Chapter 35: Shadow and Light

~Crash~.

Damn it.

Olivia cringed, her eyes squeezed shut, as the sound of the bowl hitting the floor echoed around her. In her self-pity, she’d forgotten to eat.

Actually, she couldn’t even recall the last time she had eaten. Before she ran into Will?

She wasn’t sure. Maya had been sleeping and she didn’t want to disturb her.

At first, she thought she’d wait until morning, but now her stomach was growling so loudly she was afraid it might wake Maya.

Besides, it was a good distraction from the nightmares that had jolted her awake.

She’d woken up drenched in sweat, the ghostly sensation of Will’s fingers still lingering on her neck.

Last night, with Alexander, she’d slept peacefully. But tonight, next to Maya?

Her dreams were filled with memories she’d rather forget.

The hallways were silent as she slipped out of the bedroom, clumsily making her way to the kitchen.

She wasn’t familiar with the layout yet, especially in the dark, and she took a few wrong turns before she found her way.

The next challenge was finding the food and utensils…

That led her to open a cupboard that hadn’t been properly organized…and now she’d probably woken up half the house. ~Way to go, Liv.~

She bent down to pick up the yellow ceramic bowl from the floor and placed it on the counter. Now she was too scared to open anything else…

“Need help finding something?”

The deep timbre of Alexander’s voice startled her, causing her to freeze.

Had he been watching her? Wasn’t he supposed to be asleep? There was no way the noise had woken him up. He couldn’t have gotten here that quickly.

“Um, I was—~I’m hungry.~”

There was a pause, but since she hadn’t turned around, she couldn’t see his expression to interpret his silence.

All she could hear was her own swallowing and the creaking of the counter under her grip.

Her heart pounded in her chest until finally she heard his footsteps. Then came the warmth.

He moved behind her, his chest pressing against her back as he reached for something above her head.

She’d always known he was taller than her, but she’d never felt so small.

“Scrambled eggs sound good?”

“Eggs?”

“I can whip some up for you.”

“Oh, um, that’s okay, I don’t want to—”

“~Livy~.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument. He dropped his arms back to his sides and pressed against her a little more.

“Do you know what an alpha’s job is…”

He laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “No, you don’t. You have no clue. Let me explain.” As he placed a hand on her hip, she held her breath.

“An alpha’s duty is to provide. If you starve while you’re under my protection, it reflects poorly on me.”

“Because I’m your mate?”

The words slipped out before she could stop them, causing her to quickly cover her mouth.

~Smooth move, Olivia~.

The warm hand that had been resting on her hip quickly pulled away and suddenly there was space between them. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean… I wasn’t thinking.”

“It would look bad if your mate starved to death.”

“Alex…”

“Why don’t you sit down while I cook?”

He wasn’t going to let her discuss it, was he? She wanted to push the issue, but maybe she’d already said enough.

She could let him have this one.

He wasn’t in the mood for conversation. She understood, so she moved around the counter and perched on a stool, resting her chin in her hands.

“Thanks.”

Now that she had some distance from him, she could really see him for the first time since he’d come downstairs. And she was taken aback by ~how much~ of him was on display. His underwear.

He was casually strolling around in his ~underwear~.

His long, muscular legs, chiseled abs, and broad chest were all on full display. A blush crept up her cheeks and she quickly averted her gaze.

She hadn’t let her eyes linger, but the bulge in his briefs was hard to miss.

Was he comfortable being this…~exposed~?

Then it hit her… She had ~taken over~ his room. Damn. “I’m sorry about your room.”

He’d left her alone for a while, and she didn’t think he intended for her to keep the room forever.

“Is there another room, I could—” Right. She would need a room. Because she was staying here now.

“I-I…unless, you…don’t want me to stay… I… I understand. You’ve offered before… I said no. And now…”

“There’s a room ready for you.”

He didn’t meet her gaze.

He continued to beat the eggs, his attention focused on the bowl.

“Thank you. For the room…for…helping me.”

“Do you want to know?”

