Chapter 11: Chapter 11

His arms are like a vice around my body. Finally, I realize that the more I try to wiggle out, the tigher his hold gets. So, I lay still, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, breathing in his scent, reveling in the heat of his big, strong body. His strong arms make me feel safe and protected.

It’s still dark when I open my eyes again. The warm muscular body holding me reminds me of where I am. Gosh! How could have I fallen asleep here, like this? It couldn’t have been for too long, maybe an hour or so. His arms are more relaxed now, his breathing, steady but his foot is still heavy, tangled between my legs. I slide my body slowly downward. I stop moving when he moves. His crotch is in direct line of my eyes. Oh uh…this is super awkward. If he wakes up now and finds me in this position, I’d die!!! He stops moving and I look up to make sure that’s he’s still asleep. I’m twisted like a pretzel as I try to untangle our legs. Not even Genesis is stupid enough to get herself into this sticky situation. Only you, Penny. Only you.

Miraculously I manage to slip out. For a while, I stand at the end of his bed and watch him sleep. There is undeniable dark and dangerous kind of beauty to him. Even when he’s sleeping, the aura of uncontained power and viciousness are there.

Simmering just beneath the surface. He’s very intimidating, though I would never admit it to anybody, especially to him!

My fingers itch to touch his silky hair.

Then he moves. His hand searching. I curse myself as I spring out of his room the same way I came in.

I stayed awake for hours, thinking after I went back into my bedroom, but I make my way down for breakfast with a lighter heart this morning. I guess having a new resolution really helps. I decided to extend my graciousness and friendliness to everybody else around me too…even Caspian. I’ll be as sweet as Serena from now on.

I smile and greet everybody cheerfully. Genesis, Serena, and Eva return my greeting just as cheerfully. Caspian, Lazarus, and Constantine look at me suspiciously before returning my greeting cautiously. They’re looking at me like I was a dangerous, unpredictable little creature about to strike at any moment. Men! I almost roll my eyes at them…BUT I remember my resolution just in time and smile instead. Caspian is looking creeped out.

I know I haven’t been a ray of sunshine or even a sweet girly girl all these time, but come on! Looking at me all suspicious like that is just too much. Stupid lycan men! I feel like kicking

their shins underneath the table. Remember Penny, resolution.

Be nice. Smile.

My smile threatens to slip at the sight of Darius. My heart aches at how beautiful he is. Despite his betrayal, my whole being longs for him. Juno yearns for him. Last night was a taste of something that could never be. The yearning for him is a crushing weight in my heart. I decided last night that I should try to let go of my anger. I had been reminding myself last night how he’s not mine and that he’ll never ever be mine. I closed that door that night at Banehallow Castle. It will remain closed. I will make sure of it even if it kills me.

I’m conscious of his eyes burning through me the moment I step into the kitchen. I’m aware of his eyes watching and studying me thoughtfully. There’s something different in the way he’s looking at me this morning.

I glance up and give him my brightest, most angelic and innocent smile. In return, his eyes narrowed speculatively. He looks puzzled yet intrigued. Like he’s wary of my action, but eagerly waiting for my next move.

Nope, no more moves from me. This is me truly saying goodbye to my dreams of us. My heart is still bleeding, but I keep smiling as I spread some butter and blackberry jam on my croissant. The taste of warm flaky, buttery pastry should make me moan in ecstasy, but my appetite is suddenly gone. I bite and chew enthusiastically just for show.

“So…you slept well last night?” he asks me. His voice sounds casual, but icy blue eyes are intense on my face, studying me closely.

I almost choke on my croissant.

Of course, he could probably smell my scent all over himself and in his bedroom this morning! I almost smacked my head at the realization. Arghh!!! Stupid Penny!

“I slept very well, thank you,” I answer. I smile up at him sweetly for a good measure. “No nightmare or anything. What about you?” Oh, keep your mouth shut, Penny!

“Never better,” he answers. A little smile that plays on his lips never wavers.

I wait for him to say something more, but he just goes back to sipping his black coffee. Then he turns to talk to the other male lycans. Well, if he knew I was in his bedroom and in his bed last night, he hasn’t said anything about it yet. Am I going to bring it up? NO WAY! I’m just going to pretend it never happened. Hopefully, he’ll never bring that up either. Like ever!

Serena decided that today is the day we are going to the Spa together. Even Eva is going with us.

I know Serena and Genesis have a couple of classes today, but they don’t seem to take this whole college thing seriously. I have one later today. I might be able to make it after we’re done at the Spa.

