Chapter 19: 19

Word Count: 2138

~Avila

I hold the note in my hand, wandering out into the garden.

This morning I woke to find it placed on my bedside table. It hasn't been marked with his name, but I'm assuming that if it's anyone, it's him.

"Emerick? It's daylight, we can't do this," I call out, turning in a circle.

I wouldn't have thought he would want to risk coming to meet me so close to the house and in the middle of the day.

Suddenly, two figures jump up from behind one of the neatly trimmed hedges.

"Surprise!"

Stumbling back, my ankles hook around a raised garden bed and I fall back, my backside slamming against the stones.

Ancient memories flash unbidden through my mind.

I'm on the ground like I am now, except my knees are torn open and bloody, tears staining my cheeks. I'm somewhere unfamiliar, not in the garden, and I've just been pushed.

As the memory fades, I'm thrust back into reality. I'm screaming in panic, even if I'm not entirely sure why I feel like I'm about to be attacked.

Hand grab at me, trying to calm me, but the voices belonging to the hands feel disjointed and far away.

"Please don't hurt me!" I beg.

"Avila...it's just us," I hear distantly, reality crawling back to me slowly. "We aren't going to hurt you."

It's Venna. She's shaking me a little, trying to get my attention, to break my overwhelming panic. The cold, harsh memories of being pushed down violently have shaken me to the core, reminding me of a trauma buried deep that I haven't experienced until now.

"Venna," I say, the words coming from my mouth helping me sink back into reality.

I'm all too aware of my breath now. No matter how many breaths I take, I can't seem to get enough air into my lungs, which are tight with panic.

"Yeah, Venna. And Pria," Venna says, her brows drawn together as she gestures to a stunned look at Pria who hangs back like she's afraid of me.

"I can't breathe," I gasp out.

My throat feels like it's closing up, my mouth drying until my tongue feels like sandpaper.

Footsteps sound against the gravel and Roel appears from around the hedge, like he could sense my panic.

"What's going on?" He asks, coming to my side.

"I don't know. We jumped out to surprise her and she's freaking out," Venna explains, backing off next to Pria.

I clutch Roel's hands, feeling my cheeks soaked with tears. I can't find a reason for my panic, I just know I can't quell it now it's set in so deeply.

"Roel, I can't breathe," I insist, my voice hoarse.

He takes my face in his hands, forcing my attention on him. "Look at me. Calm yourself. One breath after another."

I follow his instruction, drawing in one breath first, and then another, trying not to let my fright quicken them until they are out of control again.

"Concentrate on breathing deeply." He points to my stomach, where he wants me to concentrate on breathing in from. "Touch these stones and ground yourself. You're here, and you're safe."

I rest my palms against the gravel, feeling the small, sharp stones digging into my flesh.

Slowly, my breath's start to calm, my panic subsiding. I feel so weak I could collapse, but the memory no longer haunts me, and all that is left is a dull ache in my lower back from falling onto the ground.

"I'm so sorry Av. We didn't know," Pria pipes up from behind Roel, her large brown eyes wide and cautious.

"It's okay, it's not your fault. I don't know what happened." I look at Roel, looking for answers that he won't have.

"Are you alright to stand now?" He asks.

He helps me up, even though he is the frail one. He's wary, my panic scaring him just as much. This seems to have come out of nowhere, and now I'm scared to find out why I was ever pushed so violently before my death.

"Yeah. I'm okay." I steady myself before wiping the remaining tears off my cheeks.

"We should talk about what just happened later," Roel says, examining my face carefully. "For now, try to enjoy a normal afternoon with your friends."

He sweeps his arm to encompass Venna and Pria, who look mortified.

"Are you sure you're okay? We can come back another time," Venna exclaims.

"No, stay." I shift to stand next to them as Roel walks back to the house, picking up his cane on the way that he must have let slip from his hands in his franticness. "I just got a fright, that's all. What did you want to do today?"

"We can't do much, since you still can't leave, so we set a picnic out on the lawn." Pria holds up a picnic basket, grinning.

"Wow. That's really nice." I smile, but it feels weak. All the energy has been wrung out of me, and some food and relaxation would be nice, especially under the warm sun.

"Come! We have cake."

I follow Pria and Venna out onto the field on shaky legs.

"So, who's this Emerick man you thought you were meeting?" Venna asks, raising her brows at me.

"Did I say Emerick?" I clear my throat. "I don't know an Emerick."

"You don't have to hide it from us. We know all about your secret rendezvous with a mysterious man. At least we finally know his name," Venna says, watching as Pria lays down her blanket before setting the basket down.

"He sounds hot," Pria adds.

"I don't think I'll be seeing him much anymore, if I'm honest," I mutter as I sit down, my eyes burning slightly from rubbing them.

"Did he do something?"

"He just isn't who I thought he was." I stretch out my legs, letting the sun bathe my skin. I have no business getting involved with a member of a rebellion.

Even if I'm not entirely certain what the rebellion even is.

"Well, I guess I better tell you the news." Pria sits up, thrust her hand out for me to see. "I'm getting engaged!"

My eyes widen. "Really?"

I had no idea Pria was in a serious relationship, although I suppose I don't know much about either her or Venna.

