Chapter Forty-Four: "Party Nerves."
I NEEDED GLASSES.
I was prescribed a pair that helped with short and long distances so I didn't have to wear them at different times, so now they're an always-on set. We got a deal, so now I have sunglasses that are the same prescription for when it's sunny out.
Landon was right, though, I do look pretty good with frames if I do say so myself.
The great thing is, is that I can actually see far again, and that's all I'm thankful for.
It's Friday, the day of the party at the McGibbon residence.
For the rest of the week, I was unbothered by the populars. Mary was at school, but she seemed livid every time she looked at me. Surely she should have realized that it wasn't my fault for Annabelle getting suspended, but then again, Annabelle could have easily brainwashed her.
I sat with the McGibbon boys and their three friends, and to be honest, I enjoy their company quite a bit. I may even like them as much as the guys I used to hangout with, and they were pretty cool. I still, however, have made the promise to not have friendships to prevent further heartache. I'm not going to explain myself to these people, unless somehow, someway, I get very close naturally. I'm not going to purposely involve myself. To them I may be an outsider, but I don't care, I'm not sharing my story or anything about myself that can ruin me in the end.
I, however, might explain it to Maya. She seems to be in the exact same position as I was with Taylor, and knowing that she could ruin her life like I did with mine, if I can talk to her about avoiding prison, then I'll do it. And I'm under the impression that most people know who she is, or that she doesn't care if people know that she's involved with a gang, because Landon seemed to mention it casually and she reacted casually.
Or maybe they told them more about me than I thought.
Maya, on the other hand, seemed very interested in me and asked me if I wanted to get ready for the party at her house. I hesitantly accepted, and now here I am, at Maya's house in the city, staring at a bunch of clothes laid out on her bed to help her decide what she wants to wear tonight.
"I say no to that one," I say, pointing to a darker orange miniskirt. "It makes your hair look dull and honestly, with your hair colour, it screams 'Halloween!'"
"That's kinda the point," Maya laughs.
I bite my lip. "Shit, I forgot. See it's freezing outside and I'm not used to this so I automatically think it's, like, Christmas."
She giggles, and grabs a black, low rising tank top, with fishnet leggings.
How in the hell is she going to wear that without dying from hypothermia?
"What are you going to wear?" She asks after she changes clothes.
"Um, I don't know. Probably four pairs of sweatpants and sweaters." I shrug.
She laughs as she throws her clothes from earlier in a hamper. Her room is any normal teenagers room: posters of bands and celebrities, slightly messy yet organized, and very private. There's a twin sized bed in the center above a window, and a small desk in the corner across from it. Her room is painted a soft green, making the whole space pop. It's a lot smaller than my room, though.
"You're funny," she grins, "but seriously, what will you wear? Because I refuse to accept you wearing that."
I look down at my attire today. I felt lazy today so I sufficed for a pair of creamy white track pants and a maroon baggy sweater. My muscles are still a little sore from my long walk last week, but they're getting better.
"Well, I kinda have to wear this," I chuckle, pushing my glasses back up on my nose. It's still taking some getting used to with wearing them. I may have forgotten to put them on a few times this week and need my dad to come and drop them off for me. "I have no clothes here."
"Nonsense," she flicks her wrist, "you can borrow something of mine. I don't mind."
"Really? Because I'll probably be upstairs most of the party anyway."
"What? Why?" She questions. "The boys said you used to party."
"I didâI mean I still do, I just don't wanna drink after having the surgery. And being around the booze might cloud me." I say honestly.
That's a lie. I can easily be around alcohol and not drink it, I just want to stay away from the crowds. Especially if there's a good possibility that Annabelle and Mary could be there, I don't want them knowing I'm in the house, or even know that I live there for that matter. As long as I'm not seen, no drama can arise.
"You're lying." She states with a small, knowing smile.
I always was a horrible liarâdamn it.
"Okay, fine, I am, but I just want to avoid any trouble."
"What's the trouble?" She requests. "Besides the obvious." She gestures to my face.
"I don't know," I shrug. "I've lost friends over hanging out with lowlifes and other popular people. I just don't want to ruin anymore lives."
