Forgotten Past
~Severn Years Ago~
"Oof!" My back hit the floor and the air was knocked out of my lungs, again. This was the umpteenth time this session. I looked up at my own personal trainer from hell. I've never actually been told her name because she feels that I need to earn the right to that information and until such time I was to address her as ma'am.
What a bunch of bull. "Your balance was off," she criticized without compassion as I struggled to get back on my feet. It wasn't easy. Everything hurt and I could feel bruises beginning to form. "We're down for the day," my trainer said eyeing me.
"No," I gasped stubbornly as I straightened out. "Again."
"You're spent," she said. "Go lay down, we are done."
"No," I repeated. "Let's go again." I fell into a fighting stance.
She looked ready to argue when someone interrupted. "Good evening ladies."
My trainer dipped her head slightly in the direction of the man. I recognized him as one of the men present when I first arrived. Aside for Alpha and Luna Greyson I'd only spoken with Theta Church. "Trainer Marold."
"I can take it from here if you want," he offered her while gesturing at me. I pushed down a spark of irritation. I hate when people talk about me like I'm not here when I'm literally standing right next to them. My trainer nodded and left. I openly glared at the man. It irked me even more that he wasn't ugly. I like when people who annoy me are ugly. I hate when they're actually quite attractive, and he was quite attractive. "Attack me."
I remember lunging and then suddenly I was looking up at the ceiling. I have no clue what happened between my attack and my being knocked on my ass. I blinked sweat out of my eyes and rolled onto my side to inhale a deep breath before pushing against the floor to get back up. "Again," I said through gritted teeth.
He knocked me on my ass again. "Just stay down," he said as I tried to get up. It was hard to hear over my labored breathing and my blood pumping in my ears.
"No," I hissed and attacked. I tried to land a punch to his jaw. He caught my arm and kicked my feet out from beneath me so I fell back to the ground.
"Don't get back up," he ordered. I did my best to ignore him. I think I actually caught him off guard when I mimicked his move and swept his feet out from under him. He fell to the ground and I rolled on top of him and tried to pin him. Maybe if I still had any real strength left I could have been successful. But I did and he rolled over and pinned me beneath him. I'm really beginning to hate this guy. "You've been here three weeks," he hissed. "Do you really expect to be able to beat any of your trainers after such a short time?"
"Of course not," I snapped.
"Then take a break, get some sleep," he said.
I gritted my teeth together and tried to flip him off of me unsuccessfully. I hated it. I felt like a failure and I hated it. Since coming here and becoming Alpha Greyson's Beta it'd been made abundantly clear that I was laughably unprepared for the job. I wasn't used to failing at things. Back at Silver Moon I'd always been the best, I'd been at the top of my class. Even my fighting classes.
Here was different. For the first time in my life I felt as if all of my training was useless. Even worse I felt like I was letting Alpha Greyson down. He'd taken me in and knowingly promised to hide me from Grant when anyone else would have sent me packing straight back to Silver Moon. If anyone found out Alpha Greyson would be in serious trouble. Silver Moon could declare war and despite everything they did they would still have more packs willing to side with them simply because hiding an Alpha's mate from him is considered to be a far worse crime. And after all of that it turns out instead of being a great Beta to him I'm just a useless liability.
"You aren't going to be any good in a fight if you're half dead. So just stop trying and stay down."
I knew what he was saying made perfect sense and I should just do as he says but I couldn't. I head-butted him and groaned in pain. That did not work so well. He wasn't even fazed! I really, really hate this guy.
"Why won't you just stay down?" he asked.
"Because that's giving up," I forced out as I tried to remember how to breathe. "Because no matter what you do you'll be knocked down and people will tell you not to get back up. The key is to always get back up no matter how many times you find yourself on the ground."
I saw a glimmer of something in his eyes. Respect? No. I'm just hallucinating. I probably have a concussion. The man rolled off me and I sat up cringing. "You're hurt," he commented.
