I knew she cherished that woman. But itâs not very pleasant to confirm that right in front of my eyes. Still, my anger is all gone nowâ¦I wonder if this is a good thing. Hearing her cry finally brought me to my senses.
âWhat are you talking about? Youâre the one who made Serira my nanny.â
A few seconds ago, I resented her so much that I almost wanted to kill herâ¦yet all my anger melted away with her tears. If I raised a hand, she would wither like grass. Yet I canât act on that instinct even if Iâm furious. Just now, I wanted to crush her for being so impudentâ¦but now that I have the chance, my hands didnât move like they arenât mine.
I canât find any strength in my fingers. It is unpleasant that my body is not listening to me. The feeling that my body wonât listen to my will. As if Iâm taken over.
But before I feel any discomfort, her eyes console me somehow. Just like the spring sun melts away the winter snow, the sun shines over them. It soothes his endless rage like that.
âFrom now on, donât turn away from me like that so easily.â
It was an experience I never wanted to go through again.
Yes, I never knew how painful it is to see my own daughter criticize me and run away from me. Just stay with me. Because I canât take my eyes off of you.
Iâll feel the urge to crush her and stomp her one second. And the next second, I want to hug her, listen to her, and soothe her caringly. What do I call this feeling?
I want to protect her, and I want to destroy herâ¦
There was a red scar on her pale skin where she scratched herself while running away. And the blood was coming out of her knees as if she fall down. The look made me feel even more strange. Sheâs so weak. If I grab her tightly, will she break?
ââI curse you. You made me like this. If you kill my child, I will never forgive you.'â
It reminds me of the mother of the child.
âIf this child dies, youâll lose everything youâve ever had. But if this child survivesâ¦â
That woman spoke of a curse that wasnât a curse.
âThen, you will regret it in another way.â
Iâm already regretting it right now. Holding his only daughter in his arms quietly, Caitel prayed. Please donât break.
â¦I hope I donât end up breaking you.