Chapter 34: CHAPTER 34- Complex Feelings (Tasha)

Jacob’s arms wrapped around me like a lifeline. His warmth settled into my bones, chasing away the chill of the night air.

We lay beside the crackling fire, its fading embers the only witness to what had just happened between us. His breath fanned across my forehead, steady and comforting, yet my thoughts were anything but calm.

I’d crossed a line tonight, one I could never uncross. The weight of it pressed against my chest, even as I snuggled deeper into Jacob’s hold. His fingers moved in lazy circles on my back, a gesture meant to soothe, but it only made the storm inside me more chaotic.

I wanted to stay in this moment. I wanted to pretend that this was all that mattered, that Jacob and I were enough. But Mascot's face floated into my mind, uninvited, and with it came a flood of guilt.

Why did my heart have to be divided like this? Jacob shifted slightly beneath me, his chest rising and falling with deep, even breaths. He was relaxed, content in a way I hadn’t seen him in a long time.

The hardened alpha who’d fought by my side, who’d killed for me and sacrificed so much, was at peace, if only for tonight. I envied him for that. I tried to match my breathing to his, to calm the erratic rhythm of my heart. But the more I tried to focus on the present, the more my thoughts drifted back to Mascot.

Where was he right now? Did he know what had happened? Was he out there in the darkness, watching from the shadows? Or was he deep in the woods, trying to sort through his own tangled emotions like I was? A part of me wanted to go to him, to explain.

But what could I say? That I cared for him too? That despite what had happened with Jacob tonight, my feelings for him hadn’t disappeared? How could I possibly justify that to him—or to myself? I closed my eyes and pressed my face against Jacob’s chest, trying to lose myself in the steady beat of his heart. But it didn’t help. Nothing seemed to ease the turmoil inside me.

“Are you okay?” Jacob’s voice was a low rumble, vibrating against my cheek. His hand slid up my back to rest at the nape of my neck, his thumb brushing the sensitive skin there. I hesitated before answering.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I lied. The words felt hollow as they left my lips. He shifted again, pulling me even closer, and I felt the tension—or rather the weight—ease out of his muscles. He believed me, or maybe he just wanted to. Maybe he needed to believe that everything was fine between us. But it wasn’t.

Not really. I pulled away slightly, just enough to tilt my head up and meet his eyes. They were dark, intense, filled with a tenderness that made my heart ache. I swallowed hard, my throat tight. I wanted to say something, anything to ease the pressure building between us, but the words wouldn’t come.

Jacob smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair away from my face. “You don’t have to say anything,” he murmured. “I know you’re trying to figure things out. I’m just glad you’re here, with me.” His words should have comforted me, but instead, they made my chest tighten even more.

I wasn’t just here with him. I was torn between him and Mascot, between the past we shared and the future that was still so uncertain. I shifted slightly, sitting up beside him as the cold night air hit my skin.

I reached for my discarded clothes, pulling them on slowly as Jacob watched me with quiet curiosity. He didn’t say anything, but I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to break the silence.

“I need to think,” I said quietly, more to myself than to him. “I need... time.” Jacob nodded, though the flicker of hurt that passed over his face didn’t escape me.

“Take all the time you need,” he said, his voice soft but steady. “I’m not going anywhere.” I gave him a small smile.

“Thank you,” I whispered before rising to my feet. The fire crackled softly behind me as I made my way to the edge of the camp. The darkness beyond the flickering flames felt almost inviting, like it could swallow me whole and give me the peace I desperately needed.

But I knew that peace wouldn’t come easily. As I stepped into the shadows, I felt the familiar presence of someone else nearby—Ethan. His figure emerged from the darkness, leaning casually against a tree, his eyes sharp as ever.

“You alright?” he asked, his voice low but laced with concern. I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I thought I was. But now... I’m not sure.” Ethan studied me for a moment, his expression unreadable.

“It’s Jacob, isn’t it? And Mascot.” I didn’t answer, but my silence was enough. Ethan pushed off the tree and took a few steps toward me, his gaze steady and thoughtful. “Love triangles are messy,” he said bluntly, his tone quiet. “But I guess you already know that.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, you could say that.” Ethan crossed his arms, watching me with that same calm, assessing look.

“You don’t have to figure it all out tonight, you know. It’s okay to take your time.” I glanced at him, surprised by the sincerity in his voice.

Ethan wasn’t usually one for deep conversations, but tonight, there was something different about him. Maybe he understood more than I gave him credit for.

“I don’t even know where to start,” I confessed, wrapping my arms around myself against the cold.

“Start by being honest with yourself,” Ethan said simply. “And with them. Jacob and Mascot. They deserve to know how you feel, even if it’s messy. Even if you’re not sure.” His words hit me harder than I expected, and I felt a lump form in my throat.

Being honest with myself? That was the hardest part. I cared about both of them, but how could I choose between them when my heart was so divided? Ethan’s gaze softened slightly, and he reached out to place a hand on my shoulder.

“Whatever you decide, you won’t be alone. We’re all in this together, no matter what happens.” I nodded, my chest tight with emotion. Ethan wasn’t just talking about my feelings for Jacob and Mascot. He was talking about the war we still had to fight, the battles that lay ahead. My personal struggles were just one piece of the puzzle.

“Thanks, Ethan,” I whispered, grateful for his words even though they didn’t provide the answers I so desperately sought. He gave me a small nod before turning and walking back toward the camp.

I watched him go, my mind still swirling with conflicting emotions. I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, staring into the darkness, before I felt another presence beside me. This time, it was Mascot.

My heart skipped a beat as I turned to face him. He was silent, his eyes unreadable in the dim light of the campfire behind us. But I could feel the strain of unspoken words hanging in the air between us.

“Were you watching?” I asked quietly, my voice barely audible. Mascot’s jaw tightened, and he looked away, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

“I saw enough,” he said, his voice rough with barely contained emotion. I took a deep breath, my heart racing in my chest.

“Mascot, I—”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, his voice sharp. He turned to face me, his eyes blazing with something I couldn’t quite place. “Don’t try to explain it away. I know what I saw.” His words cut through me, and I felt a surge of guilt wash over me.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “I’m just... confused.” Mascot paused for a moment , but the hurt on his face was still there, clear as day.

“I know you are,” he said quietly. “But that doesn’t make it any easier.” I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. How could I possibly make this right? How could I explain the whirlwind of emotions inside me when I didn’t even understand them myself?