Chapter 15: Chains of Control

Olivia tilted her head back, massaging her neck, trying to relieve some tension. This had been the longest ten-hour shift.

The night of the full moon always left her drained since she spent the entire night struggling against her restraints. Normally, she’d reward herself with a big breakfast, but she was out of time today.

She had been quick to escape Will, using his tiredness and confusion to her advantage. He knew something was off, but she wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing what.

She added to her previous lie, claiming she was covering for Cassie who had kindly swapped shifts with her. ~What a load of crap.~ She arrived at work an hour early, but she started her shift anyway.

They could always use the extra help.

“Don’t you feel hot?”

Olivia gave a small smile to her coworker Stephanie, who was leaving at the same time. She glanced at her long blue sleeve and shook her head.

“I’m always cold.”

“I’m sweating and I’m in a T-shirt,” Stephanie laughed in response.

Yeah, Olivia was too. But there was a downside to protecting people from the beast within her.

Eight hours of battling against cold, hard shackles left marks on her wrists. If anyone saw them, they’d think she was either a victim of abuse or into some ~extreme BDSM~.

She didn’t want to explain either of those scenarios, so she hid them. Even if it meant wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt in the height of summer.

“Must be nice to be normal,” Olivia replied, trying to lighten the mood. “See you tomorrow,” she waved.

“See you tomorrow,” Stephanie echoed, walking away.

And that was that.

Olivia was about to follow suit and head home when she noticed a familiar car—Alexander’s. Her heart pounded in her chest, her eyes widened as their gazes locked.

He was reclined in the driver’s seat, one hand on the wheel. ~Come~, he mouthed.

No. She was going home. Her home. Alone.

But it seemed there was a disconnect between her brain and her feet because they weren’t listening. Despite her best efforts, she found herself walking towards him.

She couldn’t stop it, she couldn’t resist it.

Why was it so hard to defy him? Why did her body always want to obey him? She tried to pull back, but it was useless.

It only made him smile.

~Jerk~.

He found this amusing. She didn’t.

Every time she thought there was more to him, every time she thought he couldn’t possibly be as cruel as she believed alphas to be, he proved her wrong.

As if she wasn’t already confused enough.

She opened the door and slid into the passenger seat, a shiver running through her. She straightened her back, but it didn’t make her feel any more at ease.

“You didn’t reply.”

“The conversation was over.”

“Like hell it was.” His smile, his teasing—it all disappeared. He was ~furious~.

“What do you want?”

He leaned forward, gripping her seat. “Is it him? Is he the one who chains you?”

She ran her tongue over her teeth. It always came back to this. Will. “It doesn’t matter. I decide how I keep people safe.”

“That’s not keeping people safe. You’re not an animal, Livy.”

“You’re right. I’m not an animal.” Her shoulders sagged, her chin quivered. “I’m a ~monster~.”

She looked away from him, staring at her hands.

The car wasn’t very big, but it felt a lot smaller than when she first got in. She needed to get out.

But he didn’t let her.

She had barely lifted her foot when his fingers wrapped around her wrist, halting her escape. His grip tightened, and she couldn’t stop the wince that crossed her face.

Immediately, he loosened his hold.

“Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” she snapped, using his surprise to pull her wrist away. ~Damn it~.

“Did he hurt you?”

His voice was filled with anger, a harsh breath escaping his lips.

“No one hurt me.”

Alexander took her hand, careful of her wrist, and used his other hand to push up her sleeve.

The red indentations and purple bruises on her pale skin were revealed.

His face turned red and he bared his teeth, then he let go of her as if her skin had burned him.

He reached for her other arm and did the same.

He lifted her wrist, her arm trembling in his grip. “What do you call this then?”

“I did it to myself.”

“Because you were restrained,” he retorted, his teeth clenched.

“I had to be. I ~nearly~ killed someone the first time. I won’t let that happen again.” She wanted to sound angry, to tell him off.

But the memory was too much. Her voice wavered, each word a struggle. Tears welled in her eyes as she barely managed to meet his gaze.

“No one ever taught you how to control it.”

“You can’t control a monster.”

She closed her eyes as the words hung in the air, trying to push away the darkness creeping into her heart. He couldn’t understand. He was born this way, she wasn’t.

She remembered a different life.

She knew what it felt like to be free of this constant burden. That’s what she longed for. That’s what she missed the most.

His warm hands cradled her face, tilting it upwards.

