âI wouldnât push it on the tassel thing,â Joan advised. âYouâre not supposed to customize the cap and gown too much.â
âHarley got her entire ensemble in scarlet red.â Lee protested. âYouâre trying to tell me I canât wear a purple tassel?â
âHarleyâs a force of nature,â Joan said. âIâm pretty sure the gown just turned red as soon as it touched her. Nobodyâs going to bother trying to stop that. They might try and stop you.â
âI have saved the deanâs unlife on multiple occasions,â Lee said. âIf anyone tries to stop me, I shall refer to him.â
She attached the purple tassel to her cap defiantly and posed in her full graduation regalia. Joan raised no further protests.
âWell, you are clearly more powerful than me, so Iâm done fighting this battle,â Joan said. âYou win.â
âAnother triumph in a long list,â Lee said. She removed her cap and then undid her gown before setting it aside. Joan took a good look at the suit she was wearing underneath for the first time, and raised an eyebrow.
âMy god, you have thighs,â Joan said. Lee rolled her eyes.
âItâs barely above the knee, dear,â she said.
âFrankly Iâm shocked about the knees too,â Joan said. âI have distinct memories of you wearing a wetsuit to the beach.â
âYes, well, I had aggressively conservative parents and a lot of self-image issues,â Lee said. âIâm working on it. One of these days Iâll wear a bikini.â
âIâd like to see that,â Joan said. She went red in the face as soon as the words passed her lips.
âExcuse me?â
âBecause I enjoy seeing you grow as a person,â Joan said. âAnd get more comfortable with yourself.â
âOh.â
Joan wondered why Lee sounded so disappointed. On the other side of the room, Lee was also wondering why Lee sounded so disappointed.
A few months ago, that wouldâve been the end of it. Lee had not been the type to stop and think about her own wants and needs. Even now it was still a struggle, so Lee took the time to consciously stop and think about what she wanted. It wasnât the hardest moment of self-reflection in her life, especially since the answer was literally standing in front of her.
Just as the red was starting to fade from Joanâs face, she realized Lee had been unusually silent and turned to face her. Lee was watching her intently, staring up at Joanâs face with a look of delight like she had just solved a puzzle. Something about the sparkle in Leeâs bright green eyes made Joan start blushing all over again.
âLee,â she mumbled. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
Joan felt her heart start to pound as Lee leaned in a little closer.
âDo you want me to stop?â
With nothing but Leeâs green eyes and playful smile in front of her, Joanâs heart started to pound like cannonfire in her chest.
âNo.â
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âHow did you get a red graduation robe anyway?â
âI just asked the Dean,â Harley said. âThereâs no dress code, they just order these things in bulk and nobody ever asks for a different one.â
âHuh.â
Only Harley was committed enough to a single-spectrum wardrobe that she would wear a red graduation gown. Vell examined the shimmering red gown for a second and then draped it over his arm again.
âMaybe Iâll keep that in mind for my graduation,â Vell said.
âI think everyone should keep it in mind for your graduation,â Harley said. She grabbed the door to her dorm. âI come back here for that graduation I want to see a rain-â
Harley opened the door, and she and Vell took exactly one step into the dorm. They froze in place immediately, as Lee reacted to the sound of the door opening and pulled her lips apart from Joanâs. The two tilted their heads and stared up at the sudden intruders. Harley and Vell stared right back at Joan, who was lying on the couch with Lee straddling atop her. Joan very slowly tried to slide her hand off of Leeâs butt, which only made things worse.
Nobody moved. Nobody blinked. The standoff lasted exactly eleven seconds. Vell was the first to break.
âI- uh-â
Harley uncoiled like a spring and slammed her hand over Vellâs mouth.
âVell thereâs nothing you can say that can fix this,â she hissed. âWe have to leave!â
Without a word, Vell took off at top speed and sprinted down the hallway, with Harley just behind him. As the door slammed shut behind them, Leeâs stunned shock wore off.
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âWell thatâs rude of them.â
âUh, Lee,â Joan mumbled.
âYes?â
âCould you get your hand out of my shirt now?â
âOh my god,â Lee said, pulling her hand back so fast she nearly gave Joan rugburn. She pulled away from Joan entirely and sat up straight. âSorry, sorry, sorry, it was entirely above the bra, I swear to god.â
âI know, Lee, it was my boob you werenât touching,â Joan said. She sat up and adjusted her shirt. âI just donât think they had the same perspective on, uh, you know...â
âOh godâ¦â
Lee shrank in on herself and let out a soft moan of sheer cringing embarrassment. Joan slowly scooted to the far end of the couch.
âI canât believe this,â Lee groaned, as she held her head in her hands.
âMaybe, um, this is for the best,â Joan said. âI know we both got a little caught up in the moment, but maybe we shouldnât-â
Overcoming any and all embarrassment in and instant, Lee snapped up to grab Joan by the shoulders and give her a gentle but firm shake.
âDonât you dare finish that thought,â Lee scolded. âAny shame I feel is just on the general principle of being caught making out with anyone. Especially by those two. Harley will never let me live it down.â
Lee was already mentally reconciling herself with the fact that this incident would almost certainly follow her for the rest of her life. Every time Harley opened a door there would be the risk of a snarky comment about knocking first. But that was a different problem.
