Elias lost all knowledge of how to make conversation as soon as he saw them.
Meanwhile, the two of them could talk forever and ever. They kept the conversation going when Elias couldn't â and he still hadn't relaxed even now, about an hour into it all. He didn't know how to.
It didn't help that Iris looked so much like Kris. Her eyes, her smile, the way she held herself. It made Elias wish Kris could be there, too â finally seeing their siblings again after a long time. He knew she would've been happy and talking just as much â if not more â as Alex and Iris.
Having these thoughts left this firm clutch over his heart that he couldn't shake.
It got worse when Iris asked: "Does Kris still live around here?" Because not only did it remind him of everything, but it let him know his parents didn't tell them anything. They didn't know. Did they even know about Mars? Did they know anything at all? How much had their parents kept from them out of pure spite and anger?
They'd been trying to find Elias; did they try to find Kris, too? Maybe they thought she would be around him? He blinked, lips parting. "Uh â " He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. "She isn't... she's not here. Anymore."
"Did she move...?" Iris asked, brows furrowed.
"Oh," Alex whispered when they saw the look on Elias' face. He tried to subtly pinch Iris to get her to shut up, but Elias noticed anyway. "Uh, when...? How?"
Elias ran a hand down his face. They'd gone from simple talk about jobs and friends, and now they were here. "Early twenties. About thirteen years ago now. She, uh â it was complications. From giving birth."
He knew they would talk about it at some point. He just didn't expect it to be right away.
"Where's the kid?" Iris asked, frowning. "With their biological dad, or â "
"I took custody," Elias explained. "It was the least I could do. Her name is Mars. I love her to death, I really do."
"Have you been doing this alone?" Alex asked, looking just as concerned as his sister. They looked scarily alike in that moment.
Elias rubbed the side of his neck. "Yeah. Uh, it's not as terrible as you think. I mean, at first it was hard. But it's gotten easier. No need to worry. Promise."
"Can we meet her?" Iris asked, perking up.
"I haven't told her about you guys yet." Elias gave them a sheepish smile. "I'll be honest: I didn't want to get either of our hopes up. But â I'll let you know when you can."
"Did you choose her name, or did K â "
"Can we maybe talk about this another time?" Elias interjected, trying not to be mean about it, but he knew it most likely came off that way. "I'm already really anxious, and talking about Kris isn't going to help. Now isn't the best time to talk about everything."
Alex nodded rapidly. "Yeah, yeah of course," they said. Iris bobbed her head in agreement.
Iris folded her arms on the table and leaned forward a bit, this constant smile playing at her lips. "How've you been?"
"Yeah, and I kinda wanna know about that person you were with when we first talked," Alex chimed in, grinning. "You said it was complicated. In a bad way or a good way?"
Elias palmed at his face. He couldn't escape nosy people, could he? "Depends on how you view it," Elias told them, shrugging. "Hey â we've barely talked about you guys. Why are we only talking about me?"
Iris waved a dismissive hand. "We can go back and forth. Now, stop avoiding the question."
Elias sighed. "Uh, the guy I was with â he likes me. Actually confessed to me an hour or so before you called. I'm still trying to sort out my feelings properly, is all. I'm pretty sure I do feel the same... I'm just worried he'd change his mind once he was fully in my life."
"Well, you'll never know if you don't try, right?" Iris asked, humming to herself. "I had a similar fear with my boyfriend. I've had shitty past relationships, and I was afraid I'd get stuck again, but we're going on a year now! He's amazing."
"Hm," Elias voiced. He knew he was being too cautious. There was nothing telling him Roman was a bad person or would end up being one. He had been nothing but soft and genuine and honest.
It was times like these when he needed a shove from Kris. He exhaled quietly. He really needed to stop relying on her even when she was gone.
"Thanks," he decided to say. "Let's talk about you guys now, okay?"
He learned a lot about them during the few hours they were together. Iris was an editor at a publishing company, which was where she met her boyfriend. Alex was studying to become a teacher, and when asked if he also had a partner, they shook their head and said: "Oh, no. I'm aromantic." Which led to an entire conversation about that because Elias wasn't very informed on what it meant.
Alex also did digital art, and he ended up showing Elias a lot of their works. Iris told stories about some of the writers she had to talk to and what she had to edit. Apparently, she had to fix up a book that was ninety percent sex. She claimed it was exhausting to look over.
The two of them were funny individually, but even more so together. He was happy they grew up close. They deserved that much with what they had to deal with growing up in that house.
At first, he felt like he was meeting strangers. But now he felt like they were getting close to being real siblings again.
It was... nice. Nicer than he expected it to be.
___
Elias got home close to eleven, and he walked into the house to find Mars lounging on the couch, hand buried inside a bag of chips and face illuminated by the TV screen. He raised an eyebrow.
"Welcome back," she said through a mouthful. "Was it fun?"
"Mhm." He dropped his keys on the coffee table and dropped down next to her, stealing a chip. She immediately started complaining, which he ignored. "You should be asleep by now."
