"Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, changed, and rearranged to relocate us to the place we're meant to be."
5 years later......
Living here as been hell on earth. And like he said he'd break me down and he was successful, I don't even know who I am anymore.
"Mommy!"
"What's wrong now Ryan?
He started to tear up and what he said before he walked away hurt me.
"I not Ryan I Messiah mommy."
"Shit!"
I said under my breath.
I can't even keep up with my kids anymore, and I feel ashamed. As of now I'm twenty seven with six kids not including Terrell and Maloni.
Terrell is eleven, Maloni is ten, Daylen and Hayden are five, Maliq is four, Ryan is three, Messiah is two and last but not least there's Isaac who is one.
These kids are stressing me out, and to makes it no better the twins don't talk at all. I don't know what it is but all they do is nod their head, when they're being spoken to.
With all that's going on I picked up a new habit over the years. I'd never thought I'd become a alcoholic but that's what I've became, I drink whatever I can get my hands on.
I know it isn't good but that's how I deal with the situation im in. Smoking until I was higher then high or popping pills didn't even help due to Dontae always killing my high. I'm no longer the beautiful, confident, and happy person I once was.
"Rain!"
I jumped as I heard Dontae yell my name knocking me out of my thoughts. Still to this day this man still makes me feel frightened.
"Yes?"
I questioned as he stood in front of me watching my drink the clear liquid, shaking his head in disappointment.
"Let me talk to you in the room now!"
I got up and went to the room with him on my heels as soon as we entered the room and he closed the door I was on the floor.
"What is up with you drinking?"
"This is what helps me get through the day."
I said honestly not lying.
"You got kids to take care of, that should get you through the day."
I broke down crying, and he picked me up and hugged me.
"I'm sorry."
"No your not! Everything you told me you were going to do, you did it. We live in a prison. You treat me like shit, and I've done nothing wrong."
I cried as he still held against his chest.
"Here we go with this again, do I need to teach you another lesson?
He said letting me go looking at me with his empty dark eyes.
"Why not you take advantage of me anyway, all this is going to result in is another baby."
I stated the truth, as he stood there looking at me for a couple seconds before he slapped me. I just walked away from him, I no longer fought back since I no longer had the strength to.
"Did I tell you to move?"
"Please leave me alone, I don't feel good."
I said feeling dizzy while laying on my side of the bed instantly throwing up.
"Really?"
I couldn't respond for the simple fact I passed out.
~~~~~~~~
I woke up to Dontae sitting on the edge of the bed with a gun in his hand. Once he noticed I was awake he turned and looked at me with a smile.
"Do you feel better now?"
"Somewhat."
I looked at my attire and noticed I only had on my bra and underwear. I felt movement on the bed, so I looked up and saw that he got up and walked over and stood in front of me.
"Come on I wanna show you something."
He grabbed my hand and I followed him out onto the balcony where it was a candles lit and music playing in the background.
"I love you."
He said while looking at me as he pulled out my chair as I sat down, I didn't respond but that didn't stop him from continuing.
"You know over the years I've been thinking about something, and now I've realized what it is."
I just gave him a blank stare as he continued.
"I realized after today all the wrong I did you and I apologize. I guess the way I was brought up is how I thought I was supposed to treat women, but then I thought about it. Would I appreciate if someone did that to my daughter? And I was like nah he'd be a dead motherfucker. Anyways moral of this apology is I'm sorry and I'll try and do better."
I looked away from him in tears because this isn't the first time he's done this. He says sorry and then he goes back to being the crazy manipulator he is.
"Rain do you hear me!?
"Do you hear yourself? You tell me this over and over ag-"
He pulled the gun out and cocked it back as he put it to my head.
"Listen bitch, I try my best but I see it isn't good enough. I should kill your ass but instead I'm going to give you a warning."
I shook my head and just continued sitting in the chair looking at him.
After looking at him for a couple more second he got down on his knee, pulling out a small box.
"Listen Rain. You make me complete. You had my children and you do your best with taking care of all the kids. Your a very strong woman even if you don't believe it. And I know I'm not the best man but I love you with all my heart, and I know I've done more wrong then I've done right, but can you forgive me and can we start over?"
I shook my head no, and he stayed in the same position.
"I don't understand that say yes you will marry me."
"No! No! No! I can't say that. You've turned me into a while new person and I don't want to live like this anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean no I will not marry you. I'd rather die before I marry you. I hate you! I hate the things you've put me through! I hate living with you! I want no dealings with you!"
He stood up and shook his head.
"You stupid bitch! You should've said yes!"
He shot me in my shoulder and then walked off, leaving me to bleed. I didn't even scream because my body was numb.
I slowly got up as blood gushed from my arm, thinking should I just bleed to death but then I thought about the kids.
Eventually I made it to the bathroom and began to clean the wound enough for me to see the bullet.
As I was in the process of taking it out the door opened and I don't even bother to look up until I heard the door lock.
"Rain what happened?"
Terrell said running over to me and examining me.
"He shot me."
I replied simply while concentrating on getting the bullet out.
"When I didnt hear anything."
"A couple minutes ago, I'm fine so chill."
"You not fine, look what happened to you? You going down hill all because of him."
"It's ok I'm fine."
"No you not ever since we been here this nigga been treating you wrong. You don't think I see? We all do, and this ain't the way to live."
"I know, but listen to me, im fine so don't stress yourself."
"Your not fine! How am I not supposed to stress!? Your all I have, fuck it your all we have! You got eight kids that depend on you, get your shit together quick!"
"Stop cursing at me, I got this."
"Obviously you don't."
"I do. Just let me handle this."
I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen area but shook it off.
"Do you need help?"
I guess he noticed the discomfort in my face as IÂ sat on the toilet.
"Yea, perfectly fine."
"That's bullshit Rain and you know it!"
"No I'm serious."
I gave him the best smile I could muster up before I felt another sharp pain and he walked out the bathroom slamming the door.
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