Kai
"It's a name that I like and that I have strong feelings for. She's the one for me," Stan answered, having me froze my whole existence as I take in the words that felt so sincere, so real and just so true from his lips. I can't dare to look at his face when he said those things about me, about my name specifically. His parents and his sister just look at him, amused and somewhat awed by how he just describe his 'girlfriend'. Yet, there I sat feeling anxious that they might know it is me he's talking about but concurrent to it, I felt so soft in the inside. I felt so different at that moment. It was like something just grew deep in my heart that opens up another door to another emotion.
Natalie sighed softly at him, bringing her hands down to her lap. "Wow Stan... that was... that was the first time you talk about someone like that. Well, I take back what I said, the name sure sounds lovely," she spoke, raising both of her arms. I smile at her, interested in how her reaction just changes instantly. "That's sweet Stan, I hope you could bring her here sometimes. Your father and I would love to meet her," spoke his mother. I don't know why, but the thought of that just has me feeling down since she was here. She is already here. I am her.
It's so painful to see this sight when they don't know the real truth behind Stan's words. I just want to spill all of it out in front of them that I like Stan, and he likes me too. What was so hard was that I couldn't, I would never sacrifice Stan's family for the sake of this stupid feeling.
"I... will... mom," Stan replied, looking down at his plate but then look back up with a smile on his face. "She would love that," As he said that, I could feel his pinky finger crept onto mine, intertwining our pinky fingers together. I gasped silently at the touch, having to smile shyly at his action.
We continued to eat away our dinner, having to put an end to that conversation. As much as I love getting to know them better, it's best for me to not know a lot. Mom always says 'inquisitiveness can be dangerous' which means if I know a lot more than I should... it would eventually hurt me in the end. Basically similar to curiosity killed the cat but mom likes it her way. A language teacher always knows her way I supposed.
As I continue eating, I started to think of why Stan suddenly came up to me and confess about his feeling for me. It was odd, and something I'd never expected from someone like him. I always think that he would be really hard to be peeled to know what his emotions are inside. It was like reading maths textbooks but can't understand anything written in it. But now, he just seems to be more open than I expected him to be. Especially with his family, he was being really obvious and what just surprised me was how he plays with his words. They sounded round like a circle but looked straight as a pole. But yet again, poles are circles when you look from above. Mysterious and interesting indeed.
When I finished eating, I went to grab my plate and go to the sink to wash my plate. Ema saw what I was doing, and she immediately stands up to get to me as quickly as possible as if I was doing something extremely wrong in her eyes.
"Oh no, no, no, Kai. Just put the dish in the sink, I'll clean them up," she mentioned, taking the plate from my hand. I glance at her like she has grown two heads because well, what's wrong with me cleaning the plate that I used to eat. I used it... so... I'm being polite.
I nodded, smiling at her. "But it's okay... I... want to help,"
"No... it's not. Someone, please get Kai away from the sink," She called out, looking back at the table to see if anyone else has finished their meal. Luckily, Stan finishes his. "Hey Kai, let's hang out," He said, looking at me with no emotions at all. I was stunned, but eventually, I just followed him. Leaving the three people behind as I attend him up to the stairs. We kept quiet along the way until he brings me to his bedroom. The bedroom, where he did his deed. Where things could go frisky and risky at the same time. I gulped, standing in front of his door, considering whether I should get in or not.
He glances at me, raising his forehead. "What are you waiting for? Come on in,"
"Uh, I... okay," I answered, stepping inside his room. My eyes instantly wander around the room, looking around his room. There were clothes scattered at one corner of his room, papers which I assumed his homework on his desk, posters of The Neighbourhood, Arctic Monkeys, Impala... wow, he's truly a band person but what takes my attention the most was the guitars at one corner of his room. I approach the group of guitars, then stare at one in particular. One that causes us to throw insults at each other in the first place.
I reach to touch the guitar, it was black, had an inscription on its neck that says 'if love was free, then why can't us?'
