Chapter 5
"I love you Ammi"
Sana's words resonated with her brain not leaving her alone. It's been more than three hours since she left for her camp to wherever she was going. Yasmeen didn't ask where, she didn't feel the need then but now she felt this weird uneasiness in her chest. The ache of something unknown made her restless. She glanced at her phone fingers fidgeting to call her and talk to her. Reply to her confession.
The oven alarm beeped, breaking her thoughts. Yasmeen placed the tray down, removed her baking gloves, and stared at the freshly baked goodies, thinking back to the morning, to her words.
Her throat felt constricted looking at them, the realization hitting her hard that never she fed her youngest child the delicacies she proudly talked about. Never did she see Sana have a taste of something everyone talked about or loved.
She felt regret and guilt shooting her heart, her face engraved in her thoughts. She felt her insides clenching and her knuckles fisting as the first tear rolled down her cheeks.
"Yasmeen?" Wajid saw his wife standing with pain laced all over her face. He wanted to console her but he had a hunch why this grief was present there in the first place.
"I have been so hard on my youngest child, Wajid. I always criticized her, wanting her to shape the same way my other children are." She admitted. "You know Sana always did things I asked her not to, always rebelling against my word. It was frustrating then but these days I felt her doing it intentionally as if she was challenging me and I reacted just the way. I want the best for her, I have always wanted all the happiness for my babies but I didn't mean to overlook her hurts. I did not. I thought I knew my child but now I realize how much I didn't. I kept comparing my baby, always pushing her to be someone when I knew she'll never be that. Sana is her person. She's the bravest of three, stubborn, confident, and a speaker I can't take her into this meek and quiet girl I was trying to. Sana can never be that. She loves speaking her mind." She leaned in his arms, turning to look into his eyes "But Wajid did not tell me her mind. Not once did she question my behavior towards her. She suffered my scolding, my harshness without a word failing me in my outlook of her. I failed my child"
"Yasmeen you were strict with her but that doesn't mean you don't love her. You do. Just you have a different way to show your love. Some pamper their child and some keep them on leashes. You do the same but you need to show your love to her, express it. You can't take her down with anger or hold, you need to let her loose so she can fly but still be with you. You keep her on a leash but pamper her too, trust me our little monkey wouldn't leave your side" he joked, making her chuckle. She wiped her tears away.
"Yes. Let her come back. I'll pamper her with the world" she resolved.
"See. You're the best mother Sana or any of our children could ask for. Don't ever doubt that." He raised her chin and she nodded. "Just not the best wife, you don't give me sweets"
She swatted his hand away. "You're diabetic Mr. Qureshi you're not to eat sweets"
He glared playfully "This is where Sana got her doctor self" his phone rang, catching their attention. "It's on the center table let me bring it"
Wajid said and turned to walk towards the ringing device. His smile widened seeing the name of his best friend.
"Salam-o-alaikum Zohar." He greeted cheerfully.
"Wallaikum as-Assalam"
He frowned hearing the low voice. "Khairiyat? You don't sound good"
"It's nothing. Are you home? And Yasmeen Bhabhi-Jaan, Is she there too?"
"Yes. We are home. But what's the matter?" Wajid could feel something off.
"Get ready. I'm coming to pick you both up. We have to go somewhere."
"But go where?" he asked, glancing at Yasmeen who stood there with confusion.
"Be ready. I'm coming. I'll tell you everything once I'm there. Allah-hafiz"
Wajid stared at the device as the call got disconnected.
"What happened?" Yasmeen questioned.
"He said to be ready. He's taking us somewhere." He informed skeptically. "He sounds too... disturbed"
"Yaa Allah. Is everything okay?" She muttered.
"Let's wait for him." He blinked wishing "Yaa Khuda. Keep your blessings"
"Zohar Bhai-Jaan, at least now tell us where we're going?" Yasmeen was impatient and restless. She tried calling Sana back then but her phone was out of reach. "Aliza Appi did you talk to Mudassar? I can't reach Sana. Her cell is out of coverage"
Aliza took a deep breath, trying to fake a smile. It was hard to control her trembling lips and eyes to betray her is a blur. "I...I did not. It's the same for him, but Zohar did. R...right?"