"That's just ridiculous, Brook. The Boys don't care about your popularity." She tells me.
"Don't you know where I live?" I retort. "I don't want any drama surfacing because of that."
"It won't," she says. "Honestly, living with those four will guarantee you protection from the school. Nobody goes after those brothers."
"Except Annabelle and Mary and their friends, right?" I state. It wasn't a question, I knew the answer. Mary shouldn't've pushed me if she knew I was with Liam, meaning she wasn't afraid of them.
And that was a bad thing.
"Except them," she agrees. "Look, don't be afraid though, alright? I know we just met and all a few days ago, but you have us all with you."
"Thanks." I say. "I guess trying to build myself up isn't really doing me much justice. Whenever I take a step forward it's always two steps back and it's exhausting. Especially when you're alone, you feel me?"
"Oh, I do, don't worry." She smiles. "Anyway, about your clothes. . ."
***
"Whoa."
I smile up at the boy who greets us at the door. His hair is gelled to a lazy perfection and he's wearing a white t-shirt with a tie design on it, making it look like he's wearing a tux.
"Well don't you ladies look dazzling." He smirks, then looks at me and his eyes darken. "You especially." He whispers once Maya passes him.
I wasn't wearing anything special. Maya made me twin with her, except my skirt was a dark purple, and given that my boobs are bigger than hers by a cup, it made the tank top more revealing.
"Thank you," I say with a deep tint to my cheeks. "You don't look too bad yourself."
"Pfft, I'm not even dressed for the event yet, babe."
"Wait, you're not wearing that?"
"No," he chuckles.
"It's cute." I point out, and he shrugs knowingly.
"Yes, but in order to be a host, you need to dress like one." He explains, and I nod understandingly.
"I suppose so." I wink.
"I still can't get over how hot you look with glasses on, Blue." He whispers huskily, and I blush more, slapping his arm. He just chuckles.
"So when is everyone expected?" Maya asks once we follow to the kitchen. Apparently they wanted us to arrive early to help setup the food and booze bar.
"Nine." Liam says.
"So that gives us three hours to prep." Louis replies.
"Aren't you a little young to party?" I tease.
"You're sixteen, Brooklyn. You're not better." He says in annoyance.
"Actually, I'll be seventeen in a few months, so shut your face you little devil."
"Gremlin."
"Douchebag."
"Four eyes."
"Putz."
"What the fuck is a putz?" Louis demands.
"And that's exactly why I called you one." I grin smugly. "I'm also not drinking, so there's nothing illegal I'm doing."
"Enough you two!" Jacob shouts. "We have a party to prep for!"
"Speaking of prepping, I'll be right back." I announce.
"Where are you going?" Maya questions.
"You're feet are a tad too narrow for me. I can feel blisters forming so I'm going to go change them." I explain. She frowns, but I give her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I have a matching pair of these shoes."
"Really?" She asks excitedly with raised eyebrows. I nod, giggling a little before wobbling up the several sets of stairs to my room.
When I finally get there minutes later, I slip out of the heels and place them aside for Maya to take home. I bend down and rub at my ankles; they may have only suffocated in those for an hour, but that's plenty of time to let blisters have their fun. God, feeling them breathe feels amazing.
I walk to the bathroom I have and raid my medicine cabinet for lotion I can rub on my feet to help with the irritation, and then brush my teeth quickly. I had pizza at lunch that I stole from Lance, and the aftertaste doesn't taste that good.
When I'm done, I grab the matching heels I have from my closet, and sit down on my bed to put them on. I grab a set of those gel things for feet before I hear footsteps coming up my staircase.
I smile at the blue-eyed boy that comes up.
"Hey." I smile, before putting one of the gel bottoms in the heels and slipping one on.
"Hey." Landon replies, and situates himself on the bed next to me.
"What's up?" I ask.
"I'm supposed to be getting ready for the party but seen you were nervous. Wanted to see how you were."
"Oh," I squeak in surprise, "um, I'm okay."
"You don't need to be here, you know." He tells me softly. "I can take you back to your dad."
"No, it's okay." I say honestly. Sure I'm nervous, but I'll be fine. I hope. "My dad won't even be at the hotel anyway."