She could feel his face close to hers, but she didn’t have the strength to look at him. She didn’t want to—she couldn’t.

His thumb gently stroked her cheek. ~No, no~.

She didn’t want to cry in front of him. She didn’t understand why her defenses crumbled, why she was so vulnerable with him. But she didn’t like it.

“Livy, look at me.”

She shook her head, unable to find the words.

A tear escaped, trailing down her cheek and stopping at her bottom lip.

“Look at me.” His voice was softer now, barely a whisper.

His forehead met hers, stealing her breath away.

His nose brushed against hers, and she was hit with a memory of Will. He had done the same thing last night—but it felt different. It felt wrong.

This?

This made her heart flutter, as if it wanted to escape her chest. She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze.

His blue eyes seemed to reach into her soul, and more tears fell.

“You’re not a monster.”

“I-I am.”

“No, you’re not.” He tilted her face up further, their lips almost touching. “Someone—something made you believe you were. But you’re not.”

“I can hurt people.”

“You can do that without being a werewolf, Livy. But you control yourself, you control your actions. You don’t have to hurt people.”

How could she control the beast within her? It was a monster; it wasn’t her.

They didn’t share the same thoughts, they didn’t want the same things. The few times it spoke to her, she realized they were not the same. And she couldn’t control it.

She couldn’t even stop it from speaking. How could she control it?

As the full moon approached, she could feel it trying to take over, straining against its cage, eager to be free.

The more she fought it, the worse it became.

Her wrists hadn’t always been so bruised. But over the months, the years, she’d wake up with more and more injuries.

To Olivia, her wolf was an angry beast, waiting to be unleashed, to vent its pent-up rage. How could that ~ever~ be safe? How could she fight that?

If it was possible, wouldn’t Will have done it?

He was born a wolf and yet he restrained himself, knowing he couldn’t guarantee anyone’s safety. She knew he would prefer to be free if he could—wouldn’t he?

~Wait~.

Something didn’t add up.

He had found her that night, hadn’t he? That’s how he had stopped her, saved the life she had almost taken. So there was a time…a time when he was free.

And then never again. Had he escaped?

Was it just luck? He wouldn’t restrain himself if he didn’t need to, right? It was the only way to protect humans. He had told her that—so many times.

Or maybe ~he~ had more control than she did, but didn’t want her to feel bad. Maybe he was hurting himself just to spare her feelings.

“I can show you.”

His words brought her back to the present, and she shook her head.

“I can’t.”

“You have to trust me, Livy.”

His voice held a tremor, a need that was uncharacteristic of his usual self-assured demeanor. She found him puzzling.

One moment he was an arrogant jerk, the next he was showing genuine concern.

He’d taken her home without asking any questions. But there were times when he’d forcefully made her do his bidding. Was he a jerk or a decent guy?

Who was the real Alexander?

The thought of finding out scared her.

It was easy to despise the version of him she’d encountered most often. That version was instantly detestable.

But the version that cared about her feelings? The one who tried to comfort her? The leader who was adored by children?

That version was harder to hate. That version couldn’t be labeled a monster, and that was a frightening realization.

Almost more frightening than him actually being a monster.

Her response remained the same. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

As soon as those words left his mouth, he bridged the distance between their lips.

She felt the warmth of his mouth on hers, his sweet scent overwhelming her senses.

His lips moved urgently, his need evident. Her lips parted, offering him more than he had initially taken. And he took more.

His tongue swept across her lips, seeking entry. He dove in without waiting for her response.

Her hands found his shoulders, holding on for stability.

She felt the firmness of his muscles under her touch, reminding her of his size compared to hers.

She clung to his shirt as if letting go would mean her end.

He was taking and she was giving, but it didn’t feel enough. It didn’t fill the void within her.

~No. No.~

Her mind was screaming, her heart felt like it was about to burst, and yet, there she was, in his arms.

She expected him to let go of her face, to touch her elsewhere, but he didn’t. Instead, he pulled back.

Her eyes fluttered open, the unexpectedness of his action hitting her harder than she’d anticipated. He never pulled away.

He tilted his head up and planted a quick kiss on her nose before removing his hands from her.

“Come on.” He settled back into his seat. “I’ll take you home.”

She licked her lips, trying to erase any trace of him. “Home?” His home and her home were two different places. Did he realize that?

“Your home.”

It seemed like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t.

So she nodded.

She was so ~fucking~ doomed.