Jacob was lied on his bed. He stared blankly at the white wall of his room. The curtains were messily closed and the cover half covering his body. He didn't know how long he stayed there. A day, maybe two. He lost track of time. He was static, his eyes were empty, expressing no emotion but pain. The strains of the dried tears were still on his face. He looked extremely tired but seemed to have no intention to sleep or budge. Jacob just absent-mindly stared at the whiteness of the wall in front of him. He felt drained. He had no energy, no will. The only thing he was doing was rethinking of the moment he found out Evie and Embry kissed. The girl he loved more than his own life kissed his best friend. They kissed. But what could he expect. He left her. He knew things would changed. But he never thought this would happened. He never thought the day he saw her at the beach, the next moment Embry would be kissing her. All Jacob wanted was Evie to be happy. After all the pain she went through after they imprinted, he thought it was better if he stayed away. But he had never regretted a choice so much before.
Is that what Evie felt when I was away? He asked himself.
"Son," Jacob heard his father said. But he didn't move. After wandering the woods for hours, Jacob came back to the Black household. He went straight to his room and never went out since. "Lunch is ready,"
"I'm not hungry," Jacob mumbled.
"Jake...," Billy said. Jacob heard the wheelchair getting closer. "You can't keep on being like this...,"
"Why not?" Jacob emptily asked. "...maybe I should leave...,"
"You can't always run away," Billy sternly said.
"But Embry would take care of Evie. He would treat her better than I do," Jacob mumbled.
After thinking back on what happened at Sam's house, he thought that Embry was right. Embry was there for Evie when he wasn't. Embry wasn't not having a hard time with being a shifter. He would treat Evie well. What Jacob failed to do. But would it be that simple?
"But you're her imprintee. And will ever be. Not Embry," Billy said. "The bond cannot be broken,"
"She doesn't want me as an imprintee anyway...," he said. Jacob quickly pressed his eyes shut, fighting the tears away.
"She didn't mean it, son,"
"How could you be so sure?" Jacob asked. "You shouldn't have seen her eyes... she hates me...,"
"Why don't you try to fix things? Why don't you just tell her the truth? Why don't you just tell her what you explained to me?"
"It's useless," Jacob mumbled. "When you broke a plate, even if you say sorry, it won't fix the plate,"
"Beings are different. Apologising can help getting better, it helps going forward" Billy said. "If you really love Evie, explain to her. And gain her forgiveness,"
Jacob didn't say anything. He kept quiet. Billy sighed and rolled away, closing the door in the process. Was he right? After everything Jacob put Evie through, he had no right to try to ask for her love. He knew it. He fucked up really bad and there was nothing that could fix that.
If only I wouldn't have misunderstood Embry's words..., Jacob thought.
Jacob was walking on the road. It had been a few days since he left. He wanted to find a way for Bella to not become a vampire. He didn't care she was getting married to Edward. He just didn't want her to loose her human life. But he couldn't stay away from Evie anymore. He needed to be with her. So here he was, going back to her.
As he was walking in direction of Evie's house, he saw a figure walking toward him. Jacob smiled seeing who it was.
"Jake?" Embry joyfully said. "You're back? Man, I'm so happy!" He added as he hugged his friend.
"Yeah," Jacob smiled as they pulled away. "I cannot stay away from Evie anymore. I need to be with her,"
Embry's smiled faded a bit. He seemed uncomfortable, awkward even. But Jacob mind was only thinking about seeing Evie again so he didn't notice.
"I was just... coming from her house," Embry quietly said.
"Is she okay?" Jacob asked. But Embry kept quiet. He didn't answer immediately. "Em, is Evie okay?" He asked again, starting to get worried.
"How do you think she's doing?" Embry sighed. "You left without saying anything. She's hurt,"
This time it was Jacob's turn to stay quiet. He was so inpatient to see Evie again he didn't think of what his departure caused her. He felt extremely and guilty. So he countered Embry and walked faster to his imprintee's house.
"Wait, where are going?" Embry asked. Jacob stopped and looked back at his friend.
"I'm going to see her. I'm going to apologise and explain everything to her," Jacob said. He was about to walk away when he heard Embry again.
"Man...," Embry's voice trailed off.
"What?" Jacob frowned.
"Do you really think it will be that simple?" Embry asked.
"What do you mean?" Jacob asked, confused.
"Your history with her is not the most glorious," Embry continued. "Your way to be with her was eventful. Protectors, then trying to get Bella, kissing Bella... I know you were confused and the imprinting was new to you... but this whole situation with Bella was messed up... Evie was hurt. And then you left. And it's worse. Do you think she will forgive you so easily? You saw how mad she was at us at the bond fire last time,"
"I...," Jacob's voice trailed off. Embry was right. Jacob knew it. All he did was hurting his own imprintee. He did it again and she would never forgive him again. He broke his promise. Even if he came back for her, she would never forgive him. He kept hurting her. He was no good for her. Jacob knew it.