“Know what?”

“About him.”

She knew he was alive. Maybe she should ask. Maybe she should know.

But she didn’t want to know. She thought she had killed him. When she closed her eyes, she saw her life flashing before her…

She could still feel his hands around her throat—and the bruises were a constant reminder. He had been merciless from the start.

Olivia was afraid that if she knew, a part of her, the part that used to care about him, might want to intervene. It was too soon.

“No.”

She heard the fork clink against the bowl as he stopped stirring.

He tilted his head back, looking at her with surprise.

Clearly, he hadn’t expected that response.

Olivia cleared her throat and shrugged. “He didn’t care what happened to me. Jess rejected him and his response was to attack her—or rather, me. He had years to come clean.

“He didn’t. He blamed ~me~. I don’t even know what he planned to do…strangle me? Or was he trying to make me pass out? Was he going to imprison me?”

Her trembling hands forced her to clench them into fists to stop the shaking.

His darkness was boundless.

She didn’t want to think about what could have happened if she hadn’t managed to turn the tables.

“He’s never going to touch you again.”

“That’s all I need to know.”

For now.

She needed to get herself together before she could worry about what was happening to him. Besides, this ~was~ the safest place for her; he couldn’t get to her here.

He didn’t even know where here was.

And if she could hold her own against him, he didn’t stand a chance against an entire pack.

The sound of a plate being set down in front of her snapped her out of her thoughts.

“Eat,” he said, sliding a fork towards her.

“Thank you.” As she picked up the fork and began to eat, she noticed he was still standing there, not moving. “Aren’t you eating?”

He shook his head.

She couldn’t read him, couldn’t figure him out. He’d shown her so many different facets of himself, she didn’t know which one was the real Alexander.

Then again, she’d never really tried to understand him. Maybe she should.

They were apparently destined to be together. She shouldn’t bring it up. She really shouldn’t but…

“When did you find out? That we were…you know.”

“Since that night at the hospital.”

“Is that why you followed me to work?”

“I thought you knew. You didn’t even try to hide.”

“I didn’t know I could.”

“Yeah, I figured that out.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. Their first encounter had been a disaster.

It was starting to make sense why she’d allowed him to put his number in her phone, why she’d followed him to the coffee shop…why she couldn’t get him out of her mind.

She’d thought it was because he was an alpha, but maybe it was something else.

Perhaps it was this unseen connection that seemed to link them.

“D-does it hurt?” she asked.

He cocked his head to the side, his chest sinking as he let out a breath. “It’s not something I can easily describe.”

In other words, ~yes~.

She didn’t think she could feel more remorse, but she did. “I’m sorry.”

“Livy.”

“Yes?”

“Eat.”

For the first time since the incident, a smile threatened to break through her somber expression. “~Fine~,” she responded, then began to eat.

“So how does it work?” she asked between mouthfuls. “If I live here, if I’m part of the pack, I have to contribute, right?”

“You need to rest.”

“No. If I do nothing, I’ll dwell on it and I don’t want to do that.”

“Yes, everyone contributes. I’ll give you a tour tomorrow. You need to understand the pack first. And you need to learn how to be a wolf. There are…” He paused. “Rules. A pecking order.”

“You’re the leader.~ Literally~.”

She’d been suppressing her feelings for so long that the idea of letting go was daunting. But she couldn’t continue living like that.

Maya had been right when she said she couldn’t have it both ways and since there was no way for her to be human again, she needed to learn how to live this new life.

Olivia finished her meal in silence, under Alexander’s watchful gaze.

She tried to keep her eyes down, unable to bear the intensity of his stare. She quickly cleaned her plate, and once she was done, she smiled at him. “Thanks.”

“You need to sleep.”

“Right.”

When he looked at her, she nodded.

“Right, you mean ~now~.”

She’d never been completely comfortable around him, but it felt even more awkward now. She didn’t know how to interact with Alexander. She also kept waiting to feel ~it~.

Even though she didn’t know what ~it~ was supposed to feel like.