Chapter Fifty-Three: "Please Tell Me You're Okay."
"WHAT THE FUCK are you talking about?" Lacey snaps.
After I told her that confession, she dragged me back to her house. Just to yell at me.
"I killed him." I whisper. "That guy in the article that Taylor was convicted of killing; that was me."
"He. . . you. . . what. . . how? How?" She asks in disbelief. I can't blame her. If she told me she killed someone, I'd be going crazy, too. Especially because she's so sweet and nice, and definitely incapable of murder.
"When we were. . . providing our service, we were going to run because we had an interruption, and we ended up splitting up. I ran for the back, Taylor and a few others the front, but when I turned around, he attacked Taylor. Had him cornered." I explain slowly and lowly. "He was going to shoot him until I jumped on his back from behind so he would leave T alone. He let go and threw me off and then people started to fight between us and then I punched him and then he. . . he fell down and never got back up."
Her eyebrows crinkle, in pure concentration she's silent for some minutes.
Then she bursts out laughing, making me step back in shock. Why is she laughing?
"Stop it." I hiss. Killing someone is not a laughing matter! It's something that has haunted me for the past two years. "It's not funny!"
"Yes, it is." She giggles.
"How? Tell me how this is funny!"
She rolls her eyes. "You didn't kill Christian."
"I was there."
"Okay, listen to me." She says sternly. "Christian Crozier checked into the closest hospital at around three in the morning. He went in for a broken nose, and never came out."
I furrow my eyebrows. "What are you talking about? Christian went down and never got up! I was there, and he didn't move for a good ten minutes."
She chuckles. "He was hammered when you fought him." She explains. "He was seen leaving a bar at around one in the morning, and neighbours helped him inside at around two because he couldn't open his door. He probably passed out after the fight. Anyway, when he checked in, his drunken figure ran into something, hitting his nose, and apparently you're a better shot than you think you are because he killed himself."
My eyes widen. "What?!"
"You broke his nose, Brooklyn." She says slowly, like she's talking to a child, rolling her eyes. "You broke his nose to the point where if something hit it head-on at a decent speed, then the broken fragments could have flew back into his head, hitting his brain and killing him."
My jaw literally drops. How the hell could she know so much if she never even knew what happened? I never discussed anything that happened that night with anyone except Taylor, but that was only half an hour before he got arrested, and me the next day because he told me to run.
Does Lacey know something I don't?
"Lacey. . ." I trail off. "How do you know that?"
"My uncle was the coroner who looked at him." She shrugs. "I snooped."
"Lacey!" I exclaim.
"What?" She whines. "I was bored, and Christian was always a pain in my ass at school; always nudging me in the hallways and asking me out."
"Why didn't you tell me?! I've been kicking my own ass over this for two years, thinking it's my fault when it wasn't!"
"I'm sorry." She says. "I figured you wouldn't have thought it was all on you."
"Well you thought wrong." I sigh, rubbing my temples. "Thanks for at least telling me it was kinda my fault instead of it being fully."
"You're welcome!" She chirps. "But seriously, it's all Christian's fault. If he wasn't drunk, he probably wouldn't have run into whatever it was, and would still be alive."
"If I didn't punch him, then he'd still be alive."
"Brooklyn, seriously, shut up." Lacey groans. "I told you what actually happened, so take my answer. Now, now that that's over, what do you want to watch?"
I sigh, rolling my eyes and getting up to scan her movies collection. While I pass some horror movies, her phone starts to ring, and she hisses at me to shut up because it's Justin.
"Hey, Justin." Lacey says casually. Just hearing his name makes my heart race; in less than eighteen hours I'm going to see him, and it makes me nervous on how him and everyone else will act. I know they'll be happy, but have things changed? Lacey says they haven't, but how can we be so sure?
Lacey's next sentence has me getting out of my thoughts and my eyes bugging out of my head. "No! Don't come over! I mean, um, I'm not home. I'll bring them to you in the morning and I can help you out then, okay?"
