying to call in our order.

Frown in full effect, Chase disappears around the short wall into the living room, and when I look to my brother, his eyes narrow.

He’s angry, but something tells me it has nothing to do with the situation, and everything to with the fact that I know his teammate’s studio well. He knew we hung out here sometimes—no reason to share exactly how often that ‘sometimes’ is—but knowing and seeing are a lot different. There’s no telling what’s running through his mind right now. He’s taken a step or two back lately, and honestly, I’ve been grateful. I know it’s in part because he’s so busy right now, but staring at him, I’m pretty sure he’s regretting it. I think he might be a little hurt, almost feeling like there’s a part of me he doesn’t know, and, I don’t know, maybe there is.

Mason takes lazy steps toward us, blindly digging into his wallet.

“Here.” He hands Noah two twenties. “Toward the food and don’t say you got it.”

Noah nods, taking the cash, passing Mason a beer in trade.

Mason accepts, glancing around the room. “This place is cool.” He looks back to Noah, tipping his drink. “Thanks for inviting us up.” Pulling Cam along, he rounds the wall to the living room.

“You got ESPN?” Brady shouts.

Noah chuckles, looking to me.

“Go. I’ll order.”

He winks, joining them while I place our order. I stay in the kitchen a minute or two after hanging up, and then with a deep breath, I pile into the small space with my oldest friends, choosing the open seat beside my newest one.

Where the boys have to wait until their coach releases game film on Mondays, Noah has early access to the website, so he pulls it up, and signs into his captain’s account. Just like that, the awkward tension I might be the only one feeling is gone, and I couldn’t be happier.

This has the boys on the edge of their seats, watching their own game as if they didn’t have the best seats in the house, and it’s not long before our food is delivered.

For the next hour or more, they’re completely entertained.

They hop up between bites, point out different things they saw, rewinding and re-watching several plays while Cam and I sit back laughing at the personality they show on the field. Far too much swag for one team.

Full of food and beer, we settle in for a movie, allowing Brady to talk us into a two-hour Marvel movie.

Somewhere along the way, I must have passed out, because the next thing I know, Noah’s whispered, ‘hey,’ has my eyes peeling open.

I sit up, adjusting my head on the couch pillow. “Hi.”

His lips curve to one side. “Brady went to his room a while ago, but the others knocked out with you.”

I shift, looking to find Chase asleep in the recliner, Mason and Cam passed out on a pile of blankets on the floor.

“I notice she’s been hanging out with Trey more and more,” he says quietly.

I nod, staring at them. “Yeah. I’m glad. I got it wrong about my brother. He loves her, but not the way she hoped.”

“And her, how does she feel?”

“She’s… happier now.” I nod, my smile gentle and pointed at my best friend. “Done waiting.”

When a minute goes by and Noah doesn’t speak, I look over to find his eyes on me.

My lips turn up and I reach out, brushing his hair aside. It’s so soft, so unexpectedly soothing that I don’t stop.

He stares, unblinking, and when he speaks again, his tone is lower than a whisper. “Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Waiting.” Deep lines cover his forehead and his chest inflates with a full inhale. “Are you still waiting?”

My heartbeat jumps. Thumps. Does a fucking somersault.

But a small sting still follows when I move my eyes to the brown-haired boy in question, who isn’t asleep after all, but lies there in the dark, wide awake, staring right at me.

I swallow, slowly turning back to Noah. To my hand, still caressing his hair.

To his eyes, still locked on me.

“No,” I find myself murmuring, and something stirs along his face. “I’m not.”

“Whenever you’re ready to tell your best friend, you know, me, what the hell that was last night, I’m all ears.”

I drop onto the sofa next to Cam, propping my feet up on the coffee table beside hers. I grin to myself, tossing a piece of stale cereal in my mouth. “What are you talking about?”

“I will cut you.” She holds her eyebrow razor out, looking over quickly before focusing on the small hand mirror in her palm. “Give me the juice. Are you boning our mega hot quarterback and not telling me?”

“Get real!” I laugh, snagging the remote from her lap. “Like I wouldn’t tell you if I were.”

“But you want to.”

“Cameron.”

“Have you kissed him? Touched? Anything?”

“Oh my god, no.”

“Why not?” she gapes. “You like him.”

“He’s my friend.” My temples thud after I say it, and I rub my lips together. “I like hanging out with him.”

She scowls, gauging me. “You know he wants you, right?”

When I don’t respond, she shifts toward me.

“Ari.” Her eyes widen. “It’s so obvious.”

Pulse pounding, I shake my head.

After a moment, Cameron sighs and pushes to her feet. “You know, for a girl who spent so much time hoping for a guy to open his eyes… you might want to open yours this time.”

With that, she heads into the shower, and I don’t move from my place on the couch.

I know what she’s saying, and I think she’s right but…

What if she isn’t?

What if Noah cares for me like Chase does?

A lot, but not the same?

Not enough?

I’m not so sure I could handle another let down.

Something tells me I couldn’t.

Especially from Noah.