Chapter 206: Book 3 Chapter 39: The End of Innuendo

“Full on sponsorships are pretty competitive, I don’t think you’ve got the budget for that,” Leanne said. “I could maybe strong-arm some shoutouts or stadium advertisements, but with a budget like that you’re looking at maybe a minor league team, at best.”

While Leanne lacked the scientific expertise necessary for a full-time job at Harlan Industries, she still wanted to contribute what she could. Specifically, her extensive connections in the world of professional sports. While the sports leagues of the world were too fearful of Leanne’s dominant athleticism to actually allow her to compete, they all wanted to benefit from her coaching. She had rubbed elbows with all of the world’s most prominent athletes, and humbled them all one by one.

“I don’t know that you need to strong-arm anyone, darling,” Lee said. “I’d prefer productive partnerships to threatened hostages.”

“You need to take what you can get if you want to make an impact,” Joan said. “Kraid’s advertising budget is bigger than your entire company right now.”

The demand for a product like the oceanic mana harvester was high, but output was comparatively low. It was hard to make a quality product quickly without the massive amounts of human suffering and exploitation every other major tech company used.

“We don’t exactly consider Kraid Tech a model to emulate,” Lee said.

“I know, I know, but you have to take at least a few low blows to beat a guy like that,” Joan said. “I’m not saying open a sweatshop, just let Leanne flex menacingly at a football player or two.”

“She’s scary enough flexing normally,” Skye said. “She could probably get you a few million out of flexing menacingly.”

Leanne flexed a little bit just to show off. Skye and Joan scooted a little further away from her, on instinct. As the table subtly rearranged, Harley looked over her company and did a quick mental headcount -and then tried to hide a devious smile.

“Hey Lee, could you stand up for a second?”

“Sure, why?”

Lee stood without questioning, a decision she would come to regret.

“There we go,” Harley said, as she beamed triumphantly at Joan, Skye, and Leanne. “Now everyone sitting at this table has had sex with Vell.”

Leanne groaned so loudly the table shook, an expression of exasperation met by deep sighs from Joan and Skye.

“Do you know how hard I’ve been trying to not think about that this whole time?” Skye hissed. She appreciated (and was somewhat baffled by) Vell’s ability to maintain friendships with his exes, but it was still awkward to have entire conversations surrounded by her boyfriend’s former lovers.

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“You and me both,” Leanne said, through gritted teeth.

“And you’re not even right,” Skye mumbled.

“What? Leanne, did you lie about- wait, no, I’m stupid,” Harley said. Leanne nodded in agreement. “Seriously, Skye? You spend the night at his dorm a lot, I just assumed-”

“He’s a good cuddler,” Skye insisted. “And I’m, you know, kind of try to take things slow. Vell’s nice, but he has a lot of baggage.”

“Oh really, what’s the turnoff for you?” Harley asked. “The Goddess that might be hovering over his shoulder at any moment?”

“The impossible rune etched above his butt?” Joan added.

“Maybe the evil billionaire out to get him,” Leanne said.

“Or is it the omnipotent butterfly deity constantly spying on him?” Lee concluded.

“All of those, yes,” Skye said. “And a few other things. You can imagine why I don’t really want to get that intimate.”

“Sort of,” Harley said. She didn’t really think Vell’s dick was the barrier separating Skye from all those perils, but it was Skye’s life to live.

“Now, that said,” Skye mumbled, as she went red in the face. “If I were interested…”

Leanne groaned.

“Can we talk about literally anything else?”

“I just want to know what I’d be getting into!”

“It sounds like you want to know about what’d be getting into you,” Harley said.

“You see why we can’t have this conversation?” Leanne said, gesturing at a completely unrepentant Harley. “Do whatever you want to whoever you want. You’ll have a good time, Vell’s very...generous. End of conversation.”

“What do you mean, ‘generous’?”

“Allow me to explain,” Harley said. With a broad, malevolent smile on her face, Harley reached into Lee’s purse and pulled out a megaphone.

***

“At those proportions it’s a thirteen-point-eight centimeter line, extending downwards from the central ‘Order’ line,” Vell explained.

“Right, thanks Vell,” Amy said, then got back to her notes. With the end of the year fast approaching, he was trying to put more effort into helping his study group with their rune projects. This being the first loop, all of the hard work would be undone, but he’d get a good idea of how to tackle helping them quickly and efficiently on the second loop. It was going well -for now.

Over years of being caught in apocalyptic loops with Harley, Vell had developed a keen sense of what he liked to call “Harley-sasters”. They were the quiet, tense moments when disaster had yet to strike but was just about to. It was in the coy curl of her mischievous smile, and the raised eyebrows of delight whenever she was about to say something lewd. He’d felt that ominous sense of incoming crassness a thousand times, and he felt it right now. From just outside the building, Vell heard the distinctive click of a megaphone being activated.

“Uh oh.”

“What is it this-”

Amy’s question was interrupted by the booming voice of Harley shouting through the megaphone.

“VELL HARLAN EATS PUSSY AT AN OLYMPIC LEVEL.”

The thunderous shout ended, and silence reigned. The entire study group stared at their books, deliberately avoiding even the slightest glances at Vell, as he let out a deep sigh.

“Excuse me for a moment,” Vell said. “I need to go slap Harley in the face.”

Leanne ended up beating him to it.