“So, how long have you known Darius, Eva?” asks Genesis conversationally from the passenger seat. She’s sitting next to Serena who’s driving and Eva is sitting next to me in the

backseat of the car. So this is why they’re so eager to get Eva to come with us. Drilling session. Poor Eva.

“I’ve known of him for a long time. You know he’s one of the best warriors and top ranking officers, everybody knows him,”

she answers, her Russian accent is distinct. “I’ve been placed to work directly under him only for the last nine years.”

“He’s really hot,” remarks my crazy best friend. “So…do you have more than work relationship going on with him?”

Oh Gosh, I almost groaned out loud. I don’t want to know about this.

Eva laughs. “Goddess, no!” she answers. “We warriors mostly don’t do relationships.”

“Really???” Genesis twists all the way around to stare at Eva in surprise. “What do you do for…uh..you know…for..” her face turns bright red and I burst out laughing. I can’t help it. Eva starts laughing too. I see Serena biting her lips trying not to laugh in the review mirror.

“For sex, you mean?” asks Eva after she stops laughing. “Oh, we have that among warriors all the time. It’s just a physical thing for us. Some treat it like stress relievers. Relationships among warriors can be dangerous and messy. It happens, but we try to avoid it.”

“So….meaningless hook-ups,” says Genesis. Her eyes stray to look at me pointedly. “Relationships with non-warriors are okay then?”

“Yes, some of the warriors are mated, especially those who had found their erasthais, but not many of us are in relationships.”

“Why exactly are you here with Darius?” asks Serena.

“We have some matters to attend to,” answers Eva.

“That sounds very vague. Confidential Government matter?” I see Serena raises an eyebrow in the review mirror.

Eva just smiles and turns her head to look outside.

“So, you and Darius never…?” Genesis is relentless.

“No, never,” Eva says. “I did offer him the other night, he seemed so tense,” she adds. “He said no,” she shakes her head regretfully. “I’ll ask again some other time…he’s just so tense all the time lately.”

Suddenly I don’t feel like I want to be sitting next to Eva anymore.

“What happened?” asks Constantine after I stomped my way inside.

Urghhh!!! I need to break something. Never again will I go to a Spa with Serena. I didn’t know her idea of fun and relaxation is akin to getting tortured!

“Brazillian wax happened,” answers Serena breezily.

“Huh?” says Lazarus. All the men are suddenly paying attention. All activity ceased at the words.

“Somebody decided to…uh, knock the waxing lady out cold,”

answers Genesis. Her voice is shaking with suppressed

laughter.

Suddenly everybody is looking at me and immediately

understanding dawns on their faces.

What? Why does everybody immediately assumes that it’s me who did it?

Well, okay…so it was me who knocked the lady out, but come on! It could have been Serena who did it.

That evil lady totally deserved it. She came at me with hot wax on my vagigi, then she ripped it off with such vengeance. Who does that? What did I ever do to her? I cursed like a sailor today. Totally ruined my resolution on my first day!

I didn’t even punch her all that hard. It was just a little tap, I swear. She totally deserved a good punch.

Savage woman! A woman like that should be the leader of the torture squad at the Banehallow dungeon. Not that I know if the palace had a dungeon, but if they do, that woman should definitely lead the team. With a woman like that, there will be no crime in this world. Rebels would put down their weapons.

The dungeons and holding cells would be cleared up in no time. Enemies wouldn’t be able to hold any secrets. The mafias of the lycan world would crumble.

Darius’s eyes move down to my crotch as if he can see me through my layers of clothing and my core clenches. I feel like covering my crotch area with my hands, but of course, I didn’t do that. Instead, I flick my newly trimmed and treated hair and whirl around to escape only to come face to face with Caspian.

Caspian flashes me a mischievous grin and says, “So, are you saying that there’s a woman here walking around with half waxed ….”

“Shut it, Caspian!” says Genesis, followed by a smack and an

“Owww..”

It would be a relief to get out of the house today. A big relief.

This resolution is killing me. Biting my tongue from sassing people is driving me insane. Keeping a smile on my face at all times when what I really want to do is sucker punch somebody in the face is giving me an ulcer. I’m dying! I don’t know how Serena is still alive.

Darius is still staring at me like he’s trying to figure me out.

Deliberating over something. I know I’ve given up on the idea of us and I’m trying to let go of my anger towards him, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. This strong attraction I’m feeling for him is still holding me hostage. My feelings for him is very confusing.

On top of that, Caspian keeps looking at me suspiciously. I know my being agreeable and smiling all the time is creeping him out big time. At first. Then he starts to take advantage of the situation by doing and saying outrageous things to make me snap. I’ve kept my cool so far. Barely.