Zohar nodded silently looking away from them. He has been avoiding the conversation but until when? They'll be reaching the hospital soon. Then it would impossible to manage Her parents.
"Zohar. What's it?" Wajid asked firmly, a partial finality in her tone. "I need to know. Is it something about Sa..."?
Zohar shook his head, indicating him to not say a word. "Trust me. She'll be fine"
Wajid exhaled loudly, he whispered, "W.. what happened?"
"She was d...driving. A...truck hit her" he said the dreadful words.
Wajid slumped against the seat, his defeated posture catching Yasmeen's eyes.
"We can't hide it now. Zohar. I'm sorry" Aliza took it in her hand. "Yasmeen, Sana is in hospital. She was in an accident"
Yasmeen's face turned stoic, she murmured "When?"
"An hour ago." Aliza gasped a breath.
"Sana" She nodded sitting stiffly.
Aliza glanced at the men, seeing between a Yasmeen who sat stoically.
"Yas...."
"I want to see her. How much time?" she asked.
"We're almost there," Zohar said.
She nodded.
The car stopped and Yasmeen stepped down first, not waiting for them. She stormed inside the hospital. She inquired about her child, legs taking her mechanically to the Emergency department.
Mudassar looked up from the steel chairs, Yasmeen took a glance at his bloodied shirt and her heart dropped to an endless pit of agony.
She let herself weak and fell. Mudassar rushed to her, taking her in his arms.
"Chachi-Jaan please be s...strong. P...please" he begged and Yasmeen sobbed.
He made her sit on a chair and he kneeled before her.
"Mudassar, tell me she'll give me a chance to repent. I never told her how much she means to me....how much I l...love her." Yasmeen tried forming words "I promised to pa...pamper her once she comes back...but see s...she might n...not..."
"N..No" he snapped but composed himself. "I...I'll be back"
He immediately stood up and ran towards the exit. He needed fresh air to breathe, to compose his overwhelming emotions. Taking a seat outside he cupped his face between his palms.
Being in that corridor for one long hour, he felt his soul being sucked out with this fear of losing her. How do you feel when the person you've been with almost all your life is on the verge of leaving you? The fright of the unknown made him sick and nauseous.
He was 15 when he saw his best friend in a different light. She seemed more beautiful and girly to him. His feelings didn't remain the same for the crazy girl he kept close, the stubborn head he proudly called his best friend. She was not just beautiful but she was the smartest kid her age he had met. She was a little young cheery soul who spread joy everywhere she went, goofed up every second, and kept him on her toes forever.
He fell for her, so hard that he couldn't look at her without feeling warmth all over his being. He loved her more than a best friend and he realized it too soon.
So soon that the moment he did, the ice-cold reality dawned on his senses and he broke every thread between them, without a reason, without an explanation. She did pester him for one and he broke her telling her how she doesn't fit his friend criteria anymore. The girl took it and decided to move on, but he was left behind, the same place he broke his happy dreams. Alone and so deep in love with a girl he feared confessing to.
He changed countries, and met people but couldn't gather all his pieces and re-arrange them. It was impossible to forget her when it was her he saw every time he closed his eyes or the number of times his phone rang and he yearned to see her name.
He was still too deep in a feeling he could never work on. When he came back, the long deep-rooted yearning came blaringly back. A glimpse of her broke all his resolution but his brain still overpowered and he played things cool, acting like a stranger to her. Still, he found ways to see her and talk to her even when he scolded her or when he dropped her home. It was his way to know she was safe.
He should have made sure of it today as well, but he failed. So miserably that he wouldn't survive a second if something happened to his Sana. She was his everything.
The whole world he kept boxed inside.
She was his oxygen; she was meant to give him another second of life each time he looked at her.
A hand touched his shoulder and he jerked because of it.
