Chapter 216: Book 4 Chapter 1.2: Rude Introductions

Vell’s hand hovered dead in the air for a second.

“Uh, are you sure, I kind of-”

Alex slammed the raygun down on a table and started manually removing part of the exterior casing, much to the protest of the students she’d stolen it from, who rushed in to try and stop her.

“Hey, uh, maybe-”

Ignoring Vell’s protests, the students grabbed the raygun and tried to pull it away from Alex. As they snatched it away, she grabbed what looked like an important power cell and ripped it out of the ray.

“I cannot begin to tell you how bad-”

The students who’d built the raygun tried to grab the power cell out of Alex’s hand, and she used the temporary distraction to take hold of the raygun again.

“Please don’t-”

Both sides of the mismatched struggle ignored Vell’s pleas for the third and final time. Samson was not in the mood to defuse this conflict with tact and reasonable discourse. He was going to end it the way his mother had ended many fights between him and his twin brother: sheer volume.

“Hey,” Samson screamed at the top of his lungs. “Stop playing tug-of-war with a laser beam!”

Both sides of the inadvisable conflict froze in their tracks, though neither loosened their grip on the ray.

“It’s not a laser beam,” one of the struggling students said. “It’s a growth-”

“It’s dangerous science bullshit and you should not be yanking on it like two dogs fighting over a stick,” Samson snapped. The student backed down. “Vell?”

Now that people were quiet, it was time for Vell’s more amicable approach to take over. He took a step up, but not close enough to actually threaten anyone involved, and held his hands up, palms forward.

“Okay, let’s just set the growth ray or whatever it is down,” Vell said. “I’ll call Dean Lichman, and we’ll get this sorted out by proper authorities, okay?”

“They have to set it down first,” Alex said.

“You both set it down at the same time, Alex,” Vell sighed. “Just slowly lower it to the ground.”

Alex complied, but only after the biology students started setting it down first. After a few seconds of uneven lowering, the raygun hit the ground, and after slightly more prodding from Vell, both took their hands off the raygun and slowly backed away.

“Okay, great,” Vell said. “Now we just all keep our distance, stay calm, and everything will be-”

Clip clop.

“-Fuck.”

“Vell Harlan, how dare you?”

Orn stomped his way into the laboratory, just as he had on the previous loop, and instinctively inserted himself at the center of attention -directly adjacent to the raygun. Both the students and Alex immediately closed ranks and tensely stared at the raygun they had only recently surrendered.

“Hey Orn great to see you can we have this conversation elsewhere,” Vell sputtered. “Samson you stay here and keep an eye on things, I am going to go take Orn to a secondary location and very attentively listen to all of the many strong opinions he has about me.”

“As you should,” Orn said. “After every way I have surpassed you, you want to use some kind of ‘god’ as a way to upstage me? And you’re clearly trying to use some kind of raygun to-”

Orn reached down to grab the discarded growth ray, and every spark of conflict that Vell and Samson had put out ignited all at once, this time with Orn joining the conflicted tug of war. As he so often did, the centaur made everything worse by his mere presence.

“Guys, what did I just say about the tug of war with the laser gun?”

“Not a laser gun,” all three sides of the conflict shouted back at once.

“Oh of course that you all agree on,” Samson said. “Vell, what do we do?”

“Okay, I think if I put the growth ray in some kind of forcefield bubble I can put a stop to this,” Vell said. He pulled out his phone and started calling up the necessary rune. “Give me one second.”

Samson would’ve given Vell a second, but sadly he studied computer engineering, not chronomancy. The universe was not so inclined to give Vell any mercy, as it had repeatedly demonstrated, and demonstrated once again. With one final aggressive tug from Alex, the growth ray got pulled the wrong direction, and fired straight down. In an aggressive violet flash, a single beam of energy shot downwards, towards Orn. Fear overcame aggression, and all of the tug of war participants jumped away from the beam, though it skimmed across Orn’s heel as he jumped back before finally crashing into the floor.

“Okay, good job, you fucked it up as badly as it could possibly be fucked up,” Samson said. “Did it hit Orn?”

“No, I can say with some certainty it did not,” Orn said. “I am remaining exactly the same size.”

“Technically the growth is exponential, so it’d start very slow and then eventually grow bigger at a faster rate until it reached a currently unknown maximum limit,” one of the biology students explained.

“Yes I’m sure whatever you said is as correct as someone of your intellect can be,” Orn said. “However, I know it did not hit me because it did hit my shoe.”

Orn held up one of his furry legs and demonstrated that one of his metallic horseshoes had grown beyond the limits of his hoof and was rapidly starting to get larger and larger. It slid off his foot and by the time it hit the ground, the small horseshoe had grown to be the size of a toilet seat.