I manage to escape the house before I kill somebody.

I’m even wearing a dress like Serena today. That’s how committed I am to this new resolution. I’m not about to break it again by killing somebody. If only it’s not so stressful.

I’m driving Caspian’s car to class again today. I really should get a job and get myself a car.

I’m very careful not to flash anybody as I step out of the low car in my black sheath dress that ends mid-thigh. I don’t mind short dresses, but this one is so tight! I hate this dress. Smile.

Mason asked for my phone number today after I assured him that there’s nothing going on between me and Darius.

I might not be attracted to him, but he makes me laugh. If nothing else, we could be friends, right? The thing is, I just gave him my number just over an hour ago, and I already got five texts from him. I didn’t know he’s a compulsive texter.

Mason: Want to join me studying at the library today? It’s super wild and crazy in here. You don’t want to miss this.

No, not at all. I don’t feel like studying at the library. I don’t feel like texting him back right now. I don’t feel like going home.

This resolution is killing me. Is it possible to be defeated by your own resolution? Is it possible to die for trying to be nice?

I drive to a small lake behind the Particle Science and Technology building near a walking trail. It’s very quiet here.

There’s a bench beside an old Pine tree in front of the lake. I came here twice already when I wanted to be alone. Usually, I didn’t come wearing a tight dress with a pair of high heels.

Maybe trying to dress up like Serena is taking it too far, I decided as I totter precariously on uneven ground in my 3.9

inches heels.

My heel snags on a tree root…or something and I fall on the ground like a log. Ughhh…stupid heels! Owww…my ankle

bends sideways.

Dry twigs snap behind me. Great. A witness to my ungainly fall.

I really can’t catch a break. A tall figure looming over me.

“What are you doing down there?” comes a gruff voice from behind me.

What a stupid question! Admiring the close-up view of the soil.

Picking up stones for my rock collection. Take your pick.

“Nothing, just testing how comfortable the ground is,” I answer trying to lift my leg up. “Owww…” Pain shoots up my calf.

“Not very comfortable, I take it?” This time he sounds amused and I look up.

“Yummy lip ring!!!”

I’m happy to see him. He doesn’t look too thrilled to see me there, but he picks me up and carries me to the bench. He inspects my ankle and announces that it’s just a sprain. Good

thing we werewolves recover fast. It’ll be as good as new in an hour or so.

“How come you’re not scared of me?” He turns his austere eyes on me. “Most people are at least wary of me.” It sounds almost like he would prefer me to be scared of him.

Looking at him now, I can understand why people are wary of him. He’s a tall guy, maybe just an inch or two shorter than the lycans. The skin over his corded muscle arms and neck are covered with ink. He has four piercings that I can see. His dark brown eyes look cold and his face looks fierce. That lip ring still looks yummy on him.

To be honest, that night I was too drunk to understand why I wasn’t scared of him. Now, I can feel Juno’s trust in him. My soul recognizes his, not as soulmates but like a kindred spirit. I know that he can feel it too and it puzzles him.

I’m puzzled by it too, so I just shrug my shoulders. “Maybe I’m brave.”

“Maybe you’re stupid,” he counters and I’m not even offended.

That settles it. I think he’s right.

We sit on the bench next to each other in comfortable silence for a long time.

A bird swoops down and settles on a rock at the edge of the lake. The late noon sunlight is reflecting off the rippling water.

It’s beautiful and quiet here.

I’m feeling sad. I think I’m feeling sorry for myself. It’s good that Yummy lip ring is here. If I was all alone, would be bawling my eyes out right now.

“Yummy lip ring?” I call out softly. He seems to be lost in his own thought. “Why don’t guys want me?”

“By guys, you mean one particular guy, don’t you?”

I sigh. That’s a stupid question to ask a guy. A stranger too. I’m an idiot.

“Then he’s an idiot,” he answers simply.

“You know what? You are right,” I say. “He is an idiot.”

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“You’re a great kisser, even when you’re drunk.”

“That’s right! I’m a great kisser.” I wouldn’t know if that’s true, but I’ll take his word for it.

“You’re a great catch.”

“I’m a great catch,” I echo him. Saying these things make me feel better even if I don’t believe a word I just said.

“I’m freaking awesome!” I announce with more conviction than I’m feeling.

That earns me a little lift of his lips and a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. That little smile from him makes me feel like I’ve just won a gold medal.

“What brought you here?” I suddenly ask him.

“Life choices.”

That’s a very vague answer, but I nod my head in

understanding.