"Abbu" he calmed his racing heart but it was impossible when his Oxygen was jeopardized.
"The surgery is over son. Come in" Zohar said after seconds of analyzing his face.
"I...I can't see her like this" he stared at the gravel, his eyes playing the scene from previously.
"Why?" Zohar asked.
Mudassar looked up, lips parting to form a reply but his mind seemed to betray him.
"She's our family friend, We should be there with her family at this hour of need" he chose words so carefully.
Mudassar gaped, looking offended "Family friend? She's more than that Abbu. I.." he corrected himself, eyes lowering in shame "I was best friends with her once"
"Yeah. Once you're not best friends anymore. Now you're her employer. You should listen to what the doctor says. It matters to you, to our organization" Zohar stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
His jaw clenched, eyes raging as he nodded.
Zohar turned around and walked in. Mudassar stomped, his steps faltering as an OT light turned off and doctors walked out dressed in green scrubs.
"How's she?" Aliza questioned them.
The doctor smiled somberly "Multiple fracture wounds. Her right ribs and shoulder are severely damaged. There is a concussion in the brain and a hairline crack in the skull. We are shifting her to ICCU for the next 48 hours. There we'll be able to monitor her recovery." He paused "There are chances she might not...make it I don't want to give you all any fake hopes. Even if she wakes up she will need bed rest for the coming months month. It's not going to be easy so I'll advise y'all to be strong for her and each other. Rest we can pray for her."
"Can we shift her to our hospital? We'll be able to give her personalized care there if there isn't an objection to that" Zohar request.
The doctor nodded in understanding "After 48 hours you can, once she is out of ICCU. You can bring in visiting doctors to check on her in between, we don't mind, we as doctors only need the best for our patients."
"This means a lot, doctor" Zohar thanked him sincerely.
she might not...make it
Mudassar kept quiet, his face blanked with so many feelings going on all over.
Yasmeen and Wajid didn't say much, they had far-away looked on them as if the news shook them entirely, sending them into numbness.
Aliza looked at her son, she walked towards him and sat down. "Are you okay?"
Mudassar nodded. He felt choked, his voice ready to betray his façade of strength.
Aliza smiled painfully. "You have lost a lot of time, Son"
"W.. what do you mean, Ammi?" Mudassar stared at his Ammi, the lady had disappointment on her face as she sat near him lacing all her fingers.
"You wasted years and you let go of your friendship with the girl who means so much to you. Don't you understand the uncertainty of life? You would have lost her today." She reminded him "What do you think you would have done if something worst happened to Sana? Trust me, son, you would have regretted all your life that you let go of someone like her. She is the light to your dawn. Sana makes you what you are. She brings out the best version of yours Mudassar Adami and today you were on a verge of losing your best friend"
"Ammi..." he swallowed "I...I don't want to lose her. The thought makes my b..blood run cold. He... said she might not make...it, Ammi."
"You will not lose her, trust Rabb. He is the best planner and does only the best for us. He cannot be cruel to us to take our light away. She will be fit soon, trust your Rabb, Mudassar. Trust him." Aliza cupped his face, wiping his tears away.
"The thought makes me lose breaths, Ammi. I feel like everything is closing on me seeing her hurt." He confessed.
"You realize why it happens?" Aliza touched his head.
He nodded with tears. "Because she means the world to me. Not just a friend or an employee. I...I love her, I have loved for forever now."
She smiled "You saved me my speech. I thought you'll need some help in coming to that conclusion"
Mudassar chuckled "I'm not that of an idiot"
"Oh, you are. Believe me, you are the biggest Idiot I have ever seen." Aliza glared at him playfully "You were an idiot because ladies kept throwing their sons to Sana for marriage and you stood at the sidelines witnessing it. I so wished you to claim her hand in front of them, right then and there but instead, you kept torturing yourself with jealousy and rage."
Mudassar lowered his eyes bashfully.
"I want you to do something," Aliza demanded.
Mudassar looked at her, she met his eyes.
She smiled smugly.