My mom decided to take us out to have a celebratory dinner immediately when we got home. I was about to soak myself when she suddenly had a change of mind. A warm bath was all that I needed just to escape from my life but I guess I was supposed to suck it all up.
I took a shower just to refresh myself and decided to wear my skinny jeans along with my white hoodie. I was no longer conscious of what I wear and of how people would conceive me.
" Hlelo hurry up please! " My mom said
I definitely didn't answer her cause if I did, I was never going to hear the end of it. I quickly wore my white air force and my jean jacket. I was still deciding on whether I should wear my white beanie or just wear a doek when Mr Khumalo came to my room.
" Hlelo your mom is having a fit can we please leave?" He said politely
Mr Khumalo has been the best thing to ever happen in my mom's life. I don't know how long have they been dating but I am happy for them.
" Mntungwa I don't know which one to choose. Should I wear a doek or a beanie. "
" My child, for a elegant person like you, a doek will do but hurry up. " He said
" Ngiyabonga Mntungwa " I said
I went with my white doek and damn did I not look ravishing. Just to complete the whole look I took my earnings and sprayed my perfume just to make my presence felt. Feeling as confident as I am , I took a few snaps and sent them to the girls group and also post some of them on my Instagram account.
When I finally got to the living room I found my mom and sir making out one the couch.
" Hai guys pda please." I said
I was so disgusted with the scene like I felt like I could hurl.
" Kunini sikulindile, yoh phela a person has needs and wena Queen Elizabeth decided to take your time, I attended to my needs. " My mom said
" Siyaxolisa nana but did you see how beautiful your mom is? I just couldn't hold my self. " Mr Khumalo said
" You know what guys, I think you guys should continue with whatever that you were doing and I will just go and buy takeaways. Ma please don't ever let me see you in that compromised situation phela you are my mom and I would like to see you as my mom and still respect you same goes for you Mr Khumalo. " I said
I was still disgusted but I managed to hide my expression. I didn't even wait for their response. I just took my mom's car keys , phone and purse and left and on the way I was listening to Sjava and Big Zulu and I felt myself healing.
' Sayona , Sayona
Sasi nento enhle
Sayona thina
Mangingedwa ngifikelwa yimibuzo
Ukuthi wawuk' bona yini ukubaluleka kwam impilweni yakho
Ngangikuthanda , ngik' fela
Ngangeza konke kwam ukuk' vikela
Ngifisela injabulo no thando ne impilo
Ende Dali wam '
As soon as the song finished playing, I cried. I cried for the first and I told myself that it is the last time that I ever cry because of a boy but I was not crying because I am hurt but I am crying because the abuse that I had to undergo and how stupid I was.
I decided to go to Menlyn mall because I was avoiding to meet up with anyone that I know.It was late and some of the stores were already closed but the ice skating rink was still open. I really don't know what I was thinking but I found myself inside ready to ice skate. It was really empty but luckily I met this guy who works there. I think his name was Makhosonke because it was written on his name tag.
I didn't know ice skating was this hard like my butt is burning from the falling that I have been doing.
" Uyazi ntokazi uyoze uphuke. Kungani ungaceli uncedo ?" The guy said
" Ngingakusiza bhuti ?" I said
" Kahle kahle you are supposed to ask me that question not the other way around. " He said
Hhee nangumuntu engisukela
" Well are you going to answer me or I should go elsewhere? Actually nevermind vele I need to be somewhere else. " I said
" Ngiyaxolisa muntu omuhle I didn't mean to chase you away. Please don't leave instead let me help you and by the way , ngegama nginguMakhosonke kodwa ungangibiza ngo Sonke. " He said smiling
Yoh ngithi izifaca zakhe ( dimple's)
" Hai asiko isidingo vele I have to buy food for endlini. "I said
" Okay but ke let me close up then we will go and buy the food. " He said
" Uhm I really don't think it's a good idea....."
" No like wait for me just give me ten minutes tops. Hawu futhi uyazi awungiphanga negama. " Makhosonke said
" Igama alibalulekanga ngicela uphuthume. " I said
I really don't know why I waited for him but I did. He's apparently from the royal family but I am not sure where and also he owns fifty percent of the whole mall. Judging from his appearance and the way he the way he carries himself, a person wouldn't think that he is from a royal family.
We ended up going to Roco mamma's and had dinner there. It was really nice to a point where I even forgot about the time. Although I not ready to be in a relationship but as soon as I am ready to engage in a relationship , I might consider being in a relationship with him but luckily he understood that I am not yet ready.
**************
The day that I have been dreading has arrived. So yesterday I texted uSphamandla and asked him if we could meet up in South gate mall. He agreed and let's hope he will let me go. If I am being honest, he has never really loved me.