"I'll live," I said through my teeth as carefully tried to stretch out my left shoulder.
"You should get someone to take a look at you," he said. "At least get something for the pain."
"No thanks."
He looked angry. "You don't need to play it tough. There's nothing wrong in accepting help."
"I know that," I snapped. "I'm not stupid, okay?"
"Then why?"
"Because it's easier to deal with the physical pain," I whispered unable to look at him.
"Physical pain?" he repeated. "What other pain..." he trailed off and I risked a glance at his face. "You rejection."
I looked away again. "It surprised me too. I never much cared for Grant so I didn't think I'd feel anything after the rejection."
"It doesn't work that way."
His tone made me look back as him and I could see pain in his eyes. "How long has it been?" I asked softly.
He grimaced. "You're much more perceptive than I originally gave you credit for."
"Was that supposed to be a complement?" I asked.
He chuckled softly. "I guess it is a little backhanded."
"A little?"
He chuckled again then grew somber. "Four months."
"Excuse me?"
"You asked how long it's been," he said. "My mate rejected me and left four months ago."
"I'm sorry," I said gently.
He gave me a pained smile. "I have a feeling you'd hit someone if they'd said that to you."
"I would," I confirmed. "But I believe I'm better off for it. It's pretty easy to see you really loved your mate."
"If only she felt the same way," he sighed as he got to his feet. He held a hand out to me. "I'm Tristan, by the way."
I gave him a small smile and took his hand. "Kate," I said as he helped me to my feet. "But you probably already knew that."
He smiled back. "Yeah I did."
~Five Years Ago~
I opened my eyes and looked around confused with the one question you never want to ask when waking up. Where am I? The smell was awful. The only thing I could think of to describe it was the smell of my little brother's pet guinea pig when it'd died. "It's the bodies," a young, hoarse voice said. I looked around. I was in a cell with dirt floors and metal bars on three sides with the fourth being the dirt wall of an unfinished underground basement. There was an aisle separating the row of cells I was in and that of the speaker.
It was a young girl, couldn't be more than eight or nine years old. "The bodies?" I repeated confused and still half asleep. My brain sluggishly worked to understand what was going on.
She nodded. Her body was frail and frightening thin. Her eyes look swollen and hollow. "The smell. It's the bodies." She glanced at the other cells.
I looked too, actually looked, and was revolted. Unmoving bodies laid piled together in corners of cells while others scarcely even take a breath. "Oh my God," I whispered horrified.
"God doesn't protect us here," the girl whispered.
"Where are we?" I asked desperately as I moved to the front of the cell.
"Blackwater."
Blackwater? That can't be right. "Blackwater doesn't exist," I tried to tell her. "It hasn't for a few years."
"This is what's left." I heard the sound of a metal door opening and the little girl skittered to the back corner of her cell.
I looked towards the sound hoping to catch a glimpse of whomever was coming. It was a man. It was too dark to make out much more than that and he didn't come closer. "Ah my newest pet has awoken. I was beginning to think they'd hit you too hard when they knocked you out. I'm glad I shall get my chance to see what the Fire Light Alpha saw worthy of being Beta is one so young."
I saw his shadow move, turning. "Wait!" I called and the girl looked at me as though I'd grown two head. She clearly thought I was crazy. "Who are you?"
He laughed. "I shall give you my name as you'll not live to tell another soul. Adrian Peltier."
"I think he's coming!" Lenore whispered.
I didn't pause to listen. "I think I've got it."
"Hurry up!"
I twisted the small strand of metal ever so slightly and was rewarded with a faint click. I nudged the cell door and it opened.
"You did it!" Lenore gasped.
"Now for yours," I said dashing to the door of her cell. "We're getting out of here, Lenore," I promised her. The eight-year-old had been here for nearly a year.
