Chapter 30: Never The Best: Chapter 30

We fell into a rhythm, Rhett and I, which was nice. I went to work, and then I went home—and it was terrific because I had someone waiting for me. We kept to ourselves, hoarding time together greedily. We made love, took long baths, and sat in the gazebo, reading and talking about what we’d read.

We didn’t go out, except for the times we’d been invited to Aurora and Gabe’s for a small dinner party with people we knew from work, and we’d been to Noah and Stella’s home for a barbecue.

I was an introvert by nature. I used to go out with people because I was lonely, but now, my need for companionship was fulfilled.

‘But don’t you miss going out and partying?” I asked Rhett. I didn’t want him to change his lifestyle because of me. I was sure we could find a happy medium.

“I’m happy to meet friends, darlin’, but a big party or those charity galas, they’ve never been my thing.” He didn’t look up from his computer when he spoke. He sat on the porch with me, where we both worked on our laptops sometimes. Other times, we lay together on one of the loungers and watched the light of the sunset color our little pond.

“I just don’t want you to feel like I’m keeping you from things,” I explained, turning on the sofa to look at him.

He looked up, then, and scowled at me. “What the fuck?”

I raised both my eyebrows. Okay, so I didn’t expect him to get annoyed. “Well, you’re making a lot of changes because of me, and I just want⁠—”

“Cut it out, Pearl,” he snapped.

“Hey, I’m concerned, and I have a⁠—”

“What you are is insecure about us, and I get it, so ask what you want to really ask instead of dancing around it,” he demanded gruffly.

I made a face. He was right.

“Are you happy with me?” I asked sullenly.

He set his computer aside, and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed me tenderly. “I thought I showed you how happy I was last night when you sucked me dry.”

I flushed. I wasn’t used to this easy sexuality Rhett exuded.

“I remember saying, fuck, Pearl, you make me so fucking happy several times,” he joked, his hand cupping my breast.

We kissed hungrily.

When we parted, Rhett continued to nuzzle my lips with his. “I’m so happy with you that I feel like my heart is going to burst open any minute.”

Tears pricked my eyes at his words. I knew he meant them because I felt the same way.

“Me too.”

“That’s not going to change. I know you’re freaked out that I’m moving in with you, and⁠—”

“You moved in weeks ago,” I scoffed and pushed at his chest.

A laugh rumbled through him. “But you’re freaking out that I’m selling the house, and this will officially be my residence.”

I was freaking out about that. Mine was a small two-bedroom cottage. Would we get on each other’s nerves? Neither of us had ever lived with anyone before, so how would it work?

“How do you know me so well?” I marveled.

“You know me just as well.” He kissed my nose. “Our souls connect, darlin’, and what we have is magical.”

“I know, but I have trouble believing what I know,” I confessed.

“We’re still building trust. You don’t have much for me, and I get it, I messed⁠—”

I put a hand on his mouth to stop him from talking. “No more of that. We’ve moved past that. It’s not you that I don’t trust, it’s me; I don’t think I’m good enough for you.”

He was about to respond when we heard voices close to the cottage. I quirked an eyebrow, and we both stilled to listen to who was coming over. Aunt Hattie and Missy texted or called before they came after the one time they found us making out half-naked on the porch. Aunt Hattie also sent us both messages to let us know when the gardener would be around so we wouldn’t embarrass him.

Rhett squinted. “Sounds like Maddie.”

It did. I squeaked and pulled away from him and checked if all my clothing was where it was supposed to be. I threw a pillow on Rhett’s lap.

“Cover that up,” I said, mortified.

He only laughed and stood up to receive our guests, with a hard-on that was thankfully hidden since we wearing loose pants as he almost always did at home.

Maddie wasn’t alone. Alice was with her. And my brother, Cash.

My stomach tightened.

Rhett looked at me, cupping my cheek. “You’re going to be fine,” he assured me.

“Yeah?”

“You and me, babe, when we’re together, we can move mountains.”