"Maybe right now is not the right time," Embry said. Jacob observed his best friend a moment. He then looked down.
"Yeah... You're certainly right...," he mumbled.
All Jacob wanted was Evie's happiness. He wasn't giving her that. So he had to let her go.
Jacob was brought back to reality when he heard the bell of the house ringing. He just hoped it was not any one from the pack trying to get him out of his room. Paul tried to force him out by carrying him on his shoulder but Jacob got out of his grip and locked himself up in the room. On the other hand, Quil and Jared tried to talked to him but they failed. Today Jacob was expecting Aaron or Sam. It was as if they were all waiting for their turn. But instead, he heard his door opening and the sound of the wheelchair. His father again.
"I'll eat later, dad," Jacob sighed.
"Evie's here," Billy said.
Jacob's senses sharpened and he immediately sat up on his bed, looking at his father for any sign of lie. None. So the young shifter stood up from his bed and ran to his window. From where he was, he could have a glimps of the porche. Jacob leaned against the window and spotted Evie standing at the door. Whitout waiting a second, Jacob put on new clothes and rushed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He quickly rearranged his hair and walked back to his room. Billy was watching him with an amused smile.
"What?" Jacob asked, confused. Billy only laughed and rolled away.
Jacob brushed it off and looked through the window again. Evie was still there. Jacob's heart was beating at the speed of light. It was always like that when Evie was near him. He would never know how to react. He would lose his cool. The confident Jacob was gone when Evie was around.
The shifter took a deep breath and walked out of his room. He stopped in front of the front door. He inhaled and grabbed the knob and pushing it down, revealing Evie. She was dressed in shorts with a simple tank top. But even like that, she was still beautiful to Jacob.
"Hey," he awkwardly greeted.
Evie didn't answer immediately. She seemed awkward, uncomfortable.
"Hi," she greeted back. "I wanted to talk about something,"
Jacob nodded. As long as he got to spend time with her, it was all right with him.
"Look," Evie inhaled. "I'll be honest, it will still take me some time to forgive you. I was, and still is, mad and hurt. But after what you said yesterday, I got to think and put things into perspective again. And I feel like there is more than what this all situation is showing. I feel like there is something you are not telling me. And I want to know what it is,"
Jacob kept quiet for a moment. Should he tell her? He wanted to tell her. But he never showed or talked about his doubts and insecurities to anyone but his father. He was used to appear confident and strong. He didn't want Evie to think of him as weak. Or to have an even wrose image of him. And would it even change anything? He hurt her and he hated himself for that. He thought staying away was the solution for her happiness. Turned out it only caused the contrary.
"If you want us to be fixed, to be okay again, then tell me what did you mean when you say you first came back," Evie said. "If I'm kept in the dark, if you don't tell me why you left, I will never be able to forgive you. And I'm sick of this situation. So please, Jake, just- just tell me. I need to understand,"
Jacob sighed.
"If you really love Evie, explain to her. And gain her forgiveness,"
Jacob wanted more than anyone else to fix things. Jacob wanted more than anyone to have Evie's forgiveness. He didn't care if she chose to not be his mover anymore, but he wanted at least to be part of her life again. He would do anything for that. For her. He wanted to fix things. And he would. No matter how long it could take.
"I didn't just came back once. I came back many times to have even just a glimps of you," Jacob confessed. Evie widened her eyes, shocked. He came back? And multiple times? So all these times she felt a presence. It was him. It was him all along. He had always been there. But why didn't he stay? "I think the first time I came back was a few days after we got the wedding invitation. I couldn't stay away from you. It was physically paining. I've wanted to be with you. I needed you or else it would drive me insane. I've missed your face, your smile, your smell, your touch. I've missed you. So I came back but... on my way to your house... I met Embry,"
"Embry?" Evie repeated, taken aback. Jacob nodded. His eyes filled themselves with pain as the memory played in his mind again.
"He was glad I came back," Jacob continued. "I asked him how you were doing... he told me you were hurt. I... it wasn't my intention. I never wanted to hurt you but... I always make the worse desicions. I always end up hurting you. I realized it. I was no good for you,"
"So you left," Evie said in a whisper as she realized.
"I... Embry is right," Jacob said. "I'm the one who caused you the most pain. So I thought that leaving would solve the problem. I love you enough to let you go... But even then, I couldn't stay away. I cannot resist the pull. So I came back from time to time to see you,"
Evie stared at him. She felt happy, as if a weight was lifted from her heart.