My fingers traced along the strings... gently plucking it as it emits soft sounds into the bedroom. Then I felt a presence behind me, his breath was cooing onto the skin of my neck as he watches what I was doing. I sighed. "It's not broken...,"
He chuckled, then taking the guitar. He went to sit on his bed while staring at me with an innocent face. "It's not... luckily. You were right, it was just a small fall," He smiled, looking down onto his guitar then glancing back at me through the curtains of his dark hair as they fall elegantly to cover his forehead. My breath caught up in my throat to see how suave he looked even when he's not trying. I hate to say that when you like someone, everything about them is attractive but that was not the case. I didn't say that because I like him, but because he was attractive himself in his own ways. Who am I to say someone's not attractive? I believe everyone is in their own beauty.
"Can I hear you play?" I asked, biting the inside of my cheeks. I never heard him play before and I feel that maybe this was the perfect time to hear him play a song. He nodded, then pats the area beside him for me to sit. I walk to his bed then took a seat beside him, on his bed. At that time, I didn't think about the possibilities of kissing him or doing sexual things with him, I just want to hear him do what he likes doing.
"What song do you want me to play?" He asked.
I pursed my lips to think of a song. "You choose, I don't mind," I smiled, I knew he had a good taste of music.
"You like Arctic Monkeys?" He asked, smiling softly delicately at me.
"Yeah, I do,"
He grinned, then began to strum his guitar. A familiar tune came into my ears while I think of the song he was playing. A song that I liked as well. Love is a Laserquest. His voice started to come out from his mouth as he sings the lyric in such a beautiful melodious tone. I sat there watching him as he continues to strum his guitar, singing with only just the two of us in the room.
And do you still think love is a laserquest
Or do you take it all more seriously?
I've tried to ask you this in some daydreams that I've had
But you're always busy being make believe
He told me before that he stopped liking people. But when he sang this song, it seems that he wasn't really over those people that he liked before. There was just a reason as to why he chose this song but I appreciate it. You never knew what people might be hiding in their heart unless if they do things to symbolize them. A song with meaningful words.
Now I can't think of there without thinking of you
I doubt that comes as a surprise
And I can't think of anything to dream about
I can't find anywhere to hide
And when I'm hanging on by the rings around my eyes
And I convince myself I need another
For a minute it gets easier to pretend that you were just some lover
As time goes by, the last note was strummed and the song ended with both of us being silent. I kept staring at him as he stares at his guitar. I don't know what he's going through but, I wanna help him at that point in life. I just wanna know him. Who you really are, Stan.
"That was beautiful," I spoke, bringing his attention back to me. He puts his guitar aside, turning his body to face me. "You're beautiful,"
The echoes of his voice flow through my ears, with my heart taking in the words he spoke. This was more than just a wildest dream. How did we get here?
"Stan... stop,"
"Why?"
I sighed. "Because... you're making me feel too much,"
"Then feel too much, I wanna feel them too," He replied, touching my fingers lightly. His skin was rough from strumming but it felt soothing for me. His heat was there to make me in equilibrium. There was just enough heat for me to sleep at night tranquilly.
I glance at him through my lashes. "But this isn't right,"
"Then why does it feel so?" He responded, leaving me begging for words to answer him. He was right, it felt right. But why do I feel scared about this? "You said you wouldn't want to hang out with me before," I spoke, smiling at by myself.
He smiles as well, approaching closer to me. "I did... but it was a lie. Remember when I brought to that dock? I said I bring someone there if I like them. I like you, Kai. I really do... I never liked someone like you before,"
"You mean you never liked a boy before?" I raised a brow, testing him if he was telling the truth.
"You're my first," He grinned, making me grin as well. He was being adorable.
I approach closer. "Then you're my first too,"
In the hours of being together with someone that I first thought I would never have a chance with, fate just put me into deep into the pits of false answers. The way he smiles, the way I smile. The way we respond to each other in a shy manner but gentle, meaningful, lovingly... actions that meant more than words when we knew both of us are in love.
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Hey guys, if you made it this far. I just wanna say thank you for reading this book. This chapter means a lot to me and the song is one of my all-time favourites. Thank you (^_^)