"Did you know?"
"I heard his comment about Rachel at the party, but I didn't know about the DM's" West replies
I nod slowly whilst closing the fridge
When I had got back downstairs I could hear CJ and Archie arguing, he was mad at CJ for telling Blair about the situation but he couldn't give the slightest of fucks. I don't know what's gotten into Archie recently but I told him to get out of my house, it was only then that he decided he wanted to speak to Indiah but she didn't even want to see his face so eventually he left.
CJ went to go talk to the girls so as of now it's just me and West in the kitchen.
"I'm probably gonna hang with B and Indi afterwards so do you wanna do a little bit of work?"
"Sure"
We just decided on Math since it's probably the quickest subject to do, he had gotten a pen from his bag but left the zip slightly open. It was enough for me to see what was in his bag, and when I had gotten a look I froze.
"What's wro-
He stops talking once he realises that I can see what's in there, "Shit"
West immediately closes the zip but I'm still frozen, and now I feel nauseous. "Why do you have that."
"Sorry I wasn't meant to-
"Why"
"Someone gave it to me to have it cleaned, I was meant to give it to them before I came but I-....hey you ok?"
My palms are sweaty and I feel like I can't breathe, oh my God I can't breathe.
I pull the trigger as soon as I hear Treyvon end his countdown, his shirt starts to soak up with blood and he immediately drops to the floor.
It won't stop replaying inside my head
"Amariah", I hear an echoed voice
"Amariah", a hand rests on my arm and I flinch as I snap back into the present moment
"What? Don't touch me"
West looks at me carefully, "What's wrong?"
"Get that out of my house"
"I will-
"Now"
"Are you sure you're ok?-
"Get out, please" I stress
I was really trying not to stress and be dramatic but how on earth are you gonna bring a gun to someone's house? And since when did he start cleaning guns for people?
"Alright", West eventually replies
That was that, he left momentarily with CJ. I didn't actually want to be left alone but I was telling everyone to leave me be anyway, Indiah and Blair refused to go though because they could see that something was wrong.
I stayed in the corner of the kitchen, sat on the floor feeling absolutely crazy. No matter what I just couldn't move, nothing was getting rid of the flashbacks, I tried closing my eyes and thinking about something else but it wasn't working.
I don't know how much time passed but I soon heard more voices
"Where is she?"
"The kitchen, she won't move. We tried to calm her down but she's agitated"
"Ree? Baby it's me" I hear my mothers soft voice as she crouches in front of me
She takes my trembling hand, "I'm gonna need you to breathe ok?"
"I'm trying"
"I know, I know. Come on we'll do it together" Mama encourages as she sits with me
Dad's also here, so are my siblings and GG too. Even Xavier came back.
"I can't-
"Yes you can, look we're doing it now" Dad assures me softly
I sniff and he kisses my head, "See? You're doing it"
They stayed sat with me, both holding my hands as I laid against dad's shoulder. Blair was explaining to my grandmother that they weren't sure what it is that triggered me since usually I'm fine during the day.
It was so embarrassing that I was literally crying against his shoulder, GG told the others to give me a moment with my parents so they all went to the front room.
"You are gonna get through this, I promise you" My mother murmurs as she strokes my hair
"We'll be right here ok? We're not going anywhere" Dad says softly
"Exactly, we're always gonna be here to support you. You're a strong girl Amariah, things will get better"
My little brother comes in whilst sucking his thumb, he gives me a cuddle with his free arm. "Don't be sad sissy"
Mom ruffles his hair with a smile
"Sorry for being dramatic" I mutter
"Don't be sorry, and don't ever think that you're being dramatic. If you need me or your dad, always call ok?"
I nod
I thank God for my parents
GG came and spoke to me afterwards, she was being so comforting as well as my sisters. My parents wanted to talk to me about something but they said they'd leave it and talk about it with me when I'm feeling better. I've got a doctors appointment in the morning.
*
"How you feeling?"
"Better than before", I murmur
Xavier continues to stroke my hair as I stay laid against him, I am absolutely exhausted but I just can't bring myself to sleep right now.
Blair sighs as she sits back down, "That was West and CJ. I told them you're feeling a little better, also West said he's sorry"
"Sorry? For what" Xavier questions
"I don't know, he wouldn't say"
He looks down at me, "Ree"
"Hm"
"What did he do", My boyfriend asks calmly
"He had a gun", I eventually answer
"What?", They all scoff
"I don't wanna talk about it anymore, I already made him leave"
"Y-
"Xavier"
"No, why the fuck did he bring a gun here"
"It wasn't his or something, I don't know and I don't care"
He lightly kisses his teeth and I reach my hand up to stroke his neck assuredly, "I'm ok now" I promise
"It's not that"
He clearly wants to say more but just isn't choosing to. I give my best friends a look, basically asking them to give us a second. They nod with understanding before leaving my room and I hold Xavier's hand, "Talk to me"
"We can talk about it when you feel better-
I shift so that we're lying opposite each other, "I'm tired of hearing that today. Go on"
"Look baby you have a good heart, I know that and that's why I love you"
"But", I say knowingly
"But how can you not see that he has feelings for you?"