I was so caught up in trying to pick her lock I didn't notice the creak of the metal door as it opened. Everything that happened next would be on my head. "Look at this," Adrian said. "A mouse has nibbled its way out of its cage. And worse," his voice turned dark, it was the tone he used right before he pulled someone out of a cell to torture them in front of us, "you tried to free another mouse."
He stalked forward and I could see the glow of his pale, pale skin against the black shadows. He grabbed me back the hair and dragged me back into my cell I tried to fight but it was useless. I was too weak. He dropped me and I crumbled to the ground. He, to my surprise, left me and closed the cell door, locking it again. Then to my absolute horror he went to Lenore's cell.
"No!" I gasped and flung myself against bars as he opened her cell door. "Leave her alone!" I begged. "She didn't do anything!"
"No," he said and flashed me a toothy smile like this was all some game that we were playing. "But this will hurt you more than anything I did to you directly." He'd figured that out quickly. The best way to torture me was to force me to watch as he tortured others knowing I couldn't do a thing to help.
He dragged Lenore out and pressed the shackles he'd had nailed to the middle of the aisle onto her wrists. "No," I begged as tears burned at my eyes. "Lenore." She looked so scared. I ignored Adrian as he went back to the front of the room to retrieve something. I stretched my arm out through the bars and reached for the young girl. I could see tears run down her cheeks as they did my own. She reached out too and tangled her fingers into my. I clasped her hand tightly. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so, so sorry. This is all my fault."
Adrian returned and smiled at our clasped hands. "Do you know what napalm does when it comes in contact with human skin?"
So I was in horror as he burned her. When he was done she was scarcely breathing.
Adrian opened my cell door after unshackling Lenore. He dragged her into my cell and left her there. "I will grant the two of you a moment. Remember my kindness."
I wanted to hurt him. Every fiber of my being wanted to make him suffer like she suffered. He lingered, cell door open, to see if I would. I went to Lenore and pulled her onto my lap. Adrian made a noise of distain and disappointment and closed the door. I didn't listen to him leave.
I looked down at Lenore, her skin was red with blood. She was going to die. We both knew it. It'd be slow and painful. "It hurts," she said hoarsely.
Tears dropped from my chin onto her cheek. "I know," I said thickly. I saw something glint on the ground. The metal I used to pick the lock. One end was sharp, I'd cut my hands a couple times handling it. I pulled it to me. "I'm so sorry." I remembered my anatomy class. I remember there's a certain spot on the neck that when stabbed will cause a grown man to bleed out in minutes. It wouldn't take that long for her. For a moment I wondered if I could do it. I didn't think I had the strength to do it. "I'm sorry," I whispered a final time. That was the moment I knew, there is no God.
~Four Years Ago~
Fire burned through my veins in place of blood, exhaustion wept from my skin but still continued. I could feel my breaking point near. I'd hit it so many times in the past six months I knew the feeling well. I could feel blisters form and pop and bleed on my feet and still I kept running.
"Kate," Elder Coleman said, "stop."
"I can keep going," I said between short, even breaths.
"Stop running," Elder Becker argued.
I didn't waste the breath this time and just kept running. I'd lost track of how long I'd been on the treadmill but it had to be a couple hours now. "Go get her Alpha," I heard Elder Coleman whisper to his coworker.
They're going to bring Jason into this? Joy.
"Kate," Jason said a few minutes later. "I think it's time to stop." I opted to ignore him. He sighed. "Don't make me do this, Kate." He wouldn't. "Kate, stop!" He would. He used an Alpha order! That dick. Of course I was force to obey but the treadmill wasn't so I was shoved off the tracks. Jason caught me and led me to a seat. "Are you okay?" he asked handing me a water.
I gasped for breath for a moment before I gulped down the liquid greedily. "Fine," I lied easily. I'd gotten so use to saying it I no longer even thought about it. All anyone's done since I returned is ask me is if I was okay.
"Might I have a moment alone with the girl?" Elder Coleman asked.
Jason and Elder Becker nodded and left. Elder Coleman took a seat beside me. "Why did you not stop on your own accord?"
