39. Saturday Week Fifteen (the confession.)
Of course, when I woke up yesterday, Eli was gone and I was left wondering whether the whole dinner was real or not. The entire experience was surreal, from Mikael being the special guest to him pulling a gun out at the dinner table.
Knocking on the door of Eli's apartment, I was filled with dread and curiosity. Dread because I had no clue how Eli would act around me after last night and curiosity because it was strange that Raven had asked me to come to their apartment.
"Rei, thanks for coming," she held the door open wider for me and I stepped past her into the apartment. Immediately, I was engulfed in a hug by Cayden.
He pulled away and held my shoulders as his eyes scanned me up and down, "are you okay?"
A small laugh escaped me but I frowned slightly as stepped out of Cayd's hold, "I'm fine, why? What's going on?"
Raven looked over at me solemnly, "Mikael wasn't pleased about you being there Thursday night, Rei."
Her words barely processed as my eyes moved past her and Cayd to the rest of the apartment. It was destroyed. The glass coffee table was smashed to pieces. The couch was tipped with the cushions strewn randomly across the room as if someone had thrown them in a blind rage. The cupboards were open and the contents inside either lay across the floor or were gathered in pieces from where they had been so carelessly broken.
Shock registered and I gasped, my hands flying up to my mouth before I whispered, "Mikael did this?"
Cayd shook his head slowly, "not exactly."
"Eli?" I breathed out
Raven nodded.
"Where is he?"
Raven pointed to his bedroom and I made my way over. Not bothering to knock, I barged inside to find him sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. I couldn't see his face but I could see his knuckles and they were red, cut and swollen.
"I told them not to call you," he grunted out.
"Why?" I closed his door and leant back against it, arms crossed as I peered at him.
"Not your fight, Reillyn."
I nodded, pushing off the door and strolling around his room. His nightstand had a glass on it so I picked it up and threw it at the wall.
The shock was blatant on his face as his head whipped around to look at me, "what are you doing?"
I shrugged, "you said something that made me mad so I broke something," my eyes narrowed as I thought of the wreck he had made of their apartment, their safe haven, "I thought that was how we were dealing with shit."
Eli growled, "it's more than just being mad, Rei."
"I hope so!" I yelled, raising my hands in the air and letting them flop to my sides, "you've destroyed your apartment, Raven's apartment and for what? A temper tantrum?"
His eyes flashed in anger, "you have no clue what's going on, Rei."
"Obviously not, Eli!" I spoke aggressively, "all you've done is push me away."
He stood and turned to face me fully, his eyes were burning in anger. But they were dark and dull, the bags under his eyes so prominent they looked like permanent shadows. The crease between his brow was glaringly obvious and it seemed as though it had been fixed that way for days. And yet, he still looked beautiful.
"All I've done, Reillyn, is protect you," he said lowly.
"Bullshit!" I screamed, "you've hidden away and taken the easy route out. You think I don't know what you've been doing? Why you haven't been at school? I know it's not just fighting anymore, is it Ryker?" I stepped forward, fists clenching at my sides, "it's drugs too now right? You're a drug dealer," I pointed at him, "that's your choice, not mine, so don't you dare make this about me."
He tugged at his roots in frustration, "about you, Rei?" He groaned, "fucking everything is about you. I don't know when the fuck it happened but at some point, every decision I made became focused on you and how it would affect you," he looked pained like he didn't want to be telling me these things but the words just couldn't help but tumble out, "yes, I've taken the easy route, but I'm not going to apologise for doing everything I can to make sure you're safe."
I groaned and rolled my eyes, "urgh. I am so sick and tired of all the men in my life thinking they have to protect me all the time. I'm a big fucking girl, Ryker!" His lips twitched but I wasn't amused.
"Reillyn," he stepped towards me, reaching out as if to hold me but I stepped back, away from him and his hold â at least he didn't call me â²tigru,â² I couldn't handle that right now.
He looked away from me, turning to face the wall and giving me his back, "he thinks I didn't uphold my end of the deal."
The all too familiar crease formed between my brows, "what deal, Eli?"
Under his shirt, the muscles in his back tensed, "remember when you said that I was more than you deserved."
I nodded but then remembered he couldn't see me, "yeah."
"You got the words wrong, Rei. Because I will never deserve you, forget about be more than you deserve."
"So you leave me?" I whispered
He made a disgruntled noise, something between a groan and a moan as if having this conversation physically hurt him.
"Mikael and Vincent threatened you, Rei. I left you to protect you," he still hadn't turned to face me.
"That wasn't your only option."
"You don't understand."
Straightening, I moved so that I stood in front of him, still, his eyes remained downcast, "explain it then."
He sighed and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, "I can't be with you all the time to keep you safe, no matter how badly I want to. The only way to make sure you were protected was to make a deal with Mikael," he sighed deeper, heavier, "a deal which I broke on Thursday."
"What was the deal?"
"You are out of my life for good and I run drug shipments. In turn, he and Vincent leave you alone and he carries on paying Ivy's hospital bills. In Mikael's line of work, keeping your word is everything, it's respected. I knew that the only way to be sure that he and Vincent couldn't touch you was to make a deal. "
"So, me being there on Thursday, that broke the deal?"
He nodded, "it's not that simple though. My," he paused as he tried to find the right word, "reaction, wasn't liked by Mikael. He didn't realise," he sucked in a breath of air and then looked straight at me, "He didn't realise that I love you. It makes me a liability, he wants all my attention on him and the business."
Words escaped me as I stared at him, not knowing what to say. A part of me knew that he did love me but he said hurtful things; things I knew he didn't mean but he still said them. He didn't fight for us, for me. I knew he left me because he believed it was the safest option for me, but it still hurt.
I took a deep breathe, "why did you smash up the apartment?"
Something flickered across his eyes when I ignored his confession but with everything else going on, it seemed trivial.
"Last night, Mikael announced that you were no longer under his protection. Anyone can come after you, Rei, anyone can hurt you. I have so many enemies and Mikael just announced to them all that I have a weakness, a weakness they can exploit if they want."
The words washed over me like a cool chill and I collapsed onto Eli's bed, sitting where he had been when I came in.
My eyes fluttered closed in an attempt to stop the world from spinning out of focus. My throat clogged up as I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or scream. Air escaped me and ringing became prominent in my ears. Every time I tried to open my eyelids, an unseeable force pushed them closed again. Desperately, I tried to do my breathing exercises but I couldn't focus enough.
"Rei?" His voice was muffled as he bent down to crouch in front of me.
"Tigru?" His cool hands cupped my face and forced me to meet his crystalline eyes, "breath, tigru. In and out."
Focusing on his voice and his eyes which glowed with worry, I copied his breathing. Willing myself to calm down, I let the cold air soothe my lungs as I took in big gulps of air.
Once I had calmed, Eli stepped away from me. My mind raced with everything he said and images. Images of Mikael and his gun, Vincent and his smirk, Marcus and his fists, they all flashed through my eyes like a movie and I realised just how dangerous this all was.
I took another deep breath in, "so what do we do?"
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Pt2 next - I've started naming the chapters with more than one part but I'll still mention if there is going to be another part coming up!
Thank you for reading, lovely people!
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