My nieces bounded up the steps, their excitement genuine and contagious. “Aunt Pearl!” Maddie hugged me.

Alice grinned, peeking at Rhett as he leaned casually against the porch rail. “Hi, Uncle Rhett.”

Rhett smirked. “I’m not quite yet your uncle, at least not officially, but I’m working on it.” He winked at me. I flushed.

Cash stepped onto the porch and shook hands with Rhett. He nodded at me. “Hey, sis.”

“Cash.”

He stood with his hands tucked in his slacks, looking very much like a man trying to find the right words but coming up empty. He looked different—not just older, but smaller somehow. Less sure of himself. Or maybe I felt more confident in my skin.

“Could we”—he finally jerked his head at his girls—“talk, Pearl?”

Rhett waited for me to nod at him, saying that it was okay, I would speak with my brother. It took courage to do that because I was scared that he’d hurt me again, say vile things, and what if I relapsed again. What would I do then?

But I had to start living, didn’t I? I couldn’t hide, afraid that I’d get hurt.

And if the worst happened, I had Rhett.

“Alright, you two.” I looked at my nieces. “Why don’t you head over to Aunt Hattie’s and see if you can sweet-talk her into some cookies or whatever she has stashed in her kitchen?”

Maddie perked up. “You think she’ll have those lemon bars?”

“If anyone can talk her into sharing, it’s you.” Rhett ruffled Maddie’s hair as he gestured for Alice to follow.

Alice looked at me, hesitation flickering across her face. “We’ll be back soon, Aunt Pearl.”

I forced a smile. “Bring me a lemon bar if there are any left.” I probably would not be able to eat it, not with how wound up my intestines were.

My nieces turned and followed Rhett down the steps, disappearing into the distance, their chatter fading as they made their way toward Aunt Hattie’s. I watched Rhett glance back at me once, giving me a quick nod as if to say, You’ve got this.

Did I?

“Are you going to stand there all night, or are you gonna take a seat?” I said, my voice sharper than I intended as I got comfortable on the sofa Rhett and I’d just been necking on.

Cash blinked, startled, and then made his way to one of the loungers, his dress shoes heavy against the wood.

“Sis,” he started, but his voice caught, and he stopped to clear his throat. “I should’ve come to see you sooner.”

“Should you have?”

He nodded, remorse evident in his eyes. “The girls, I know, they came, and they told me how you were doing.”

“You know you’re always welcome to visit,” I lied. He wasn’t. My mother wasn’t. Caroline, who stood there quietly letting Josie torture me, wasn’t. These were not nice people, and they didn’t make me feel good about myself, so by the Marie Kondo logic, they needed to be cast off.

But they were my family, and I loved them, still. According to my therapist, that didn’t mean I was stupid and weak, it meant I was strong enough to forgive those who had wronged me. I was a long way from believing that.

He nodded, his face tightening. “I didn’t know what to say, and once I figured that out, I didn’t know how to say it. And honestly, I wasn’t sure if you’d even want to hear it.”

I folded my arms across my chest and waited.

He took a deep breath, his gaze dropping to the porch floorboards. “I was wrong, Pearl.” He raised his face to look at me.

That caught me off guard. Cash Beaumont admitting he was wrong? Well, that was new.

“What about?” I breathed.

“About a lot of things. I haven’t treated you the way a brother should,” he admitted, sadness lacing his words. “I was part of what happened to you. The way the family ignored you, judged you. I didn’t see you for who you were because I was too caught up in what I thought you should be. And I’m sorry for that.”

I blinked, stunned into silence. I’d expected excuses, defensiveness, and maybe even anger. But not this.

“When I found out about what happened to you,” his voice broke slightly, “that you almost died—it scared the hell out of me. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I never tried to make things right, never got to know you.”

“Why now, Cash?” My voice trembled despite my best efforts. “Why, after all this time?”

