The holiday with Aiden was so special. I feel a lot closer to him after hearing him open up about his dad. He felt so much anger and resentment towards him for leaving because of Akira, that to him, he is dead. I couldn't imagine being in his position, so I understand why he would lie. It wasn't just to me, he tells everyone at school the same lie. It's easier for him.
We have three weeks left of school before winter break, which is a whole month of long distance. I'm going back home and being a plane ride away, I won't be able to see Aiden.
I really want to make sure these next three weeks are great.
There's still an insecurity in the first few weeks and months of dating. I feel it. I feel it when we are at a frat party and girls come up to Aiden. It's not necessarily jealousy, but it's an insecurity. What if he thinks they're prettier than me? Cooler than me?
I haven't really discussed this insecurity with Aiden, despite how vulnerable he has been with me. I've got too many walls built up.
Things are really great right now, and that puts me on edge. Whenever things are really, really great for me, something happens. Something takes away that happiness.
I fear it has come sooner than hoped when Aiden lets out an, "Holy shit."
"What?" I say, peering at his phone to try and see what made him say that.
"Someone leaked a video of our pledges," he says slowly. "It's bad, Brooklyn."
My face goes pale. A video. I take his phone from him to look at the video. My video. How did that get leaked?
"Oh my god," I say, watching the video of the poor pledges being dunked in milk and cereal.
"This is really bad." He says and starts pacing around my room. "Really, really bad."
I don't know what to say. This is my video. It's my freaking video! I deleted it. I swore I deleted it. Who got it?
"I have to go back to the house," he says and kisses the top of my head. "Our movie night is going to need a rain check, babe." He grabs his coat and speed-walks out of my apartment.
"Byeâ" I can barely get the words out before he's gone. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I whisper-scream, frantically grabbing the laptop.
Deleted. It's deleted. It's not in my trash. It's not on my phone. It's gone.
How the heck did it get leaked?
My heart is racing. I don't know what this video will mean for Aiden and for his frat. And it's my fault. Even if I didn't leak the video, I was the one who took the video! Soon enough, he'll find out.
Oh my god. He'll find out!
There's a knock on my door. It's Sophie.
"Hey, why did Aiden leave soâ"
"Someone leaked the video!" I cry out and fall back onto my bed.
"What?"
"The video. Of the hazing. It was leaked, Soph. Oh my god." My hands are shaking. "Sophie... He's going to..." That's when my breathing gets difficult. My chest starts to feel very tight, and none of my breaths are satisfying my lungs. Tears fall out of my eyes. It's uncontrollable.
I haven't had a panic attack in years.
A look of concern falls on Sophie's face when she realizes what I mean. "Oh, Brooklyn." She isn't sure what to do. I've never told her about my panic attacks and how I need to be calmed down. "It-it's going to be okay."
I wrap my arms around myself, still struggling to take deep breaths. Nothing is filling my lungs enough. Sophie places a gentle hand on my back, trying to calm me down. It doesn't help. She doesn't know.
"Brooklyn, breathe," she tries to encourage me.
I close my eyes tightly and remember all the strategies my therapist gave to me when I was in middle school. Grounding. I need to ground myself. Working through the strategy, I finally start to feel my breaths more. It's working, and I can finally open my eyes.
"Are you okay?" She asks, concern written on her face.
I shake my head. "He's going to find out, Sophie."
She wraps an arm around my shoulders. "It's going to be okay." She places her head against mine. "We need to figure out what bastard leaked that video."
"I don't know who could have. I didn't share it with anybody. I deleted it out of my trash on both my laptop and my phone!"
"Did you share anything with Kevin? Your article?"
"No," I say. "I did not share it with him. I wasn't going to share it until I finished writing it. And I hadn't finished writing it before I decided to be with Aiden."
She clicks her tongue. "I don't understand then."
"Plus, it needed to be proof read," I say, stopping myself in my tracks. "Oh god."
"What? What is it?" Sophie asks.
I tilt my head back. "Joe."
"Joe? What about him?"
"I shared it with him. I asked him to proof read my article," I say, defeated and betrayed by one of my best friends.
Sophie shakes her head, a look of betrayal on her face too. "No. No, Brooklyn, that can't be right. It wasn't Joe."
"It had to have been," I say weakly, not sure whether I should feel angry or not.
"He wouldn't do that to you," she says, wanting to be confident in her boyfriend, but not being completely sure. "He wouldn't."
I bite the inside of my cheek. I check my Google Doc that had my article written, the video imbedded. Shared with Joe.
Sophie's face turns red. Is it embarrassment? Anger? I can't tell. She walks out of my room without a word.
Then I hear the yelling.
I shut my eyes and take a deep breath.
How could you? She's your best friend! Stupid article. Ruined chances. His future.
Sophie's trying to keep her voice down, but I can hear a few words.
My phone buzzes, and I think it's Joe. I'm not sure what I am going to say to him. I just need to know why. Why would he do it? I told him I didn't want to go through with it because of Aiden.
He hadn't really understood. He must not understand why I chose a guy over the article, the opportunities from the article. I tried to explain it to him, but maybe it had been too late. I just can't believe he did this behind my back. I feel so hurt, betrayed, and angry.
It's not Joe calling.
It's Aiden.
Does he know?
"Hi," I answer cautiously.
"Brooklyn, hi. This is so bad," he breathes out. "It's trending on Twitter right now."
"Aiden, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who got that video," he says. "We're having an emergency meeting tonight. I won't really be able to be on my phone."
He doesn't know. Yet.
"Yeah, it's okay," I say.
"Thanks for getting it. You're the best girlfriend in the world. I'll call you when I can."
"Okay."
"Bye, Brook."
He ends the call.
What the hell am I going to do?
~~
AN:
Back-to-back chapters!!!
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