Chapter 233: Book 4 Chapter 9: On Like Donkey Kong

“You’re completely full of shit,” Vell said.

“No, I’m serious,” Helena said. “I met the president of the United States.”

“You’re German,” Samson said.

“And I know for a fact your family has never been to the US,” Vell said. “Joan told me.”

“Well, luckily, the President can travel,” Helena said. “He was doing some healthcare thing at the time, touring hospitals, and apparently I’m so horribly diseased I’m worth a photoshoot.”

“Show us the photos,” Hawke said.

“No.”

“How can you expect us to believe you, then?”

“What, don’t I have a trustworthy face?”

The other loopers were saved from answering that question by the arrival of Alex. As always, her mere presence had a way of cutting a lively conversation short. The loopers returned to their meals and ate in silence, at least until someone started sprinting across campus just outside the dining hall window.

“Hmm. Is it time?”

“No, wait,” Hawke said. “That’s that kind of mild alarm half-jog, right?”

“Yeah, but that can be a precursor to the real running-for-your-life sprint,” Vell said. “We should ask what’s up before people get more panicked.”

Vell walked out of the dining hall and flagged down one of the fleeing students to ask them what they were running from. The other loopers could not hear his conversation, but from a distance, they could see him roll his eyes so hard his whole body moved. He walked back to the table and slumped back into his chair.

“It’s the gorilla.”

“Ugh, her again,” Kim said. Alex raised an eyebrow.

“A gorilla?”

“Yeah, there’s just this gorilla that shows up now and then,” Vell said.

“Nobody knows where she comes from, nobody knows where she goes,” Samson said. “Just shows up.”

“She usually doesn’t bother anything if people leave her alone,” Vell continued. “It’s no big deal.”

“Well, hold on,” Hawke said. “She’s never shown up on the first loop before, right? Maybe this is the loop she actually hurts someone.”

“Good point. Maybe we should keep an eye on her,” Vell said. “From a distance.”

“You might want to watch her from slightly closer up,” Helena suggested.

“Why?”

“Because Alex just left, and I imagine she’s going to get hands on,” Helena said. Vell turned his head to the right, and saw Alex’s seat was empty.

“Fuck.”

Vell ditched his seat and ran after Alex, joined by every looper but Helena, who opted to remain in her seat and continue eating her lunch. Luckily Alex had opted for a brisk, determined walk towards the gorilla’s location, rather than a sprint, so Vell could catch up to her.

“Alex! What are you doing?”

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“Investigating this ‘gorilla’ myself,” Alex said.

“Yeah, kind of figured,” Samson said, as he too caught up. “The real question is why the fuck would you do that?”

“Because on an island full of this much technology, this much power, I find the idea that something as simple as an ape can simply appear and disappear at will is insulting,” Alex said. “So either it is not a simple gorilla, and all of you have been violently negligent in recognizing that, or it is a simple gorilla, and all of you have been violently negligent in studying how it enters and leaves the island.”

“I can’t help but notice both of those outcomes hinge on us being stupid,” Samson said.

“Historically, it is the likeliest explanation,” Alex said.

“I think I’m going to enjoy watching the gorilla beat you to death,” Kim said. Alex paid no heed to the insult and continued her march towards the center of the island.

The gorilla was sitting under a tree in the middle of the quad, idly picking at the bark and occasionally scratching her back with a fallen branch. Alex cast a simple diagnostic spell and then took a step forward before Vell grabbed her.

“Alex, I really don’t think it’s a good idea to antagonize a wild animal,” Vell said. “Do whatever you’re going to do from a distance.”

“Let go of me,” Alex said. Vell did so. “I’ll do whatever is necessary at whatever distance is necessary. But I’m not concerned. There’s no recorded instance of a human being killed by a gorilla.”

“There’s no recorded instance of a human dying in the vacuum of space either,” Hawke said, “recorded” being the key word. The loopers had collectively died in the vacuum of space about seventeen times. “That doesn’t mean it can’t happen, only that we’ve been smart enough to avoid making it happen.”

Alex did not address his concerns, and walked up to within ten feet of the gorilla. The ape grunted at Alex and then continued picking at the tree.

“Hmm. No overt magical signature,” Alex said. She took a step closer and reached out a hand towards the gorilla.

“Uh, Alex, bad idea,” Vell shouted. Alex, predictably ignored him, and grabbed the gorilla by the shoulder.

“Certainly feels real.”

“How the fuck would you know that?”

Alex ignored Samson’s shout as well. The gorilla pulled away from Alex’s touch and grunted loudly in her direction before rotating around the tree to be further from Alex. Much to everyone’s displeasure, especially the gorilla’s, Alex followed.

“Alex!”

She cast another spell, thankfully, keeping herself at a distance this time. The gorilla bared her teeth at the flashing gray lights of the spell.

“Doesn’t have any metal content to indicate a drone or robot,” Alex said. “We’ll see what DNA analysis has to say.”

This time Vell was not the only one shouting warnings from a distance, but Alex ignored them all and plucked a single hair from the gorilla’s shoulder. It let out a soft grunt of pain as Alex turned around to walk towards a biology lab.

“A simple test should-”

A rough hand grabbed Alex by the ankle. As she was lifted off the ground and swung through the air, the last thing Alex saw was a tree rushing towards her face.

----------------------------------------

“I’ll tell you Alex, I have seen a lot of heads explode,” Samson said. “But when that gorilla hit you against the tree? Whole new level of juicy. I genuinely think you should see a doctor, like, you might have some kind of high-pressure condition going on inside your skull, because you went everywhere. There were bits of skull in the branches, blood all over, I think your glasses made it all the way to the ocean. It was like a fucking Tarantino movie, just, kaboom, everywhere.”

“Thank you for the colorful description,” Alex said. She checked the time, and then looked over her shoulder as the first student started to lightly jog away from the gorilla.

“I know that look,” Helena said. “Grab your raincoats, everyone, Alex is going to get herself splattered again.”

“Very funny,” Alex said. “I’ve learned what to avoid.”

“Wait, seriously?” Helena said. “I was joking, even I didn’t really think you could possibly be that stupid.”

“I’ll study from a distance,” Alex said. She shouldered a bag that rattled with equipment, and Vell wondered how many tools she had brought for gorilla probing. She left without a word, and Kim let out a digital sigh.

“You think Dean would be mad if I locked her in the lair until the gorilla leaves?”

“I think he’d be madder if you didn’t,” Hawke said. Kim stood up, walked after Alex, and a few seconds later, walked the other way with the squirming and cursing Alex slung over her shoulder. Every head at the table slowly turned to follow Kim’s progress until she walked past the wall of windows, out of sight.

“You know, it’s a shame,” Samson said.

“What?”

“I mean, it would’ve been nice to get some answers,” Samson said. “Intelligently, I mean. Isn’t it kind of a bummer you’re going to graduate without knowing what was up with that gorilla?”

“It’s a gorilla, bud,” Vell said. “Sometimes, that’s all you need to know.”

A few minutes later, the gorilla herself wandered by the dining hall windows, idly strolling past before wandering out of sight and vanishing once again. Vell didn’t even look.