"You have to meet him," she gushes, her face glowing with delight. "I've invited him to your mother's annual ball."

"I thought she mentioned something about that...I'll be happy to meet him, Pria," I tell her honestly.

This ball of my mothers has happened since before I was born, apparently, and I can't get out of it. It's going to be how her close circle and other noble's properly learn that I'm alive.

Apparently I have to go, even if I don't want to.

"Exciting. I hope I'm not upstaging your wedding." She frowns.

"Who knows when that will happen, so don't worry." At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Vade was paying my mother to put it off for as long as possible.

No, my mother would never accept that money. Ever.

"Soon, I imagine," Venna jumps in, picking a tiny sandwich out of the basket. "You'll have to go on a post-wedding tour, though."

"Oh?" I haven't heard anything about this.

"It's tradition. The entire territory will want to see you two together," Pria explains. She gives me a wink, like it's scandalous or something.

They forget Vade and I's relationship isn't exactly normal.

"That sounds like I'll be stuck in Vade's proximity for days..." The poor man will dig his eyes out at the thought.

Venna hands me a piece of the cake Pria has cut into, the pink frosting freakishly bright. "You will. Lucky bitch."

"He hates me, so really I'm not that lucky." The thought has a pit growing in my stomach, pushing away any desire I have to eat the cake I've been given.

"Well, we know about the consummation, and once you've done it one time with Prince Vade, you're not going to be able to get enough," Venna exclaims.

Both her and Pria share a look and giggle. I eye them both suspiciously. I know Venna has a crush on him, and has wanted to start a relationship with him, so my mind immediately plunges into dark thoughts about them sleeping together.

If they have, I think I might be sick everywhere.

"Why do you say that?"

"We have authority to speak on the matter." Venna shakes her head at my appalled expression. "Don't give me that look, I haven't slept with him. What I'm saying is we know people who have."

"Really?"

"After you died, Vade went on a massive grief spiral. He slept with a decent number of girls like he was trying to get you out of his head," Venna tells me. "Two months later he pulled himself out of it, got seriously buff and is now hotter than ever."

"Oh..."

My heart falls into my stomach. I'm not sure why, but the thought of Vade having his hands on other women makes me want to be sick. I know I don't have the authority to feel the way, especially when he doesn't want me like that, but I know this information is going to haunt me.

"Don't feel bad, he thought you were dead," Pria adds meekly.

"Plus, it means he knows what he's doing," Venna says, giving me a nudge. "One girl said he can get quite rough, but like in the best way."

I almost choke on a sip of sparkling water.

"Uh..."

"These are good things. He will make your consummation and all the times after excellent," Pria assures me.

I stare down at my hands. I've been trying not to think about the consummation, and considering there isn't a definite date on our wedding yet, it makes it easier to pretend like it isn't going to happen.

Now I know this about Vade, I'm going to spend the next few weeks wondering if I'm ever going to live up to what he enjoys in bed.

"I don't think there will be many times after. He hates me, remember?"

"Hate sex. Even better," Pria giggles against the rim of her plastic cup.

"I wish I were you," Venna adds, leaning back on her elbows.

"Trust me, you don't."

"Here, eat more of your cake," Pria prompts, tapping the side of my plate. "Cake makes everything better."

I oblige her, taking another bite. It's so sweet and it sticks to the roof of my mouth, but I don't mind. Right now, it's distracting me from what happened earlier.

"Do you guys know much about the rebellion?" I ask casually.

Both of them still, like I just said a violently offensive word.

"What?" Pria squeaks.

"We're not usually allowed to talk about the rebellion. Especially not on these grounds," Venna tells me. Something in the depths of her tone tells me this topic of conversation is more than just prohibited.

"Oh, well no one but us is here." I motion around the empty space.

"I just remembered I have something to do," Pria says quickly, flipping the lid on the picnic basket. "Have a good day, Avila. Bye Venna."

I watch as she hurries off, a borderline terrified look on her face.

"What was that about?"

"Her brother was killed by a rebellion member. It wasn't anything to do with the rebellion, he just owed the wrong guy money, but she's sensitive about it," Venna explains tightly, watching Pria's departing figure hurry across the lawn.

I wince, feeling the biggest idiot suddenly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"The rebellion isn't something you should discuss. Especially not with us," Venna says quietly, looking off over my shoulder like she's worried someone may be lurking, listening. "It's a dark, dangerous thing and it's ruled by a very bad man."

I draw in a sharp breath. "How bad?"

"Bad." Her face twists as she imagines him. "Like, he's killed people before. Beaten them to death, on the streets of your territory."

"Do you know his name?"

If Emerick is leading this cause, then I don't know what I'll do. I know he houses them, I know he has some leadership position. Does that mean he's the one killing all of these innocent people, including Pria's brother?

"No one does." She shudders. "No one wants to know."

"I won't talk about it anymore," I assure her.

I'm going to need to do my own investigation.

🖤••🖤

Want more? You can read 10 chapters ahead on Radish and Goodreads! (:

Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed (:

Out now on Wattpad, The Alpha's Mistress!

I hope you check it out (:

~Midika 💜🐼