“Fuck, Samson, pick it up before it gets too heavy,” Vell said. He ran to the nearest window and slammed it open before sticking his head out. “Hey! Everyone clear out! Giant horseshoe coming through!”

A few very confused freshmen stood their ground, but the upperclassmen guiding them across campus hustled them out of the way. Even those who had only gone through one school year knew that when Vell Harlan said a giant horseshoe was coming, a giant horseshoe was coming. Vell turned back around to spot Samson struggling to lift a horseshoe that was now the size of a small table.

“Vell, this shit’s getting really heavy,” Samson said.

“Start rolling, get it out the window,” Vell said. He ran over and grabbed it, and by the time they’d made it halfway across the room, the horseshoe was noticeably larger than the window.

“Vell-”

“I see it, keep rolling, and give it a big push- now!”

With all their combined might, Samson and Vell heaved the horseshoe as hard as they could. The mighty shove gave the increasingly large iron curve sufficient momentum that one end went crashing through the window, and inertia carried it the rest of the way. The gigantic metal horseshoe tore a chunk out of the wall as it crashed through, fell down, and slammed into a thankfully cleared stretch of sidewalk. It kept growing on the ground, but at least there it stood no risk of crushing the building. Vell stared at the fallen horseshoe for a bit, and then turned back to a room full of tug of war-playing students who were all trying their hardest to look innocent -except for Alex, who had defiantly crossed her arms and was standing her ground.

“Alex?”

“What? This is their fault.”

----------------------------------------

“This is absolutely your fault,” Dean Lichman snapped. “Yes, these students had a reckless experiment, and yes, Orn unnecessarily inserted himself into the conflict, and yes they will be disciplined for those actions, but that conflict existed because of you.”

“I had reason to believe the experiment was dangerous,” Alex protested.

“Yes, I believe that,” Dean Lichman said. “But we have protocols, we have safety officers, we even have the inexplicable antics of Vell Harlan and company, who are usually very good at resolving problems without damaging school property!”

Dean Lichman pointed up at the massive hole in the biology lab wall, which repair drones were just starting to patch up, and at the massive dent in the school grounds. Vell had provided a shrink ray, and despite his refusal to explain where he had obtained it, it had been very helpful in getting Orn’s overgrown horseshoe off the quad.

“And you repeatedly ignored his good faith attempts to defuse the situation,” Dean Lichman continued. “Every account of this scenario—barring Orn’s which lays all blame for this scenario and several unrelated ones squarely on Vell and will be discounted—points to you unnecessarily aggravating and escalating this conflict.”

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“I was trying to protect people from reckless, irresponsible-”

“You cannot protect people from recklessness by being reckless,” Dean Lichman snapped. He shook his head, and his partially decayed face shifted into one of obvious and aggressive disappointment. “We talked about this, Ms. Gray Hawk. This attitude, this self-righteousness and ego that every professor of yours warned me about-”

“But you decided that my academic record was worth more than mere complaints about my ‘attitude’,” Alex said, with a self-satisfied smile.

“And because I had your assurance you would improve,” Dean Lichman said. “And clearly that was a lie. Alexandria Gray Hawk, I am revoking your invitation to the Einstein-Odinson College.”

In an instant, the smile on Alex’s face was more dead than the wight she was talking to.

“No, no,” Alex said. “I worked my entire life to get here, I outperformed everyone-”

“And you have ignored ethics and responsibility to do so, Ms. Gray Hawk, and on my campus those are just as important as academic performance,” Dean Lichman said. “Collect your things peacefully and I will recommend you to Ze- to Patschke-Puck.”

“I am not going to that school for rejects and losers,” Alex said. “I deserve to be here!”

Alex continued to plead her case, loudly, drawing the attention of everyone who had come to gawk at the hole in the wall -and the attention of two loopers still hanging around to help the repairs. Samson rolled his eyes at Alex’s increasingly aggressive pleas to stay at the Einstein-Odinson, and then looked to Vell. He had a hand on his chin, and was staring intently at Alex.

“Come on man,” Samson said. “Her?”

“It’s her first day in a timeloop,” Vell said. “She doesn’t know what’s going on. You remember what that felt like, right?”

“I do, and I never freaked out and caused a disaster,” Samson said. “I got help and listened to the people who knew what was going on, two things she explicitly refused to do!”

In spite of Samson’s protests, Vell was still glaring at Alex and Dean Lichman’s argument.

“I don’t even know why I started talking,” Samson said. “You do you, Vell.”

