Word Count: 1837
~Avila
I sit on the concrete ground, leaning my back against the wall.
My tomb hasn't be touched since I came out of it a few months ago. It's eerie in here for more than one reason, but it's weighing on me knowing it's right outside the main house, and hasn't been touched.
The concrete lid to the casket is still pulled half off. It reveals a space I spent months in before I was randomly brought back to life.
I hate it in here, but I feel the need sit where I first conceived of my existence.
All the flowers that once layered this room have been taken out, leaving only the faded paint on the walls and the creepy feeling in the air. This place was meant to be beautiful bright, but now it only makes me sick to my stomach.
"Hoping to discover something new?" A voice asks from the entry to the mausoleum.
I glance up, seeing Roel's hunched figure, his cane knocking against the ground as he wanders over to me.
"Oh...no, I'm just trying to remember what it felt like when I came back to life." I stand, so I can be at his level, knowing that if he sits next to me, there is no way he will be able to get back up again.
"Why is that?" He asks.
"I came so close to death again," I admit, rubbing at the goosebumps on my arm. "I'm wondering if what brought me back last time would have happened again if I didn't survive the shot."
If it meant losing my memories again and having to relive the horrors of those first few weeks, I would much rather the sweet release of death.
Noel rubs his chin, scratching at the sparse facial hair that grows. "I don't think so."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Nothing, I suppose. I just get the feeling that nature will not allow a reincarnation twice now," he states, surveying the side of my face while I gaze at the casket. "Unless you're some supernatural, immortal being."
I huff out a breath. "At this point I'll accept any possibility."
I don't feel supernatural, or immortal. I don't feel anything, really. If I couldn't feel my heartbeat when I pressed my palm to my chest, I would suspect I was still dead.
"Perhaps we should accept it as a miracle, and nothing more," Noel muses. "There is little worth in determining whether there is some deity giving our second-chances, or whether you're immortal, Avila. You will never rest if you search for such answers."
Part of me feels the opposite. It feels like if I could fill this void in my mind, I could move on.
"You're a scholar, are you not? You're always searching for answers."
Roel sighs, wiggling his cane back and forth. "Perhaps I am scared of what we will find it we look any deeper."
"What do you mean?" I question, twisting my head so I can get a good look at the expression on his face.
"What if you learn something about yourself that upsets you? You've made such incredible progress, and you've made this life your own. I don't want to see you hurt again," he says gently.
As much as I've really come to love Roel, I wish he didn't carry this burden of protecting me. He admitted that he felt more like my father than my own one did. Because he couldn't save me from my death, he feels like he needs to protect me so it never happens again.
"But what if someone is responsible for bringing me back? Someone I know..." I say, chewing incessantly at my fingernail.
It's a thought I've had recently, and it terrifies me. If someone brought me back from the dead, there must be consequences for that.
Roel taps his chin, deep in thought. "It could be possible, but it would be difficult for them to do so."
"Do you know how they could?"
"Admittedly, I would believe someone was responsible for bringing you back before I believed in something supernatural," he exclaims, adjusting his glasses. "However, I know of no one who could access a kind of magic that could do that."
Dark magic. He doesn't need to say it, but I know we are both considering it. Magic that is strictly prohibited through the territory due to the natural consequences that could arise from its use.
"I don't feel like I know anyone at all." I shudder. Anyone could be capable of this.
Roel eyes me carefully. "What would do with such knowledge?"
"I don't know...but I could move on. I could figure out a way to appease the public, and then find out how I truly died," I tell him.
Roel sighs deeply. "Ah."
I can't help it. I need to know. There is something being hidden from me, and I can't live knowing that. I can't have gotten sick...it was something far more terrible.
I'm starting to worry that I was murdered.
"You don't need to tell me. I understand that everyone thinks they are helping me from keeping me from the truth, but I'll find out eventually," I say, folding my arms over my chest.
Even if I wish I could stand here and push the information from Roel, I don't want it to be his burden to tell me the truth. There seems to be far more people who were involved with my death that need to tell me.
