Time passed as I grew older, Zhan was my best friend, my mother was still sick, and my father was just there.
It was just another day when fifteen-year-old me returned from school,l and what welcomed me was my hysterical mother and her blood-curdling screams.
I rushed inside the house, "I am not lying! I swear I am not lying, there is someone in the house! I am serious!" my mother yelled as she held a knife in her hand and my father and Martha were there trying to calm her down.
"Honey, please put the knife down," my father said gently.
"NO! NO! NO! I am not joking please I am not lying dear there is someone in the house, there was a woman!"
"Honey, please calm down," my father urged again, but my mother was not listening, she brought the knife closer to her throat.
"Mom!" I yelled and she finally looked at me, my father saw her distraction and jumped at her, he grabbed the knife and threw it away, Martha rushed with the sedative and the two managed to sedate my mother, but that was not easy since my mother struggled and screamed a lot, if anyone who didn't knew better would see the scene they would think that we were torturing her. But it was for her own good.
My father took my mother to her room while I stayed back.
After some time he came back down and sat beside me, "Sorry you had to see that kiddo."
"No Dad, I am used to it."
"Your mom is getting worse. She thinks that this house is infested with demons and only Buddha could save us, she also thinks that I want to kill her and that I am cheating on her, but I would never."
I sighed as I stared at the ground, my father was not a bad person, he worked hard for me and my mom, he put me through an expensive school and all the other activities, paid for my mother's medical bills and medicine, and he is nice to her, he always talks to her gently.
He always treats her gently and calls her honey, I sometimes feel bad for him.
"It's okay Dad. Everything will be okay."
My dad gave me a smile and nodded
~~
That night my mother once again came to my room, but I was studying instead of sleeping.
"Why aren't you sleeping honey?" she asked as she came near me.
"I have to study for my upcoming tests."
She smiled and nodded, she then sat on my bed, "How is school?" she asked.
"It's good."
"How is Zhan?"
"He is good too."
She nodded and then sat there quietly. After some time she zoned out and then started to whisper something.
I sighed and went back to my work, but suddenly she grabbed my hand and said, "What's this on your arm?"
"There is nothing on my hand Mom."
"Don't you see there is something on your arm! " she said as she started to scratch my arm, trying to remove the unimaginable thing on my arm.
"Ouch Mom, there is nothing, mom stop..." I said, but she didn't stop, and scratched my skin so hard that it started bleeding, that's when I yelled.
"MOM STOP!" She finally came to her senses and became horrified at the sight of blood, before she started to cry.
"Oh dear, I am so sorry.".
"It's alright, you should leave."
"But dear..."
"Leave Mom please," I begged and she finally left crying.
I held my head in my hand as I felt frustrated, I loved my mom and I did not hate her, but I have always walked on eggshells around her.
She has given me literal nightmares because of all her screaming and paranoia.
She loves me, I know that, but sometimes it's just so hard to be around her.
And it feels wrong to hate her because none of this is her fault, she didn't ask to have this disease, and no one wants to be schizophrenic, it must be painful for her as well, and scary too, but sometimes I just can't help it. Sometimes I really resented her and I resented myself too for feeling that way, she was trying her best and here I was hating her.
I felt trapped and claustrophobic, I couldn't wait to get into college and get out of this place.
~~
"What happened to your hand," Zhan said as he observed my hand. I just stared at him, he was worried and I could see it from his face that he was angry too.
"Who did this??" he asked.
"Well, I got into a fight with my cousin," I spoke, which was a lie, my mother's side had no family, while my father's side didn't talk to us because of my mother's illness, they found her embarrassing and dangerous, and they completely cut us off when my mother pulled put a knife at a gathering on my father's side and tried to kill his mother.
"Well, this cousin of yours is a bitch then," he said, I could only smile, Zhan knew my mother was sick, but he had no idea how sick she was.
My father had asked me not to tell anyone about my mother to anyone because it could be embarrassing that my mother is crazy and besides, I didn't want to talk about her craziness myself.
"Let's forget about that and have lunch," I said and took out the two lunch boxes.
"Thanks," Zhan said as he ate the food, I stared at him for a while before I swallowed my food.
Zhan was a handsome boy, he was tall, lean, kind, and a wonderful person. He had a lot going on in his life, but I admire his quality of always pushing forward. I admire him, he is a strong person, I like him more than a friend. But I am not sure if I'll ever be able to confess my love, because I don't want to lose our friendship.
Zhan looked at me and asked, "What is it?"
"I...I... have something to tell you."
"What is it?" he asked, "You can tell me anything..."
"You know I think I...I might like men."
"Oh...." he paused and said, "So? Do you like someone?"
"You have no problem?" I asked and he laughed, "Why would I have any problem?"
I closed my eyes and released a deep breath, I didn't even realize how scared I was, if Zhan had reacted badly, then my heart would have been shattered.
It felt nice to share my secret with him.
Zhan ate and said, "You know what? If we remained single till thirty, then let's get married, I would love to stay with you."
"I would like that as well, but are you gay?",
"Why the fuck does it matter?"
"Right, it doesn't matter, so promise?"
"Promise."