Vell went to do Vell. He walked over to the argument and tapped Dean Lichman on the shoulder.

“Uh, excuse me, Dean Lichman?”

Dean stopped mid-sentence and turned around. He rolled his eyes so hard one nearly came out of its socket.

“Come on, Mr. Harlan,” Dean Lichman said. “Her?”

“Dean, you know what situations get like around me,” Vell said. “It’s...complicated. Things got out of hand, Alex got overwhelmed, and she made some impulsive decisions.”

“They were not impulsive, I knew exactly what-”

“Not helping,” Vell snapped. “Look. It was rough. When things are hard, people fall back into bad habits, and maybe she did.”

This time, Alex kept her mouth shut, which Vell chose to take as a good sign.

“Let me help her get acclimated,” Vell pleaded. “Once she’s settled in, and things start to make sense, then see how she behaves, and make your decision. Please.”

Dean Lichman’s face danced through an entire spectrum of emotions in very little time before settling into a resigned sigh. He dragged a pallid hand across his face.

“Fine,” Dean Lichman said. “But this is the last bit of leniency I will extend to you, Ms. Gray Hawk. If I receive a single official complaint about your behavior you will be expelled immediately.”

“Of course, of course,” Alex said. “I will not disappoint.”

“I certainly hope that’s true,” Dean Lichman said. “Now, in the interest of being on your best behavior…”

Dean Lichman trailed off and looked at Alex expectantly. She said nothing. Dean Lichman cleared his throat loudly and began gesturing to Vell, then back to Alex.

“What?”

“Say thank you to Vell, Ms. Gray Hawk,” Dean Lichman said. “Saying thank you is basic courtesy when someone holds the door open, much less singlehandedly saves your academic career.”

“Oh, naturally,” Alex said. “Thank you, Vell Harlan.”

Nobody in the conversation was convinced that was sincere, but Dean Lichman took what he could get.

“You know, Vell, I’ve never felt the need to say this before, no matter what insanity you’ve involved yourself in,” Dean Lichman said. “But: Good luck.”

Dean Lichman gave Vell a pat on the shoulder that felt a little bit condescending, and then started walking away, leaving Vell and Alex alone. She crossed her arms and immediately turned an intense glare back at Vell.

“That was stupid.”

“Seriously?”

“The Dean clearly trusts you a great deal,” Alex said. “You’ve gambled all of that on my ability to meet his clearly unrealistic expectations.”

Vell was not regretting his actions yet, but he could feel it coming.

“Well, I like to believe in people,” Vell said.

“That’s a bad policy,” Alex said.

“Lady, I am offering every olive branch I’ve got here,” Vell said. “Can you at least try to grab on to one of them?”

“Right,” Alex said. She cleared her throat. “I am...grateful for your help.”

“See, there you go, off to a good start already,” Vell said. “Now, how about I take you somewhere private and actually explain all this craziness. There’s a whole group of us, we’ve even got a secret lair. With a coffee machine!”

“Caffeine? You use stimulants?”

“Ugh, just follow me,” Vell said.

----------------------------------------

“Okay, rule one, don’t tell anyone about the time loops,” Vell said. “It ends really badly. Something about knowing messes with peoples heads, drives them crazy. We call it Butterfly Effect Psychosis.”

Alex had been brought to the looper lair, made a stiff introduction to Kim and Hawke, and then sat down for the yearly opening lecture. Naturally, she immediately launched into questioning everything Vell said.

“Do you know that happens? Have you seen the phenomenon first hand?”

“Yes, twice actually,” Vell said. “Our friend Freddy Frizzle, he’s this very-”

“Meek, small, wiry looking man with messy red hair, yes,” Alex said. “He’s in my theoretical science department. I heard about you from him, actually.”

“I was going to say very smart and kind, actually,” Vell said. In retrospect, it made sense that Alex was the person Freddy had tried to warn Vell about. She was quite intense. “Anyway, he got told about the time loops once and went from being...meek, to trying to melt the universe.”

“I see,” Alex said. She had a look like she was taking furious mental notes. “And the second case?”

“Yes, that one was just at the end of last year, actually, my friend Joan-”

“The one who betrayed you?”

“She’s cool now, she’s improved herself,” Vell said. “She’s just a friend.”

“She did murder you, Vell,” Kim said.

“She murdered you?”

“Oh right, you only knew about the kidnapping,” Vell said. His abduction back in year one had not happened in the time loops, and was therefore public knowledge now. Along with almost everything else about Vell’s life. His eye twitched. “Yes, she did kill me once, accidentally. But then she helped me a lot! She’s grown as a person, we’re cool. She’s dating my friend Lee, it’s all good.”

