Chapter 64: Questions of Transformation

OLIVIA

~Thirty-three, thirty-four…~

Olivia’s fingers drummed against her neck as she tallied the bandage packs Alex had returned with. She was nearly done sorting them.

She’d initially planned to start with the children’s checkups, but Alex suggested she begin with the adults.

The transformations were a bit unpredictable in the kids, so it might be safer.

He had a point. She still needed to determine if werewolves’ basic vital signs differed from humans; did they have a higher body temperature, was their pulse slower?

There was a mountain of work ahead before she could even begin.

She didn’t have ~that~ many years of nursing under her belt. She wasn’t a doctor. Whenever her anxiety threatened to overwhelm her, she’d remind herself that they had no one else, and something was better than nothing.

As long as she didn’t cause anyone harm, that is…

Especially since she wasn’t entirely confident in her judgment these days; she was just too exhausted.

Alex had noticed her pallor and asked if she was okay.

She’d brushed it off, claiming she was just a bit tired. That was a lie. There was nothing they could do about it. Even if she confessed to feeling like the walking dead, he was powerless to help.

Sure, he could advise her to rest and eat, but she was already doing that.

Besides, she didn’t want to rest in the room; she’d spent enough time within those four walls. She craved the outdoors, some fresh air.

They didn’t know why this was happening, and if they couldn’t figure it out, she didn’t know when it would strike again. She intended to enjoy her freedom while she could.

~Knock. Knock~.

The sound was loud and insistent. For a moment, she thought it was a figment of her imagination, a product of the pounding in her head. But when it echoed again, she had to accept that someone was at the door.

Her nose twitched, her eyes squeezed shut.

She pursed her lips; that wasn’t Alex.

Curiosity piqued, she made her way to the door and opened it a crack.

A petite brunette with small brown eyes greeted her with a smile. Did she recognize her? No, she hadn’t seen her before.

Then again, she hadn’t had the opportunity to meet everyone in the pack yet.

She’d only seen some in passing. Truth be told, the recurring heat cycles weren’t helping. She could only hope for a few days of respite.

“Hi.”

“Hi, we haven’t met yet. I’m Lina.”

“Oh, hi. No, we haven’t. I’m Olivia.”

“I know.”

Of course. She was the newcomer; everyone else knew her. Especially considering ~who~ her mate was. It was probably impossible to ~not~ know who your alpha was mated to—she hadn’t really considered it.

Did that change how everyone treated her?

It must, right? She wasn’t familiar with pack dynamics, but she could only assume that the pack wouldn’t want to do anything to upset Alex.

The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth. People would tread lightly around her; they wouldn’t act naturally. She didn’t want to contemplate every interaction being insincere.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Lina added, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Oh, hmm, sure. You want to come in?” she asked, opening the door wider.

It would be impolite to have this conversation in the hallway.

“Thank you.”

Lina accepted her invitation, slipping past her into the small office. As she brushed past, Olivia’s nose twitched. ~Hold on~.

“You’re human,” she blurted out, clutching the door.

Lina gave her a small smile and shrugged. “Yeah.”

Alex had mentioned there was a human. She hadn’t met her, she had meant to—of course.

She felt out of place and she ~was~ a werewolf. The idea of a human finding her place in a pack…that was utterly intriguing to her.

If she could do it, then surely Olivia could too, right?

“Did you join the pack because of a mate?”

She nodded. “Yeah, Marcus.”

Olivia’s mind was a whirlwind, attempting to match a face to the name, but she came up empty.

“He’s a beta, not exactly high on the totem pole. He’s often out on runs. ~With Maya~, you probably know her better.”

“Absolutely! She’s been a great help… I must drive her crazy,” Olivia responded, her laughter echoing in the room.

“Knowing Maya, she’d let you know if you did.”

“That’s definitely true.”

A silence fell between them, and Lina began to shift from her heels to her toes; it was obvious she was anxious, but Olivia couldn’t pinpoint why.