Her eyes worriedly scan mine, and I freeze while she talks to him. "What's he saying?" I whisper.
"He forgot his assignment here and he needs it for first period and wants to come over and grab themâno, no! I'm just talking to myself. Um. . . yeah. When? Oh, I'll, ugh, be home in an hour. Okay, bye, Justin."
Lacey huffs loudly, and groans into her pillow. "How much time do we got?" I ask with a smirk.
She glances up at me. "An hour. He's gonna wait for me to get home and run over."
"So, where's his assignment?"
"Right here." She points to her desk. "So, I don't know, take you and your stuff to the office and hide there until he leaves."
"Alright, but you've gotta help." I say, pointing a finger at her as I grab one of my bags.
She rolls her eyes and grabs the rest, following me down her hallway down to her parents' office.
A while later, it's all put into hiding. A lot of my stuff was unpacked, so we needed to pack it up quickly. That included my glasses, my phone, my charger, and even my toiletries.
About thirty minutes later, a knock erupts downstairs and Lacey and I both freeze, our eyes wide as we stare downstairs. "I thought we had an hour!" I hiss.
"I did, too!" She hisses back, and I don't even have time to comprehend what's happening before Lace is pushing me out of her bedroom door, rushing downstairs while I run to the office and throw myself in it.
I hide behind the wall beside the door, hearing Lacey and Justin's voices echo through the hall as they pass the office. "âI just remembered."
"Yeah, it's cool." I hear Lacey reply. Their voices fade, and I go to sit down on the couch on the other end of the room. I sit there patiently, waiting for Justin to grab his work so I can come out and watch movies.
Suddenly, a loud noise echoes throughout the office and I lunge out towards my bags, scrambling around, looking for my phone.
Why the hell didn't I just put in it my pocket like a normal human being?!
Finally finding it too many seconds later, I smash my finger on the 'answer' button and hiss into the phone, "Who the hell is this and what do you want?"
"Oh thank God!" They scream on the other line, and I furrow my eyebrows, pondering if I heard them correctly or if I'm still hearing my heartbeat shattering my eardrums from how loud it's pounding.
"Who is this?" I ask, but then stupidly remember I didn't check the Caller ID. I peel my phone away from my ear and glance down at the screen, my mouth forming an 'O' and then bring the device back to my ear. "Oh. Never mind."
"Are you okay?" He asks hurriedly, a nervous huff following.
"Yes?" I say cautiously. "Why?"
"Because I've been trying to call you for hours and you haven't answered!"
"Well, I was under the impression that you were unavailable to speak to me after the many times you sent me straight to voicemail after the second ring."
"Just. . . are you okay? Please tell me you're okay." Landon says, his voice all concerned and scared.
"I'm okay, Landon. God, why are you so worried? It's not like L.A. had a huge earthquake or anything." I say, rolling my eyes even though he can't see me. I've only been gone three days, and he's been ignoring me for a week and a half, and now all of a sudden, when I'm gone in another country, he's calling me up all worried and shit?
"Why am I worried?" He exclaims. "I'm worried because you didn't bring any of your medication to Los Angeles!"
I click my tongue silently, considering Lacey's room is right next door to the office, and I don't want to give myself away. "Oh, okay. So that's why you're calling me." I scoff, shaking my head and saying to myself, "Of course he calls for that and nothing else."
"Brooklynâ"
"I purposely left them behind, Landon." I whisper. "I'd be an idiot to leave them out in the open."
"And you're also an idiot for not hiding them better!" He snaps.
"They were in my mirror cupboard, Landon." I deadpan.
"Why didn't you bring them?"
"Why are you snooping through my stuff when I'm not there?"
"Why are you avoiding answering my questions?"
"Why are you avoiding answering mine?"
"Look, my mother will literally send me to California to give you these bottles if she finds out you left them behind."
"So don't let her find out." I reply sarcastically. I'm pushing myself to my limits, I figured it's easy to interpret. Sure I'm a little moody and oddly feeling very. . . flirty and physically needy and craving sexual desires, but surely I'm just expecting my period soon and it's the hormones.