"West? We've not even been friends for that long"
"You don't need to know someone that long, it's clear that he has feelings for you and wants to fuck you" Xavier blatantly tells me
I just don't believe it, I feeling like I would've noticed
"But hes never even-
"Because you're with me, and you've never actually asked him"
"So you think I'm being too friendly"
"I don't know how you are when you're with him"
I sit up a little "You know I don't have feelings for him right..."
"I know you don't"
"I'm sorry if it seemed like that but I was honestly just trying to be a good friend. He's getting hurt"
Zay didn't look that surprised, these things don't really come as a shock to him anymore. "By?"
"His dad. None of his friends know"
I never planned on telling anybody else about what's happening with West but in this case I kind of had to because it looks weird that I'm being so kind towards him. God knows that if Xavier had a female friend (aside from Jamila) who was coming over to his place I wouldn't like it.
"Why haven't you reported it to anyone?"
"He doesn't want me to"
"Ree.....you gotta tell someone"
"Yeah I know...but his dads the literal chief" I whisper the last part
If he wasn't surprised before then he is now
"Wait what? Seriously?"
I nod
"I know it's a rough situation but baby you gotta talk to someone at least. If anything, your mom might be the best person to speak to about this"
I sigh, "And after that? What'd you want me to do"
"What I want doesn't matter, I'm not tryna control what you do-
"Xavier it does. I asked for a reason because I know that if this was the other way round I wouldn't like it"
"I don't want you to be friends with him" He tells me honestly
I may not believe that West has feelings for me but clearly Xavier is seeing something that I'm not, avoiding him would be impossible since we go to the same school, I think that after I help him I'll distance myself just a little bit.
"Ok"
"Ok?"
"I'm not saying I'll stop talking to him cause that's impossible, but I'll take a step back"
"Alright"
I smile a little as I play with his hair and hover my lips over his, "Do you know how cute it is when you're jealous?"
Zay rolls his eyes and I kiss him softly, "In fact it's way more than cute. It's adorable"
"You calling me adorable?"
I squash his cheeks, "Absolutely. Have you seen your dimples? They're so cute"
"I don't wanna be cute"
"Yes you do", I give him another kiss and he prolongs it
It would've gone on for longer but then Indiah and Blair came back
"B's dropping me home. Are you staying?" She asks her brother
I asked Dee if she wanted to sleepover but she wants to be alone which I understand.
"Yeah"
"You are?", I say surprised
"Your mom asked me, plus I wanted to anyway"
"I tell you I love you?", I smile genuinely
"A couple times", Xavier grins
"Aww", Blair says amused
"You sure you don't wanna stay too?", I double check with Indiah
She looks so down but is trying not to show it, "Nah it's cool"
"What's up with you", He asks her
Indiah couldn't even talk, because as soon as her mouth opened there were tears threatening to fall out of her eyes. She decides against speaking and just shakes her head, now Xavier's actually concerned.
He sits up, "Dee"
Blair's face softens, "Want me to-
"No let's go. Ree can tell him"
I give them both a hug, "Thank you for staying"
"It's ok"
"I love you", I whisper to Indiah
She sniffs before mumbling, "Love you too"
I feel so bad for her right now, "Maybe Xavier should go home with you-
"No it's ok you need him. I'm fine"
He's just frowning, "Why are you crying"
"Are you sure?", I ask her
"Yeah"
She leaves after that and I just sigh before going back to sit on my bed, Indiah clearly is not fine. I wanna hurt Archie for what he did to her, I don't even understand why after all of that flirting and grafting he did her so dirty....
Now my boyfriend's looking at me expectantly
"You were right...." Is all I could say
Xavier kisses his teeth knowingly, "Archie?"
"Yeah"
"He cheated?"
"Since the party I took you to. He was checking out another girl"
"I told her he wasn't serious. Now look"
"To be fair he was after her for a long time so we didn't see it coming-
"That don't mean shit, he was still talking to other girls behind closed doors. I'm tired of everyone thinking that he's a saint, he's a joke"
"I guess... but don't rub it in Indiah's face and say I told you so. Be nice to her"
"I will"
Whilst Xavier was in the shower I went downstairs because my mom wanted me to eat something. I wasn't hungry for anything heavy so a slice of cheesecake is what I decided to snack on. I swear we have the most random shit in this house, she buys a lot of dessert mainly because shes got a sweet tooth. So do all of us to be fair.
"Did you talk to aunt Zuri's dad?"
She makes a disgusted face, "No I can't stand to be in the same room as him. GG and Zuri did, so did your dad. He even had the nerve to ask to talk to me, if he thinks that after all these years he's getting a word out of me he's crazy. But anyway the situation is what I wanted to speak to you about"
I lick my spoon, "Damn. How did their conversation go"
"Aside from your dad having to fight the urge to punch Marty it went ok. Treyvon's gonna do time. It turns out that Marty has a lot of shit on him so for once in his life hes done something right, I don't care how he puts him away all I know is it's happening and if he doesn't I'm making sure he lands right back in prison. Although how the sick bastard ended up dating Treyvon's mom is ridiculous to me"
"Does she do drugs?"
