I knock on Azrael's office, and wait for an answer. I think I hear one, but it might've been one of the officers who file into the elevator and head back down and out. Inside is Azrael, who stands near one of the floor-to-ceiling windows gazing outside.
The drama with Trey breaking into the Garner building turns out was much more complex than realized. Trey arrived in the afternoon for a conversation with Levi, a very tensed one, when Levi accidently let slip that Azrael would be returning today. It must've been in his intentions to get to Azrael when he arrived, but noting he wasn't here, Trey decided to hang around until he did.
And because Trey and Levi talked in Levi's office, all Trey had to do was walk to Azrael's office and wait until we got back. Then the rest unfolded.
Azrael stands with the lights from the city coming in, and that puts his backside in darkness. With his hands folded behind his back, it would seem that he's in deep thought.
"Azrael?" I say while walking over to him.
When I do reach his side and manage to glimpse his face, I see that he has in his ears the wireless earbuds I got him, which explains why he must've not noticed my approach. And with his closed eyes while he thinks, he was oblivious and peaceful.
Perhaps sensing the air moving, his eyes open, and then find me.
"Oh! Hogarth!" he says as he pulls out his earbuds and stows them in the case, "Sorry, I must've not realized your entrance."
"No worries," I say with a smile, "I'm guessing you were listening to some calming music."
"I was, actually," says Azrael with a smile, "some nice Enya tunes."
"What's the name of the song?"
"China roses."
"That already sounds serene," I say with a soft chuckle.
"It really quite is," says Azrael.
"How are you?" I ask to probe his state.
"I...I'm alright, surprisingly," answers Azrael, "I think that I was caught off-guard, but thankfully you didn't get hurt, or neither did I."
"Yes, that's good," I say.
"Has James gone back home?" asks Azrael.
"I think he did," I say, "one of the officers said that he was able to ride home, and that Chad has come back with the car for you and I."
"That's good," says Azrael, "he was one of the heroes of tonight, along with you."
"Not to mention," continues Azrael, "I'm glad you're safe. You scared me jumping forward like that."
"I thought to try and make myself useful," I say.
"You are, but still, I was shocked," says Azrael.
He's not the only one who felt horrible thinking that a person being in danger. I when I saw Trey pull out his gun completely thought Azrael would be dead in my arms. Only because of James, who's really been more than a hero at this point, do I still have my boss and my amore here in front of me.
And that incident has really jarred my thoughts, and made me realize, that tonight, I'm going to confess to Azrael my feelings.
"Though," says Azrael, "if you had not disarmed him, I probably would have."
"I don't think I would've let you," I say.
"Why? Wait, let me guess," says Azrael as he grins knowingly, "to keep me safe and healthy. I know."
"No, it has to do with something I have to talk to you about," I say, and take a step closer to him.
Azrael looks up at me with his wide eyes, curious and waiting for me to talk.
"I...I have to tell you, Azrael," I start, a little unevenly, but get a grip, and then say, "I like you."
Azrael's eyes widen, and I think he may not understand what it is, so I say, "Me saying I like you is inaccurate. I...I love you, Azrael, I feel it in my heart."
"U-uh, ah...w-well," says Azrael as he looks away and blushes, which I can see in the dark office lit by the city lights outside, "I...I don't think you know exactly about me to really like me. Um, that is, uh-"
"I know about you," I say as I take a step closer to him, intent on telling him my feelings, "I know about how you are, with your father."
Azrael looks at me for a moment before his eyes widen, and he jerks backwards away from me. Almost as if he's been shot, and he ducks his head while making a scared noise.
My hands find his shoulders, and pull him back to me, wanting to comfort him after hearing such a heart-breaking whimper. Azrael trembles, and tries to free himself from my hold, but I have him still, and he keeps his face hidden and turned down.
"D-don't look at me," says Azrael with another whimper.
"Please," I say as I hold him, "look at me, Azrael."
"No," says Azrael as he covers his face, "I...I can't-"
"Yes you can," I say, with a little bit of force, "I love you, so you can."
Azrael turns his face, white as a sheet, before his wide eyes meet mine.
"You can't love me," he says softly and with a trembling voice.
The words of his cause me to feel a shredding throb in my chest, and I shudder as they sink into my body. It hurts, coming from him, telling me he denies my love.
"But," I say desperately, "you surely feel something like I do, don't you?"
It's true that I've seen him staring at me and observing me, even perhaps admitting he enjoys my presence. Taking in my appearance with more than just common interest.
"I-I am not supposed to, can't," says Azrael in stuttering manner, "I-I am not what you should be near, or find nice, especially me."
"Why can't I love you?" I ask a bit angrily.
Azrael looks up at me with wide eyes and fear, but there's also a desire, that he wants to. But he stops himself, and holds himself back. Something in him, something he put there, stops me.
"Please...please just...go..."
I hurt the worst in my life, ever, and I stumble backwards with his words. They're not with malice, but have so much weight to me, that I crack within my chest.
"Fine," I say softly, painfully.
Then, I walk out of his office, unsure if I will return.