"Why didn't you bring them?" He asks again, and I sigh, looking over at the door once I hear creaks in the floorboards. I'm silent as a shadow hovers over the door, and I back away closer to the closet, ready to hide in there if necessary. "Brooklyn?"
"Shh," I hiss, crouching. "I didn't bring them because I wanted to test myself." I explain after a few moments.
"Why?"
"Can we seriously not talk about this right now?" I whisper. "I'm in the middle of something."
"Why are you whispering?"
"Because, I'm in the middle of something!" I hiss. "I'll call you back later, I gotta go."
"Wait, Brooklynâ"
"What?" I sigh. "What do you want from me, Landon? I don't want to be on the phone moping to you about how you overreact over stupid things and that you don't want me. I don't want my next month to be me pouting about because you're ignoring me and that I'm too criminally insane or too much for you."
"What? No, that's not how I feel at all, Brooklyn!" He assures me, but I ain't buying his bullshit. A blind dog could see through that. "Can we please talk?" He asks softly.
"Why?" I ask. "Why is it that you all of a sudden want to talk to me when I'm thousands of miles away? Is it so that you don't have to look me in the eye when you break my heart, or is it the fact that you can't talk to me face-to-face because you don't want to see the knowing look in my eye? Is that what it is? You saving yourself your ego from looking at me because you can't handle guilt?"
"Blue. . . I just really need to talk to you." He whispers pleadingly. "Can we please?"
"I'm busy right now." I thought all the whispering would catch onto him but I guess not. Either that, he's just ignoring the fact.
"Can you call me later tonight, then?" He begs. "It's important."
"How about tomorrow after I get back from school?" I bargain.
"You're already enrolled?"
"No." I say quickly. Last time we had this conversation, he went ape-shit on me and didn't give me the chance to explain. I don't want him thinking I'm coming back here right now. "I'm just going to see my friends."
He sighs. "Okay, yeah, that works."
I smile softly. Even though we're arguing, I still miss him and very badly want things to work out for us. I really, really like him, and hopefully he really likes me back so we can move on from this stupidity and focus on what really matters in the present and not in the distant future.
Us.
"School's out at two, so I'll call you around then, alright? Five your time."
"Okay." He sighs again. "I'm really sorry, Blue."
"We'll talk tomorrow."
"Bye, baby."
My heart skips a beat and I sigh contently. "Bye."
A few minutes after that, the door to the office opens and Lacey comes inside. "He's gone." She frowns once she sees my face. "What's wrong?"
"That was Landon." I mumble, walking back towards her room.
"Okay, so?" She raises a brow, closing the door.
"So, like I said a week ago, shit's done down since we last spoke."
"Oh, yeah." She frowns. "What's happened?" I stand up, walking to the other end of her room, which is a good twenty feet away. "What are you doing?"
"Hold up as many fingers as you want." I order, and she gives me a crazy eye, but does so instead.
"You're holding up five fingers." I say.
She pouts. "It was four. What's your point?"
I sigh, walking back and reaching over and grabbing one of my bags that we brought back into the room. I grab out a small rectangular case, and open it up, revealing my glasses.
I've avoided wearing them since I came here until I had the chance to tell her why I wear them. Sure, I could always use the fashion icon excuse, but I don't lie to her, and frankly, I tell these guys everything.
I pull out the white frames and place them over my nose, and turn to face my best friend. "What are those for?" She asks.
"This is situation number one." I huff. "I needed to get glasses the week before last."
"Two weeks?!" She exclaims. "But your eyes are fine?"
"Yeah, not anymore." I laugh dryly. "As you can already tell."
"Brookie, why do you need glasses?"
I sit down, fiddling with my fingers, and recall the story to her.
"So you got something in your eye?" She questions.
"I wish." I scoff. "But nope, something much more worse happened."