Mars groaned. "But there's no school tomorrow! I dunno what happened, but I'm not complaining."
"I'll check my email later," he told her, reaching out to ruffle her hair. "What're you watching?"
"Anime."
"In English?"
Mars frowned. "Yeah, I read slow."
Elias clicked his tongue. "I didn't raise you right."
"Shush. Anyway â can I know who you went to go see now?"
"That's a conversation for when I'm more awake," he told her, then kissed her temple, getting off the couch. "I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too late, alright?"
She nodded. "I was gonna finish this episode first, then go to sleep. Goodnight!"
"Goodnight."
Elias left the living room and disappeared into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He was in the middle of getting undressed to shower when his phone buzzed on the counter. He walked over, tapping on the screen.
Roman -
How did it go? (:
Elias -
It went well. I can tell you more after I shower, are you okay with calling?
Roman -
Always
Elias smiled to himself, then got into the shower, letting the hot spray run down his back. Now he was back to thinking about what Iris had said.
'Well, you'll never know if you don't try, right?'
It was true. He wouldn't. Would he rather keep worrying and never know, or go for it and get his concrete answer? Roman was a beautiful person, inside and out. Everything Elias would ever want in a person. He was scarily close to Elias' ideal partner.
Maybe he thought it felt a little too good to be true.
He closed his eyes and let the water hit his face and chest instead. It cleared his mind pretty fast. Thankfully, he didn't overthink for the rest of his shower until he got out and back into bed, faced with Roman's contact glowing bright on his screen.
Why the hell was he feeling nervous again?
He threw his arm over his eyes after hitting the call button, holding his phone to his ear. It rang for a few seconds, then Roman picked up, offering up a quiet, "Hey," that made Elias' heart clench. He sounded so â Elias wasn't sure how to explain it. It was almost as if the stars spoke through him.
"Hi," Elias replied, making sure to keep his voice quiet. "Uh â what would you like to know?"
Roman hummed in thought. "Were they nice?"
Elias' lips twitched. "Yes, they were."
"Fun? Fun-ny?"
"Very much so."
"Did you have a good time?"
"I did," Elias mused. "Took me a little bit to get comfortable. But it was â I had a good time. Thank you for talking to me beforehand."
"Of course. If you ever need me again, I'll be there."
Shit. Elias' chest felt tight; it throbbed the slightest bit. He couldn't remember the last time he felt like this about someone. He liked to think it was sudden, but he knew it wasn't â these thoughts and feelings had always been there. It just took one revelation to reveal his own.
"We, uh â we actually talked about you."
"Oh? Good things, I hope," Roman replied, laughing, but he sounded a bit nervous. Elias could picture him rubbing his cheek or playing with his rings, things he always did when he was nervous or flustered.
"Always," Elias responded softly. "I like everything about you. Except for when you backtrack and bite your nails, though."
Roman laughed again. It was husky, yet muffled, like he didn't want to be loud. If Elias closed his eyes, he found it easy to imagine they were lying side by side, and Roman's chuckles and quiet inhales were just beside his ear. Elias was fond of the idea of sleeping next to him again.
"Working on that," Roman confessed. "Bare with me."
"Don't worry. I'm a patient man."
"Mm."
"Are you tired?"
"Uh, kind of."
Elias frowned. "Why don't you go to bed? We can always talk tomorrow â "
"I told you I'd wait," Roman said quietly. "For you to call. Remember?"
"That doesn't mean force yourself to stay awake, you idiot."
"I'm not," Roman said defensively. "I'm barely even tired."
"I'm considering hanging up so you go to bed."
Roman sighed loudly right into the receiver, making Elias flinch back. He had definitely done that on purpose. He was becoming a nuisance now that he was getting comfortable. Elias blamed Marco.
"You should be the one sleeping," Roman muttered. "You're the one who works early."
"Don't change the subject."
"You're annoying."
"Thank you."
They both chuckled at that, and Elias' smile lingered even after it died down. He could talk to Roman forever, he thought. There was just something about him that pulled Elias toward him like a magnet.
"Hey, Roman?"
"Hm?"
"Before I end the call and go to bed..." He trailed off, biting at his thumb nail, eyes trained on the ceiling. "I want to ask you something."
"Oh, okay. Go ahead."
Elias felt his stomach flutter. He was more nervous then compared to when he was about to meet his siblings. He didn't think that was possible.
Fuck it, just say it. "You â would you... like to go out? With me? Sometime."
There was a pause. Then, "Like... a date? Or just â "
"A date," Elias confirmed.
"Really? You're positive?"
"Yes. Maybe on the weekend? If that's okay with you."
"Yes," Roman blurted. "I â yes, yeah. I do. I'd love to go on a date with you."
"Okay," Elias whispered, able to hear his heartbeat in his ears. "I'm going to bed now. Goodnight, Roman."
"Goodnight, Elias."
Elias wasn't able to fall asleep for another thirty minutes after that call. His heart refused to calm down.