He met my gaze then, his eyes raw and unguarded in a way I’d never seen before. “I was ashamed that it was Rhett and not me who stood up for you that night at the Soirée for Hope. Ashamed that I let myself get caught up in what everyone else thought instead of protecting you the way I should’ve. You deserved better from me, Pearl. And I want to do better.”

The knot in my chest loosened slightly, but it didn’t disappear. I licked my lips and gave him a wan smile. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t forgive him. I couldn’t forget. In the present, there wasn’t a way in which we could have a relationship, I knew that, but in the future, if we both worked at it, maybe it would be possible. I just didn’t know, right now, if I wanted that, if I wanted to put the effort into building a relationship with my brother.

“When I first told Rhett I wanted to talk to you, he told me to stuff it.” Cash raked his hand through his hair in frustration. “He said that words are easy, and it’s actions that matter. I don’t expect you to forgive me overnight. Hell, I don’t expect you to forgive me at all. But I want you to know I’m going to try to earn your forgiveness.”

I looked away, blinking back tears that threatened to spill.

“I never thanked you, not really, for giving up your part of the Beaumont inheritance so I could recover from my fuck up. But, as my wife likes to remind me, I’m good at ruining her life, and everyone else’s, with my incompetence.”

Your wife is an idiot, I wanted to say but didn’t.

“You made some bad decisions,” I murmured, “happens to everyone.”

He chuckled in self-deprecation. “You know, you are one of the nicest people I know. Most people would call someone like me who hurt them their whole life a loser for failing, but you don’t.”

“What would be the point?” I asked, genuinely puzzled. “I don’t think there’s anything good about kicking someone when they’re down. I doubt anyone thinks that.”

He leaned over and took my hand in his. “Like I said, one of the best people I know.” He played with my fingers and added, “I don’t know how to fix what I messed up, Pearl. I’m a total failure.”

“No one is a total failure,” I immediately shot back, gripping his hand in mine. “No one. And don’t you dare say that about yourself, especially when the girls are around, Cash William Beaumont.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he drawled, amused.

Then, almost without thinking, I added, “Talk to Rhett.”

Cash looked at me, surprised. “Rhett?”

“He runs a finance consulting firm.” I shrugged, removing my hand from his and putting it on his arm. “He knows how to turn things around. If anyone can help you, it’s him.”

Cash seemed to weigh my words, his pride warring with his desperation. Finally, he nodded.

“Alright,” he agreed quietly. “If you trust him, I will as well.”

When Rhett returned with Alice and Maddie, each eating a lemon bar, probably not their first, I stood and met him halfway across the porch.

“Cash wants to talk to you.” I smiled at him to let him know everything was fine.

Rhett looked at me, then at Cash, and nodded. “Alright.”

“Girls, wanna see some trout?”

The girls were old enough to know that I didn’t want them to hear their father’s conversation with Rhett. They agreed, and we went to the pond, giving Rhett and Cash the privacy they needed.

“Aunt Pearl.” Alice looked at me, her eyes serious, when we sat in the gazebo. “Do you think you could talk to some of my friends?”

“About what?”

She looked uneasily at Maddie.

“About eating disorders,” her sister chimed in.

“What?” I was more surprised with this request than seeing Cash at my doorstep.

“It’s actually quite a common thing among teenagers,” Alice explained. “And we don’t understand the long-term consequences of body image issues. I think talking to someone who has gone through it will help us young women.”

They wanted me to open myself up and talk about the worst parts of me with others? That was a batshit crazy ask.

“The thing is, I think girls my age⁠—”

“And mine, too,” Maddie interrupted.

Alice sighed and continued, “Girls our age will benefit from talking to someone brave like you. They’ll learn that…you know, no matter what we go through as a teenager, we can grow up to be successful like you. High school drama shouldn’t define us.”

They think I’m successful? That I’m brave? Well, fuck!

“Ah…look⁠—’

Alice hugged me then. “Please think about it. And we can wait until you feel better.”

When she released me, Maddie peered at my face. “Will you think about it?”

“I will,” I promised.

Maddie joined our hug, and we held each other as the sun set on another Savannah summer day.