“You’re friends with someone who murdered you?”

“Yeah, don’t question that kind of behavior, lady,” Samson said. “It’s the only reason you’re still at this school.”

Alex dutifully shut up.

“Anyway, she found about the time loops, and, uh, tried to kill herself. Like, a lot,” Vell said. “So, point being, don’t tell anyone outside this room about the time loops. Or my friends Lee, Harley, and Leanne, they’re also good. And there’s also this really good musician, Roxy Rocket, she’s cool too.”

“Oh, her?’

“Yeah, you know her?”

“Sort of,” Alex said. “I’m not really a fan.”

For a brief moment, Vell considered calling up Dean Lichman and rescinding his plea on Alex’s behalf. But only for a moment. People were allowed to be objectively wrong about how good Roxy’s music was.

“Okay, second rule, if we don’t change things, everything that happened on the first loop will repeat itself,” Vell said. “We have to put active effort into changing the timeline. Otherwise we get things like Orn showing up and making a bad situation worse.”

“You knew that was going to happen and you didn’t stop it?”

“It happened hours earlier than it did on the first loop, I didn’t expect him to follow me that aggressively,” Vell said. “Either way, the point is made. We have to really try to stop daily apocalypses, we can’t just elbow someone and let the Butterfly Effect send things spiraling out of control.”

“Noted.”

“Okay, and the final rule is a bit less metaphysical and more moral,” Vell said. “But we don’t let people use the time loops for unfair personal benefit. Using the extra time you get to do some studying or take a nap is fine, but don’t exploit them to cheat on tests, or plagiarize from people, or buy winning lottery tickets, things like that.”

“Are you implying you think I would do those things?”

“No, it’s just a rule,” Vell sighed. “Anyway, those are the big core rules, there’s a lot of tertiary details, like aliens exist, sometimes time travel happens, but generally speaking we’ll deal with those as they arise.”

“I see,” Alex said, sounding very nonplussed by the existence of aliens and time travel. “Thank you, that was very informative.”

“You’re welcome. Feel free to ask me or anyone else any questions at any time-”

“Mostly him,” Kim emphasized.

“Fine, mostly me,” Vell said. “But right now I would recommend doing whatever it is you do to relax, and getting some rest. It’s the end of the world tomorrow, after all.”

“It won’t be with me on the job,” Alex said.

“‘Us’ on the job,” Samson corrected. Alex shrugged.

“Yeah let’s wrap it up for the day,” Vell said, before anything escalated any further. He brushed the folders Lee had left him aside and pulled out his phone to make it very clear the meeting was over, and also to text Freddy.

vharlan03:

hey freddo

no worries about the whole mystery girl situation

all good

FFF:

Good to hear.

vharlan03:

alex is a little intense yeah but it’ll work out

FFF:

Alex?

vharlan03:

yeah, alex.

she’s in your department, right?

FFF:

She is.

And she is very intense, yes.

But she’s not the one who asked me about you.

Vell looked up from his phone. Alex was curiously examining the lair, and disdainfully staring at the coffee machine, but she met his gaze once Vell started staring.

“What?”

“Didn’t you say you asked Freddy about me?”

“No, I said I heard about him from you,” Alex clarified. “I was listening when someone else asked him about you.”

Samson did a quick double take.

“Wait, but they were asking about the kind of stuff we get up to,” Samson said. “And if that wasn’t you, that means someone else-”

He fell silent as the door to their secret lair started to thump. A low, dull thud echoed through the room as something blunt and heavy knocked on the door. All eyes locked onto the grey door for a moment.

“Kim, do you mind-”

Kim got up, clenched a fist, and walked over to open the door. No sooner had she done so than someone stepped in uninvited.

“Apologies for not being here earlier,” the new arrival said. “You can see why I had trouble keeping up.”

Their new guest walked only with the help of crutches, and moved with an unsteady gait, as one of her legs was much shorter than the other, the uneven stride corrected with a heavy brace and boot. The assistance could only do so much, however, and she still stomped down the stairs with slow, careful movements. The slow stride eventually took her to the table, and she sat down right between Vell and Alex before unstrapping the crutches from her arms and propping them against her chair. This close up, Vell could see that her spine was bent, her jawbone was uneven, and what little of her skin was exposed had multiple scars from surgical incisions.

“So, a time loop,” the stranger said. She seemed amused by the concept. “That explains so much.”

Kim sat back down, but her fist stayed clenched.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Well I’d make introductions, but-”

The stranger turned to Vell and examined him with piercing blue eyes.

“-I feel like you already know who I am.”

Vell nodded.

“Helena Marsh,” he said. “Joan’s sister.”