"I wish to tell you, but I swore I would not confront you with such information. Your mother and father have put such an onus on me to keep this quiet," he admits.
Disappointment clings to be regardless. "And you are loyal to them."
"No more loyal to them than I am you." He turns to face me, bracing his weight on the cane. "However, I happen to believe telling you the circumstances of your death would provide you no benefit. It would only worry you."
"I suppose you'll have to make it up to me then," I state.
His eyes narrow with suspicion. "How so?"
"Help me find out if I was brought back to life by someone. If we can confirm that, then we find out who," I announce.
I'm expecting him to turn me down, to tell me it's a fruitless pursuit that will only seek to punish me. Yet, he takes a moment, seeming to consider the notion thoughtfully.
"Alright. I would be happy to help," he decides.
I perk up. "Really?"
"You are clearly unsettled by so much unknown. If I can help alleviate some stress, I'll do so, even if it may be at cost to someone in your life."
His warning isn't lost on me. I'm not sure who I would want to be behind this, but whoever it is has not only endangered me, but also themselves. I'm sure they care about me deeply, but they have broken a vital law in this territory, and it may cost them everything.
And me...well, if dark magic truly was used in my revival, then my reign as future queen may never come.
"It could be anyone. Even Vade," I tell Roel, rubbing my arm.
"You don't trust him?"
"I have new reason to believe he has a motive to bring me back from the dead," I admit.
It's been over a week since I've awoken from my injury and I'm making good progress in healing. Since I haven't been able to do much more than sit around, I've been reading about the mate bond. I've learnt that it's the strongest bond possible of being forged, and can lead people to do terrible things in the name of protecting it.
Vade knew we were mates before I died. It could have killed him. Perhaps he brought me back as a way to reestablish the bond so he could live without such constant torment.
"What is this motive?" Roel pushes.
I bite down on my lip, deciding I don't want to keep anything from him. "I'm his mate."
Roel laughs, the sound rough and wheezy.
"Ah, so he finally told you."
"You knew?" I gasp, glaring at him. All this time?
"You confided in me when you first found out," he shares with me. "You were very emotional and distressed by the revelation."
I'm sure I was. Still, I imagine Roel kept it from me now because he's respectful, and believed it to be Vade's decision to share the news. Regardless, I wish he at least explained the concept of mates to me during our very arduous, lengthy lessons.
I brush the dust off my pants. "I hated him back then."
"I don't think it was that simple. I believe you cared for him in your own, twisted way. Your obligations frightened you, and he was a reminder that you were stuck here." Roel stares off at the casket, something dark tinting his misty eyes.
"I don't feel that way anymore. I'm scared of who I have to be, but I see Vade as nothing but a positive in my life."
That's why the thought of Vade being behind bringing me back terrifies me. I don't want to lose him for any reason. Still, it won't stop me in my pursuit of revealing the truth.
"He loves you, Avila. He's never stopped loving you," Roel says quietly.
"I know." I swallow past the lump in my throat, knowing what I need to do. "Well, I have a lunch date with Pria, so I'll see you later?"
Roel dips his head. "Enjoy your day, Avila."
I leave him the mausoleum while I rush inside. I don't have a date with Pria, but I do have something else pressing I need to do before I decide against it.
It's not often I come into my parents wing of the house, but today is a special occasion.
I weave through the unnecessarily complex maze of hallways before I make it to Crimson's room. I give a heart knock on the door with my uninjured arm before stepping back.
The door opens moments later, a frazzled looking Crimson answering.
"Daughter." She appears surprised. "How are you?"
"Feeling better. You look worse off than me," I note.
She has a white cloth pressed to her forehead, and her eyes are rimmed red. Since my injury she has been stressed, and being that my father isn't here, she's been shouldering it all herself.
"Just a headache." She waves off my concern.
I summon a breath, knowing there is no going back from what I'm going to say.
"I want to be tested for traces of dark magic in my blood again," I announce. "I want to learn the truth."
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