After all, surely meeting her couldn’t be more nerve-wracking than leaving a human existence to join a pack of wolves. This should be a breeze. Olivia wanted to ask her about it, but she didn’t want to push. Lina had sought ~her~ out.

There must be a reason.

“I wanted—I wanted to welcome you and introduce myself but…” She let out a sigh. “Would it be alright if I asked you a few questions? I know it’s impolite…”

“But there’s no one else I can turn to. I wanted to wait until you were settled in before I approached you…”

Olivia lifted her hands, a smile playing on her lips. “No problem. I’m all ears. Would you like to sit?” she offered, motioning towards the nearby chairs.

Lina’s visit might have a hidden agenda, but Olivia didn’t mind. It was challenging to find her place in the pack, a place that was hers, not one imposed by Alexander.

The idea that ~she~ might have the answers someone else needed brought her joy. She had no clue how she could assist, but if all she could do was lend an ear, then that was something.

“Sure, thank you.”

Lina made her way to one of the chairs, sinking into it, and Olivia did the same.

“So I heard—I heard you didn’t exactly have a say in your transformation.”

Olivia let out a scoff. “That’s one way to phrase it.”

~Straight to the point~.

“You don’t have to share… I mean, gossip spreads quickly here, but it’s a bit like playing telephone. The end result isn’t always the original message.”

That didn’t surprise Olivia.

“It’s okay. It was a case of mistaken identity. A terrible mistake.” She wasn’t ashamed of what had transpired. It wasn’t her fault.

But her recent confrontation with Will was still fresh in her mind and…recalling his admission…the assault, the blood…how he’d forced her to upend her life ~twice~…

It made her feel sick.

She felt lighter these days, especially since Alex and the pack had helped her come to terms with her status, her new form, but that didn’t mean she had forgiven Will.

She could be content with her life and still despise him, right?

He had stripped her of all her choices. From the very start.

“I’m sorry… I knew…even when I realized what Marcus and I were to each other, it took me some time to adjust. Things are different here.

“I had to leave my family…my job… When everyone goes into ~wolf mode~ during the full moon, I stay behind… It’s not an easy decision to make, and I’m sorry someone made it for you.”

“Thank you.”

Her voice wavered, a tremor in her throat that caught her off guard. For everyone else, being a werewolf was the norm. It was all they knew and they embraced it.

Her life hadn’t always been joyous, but it had been simple, she guessed. That wasn’t a word she could use to describe her life now. Every decision was accompanied by questions, contemplation, repercussions. It wasn’t the same.

This world wasn’t designed for werewolves.

“Which is sort of what I wanted to discuss…~That choice~.”

Well, now Olivia wouldn’t feel as guilty about asking. “I thought it was odd to have a human in the pack.” Her eyes widened.

“Not because I don’t believe humans and werewolves can coexist my fr—” She cut herself off. He wasn’t her friend anymore.

He was nothing more than the man who had tormented her, deceived her, and lied to her.

How pathetic was it that her first instinct was to refer to him as her friend? “Someone I knew. His mate was human too. He didn’t turn her.”

Lina let out a chuckle. “I understand.” She wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her own body.

“I’m part of the pack… I’m bonded to a werewolf. It ~would~ make sense.” She pursed her lips, her gaze dropping to the floor. “Marcus has never mentioned it.

“Then again, until you showed up, we didn’t—we didn’t discuss bittens and turning humans much. I don’t think they’re fond of it. Even if it involves their mates.”

Alex had hinted at that.

He hadn’t known what to make of her, or what all of this implied for her. She could understand that they didn’t just go around, turning someone’s life inside out.

And to think she used to view alphas and packs as the enemy.

“I never asked. I don’t think—it frightens me. What if I become a different person? Will I still be me? How much do you change?

“You gain this—wolf… I mean I don’t understand that. Maybe because I haven’t experienced it… And then you shift and you’re a beta, an alpha—or an ~omega~. You know, no one informed me about omegas.