I will be meeting Sphamandla before I meet up with my friends , although I told Amahle to arrive a bit earlier than the rest because I need someone to be with me when I meet up with Sphamandla.
" Nana ?" My mom knocked
Okay since from when does my mom knock when she gets in my room.
" Ma unjin?" I asked
" Ngiyaphila wena ? " She said
" Nami ngiyaphila" I said. I think my mom thinks that I am angry about yesterday or something but urgh I am really not there though I can't really erase their image in my mind but yeah.
" Nana I am really sorry for what you saw yesterday. I was really irresponsible and forgot that there is a child. According to isiko , I am supposed to pay a fine to cleanse you so can I please ?" She said
"( Laughing) Hayi ngeke ma a whole fine ?" I said
My mom is not serious like a fine
" Yebo Hlelo don't forget ukuthi ungumuntu wabaphansi so kwamele ngikweze lokho. " She said
" Okay ayikho inkinga, you will inform me but ukwamanje can you please drop me off at South gate, I am meeting up with Sphamandla and then later on nabo Amahle. " I said
I need as many people as possible because you can never confirm uSphamandla. Yazi till now I can't really forget about how I almost lost my virginity in a cruel manner.
" Oh ok sure what time ?" She said
" At 13:00 but first there is something that I have to tell you. " I said
" Shoot " she said
She is so calm only if she what is about to come.
" So ma uyakhumbula ngengathi wena no Khumalo went out on a date and I was left alone. So on that day Sphamandla came. I am not sure if he came knowingly that you guys were not there or what but he came...."
" Woah uthini kahle kahle weHlelolwenkosi ?" She said
I couldn't keep it anymore.
[ Wailing]
" Hlelo uyangithusa kwezakeleni ngethi loyamfana ela ?"
" Mom he tried to ra..p.e me ( crying) "I said
" Nana why didn't you say anything?" My mom asked with tears brimming in her eyes.
" I couldn't speak about it just like I am not now but I am tired of keeping it my heart can't take it anymore. " I said with tears streaming down my face.
" Ok nana calm down and start from the start till the end. "
" Sphamandla came here drunk , when I immediately opened the door he kissed me harshly. I pushed him away and he became angry and said that I don't want to kiss him because I am busy with Mpumelelo ( the neighbors son). I tried explaining but he slapped me and pushed me on the floor. [Crying] he tore my shirt apart and when he was about to rape me ,he remembered that he didn't have a condom on and that's when I ran into my room and locked the door he was coming back but then I pressed the alarm button and that's when he left and that was the last time I saw him. "
" Why didn't you tell me nana ?" My mom said in the most disappointed voice ever and with tears streaming down her face.
Hearing my mom's voice broken like that broke me but it also made me realize how inconsiderate I was.
" Ngiyaxolisa ma , ngiyaxolisa kakhulu. It was not my intention to keep it away from you ukuthi I just couldn't bring myself to tell you that I let a guy inside the house. "
" Lenja izongithola kahle uthi nihlangana nini? I want to show him. "
" We are meeting up at 13:00Â kodwa ma ngiyakucela angifuni umsindo namehlo abantu ngicela uyeke lendaba. "
" Angina msebenzi nalokho mina ngifuna ukufundisa leyanja abantu. " My mom said while shouting
" Ma uthini ngam ?" I said crying
" Mntanam kodwa ...."
" Ma ngithe angifuni lutho ! I just want to go far away from this place ( crying)"
"Shush mntanam okay ke I will leave the matter for now. But for now go and take a long bath while I clean your bedroom. " She said
" Okay " I said
At least she agreed to leaving the issue but there's no guarantee that she will completely leave it because when my mom is angry, she turns into a gangster.
I feel a bit lighter but not very light because I still have to tell my friends and I am very sure that they will be very angry at me especially Anele and Karabo.
It was around 10 am when I finally decided to take a bath actually it's not that I decided but obviously as an African child, cleaning before everything has to be in your blood.
I wanted to make a grand entrance just to make sure that Sphamandla regrets ever treating me like trash so I went with my white bodycon dress since I am thick in the right places , it was just perfect. I wanted to let my braids lose but I decided against it instead I tied my knot less braids in a back bun and yesss I was fire.
I had my watch and purse with me all I had to do was put on my perfume and snap a few pictures.
" Are you done?" My mom said
" Yess mama "
" I see you went all out. It's good to see that you are depressed over a boy. " She said while eyeing from head to toe.
" Hmm" if only she knew how I really feel deep inside but yeah I learned my lesson bafana the boys are a heartbreakers and for my own good I am going to stay far away from them at least until I am done with my degree.