Rowan
I woke up the next morning with bad headache that made me wonder if I'd repeatedly gone head banger against the wall until it all came back to me in flashes; kind of like a movie flashback and that's when I realized what I had done.
Shame overcame me as I saw the mess covering the carpeted floor by the dresser. I closed my eyes and raked my fingers through my hair in frustration. I'd cried myself to sleep yesterday, eventually getting hold of the meds which rolled from beneath my pillow. It was after I'd downed the meds did I sleep peacefully.
Yesterday, when I saw Alana with Troy, I had the craziest thoughts like what if he convinced her to move out of my house? What if Dwight sent him as a personal postman to deliver another one of his unwanted warnings about how she should reconsider living with me? I didn't need my family to intervene in my personal matters where Alana or Minnie was concerned.
I was twenty-nine, and Alana was a mature adult too. Well, maybe not mature just yet but I knew she was capable of making her own decisions.
What made it worse was the fact that I'd let her see the most vulnerable part of me. She knew that I was on medication, that I'd lied when I said I was fine because I was far from it. I knew she wanted to help me, but I didn't trust myself in that state. Hell, I remember locking myself up every time it happened back home when I lived with my parents, but now things had changed and I needed to lay it all out. Be honest with Alana if I wanted her to stay in my life.
I walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face, then I walked into the storage room and found a broom and a dustpan to clean the mess. Alana was nowhere in sight, I wondered if she had left for college, or better yet, packed and moved out. I wouldn't be surprised if she had.
I cleaned the shattered pieces on the floor. I'd let Minnie sleep in and now I had to clean up and hurry to the university because I had a lecture to dish out. My inner-monologue was interrupted by a shadow standing by the bedroom door.
Alana stood at the door wearing casuals, a tank top and shorts. Although her shorts were too short for my liking, I didn't comment on it.
"How are you feeling today?" Alana asked.
"Better." I said.
"Good." She said maintaining a stoic face. "I prepared pancakes which isn't much but that's all I could whip up so early in the morning, plus that's what Minnie insisted on."
"You sent Minnie to school?" I asked her, totally impressed.
She smiled. "I did."
"Thanks baby."
"No problem." She said. "Can I help you with the cleaning?"
"I've got this." I said, giving her a forced smile. Dumping all the shattered pieces into the bin.
"Okay then, I think I better get going."
"Wait!" I climbed to my feet and followed her into the living area.
She stopped short and turned to face me. I didn't know how to start, what to say. I was embarrassed to say the least. "I know I keep saying sorry and keep doing this shit again, but I'm really really sorry about yesterday."
Alana nodded. "I know you are."
"You do?"
"Your eyes say it all."
"Listen, baby. When I'm upset, don't come anywhere near me. In fact, just take Minnie and go into another room and lock yourself in or just walk out of the apartment. And never, ever hide my meds because those help me function. I'm not a good person without them. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"
She just nodded, and her eyes told me she was hiding something.
"I know we have gone over this a million times but you don't have to worry about me, if you ever feel like you can't be with me anymore, I'll understand. You have done more than enough for me and it's the least I could do if you decide to walk out."
"Rowan..."
I raised my hand. "Your father is right. I can be dangerous when I snap and you know that better than anyone..."
"Rowan." There were tears spilling out her eyes.
I brushed my thumb over her tears. "Always put yourself before me."
She sucked in a breath and said. "Rowan, what if I told you that Minnie will have a little sister or a brother?"
I went numb. I think I lost my ability of speech.
What have I done?
"Baby, are you...?"
Alana nodded. "I'm pregnant."
My first reaction was happiness. I was going to be a father. Again. And then suddenly I realized I'd done it again. Knocked up a girl before marriage. How could I be so irresponsible?
I didn't realize she was still standing in front of me seeming anxious.
"When did you find out?"
"I missed my periods this month. I thought it was normal because it happens sometimes and I totally forgot about it, but today morning I felt sick and I threw up. I dropped Minnie off at school and bought a test from the pharmacy."