She was the one in Jacob's heart.
But she was still hurt.
"It wasn't your decision to make," Evie said. "I only needed you by my side. Just you,"
Jacob stared at her eyes. Love and care. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and crash his lips on hers. But he stopped himself to do so. It was not the right time. He didn't want to rush things.
"I'm sorry. Evie, I really am sorry," Jacob genuinely said. His voice full of sincerity. "You never were a second choice. The only thing I am sure of and will always be sure of is that I am mad in love with you. And it will never change,"
Evie stayed silent for a moment. What was she supposed to do? All she thought the situation was happen to not be what it was. It was all false. A gigantic game of miscomunication and secrets. What should she do?
"You said... you lived a life of wolf...," she remembered. Jacob softly smiled.
"All I did was hurting you," Jacob said. "So I thought staying away was the solution. I thought staying a wolf forever was the solution,"
Jacob didn't start a life as a wolf for Bella. But he started it for Evie. During all this time, Evie was the only one in his mind. She was the one guiding his action. Anything he would do would be according to Evie, to her well being.
"Why did you leave in the first place?" She then asked. She needed to know. She had to know. "Was it because of Bella? Because you-,"
"I do not love Bella. And I wasn't against Bella getting married to Edward," Jacob said.
"Then why did you leave?" Evie asked, confused.
Jacob didn't answer right away. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, trying to find the right words. Or maybe trying to gather the strength to tall about something that troubled him for so long.
"I've never liked being a shifter," Jacob confessed, shocking Evie quite a lot. "Actually, I hated it at first. I liked my human life. I loved it. Everything was perfect. I was going to school, I was close to you, I was carefree, we were hanging out, thinking we could rule the world. And I had no shifter responsibilities, no anger issues, no duty, I didn't have to hide secrets from you. I was just... normal. But when I phased, I lost all of that. My whole life. My teenagehood. You... I was brought to a whole new world with so important responsibilities and duties and life risking situations. And I've never wanted that! I was given no choice. I was not even allowed to talk to you! Everything human had to be kept away from shifters to preserve the secret and to not hurt people. And then, there was Bella who knew everything. About both vampires and shifters. She was the only remain of my human and normal life. That is why I was against her being turned. Because she was willing to lose the same humanity I lost. And I know it's selfish, but I wanted to keep that. Because loosing her means completely accepting the fact I would never be normal again. So I thought there might be some solutions out there for her to marry Edward without being turned. But staying away from you was killing me,"
Evie never realised the weight of being a shifter could pressure Jacob so much too. She never thought he hated what he was. He always seemed so confident and strong she never thought he was missing his human life, or normal things every people could do. He too was pressured as much as she was. His duty as a shifter was weighting on him just like hers. But in his case, it was so strong and deep that it completly affected his behaviour and nearly drove him insane.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She then asked quietly.
"Sharing... my fears, doubts, and insecurities is not something I'm used to do. Let alone something I like to do. Since my sisters moved away, I am used to do things by my myself. Asking help, or showing my weaknesses are things I'm not used to," he said.
"But a relationship is about teamwork," Evie said. "I will always be there for you. In ups and downs. You're not alone so rely on me and stop doing things by yourself," she couldn't help but scold.
Jacob softly smiled. He realised that too. If he wanted to be with Evie, he shouldn't be afraid of being seen as his lowest, or to share what he feels, to share his doubts and fears. He should be afraid of rely on her.
If he wanted to be with her, he had to change. And he would.
"What made you change your mind?" Evie then asked. "What made you come back for good?"
Jacob was quite taken aback. He looked away, seeming embarassed. Evie frowned.
"I, uh, Edward may kinda have convinced me...," Jacob admitted.
"Edward?" Evie repeated in utter shock. She really had a hard time believing it. "You listened to the man you hate the most?" She asked for confirmation.
"Yeah...," Jacob nodded thoughtfully, remembering the time he talked with the vampire.
"Um," Evie awkwardly cleared her throat. "Thank you for telling me the truth. I won't lie, I still don't know what to do. Your departure hurt me and I thought you still loved Bella-,"
"I don't," Jacob said. "It's you that I love," he added. Evie couldn't help but softly smile. She had to admit, she loved when he says that.
"I know," she said. "And now I know where you stand. But I still need time to think and decide,"
"I understand," Jacob said. "I will wait for you. Not matter how long it will take,"
Evie softly smiled again, and awkwardly waved goodbye as she left. But-
"Evie!" Jacob called. She turned back to him. "I will restore the trust you once had in me. And if you ever decide to give me a chance again, I promise you I will treat you better, and like the beautiful and amazing woman you are. I give you my words,"