"I'm still not catching on, here." She admits. "Annabelle made you hit something or?"
"So, we're all doing experiments that day," I continue. "We have all these unknown compounds together, and I see that I'm in shit when they fall on me, because not only did they splash onto my expensive clothes, but they mixed together."
"She didn't." Lacey gasps, finally catching on.
"She did." I confirm. "I haven't even made it halfway into the classroom and I'm already on the ground, shocked and stunned at what just happened, and then next thing I know, the chemicals blow up. Right. In front. Of my face."
"She. . . she blinded you?!"
"Yep." I nod. "All because I said she had syphilis. And it's not even like I told the whole school, either. Like it was just her and Landon and I in the hall when I said it."
"Wow." She scoffs. "That's messed."
"Pfft, you're telling me." I retort. "She got suspended for a week, so imagine how I felt about that."
"She didn't get expelled?"
"Guess not." I shrug. "But a week later, and she still didn't do anything. And now I'm here, so I have no idea what she's planning for when I go back."
"Oh my God, that's awful." She gasps, and I nod, completely agreeing with my best friend. It is awful; everything Annabelle did was awful. She could have killed me; those chemicals could have been the more reactive ones, and she would have been charged and convicted of manslaughter. Or murder. Who knows if it was malice or not.
"And for the other thing that's gone downhill for me, was Landon."
"Are you two broken up now?" She asks with a frown. I know Lacey shipped us, even though she's never personally talked to or met the blue-eyed boy. Which is odd for her, because she interrogates every guy who has interest in me. She literally locked herself and Taylor in my room so she could 'have a word' with him.
Even though that 'have a word' turned into 'having a bunch of words that takes ten minutes.'
To this day, I still don't even know what they talked about in that room, just that Taylor was a very cautious and sweet guy since.
I scoff. "We were barely even together!" I exclaim. "He's still mad at me for coming here."
I love the boy, but he's very stupid.
"He has no reason to be."
I sigh heavily, running my hands over my face. Surely I'm going to get acne from doing this consecutively. "I know. He just can't wrap his head around it. I don't think he trusts me that much."
"He's wrong." She says softly.
"He knows that." I say. "Or at least I hope he does."
"So why did he call?"
"I, um. . . I left my medication at the house."
Her eyes widen. "Youâyou what?"
"Yeah, you heard right. But I did it on purpose!"
"Why the hell would you do something like that? You know the consequences."
"Because I want to test myself. I've started eating more, what's a little miss on doses going to do?" I smile. I'm pushing myself to new heights, who would have knew it feels this amazing? I feel like I'm high right now! Shouldn't I be the exact opposite, though?
"Make your life a living hell for the next month?" She replies rhetorically.
I roll my eyes. "Just trust me, alright? I got this. I want to try it."
"Are you showing any symptoms?"
"Nope!" I chirp. "I've just been really moody and horny, but I'm pretty sure my period is coming soon, so it's probably the hormones speaking."
"And what happens if you can't do it? What happens if you relapse?"
I purse my lips, recalling my conversation with Landon. "Landon said that Ella will force him on a plane to bring them to me if she ever found out."
"So your option is to call your boyfriend to fly several hours to give you pills you purposely left behind to test yourself?"
"Yes?" I reply confusedly. "It doesn't matter, Lace. I've been almost four days without them, now. I feel fine; no, I fell amazing."
"Because you're not under stress." She says blankly. "What are you going to do when you see Taylor? He's the reason you're on them."
"I don't know." I say seriously. "I still have another four days to figure that out. Who cares, anyway? I'm on Cloud 9."
"You better figure it out quick, Brookie. Because you know he's coming for you first." She scolds.
"I know."
"That Cloud 9 feeling isn't going to last forever, either, and once someone strikes a nerve, you'll respond badly."
"I know."
"Maybe you should get a prescription in, just in case."
"No." I say harshly.
Lacey groans and eventually, after a few minutes, changes the subject. "Will you take him back?"
I look at her directly in the eye.
"I don't know."