"Yeah, he's meeting up with my parents, right?" I nod. "I'll stay by your side if it makes you feel any better." He suggests, and I shrug.
"I don't wanna ruin your night of fun."
"Not a problem." He says with a smirk. "As long as I'm with you I'll have a great time."
I smile but it falters. I don't know what's happening between us, and I don't know if I want to know one hundred percent. I like what this isâwhat's going on with Landon and I and if it turns out that he isn't looking for anything serious, then I don't know what to think. Not to mention that it'd probably be awkward when I come back to live here on Monday.
"What's wrong?" He asks, his hand making it's way to my leg to stop it from shaking. I didn't even realize I was trembling.
"N-nothing," I whisper, shaking my head and putting the other heel on.
Landon grabs my face and turns me to face him. "Blue." He says sternly. "What's up?"
"It's just. . ." I trail off. What are we? It's such an easy sentence to say but I don't know if I want to say it; if I can say it.
"What is it?" He whispers, his eyebrows scrunched in concern and worry. The exact reaction I don't want when I ask him what's been bothering me for the past week.
"What are we?" I mumble. "I know it's nothing serious but it's kinda driving me over the bar on the title. I don't care what you're reaction isâokay, wait, I do, but like, Iâbut I just. . . I'm a person who needs direct answers and this is one I can't answer myself. So, what are we?"
He laughs softly.
Wait, what? Why is he laughing? Does he think this is funny? This is not a laughing matter! I am a teenage girl who overthinks and he's definitely making me overthink this!
"Okay, stop talking to yourself for a moment, alright," he orders. "Second, I don't know what we are. What do you want us to be?"
My eyes widen slightly. Okay, that was not the answer I was expecting. I was expecting 'oh no, I'm not looking for anything serious right now, but we can keep hooking up' not 'well, I'm in the exact same position. You tell me.'
My mouth opens and closes like an unattractive fish out of water. "IâI. . ."
"Blue, this isn't something to stress about." He says. "Just tell me your feelings and we'll go from there."
I nod absentmindedly. How do I feel? I know I'm not in love with the guy, he doesn't fascinate me to the point where I only want him, but there's definitely something there; I definitely feel something for him. I can see myself being with him, I can see myself falling for him in the future. This, what I feel, is not puppy dog love. It's genuine interest and I've always been attracted to Landon since the day he opened that door. It's slightly difficult to crush on one twin without the other, but when I talk to Liam, the sexual attraction disappears and I'm thankful for having that luxury, because this would be hard as hell if Liam was like Landon with personality.
"I like you." I breathe out nervously. "I like you a lot, actually, but I have a feeling you already know that."
"I do," he smiles. "It's very obvious."
I chuckle uneasily. "Right. But, um, yeah, that's. . . that's all I got."
Landon is silent, and I avoid eye contact as I wait for the pow to arrive. Surely it can't hurt more than having explosive chemicals blow up in my face?
He's silent for a few moments, until he finally moves and that's to trace his finger down my face. Am I crying?
"Blue. . ." He trails off, and I shake my head, pulling my face out of his hold. Suddenly, it's gotten hard to breathe.
"No, I get it." I chuckle. "It happens." I walk over to my desk and grab the makeup bag off it. I'll need to fix Maya's paint job on my face before going downstairs again. I walk back to the bathroom, pulling out some mascara and lipstick.
It's okay, I think to myself. You're okay. It's just a boy, and boys don't mean anything, remember? No friendships equals no relationships as well. Landon knows how you feel and that's that. A crush that's meant to stay as a crush. You're okay.
I hear him follow me, and I sigh, growing agitated. Usually when you drop that bomb on someone and they react a certain way you don't want, they usually take the hint to leave you alone.
So why the hell isn't he leaving me alone?
I spin myself around to face him and finally tell him to go. "Look, Landon, I knowâ"
I don't finish because something is pressed firmly on my mouth.
His lips.
"You don't know anything," he murmurs against them, rubbing our noses together. "You don't know how I feel."
"The way you looked at me back there was proof enough." I argue.
"You never let me finish." He growls. "You never gave me the opportunity to tell you that I feel the same."
I pull away.
What?