“I didn’t even know they existed until you arrived.”

“If it’s any consolation, I wasn’t given the full story about them either. I don’t know if…that guy deceived me. Or if he was just ignorant himself…”

Lina unfolded her arms from her body and reached out to Olivia, taking her hand. Was it Lina’s hand that was warm, or hers? She felt… clammy. “Do you miss it?”

“Miss what?”

“Being human?”

~Of course, she did~.

She hadn’t been the best at being human. Her circumstances hadn’t been the best either.

Yet, when she thought back to being sixteen years old, resenting the rules, the limitations…man, she had no clue it could get any more restrictive than that.

“Sometimes.”

It was difficult to confess it to people who didn’t know any different. They didn’t sacrifice anything to gain what they had.

“Did it change you?”

She was different. There was no denying that.

Months ago, she might have attributed it to becoming a werewolf. Now she didn’t think so. It didn’t feel like it was so much the becoming-a-werewolf part than the whole shitty stuff that transpired.

Being attacked, nearly dying, having trust issues, then trusting the wrong person, having to hide, grappling with something she didn’t comprehend… all that made her a different version of herself.

The werewolf part in itself? Did it make such a significant difference? Probably not?

“Not really. I mean, for you it wouldn’t be much different. You’d have the same mate, the same home, surroundings… it’s not the same.”

“I’m sorry,” Lina responded, giving her hand a squeeze, “that was a bit thoughtless of me.”

“It’s okay. I wish I could have asked someone all this. In a world where no one turned me against my will, and I’d been a human with a wolf mate.”

If she had even had the chance to meet Alexander under these circumstances, of course.

“It’s just that—they’re all so content being what they are… I can’t ask them what’s so great about it, what is so different. They don’t know. It’s worked all this time.

“I thought about it briefly, when we first met… but then Marcus never mentioned it… so I didn’t dwell on it until…”

“Until I showed up.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve seen it work, I don’t see why you guys couldn’t remain who you are. And hey, at least you don’t have heats,” she added with a chuckle.

And from Lina’s reaction, she understood that what she said was awkward. “Yeah, that’s hmm…” She laughed. “That’s been stirring up people.”

Olivia grimaced.

“Are you telling me—everyone’s been… getting it on because of us?”

“A little bit.”

“Oh God, kill me now,” Olivia muttered, hiding her face in her hands.

“It’s not that bad. It’s been amusing. I don’t feel it but they all do.”

“Great, I guess everyone’s welcome.” Their sex life was turning everyone into sex addicts; perfect.

“I apologize for showing up unannounced and bothering you like this. It’s just something I’ve been holding in for a while.”

“No, I’m glad you felt you could come to me.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. “That’s mine,” Lina said, reaching for her phone.

“~Darn~. I have to leave. It’s my turn to teach the kids’ history lesson. They appreciate a ~human~ perspective now and then. I hate to rush off like this.

“But feel free to drop in anytime. Our room is on the third floor, at the end of the hall. I do most of the gardening, so you can usually find me out in the fields.”

“No worries. Thanks, I’ll definitely stop by.” It felt good to be open with someone who understood her life.

She hadn’t noticed how much she’d come to accept herself over the past few weeks. Being here with the pack, being Alex’s mate... it had taken a load off her mind. Everything didn’t seem so damn ~dark~ anymore.

She gave Lina a quick hug before waving goodbye. As she watched Lina walk away, her vision blurred for a moment. Olivia blinked a few times, hoping to clear her sight. It worked. ~That was strange~.

Maybe she should go lie down, take a nap. Or something.

She pulled her phone from her pocket, quickly scrolling through her contacts. She had to admit, she hadn’t realized how much she’d missed having a phone.

It made her life so much easier.

Maybe she’d text Maya and see if she was available. She should be okay. Everything was fine. Her body was just craving food after everything it had been through.

She just needed to rest more and eat more. She swallowed hard, feeling a lump in her throat.

~She was okay~.