"Of course she does"
Not surprised
"So just like that, Marty will do it"
"I wasn't kidding when I told you how much he loves Zuri, he would do anything for her"
"Does she love him still?"
"Of course she does, that's her dad. But loving someone doesn't mean that you can't also despise them, she doesn't want to be associated with him. All of this is for you"
I sigh "And what about-...you know-
"Tobias?"
"Yes"
"The dumb child used a hunting knife with his initials on it to stab you so that was evidence in itself. Now you know I would never ask you to lie, either way Tobias is gon be in trouble but what we've let the authorities know is that you were involved in an altercation, you're a minor anyway so they're not gonna be too hard on you"
"There's no way this is all just gonna go away", I say unconvinced
Mama sighs, "Of course not. There were two guns, well as far as the cops are aware there was one, and the one that they have is the one that was in Treyvon's possession. But of course he let the cops know who that gun belonged to"
"Malik", I say with realisation
"Yes, he's being charged with possession of an unregistered firearm"
"So he could go to prison...."
"Yes"
Fuck
"Does Xavier know?"
"Yes. Malik is willing to go away for him, for both of you"
"Nobody told me", I say quietly
"This may be a long trial, it's likely that other things will come to surface but you two are gonna be far from this as possible. Treyvon still doesn't know you shot him and it's gonna stay that way"
"I don't want Malik to go to prison because of me", I feel sad now
"It's not because of you baby, this was bound to happen at some point. He's doing this for Xavier because he regrets dragging him into it in the first place, and he's doing it for you because he can't stand the fact that you got hurt. You should call him", Mom says softly
"I will", I eat another forkful
"You feeling tired?"
"A little...", I admit
"Think you'll be able to sleep?", She asks
I shrug and she holds my hands with a concerned look, "I hate seeing you suffer like this"
"I know..."
"What do you see when you sleep?"
"It's just flashes of what happened on repeat, the sound of me shooting the gun, Treyvon's shirt leaking blood and him falling...."
"What else", Mom asks with a gentle look
"Just like-... me getting stabbed"
She gives me a cuddle and I lay against her chest, "I'm so sorry"
"It's ok", I murmur
"Can Xavier sleep with me?" I then ask
"I mean it's one of the main reasons I asked him to stay"
"Really? Aren't you against boys sleeping in my bed?"
"I'm not against it, I just think that there's a time for everything. But anyway I figured that you might feel a little better if he was there to comfort you"
"Is daddy ok with it?"
She shuts the dishwasher after loading it, "He'd prefer it if you guys slept down here but I convinced him to let you stay in your room in the end. Besides it's not like you guys have done it yet"
"Huh?"
Caught me so off guard
Mom looks at me stunned, "Amariah"
"Yes?"
"You haven't right"
"Uhh what?"
She leans away from the island, "You're kidding with me"
"You shouldn't ask questions to things you don't want answers to-
She scoffs, "But I want an answer. Have you?? And you ain't tell me?-
"Going upstairs now", I call out as I leave
My mother just continues to stare at me shocked
*
I don't know how long I slept for, but all I know is that I'm awake again. I could feel my heart beating fast as I opened my eyes, it happened again.
Xavier's next to me, fast asleep
I check the time on my phone, it's currently two thirty in the morning. I can't keep going on like this, these dreams are really fucking up my sleep.
I sigh as I sit there with the phone to my ear, it's very late and I don't even know if they'll pick up the phone but I'm trying anyway.
I got an answer on the third ring
"Ree"
I sit up a little, "Hi"
"You good? It's late"
"Well you're the only one who hasn't checked on me so I figured that I'd check on you"
He chuckles, "I didn't think you wanted me to. Besides I'm sure Zay's looking after you"
I smile, "He is. But that doesn't mean I don't miss my older brother"
"How you doing", Malik asks softly
"Fine"
"That's why you called me at two in the morning"
I rest my chin on my knees, "I've been having trouble sleeping"
"I'm-
"Don't apologise, it's not your fault"
"You wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for Xavier"
"True, but do you really think I wouldn't have shot a gun for you too?"
"Yes"
I snicker, "Yeah you're annoying as fuck. But I'd still have done it"
"You're annoying"
I smile a little
I know I always used to blame him for everything but the truth is I don't anymore.
"You got anything to help you sleep?"
"No, but I've got a doctors appointment tomorrow"
"Music"
"Huh?"
"It helps"
I tilt my head, "How'd you know that"
"Don't worry, I just do"
I look at my AirPods case
"It'll get better eventually"
"You get nightmares?"
"Had", Malik corrects
"When I shot my first gun", He finishes
"When did it stop?"
"After a couple weeks. You should try get some sleep"
"Yeah, I will"
"Don't text me"
I smile, "I definitely won't"
"Goodnight Amariah"
"Goodnight Malik"
I feel a touch on my hip, "You ok?" My boyfriend asks tiredly
I put one of my airpods in before lying down and putting his arm around me, "Mhm"
He kisses my head and I shift a little closer before closing my eyes.