"And?"
"It came out positive."
This is exactly what my father had warned me about, told me I shouldn't do it again.
Her body was shaking, I wondered what was making her so nervous. I told her to sit down and she settled down on the couch. I brought her a glass of water which she downed entirely. "I'm happy, Alana. It's our baby."
Alana's face lit up as she threw her arms around me. "I was so worried about what you would say."
"Why would you be worried?" I asked.
She pulled away a wiped a tear from her eye. "Well, you already have Minnie and I thought maybe you would feel burdened about being pushed with another baby and responsibilities."
"No. Of course not." I shook my head. "I thought maybe you didn't..."
"I would never even consider doing something like that, Rowan."
"I can't tell you how happy I am. I love you." I told her and kissed her forehead. "Wait, right here. I have something I need to give you."
I hurried into our bedroom and threw open the drawers where my ties were neatly piled up. The box was missing. I opened the wardrobe and searched through the drawers. I looked through each and every corner and failed to spot it. I scratched my head.
I wondered if I'd lost it. I'd spent a fortune on that one. Alana walked into the bedroom laughing. She waved a blue velvet box in her hand. "Are you looking for this?"
I laughed. "So you knew about it. There goes my romantic proposal."
She folded her arms across her chest. "I hadn't actually seen it coming until yesterday."
"Oh!" If only things went the way I planned, but it never did. "It's going to seem like I'm only proposing to you because you're carrying my baby."
"Just shut up and do it, Mr. Masters."
I went down on my knees and looked at her. Two years ago I would never have thought that I would be proposing to the student I'd been in love with.
"Alana, what do you think about changing your last name to Masters?"
She giggled. "I think that would be cool. Alana Masters, I like the sound of it."
"Do you think you can handle living with an almost thirty, overbearing and sometimes psychotic but drop dead gorgeous man?"
"I would love to."
"Would you treat his six year old daughter as your own?"
"I promise."
"Would you scoop up Elsa's poop from the floor in the middle of the night with a plastic shovel?"
By this time Alana was laughing loudly. I liked the sound of her laughter. It made me sad to see her in tears. I wanted to make it my life's motive to always see her smiling.
"You are perfect, Alana. I want you to be the mother of my babies. Please marry me. I promise I'll be a good husband. I'll buy you expensive gifts, I'll take you out on dinner dates every weekend. Everything that you want."
"Yes. Yes. Yes. I'll marry you."
"I have one condition." I said.
Her face fell. "What's that?"
"You will continue studying even after marriage and you will get your degree. Do you have something you want to do?"
"I want to become a teacher."
I was at a loss of words for a good few seconds. I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. "Did I influence your decision?"
"I was never cut out for the nine to five desk job, and I've always looked up to you. I think it's wonderful what you do and I want to do the same thing even though I don't think I'm as smart as you."
She went up on her toes and our mouths came crashing against one another. We kissed deep and passionately. I felt like a fifteen year old, experiencing his first kiss in high school. My heart was close to melting.
"Will Minnie accept me as her mom?" Alana asked me, breaking the kiss. She was still breathing hard.
I chuckled softly. "Of course, sweetheart, she loves you. She'd be happier than you and I put together. Trust me."
Alana's expressions softened. "I'm so happy. You make me happy."
"Good." I said sliding the ring on her finger. "I'll contact a wedding florist and the best designer boutique and have them to send me their catalog for you to choose from. Can't wait to see you in that white dress."
"I feel the same Mr. Masters."
"What? I won't be wearing a white dress." I joked.
She punched me. "A tux. I meant a tux. So when do you want to get married?" She asked me, playing with my hair.
"Next week." I said.
Alana gaped at me. "Rowan? Is this a joke?"
"I'm not laughing, see." I smiled. "Now, go to college and if you need anything, just call me."
"There are so many things I need to prepare. This is our wedding Rowan, it has to be perfect." She was already giddy with excitement.
"It will be perfect. I promise." I said.
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