"There was no need for it," I answered in a hard voice.
"Evidence says otherwise."
"Evidence be damned."
He shook his head. "Then I can no longer train you."
"What?" I exclaimed. "Why not? Have I not given it everything I have?"
"Yes, and more," he replied even-voiced. "I've never trained one more determined as you, nor as young."
"Then why?" I demanded.
"Because training is more than learning how to fight," he answered. "It's about learning when to fight and more importantly when not to fight. You seem only determined to learn the former and not the latter. Therefor I can no longer train you. I do however have a question."
"Do not expect me to answer it," I said.
"I will keep my expectations in check," he promised. "I am curious if your determination stems from your time as a captive in what once was Blackwater and the young girl Lenore."
I stood up instantly mistrusting the man. "How do you know of that?"
"How dare you!" I yelled as I placed a well-aimed blow to my Alpha's face.
"Kate!" Lily gasped in pure surprise.
Jason however had no such surprise written on his face. "You had no right," I hissed. "You had no right to tell him of Blackwater and you had no right to tell him of Lenore."
"He needed to know," Jason said.
"That wasn't for you to decide!" I yelled. "It is my story to tell to whom I please."
"But you won't tell it to anyone!" Jason yelled back. "Not even me."
"Well you don't need to know," I said coldly. "Nor does anyone else."
"Clearly that isn't true," he replied with the same coldness. "Whatever happened there you came back different. It feels like I no longer know you."
"Maybe you never did," I spat.
"And maybe what happened is eating you up inside!" he snapped.
"I'm fine," I said with hollow words.
"I can see that you're not!"
"Jason!" Lily warned but he plowed ahead.
"You were a novice when I brought you into the Beta position," he said, "and I kept you on because you had a passion, you cared for people regardless of who they were. Trina is proof that. Ever since you came back I've yet to see that passion. You were a great Beta. Now... I do not wish to do it but I will not have a Beta who is more burden to the pack than help."
"Jason!" Lily gasped.
Before Blackwater his words would have devastated me, it would feel as though history could not help but repeat itself. Now I hardly even flinched. Jason was right. I am different now. I'm stronger. "I'll save you the trouble. You know well this is not the first time I've been kicked to the curb by my Alpha."
"Kate!" he called but I was already out the door.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"What do you want, Tristan?" I asked as I continued to pack.
He grabbed my hand forcing them to still their movement. "You know I hate to repeat myself and I'll only do it once. Where do you think you're going?"
"Away," I answered yanking my hands free and zipped up the suitcase.
"Like hell you are," he growled.
I turned to glare up at him. "Do not think to use the very same voice on me as you use on trainees."
"You are not leaving, Kate."
"You do not tell me what to do," I said and grabbed the suitcase off the bed.
I started for the down but he grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. "What ever happened Kate, do not do this. Running away cannot be your only solution."
I let out a hard humorless laugh. "Your Alpha has made it abundantly clear he no longer desires me to act as his Beta and I've not a habit of remaining where I am unwanted."
I caught a flash of a dangerous glint in his eyes. "You are not leaving, Kate. Damn what Jason thinks he wants!"
"Just leave me be, Tristan," I said shaking my arm loose and walking out.
"Kate!" Tristan yelled as I walked out of the pack house and towards my truck.
"Kate stop!"
I tossed the suitcase in the back. "This is what you wanted is it not, Jason?"
Jason shut the truck door before I climb in. "You know it isn't. What I said-"
"Doesn't matter what you say now," I cut him off. "You meant what you said back in your office."
"Kate," he started.
"Let me talk to her," Tristan said already shoving Jason out of the way.
"Careful," I warned. "One ought to treat his Alpha with respect."
"Yes I'm sure the shiner he's sport was you showing him respect," Tristan said 3easily putting two and two together.
"I said treat his Alpha. I said nothing about a woman."
He found a smile at my words. "You aren't leaving, Kate." Then he kissed me.