âIt has nothing to do with you,â Lee insisted.
âAre you sure? Because me having dated Vell alone is prettyâ¦eugh,â Joan said with a nervous chuckle. âAnd, you know, after everything else Iâve doneâ¦â
âAfter everything else youâve done,â Lee said, as she let go of Joanâs shoulders and took her hand. âI love you, Joan Marsh.â
Joanâs stomach felt like it was doing somersaults, and she wasnât sure if it was because of guilt, love, or both. She took a deep breath and steadied herself by focusing on Leeâs hand holding on to hers. If the words âI love youâ were coming from anyone else, Joan wouldnât have believed them for a second. But they were coming from Lee.
âI love you too,â Joan mumbled.
Lee pulled in closer and gave Joan a kiss. She pulled away a second later.
âMm, sorry, nothing personal, just, you know, the door,â Lee said.
âOh yeah the mood is one-hundred percent dead,â Joan agreed. Getting barged in on had completely killed any desire for physical intimacy. âYeah, for sure, Iâm a little uncomfortable even holding hands with you right now.â
Joan and Lee immediately scooted to opposite ends of the couch.
âSo, I got to stay in Germany for the job, you know, healthcare, keep my sister alive, all that, so itâs going to be a long-distance thing,â Joan said. âBut Iâll call you, we can make this work.â
âAbsolutely,â Lee said, with a bright smile.
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As the graduation crowd filled in, Joan got increasingly nervous the longer the seat next to her remained open. Seating was assigned, and Joan had a very clear nightmare scenario in mind for who had been assigned to sit next to her. Eventually, that nightmare scenario came to pass as Vell Harlan filed into the seat next to Joan and awkwardly sat down.
âOh boy,â Joan said. âThis would not have been a good idea an hour ago and itâs even worse now.â
âYeah Iâm not going to pretend this isnât super uncomfortable,â Vell said. âBut we have to get through it eventually. Apparently youâre dating my sister now.â
âI really appreciate that you see her as family, but, just for the next couple months or so, could you stick to calling her a friend?â Joan pleaded. âJust around me. This is already really awkward with me being your ex and everything, the idea Iâm dating your sister makes it so much worse.â
âOh, thatâs not the problem,â Vell said. âThe fact I walked in on her fondling you is going to haunt me for a while, for sure, but not the fact youâre dating. I am on board for that.â
âReally?â
âYeah. I want you to be happy, I want her to be happy, this is just an efficient outcome for me,â Vell said. âWhy would I have a problem?â
Though it took a great deal of effort for Joan to look Vell in the eye, once she finally did so, she saw no trace of dishonesty, hesitation, or doubt. He was, in every way, completely sincere in his happiness for them. A few years ago, Joan mightâve chalked that up to simple, foolish naivete. Maybe it was naive, but Joan could no longer call it foolish. That understanding and patience had been part of what saved her.
âThanks for everything, Vell,â Joan said, as she put a hand on his shoulder.
âPlease donât touch me right now, I donât know where that hand has been,â Vell said.
âWhat do you think I was doing to Lee in there?â
âI donât know, and I never want to find out!â
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Lee put on her cap and gown, adjusted a purple tassel, and braced herself. No amount of preparation would ready her for what was coming, but she had to try. She took a deep breath, bit her tongue, and headed for her seat -right next to Harley.
Harley, eyes gleaming up from beneath her crimson cap, had somehow invented an entirely new variety of coy smile to permanently enshrine on her face. The teasing expression was worse than any verbal mockery Harley could give.
âWe are not talking about this,â Lee hissed.
âOh donât even bother, Lee, you know this is inescapable.â
âI. Am. In love,â Lee grunted through gritted teeth. âAnd I do not want you making fun of that.â
âMaking fun? Whoâs making fun of anything?â
Harley leaned over and gave Leeâs gown sleeve a sharp tug.
âLee, when I met you four years ago, you were so stiff and repressed I got worried Iâd have to be the one who gave you âThe Talkâ,â Harley said. âHalf an hour ago, I walked in on you trying to finger a former supervillain on my couch.â
âI was not trying to-â
Harley didnât let her finish, and instead leaned over further to give Lee a hug.
âIâm so proud of you, you dumb bitch,â Harley said. All the tension Lee felt melted away in the warm embrace.
âThank you,â Lee said. âYou whore.â
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Even with all the warning Leanne had given her, Lee was still unprepared for just how quiet the graduation really was. She could hear a crowd cheering and applauding, but it felt like background noise overlaid on emptiness.
She had the diploma in her hand now. Her life, as she had known it for four years, four years that had redefined her existence and reshaped every dream for the future, was over. She was no longer a student. No longer a looper. She looked down at her diploma, which was plainly emblazoned with one word and one word only. Lee.
Four years ago, Lee had meant nothing -just a random syllable borrowed from the name of someone sheâd just met. Now it was a name. The name of someone whoâd traveled time, space, and dimensions, someone whoâd slayed dragons and demons and every other monster under the sun, someone who had saved her friends, saved the world, and saved herself.
Over four years, Lee had become a lot of things, and now at the end of those four years, she was no longer a looper. In the face of everything sheâd become, that one loss felt incredibly small. She was still Lee. That was enough.